by Nyrae Dawn
“I knew they’d find me the second we got here. My friends are freaking out to meet you.” There’s a slight tremble to her voice. I get it. I was a little freaked when she met my friends.
“Do we have time to run?”
Two girls skid to a stop in front of us as Virginia says, “No.”
And then they stare at me. I have no clue what the hell their looks mean, but I’m pretty sure it's not good.
“Hey.” I nod. “They’re piercings. They’re supposed to be there.”
“Ryder!” Virginia slaps my arm, but I hear the laugh in her voice. Two guys stand behind her friends; their dates, I’m assuming.
“Ryder, this is Jamie,” she points to the girl with dark skin and braids. “And this is Hailey. Behind them are Juan and Danny. Guys, this is Ryder.”
“Nice to meet you guys.” The girls are still in some kind of trance so I shake Danny, then Juan’s, hand. “What’s up, man?”
“What’s up?” they each reply, right before Hailey speaks.
“Your eyes are two different colors! That’s so cool.”
As soon as she says that, I know everything is going to be okay.
Virginia and I sit with them at their table. The girls start talking about colors and decorations, and that’s when I zone out. Then, they do that thing I will never understand—they all go to the bathroom together.
There’s never once been a time I asked Shane, Tanner or Cody to take a piss with me.
“Do you live around here?” Juan asks.
I scratch my forehead before replying. “Yeah, in Henderson. Not too far from here.” Might as well be the other side of the world, though.
“Where’d you and Lulu meet? We didn’t even know she was with anyone until her friends told Mike not to ask her to the dance.”
I look at Danny as Juan elbows him. “Nice, man. Mike asked someone else. It’s not a big deal.”
It’s not something I’m worried about so I don’t comment on that. “The beach.”
Arms wrap around my neck from behind. “Dance with me,” Virginia says as her girlfriends go, “Awww!”
This school is so fucking weird.
“I’m not really a dancer.” Still, I stand up. “Tanner’s the one who does that.”
“I heard.” We find an empty space on the floor.
“Yeah, he’s totally into it. Mostly break dancing and hip hop, but he knows a little bit of it all.”
The longer we dance, the tighter the stupid collar feels around my neck. I would do anything to take this suit off. How in the hell do the other guys here not seem bothered by theirs?
It’s fun watching Virginia dance. She lets go. She’s not the girl who is obsessed with her homework or all the ways she needs to be responsible. She’s…free. I want to be free with her.
Every so often we go sit with her friends but it is never long before she wants to dance again. I’m at the table with Juan and Danny when the girls take Virginia to go dance by themselves. Her hair is starting to fall out of the tie-thing. It’s a little wet with sweat around the edges, but I like that. Like she’s having so much fun she’s working up a sweat.
Jamie whispers something to Virginia, who nods her head excitedly. Hailey says something next and they all drop their heads back and laugh. I swear I feel the vibrations from it floating on the airwaves to me.
“I don’t think they even need us here,” Danny says.
“No shit.” But that’s okay. It’s cool seeing her in her element—with her friends, at something for her school. I didn’t know that part of her until tonight.
“They’ll be announcing the Homecoming King and Queen soon. I’m sure it will be Mike and Lulu.”
At that, I whip my head toward Juan, my muscles seizing up a bit. “Really?” I don’t know whether that’s cool or not. Actually, I do. If that’s what Virginia wants, I hope she gets it. I just sort of wish it wouldn’t be with that Mike guy.
This time, Danny replies. “Yeah. I’m sure his new girlfriend isn’t real stoked about that, either.”
“Nah, I’m cool.” Kind of. Not because I don’t trust her or would be pissed at her, but because I’ll never be that person.
The music cuts out. “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. It’s time to announce your Homecoming King and Queen!”
Virginia stops what she’s doing, looks at me, and then walks my way. She knows it might be her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask her when she reaches me.
“I didn’t want to give you a reason not to come… I’m sorry. That was wrong.” And then she mumbles something that sounds like, “There once was a girl named Fear…”
“Hey, com’ere.” I pull her to my chest. My chin rests on her head, and I’m holding her. “It’s cool… I just might have to kick his ass after the dance.” Her chest vibrates against mine and I know she’s laughing. I love that she doesn’t freak out, that she knows when I’m kidding.
That she doesn’t pull away or ask me to let her go as whoever the guy who’s talking opens up an envelope like we’re at the fucking Oscars or something.
“Ladies first… Your senior class Homecoming Queen is Lulu Nichols!”
Seriously, what the hell is up with this school? I feel like I’m in a movie or something. They spotlight us. I kiss her forehead and she squeezes me before letting go. Everyone is clapping, and the light follows her as she walks up to the stage. The old guy up there puts a crown on her head, and she smiles. Then my hands are hitting together and I’m clapping for her, too.
I sort of blur out after that. They call the Mike guy’s name and everyone cheers for him. He gets another fucked up crown, and then they say it’s time for the King and Queen to dance.
Oh. I didn’t know about that part.
Virginia locks eyes with me and I see it there. She’s unsure what to do, but I know her. She doesn’t want to cause a scene…and she shouldn’t. Not over this. It’s one stupid dance, so I nod and clap louder, even though I suddenly wish I really could kick Mike’s ass.
There’s space between them. She doesn’t hold him tight or put her head against his chest or anything like that, but it still makes my heart hurt to see her with him. Because she fits with the douchebag. He’s the guy who wouldn’t have to make a screwed up deal with his brother to go to school and do his homework just so he could afford to take her to the dance.
But then…there’s a part of me who is sort of proud I did that as well. Proud Luke offered, and proud it was important enough to me to accept.
The song ends and it moves into another slow one. This one’s mine. I head her way just as she turns to me. I smile at her so she doesn’t think I’m pissed or hurt because of the dance.
“I get the rest of them.” I pull her close.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re holding me way tighter than you did him.” And she is. I let my hands touch all the skin I can on her shoulders and upper back. I move them up and down her spine, touching dress now as her hands fist in my suit.
“Thank you, Ryder.”
“For what?” I ask her.
“Everything. Tonight was perfect. What…what are your friends doing tonight? I want to hang out with them, the way you hung out with mine…and then…my dad isn’t expecting me home tonight. I told him I’m staying with Jamie.”
Holy. Shit. Is she saying what I think she is? “You can…if you want to. Stay with Jamie.”
“I don’t…want to.”
Thank God. “Okay, sure. Whatever you want. I can sneak you past Luke, and if you want, I can stay on the couch or whatever. Just let me know, okay?” Because I don’t want to push her. I don’t want her to think I expect anything.
But she stops dancing and looks right into my eyes. “I don’t want you on the couch.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
~Virginia~
Ryder drives to a house that’s in the middle of nowhere. It’s closer to his house tha
n it is mine. We’re still in the car, and the music from the house is so loud I’m vibrating.
“I’m cool if you want to go somewhere else.” The car is still running and I shake my head at him.
“No, it’s okay. This night has been awesome. I want to keep it going. Things didn’t go so well last time I hung out with your friends. Maybe it will go better this time.” And maybe I’m stalling as well. I wasn’t lying when I told Ryder I want to stay at his house, that I want to stay with him. I do. I’ve known it for a while now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.
“Come on.” I put my other shoes on first. We get out of the car, and as soon as we do, I shiver. I forgot my sweater in the Prius; I don’t know how since I remembered my shoes. Shows where my mind was. It hasn’t really been a big deal all night because we’ve been inside. I guess I should be thankful this party is at a house.
“I can’t believe we’re at a party in a suit and dress. I’m going to catch so much shit for this.” Ryder nods toward the backside of the house. “I texted Shane. He said they’re out back. The house is too crowded and the music is too loud. They have a bonfire going out there.”
So much for being inside.
As though I’d spoken that aloud, Ryder glances at my shoulders. “Shit. I didn’t even notice you don’t have a jacket on.” He rolls his eyes and I can tell it’s at himself, not me. He thinks he should have noticed earlier.
“Here, wear my jacket.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him it’s okay, but he’s being sweet, and it’s cold, and he has long sleeves under it, so I accept his suit jacket. It’s big on me but I like that. It smells like Ryder.
He puts his arm around my shoulders and we head to the backyard. He’s right, there’s a fire back here, a couple of them, actually. They’re in barrels. There are kegs and coolers as well.
My heart raps against my chest from nerves and excitement. That’s my feeling about this whole night. I want to get to know Ryder’s friends better. I can tell how much they mean to him and how much he means to them. I want to go to his house after, but both of those things turn me into Fear again as well.
I’m always someone different, it seems.
I look up at Ryder. “Let’s get some beer.”
He frowns. “Um…you drink? You told me you didn’t. It’s not in your plan, remember?”
Neither was he. “Plans can change. Sometimes. As long as it’s a good change. Not that drinking is good, but…all kids do it, right? I just want to have fun.” And that’s partially true. I do just want to have a good time. This is what teenagers do. We experiment.
My hope is this experiment calms my nerves.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to, ya know? Not because everyone else is. I’m not drinking. Luke would kick my ass. This is the first time he’s let me take his car and I don’t want to screw that up.”
The little buzz of energy I usually try to ignore starts zipping beneath my skin. I want to do this, I do. And I trust Ryder. He’s here, so what could go wrong?
“Let’s go.” He laughs as I grab his hand and drag him toward one of the kegs. He gets a cup and fills it, shaking his head the whole time.
“Turning bossy again.” He hands me the cup with a smile.
“Ryder!” Someone yells and we look over to see his friends in the corner of the yard. Tanner’s waving his hand at us.
“Come on.” This time I start for them, but Ryder holds me off a minute.
“You don’t have to prove yourself.”
I fall even more in love with him for that. “I know.”
We get to his friends, and everyone says hello. Drea is here with the same guy from the last party. Ryder puts his arm around me and I take a sip of the beer. It’s bitter on my tongue and I frown. Gross. Why would people drink this crap?
“That’s not what you want to drink. Try this.” Drea holds out a cup to me.
Ryder warns, “Dre.”
“Screw you, Ryder. I’m trying to be nice. It’s not like I’m trying to poison your girlfriend or something.” Hurt reflects in her eyes. They’re friends, good friends, and I really don’t want to come between them.
“It’s okay, Ryder.” And then I look at Drea. “What is it?”
“It’s a Jolly Rancher. Tastes just like the candy.” She takes a sip and then offers me the cup. Sweet slides down my throat and I realize I’m definitely not a beer girl. Give me a Jolly Rancher all the way.
“Here, I’ll make you one.” Drea turns to a little table behind her and starts mixing a drink. I take a drink, and then another. Only half the cup is gone when I get hot all over. Why am I wearing a jacket? It’s like a million degrees out here.
Ryder’s hands cover mine when I try to take it off. “Ryyyyder. I’m hot!”
“Yeah, you are,” some guy says as he walks by.
“Shut the fuck up,” Ryder replies, shoving him, and the guy laughs and walks off.
“But I am. Hot, I mean. Not hot, hot. Weather hot. Aren’t you hot?” Isn’t everyone hot?
“It’s been fifteen minutes and you’re buzzed already? That’s enough of this for you.” Ryder tries to take the cup out of my hand but I jerk it back. His friends laugh behind us.
“I’m a big girl. I’m almost eighteen. I know what I’m doing. I won’t have anymore than this. You’re not the boss of me, Ryder Blackstock.”
“I’m not trying to be.”
I take a few more swallows and then thread my fingers through his. “Don’t be maaaaad.”
He sighs and returns my hold. “I’m not. I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
My cheeks set on fire. He wouldn’t say this if any of his other friends were drinking, and yet he’s saying it in front of them about me.
In three big gulps, I drink the rest of the alcohol. My skin tingles. My insides tickle, and I’m getting hotter and hotter. “See, I can handle it!” Shut up. What are you doing? A voice in the back of my head whispers. I ignore it. Voices mean you’re crazy.
“I’ll be right back.” After turning from Ryder, I don’t make it two feet before he steps in front of me..
“Virginia.”
“I’m fffffine. I just want to sit by the fire.” But I’m hot. Why do I want to sit by the fire?
“I’ll go with her.” I follow the voice and see Cody.
“Cody! You’re here!” Though he’s been here the whole time, I think, so I don’t know why I said that. “I like you. You’re nice to me. You’re my favorite out of all Ryder’s friends.”
He laughs. “I like you, too,” as Shane says, “Hey! I’m nice.”
“You are. And you have a baby face.”
Now it’s Shane’s turn to laugh. Everyone is laughing except Ryder. Why isn’t Ryder laughing?
“Let’s go sit,” I tell Cody. He glances at Ryder, who nods.
I stumble to an empty chair and Cody sits beside me. Most people are walking around, no one's hanging by the fire. I remember talking a lot with Cody the night Ryder was missing. I really do like him. “Tell me about you and Tanner.” Romance has never been my thing, but now it is. I want to gobble up all the love stories I can, maybe since I have one of my own.
I glance at Ryder, who is watching us with a frown. Maybe. “I think Ryder’s mad at me.”
“Nah, he’s worried about you.”
“Would Tanner be worried about you?”
“No, but I’ve been drunk before. Something tells me you haven’t.”
Ugh. Is it that obvious? “Tanner, tell me about him,” I prompt again.
Cody shrugs. “What do you want to know? He’s gorgeous, obviously. I was attracted to him when he first came to our school. He was seeing this girl—”
“Wait? A girl?” I’m confused.
“He’s bi.”
“That’s real?”
Cody laughs at me again. He’s been doing that a lot. “Of course it’s real. Anyway, I thought he was straight at the time, so whatever. One day I
was sitting by the fence at lunch. He came over and sat beside me. We talked the whole forty-five minutes and never stopped talking after. We’ve been together ever since. He broke it off with the girl first, of course.”
There’s more to it than that. I feel it in my bones. “You’re in love with him.”
He shrugs. “Of course I am. He’s…incredible. Contagious. And he’s better than all of us, but he would never see it that way. Kind of like you.”
Suddenly, I’m floating. “Really?” Does he really see me like that? The girl who could easily fit in and be a part of them?
“Yeah.”
“He loves you just as much as you love him,” I tell Cody.
“Yeah…yeah, I know he does. And Ryder loves you. Do you love him?”
I do. My heart flutters. Looking up, I find him. His friends are around him, talking, but Ryder is looking at me. “Yes. He doesn’t make the weight feel as heavy.” Even though Cody doesn’t know the conversations Ryder and I have had about the weight and destiny, I feel like he understands.
CHAPTER FORTY
~Ryder~
Virginia smiles at Cody. It’s a big smile, one of her real ones. Jealousy doesn’t settle in my gut. I know there’s nothing to be jealous of. Cody’s in love with Tanner, and, even if he wasn’t, she’s a girl. Tanner may bat for both teams, but Cody doesn’t.
No, what feels like a heavy weight in my stomach is the thought that I want her over here with me. I want her sober, even though in a lot of ways, she’s right. People drink. People our age drink. But there’s something that doesn’t sit right with her wanting to do it tonight. I think she’s doing it because of me, and that thought won’t stop shooting through my body with each pump of my heart.
Cody stands and holds his hand out to her. He helps her up and then follows as she walks my way. Each step she takes my heart goes faster, and I wonder what the hell happened to me. How falling for someone can make me feel things I didn’t know existed, and how I’m okay with that.
