by Alla Kar
I bite my lower lip and quickly stop. My lips are so dry I could cry but I can’t. I don’t think I could cry anymore if I wanted to. Every time I think about Emily or Jordan my traitor eyes threaten me but it never happens. The tears have evaporated.
I walk back toward the campfire when I feel the wind start to drop a few degrees. Beau and Taborie are both trying to make the shelter waterproof before we try and move our things tomorrow.
Kat’s hair is freshly braided. I don’t even ask to do it now, I just do it. She seemed to enjoy it when he mother did it in the airport lobby. I’m in no way a mother but anything helps.
The gravely rocks beneath me puncture my palms as I take a seat beside her. Her big blue eyes are watery and I can tell she’s about to cry. The ache on her face is only half the hurt she’s feeling. “Come with me,” I whisper, offering her my hand.
When she turns toward me, the edges of her mouth turn down into a frown. “Where?”
“I want to show you something cool.” I don’t wait for her to ask me what, I get up and start walking toward the wooded area closest to us. The rocks crunch underneath her feet as she jogs to catch up with me.
An orange hue is casting over the mountain range spanning in front of us. Before we duck into the trees, I turn back and search for Beau. I don’t have to tell him where I’m going but I could see him freaking out if I didn’t.
He’s standing next to the shelter, limbs in both hands and his eyes are already on me. The setting sun glimmers off the sweat of his chest, causing his already picture perfect abs to look even better. His brows are furrowed and his head is inclined so that the sunbeam won’t land against his eyes.
“We’ll be right back. Just off the edge of the woods,” I cup my mouth and yell.
He gives me one slow nod and goes back to tearing limbs from a low hanging branch. Kat follows me for a minute or two until we get to a small clearing of trees where a swarm of baby’s breath is growing on the ground. I saw it the day before when Beau was carrying me to bathe.
“It’s called baby’s breath,” I whisper.
Kat stands still staring at the ground and not moving. Her bottom lip begins to tremble and before I know it, she’s on the ground holding her hands to her face.
Oh, God. I drop down beside her and pull her shaking body into my lap. I stroke my fingers over her hair over and over as she cries against me. Her small body looks so fragile and sad wrapped in my arms, so I wrap her tighter against me, hoping I stop the pain but know that’s not possible.
The muffled sounds of her sobs start to dwindle away as the sun sets lower over the mountains. She pulls back while wiping at her freckled face before sitting back against her feet. “My mom was pregnant with my new baby sister when the plane crashed. Now I’m never going to get to see her.”
Bile rises up my throat and I have to swallow hard to get rid of it. Pregnant? Oh, God. I grab at my stomach and force myself to be strong in front of her. No tears. No sorrow. The smile I offer is half-hearted but when she gives me one right back, I know that’s all we can do is give fake smiles.
I clear my throat and grab a piece of the baby’s breath between my fingers. “You know—baby’s breath is a symbol of love, pureness and innocence. Some say it represents babies perfectly. That they’re drawn to it.”
Kat wipes her snotty nose with the back of her hand. “So?”
I grab more of the flowers and gesture for her to turn around. She turns around and sits against my feet. Gently, I start to braid the flowers into her hair. “I think as long as there is baby’s breath—your little sister can hear you.”
She keeps still for the next few minutes until I’m done. Her little hand reaches up and pats down her braid, feeling each flower as she goes along. When she turns around she stares at me with an expression I can’t pinpoint. “Will you put more in tomorrow?”
I grin. “Of course I will. Why don’t we go back to the camp now, huh?” She climbs to her feet and we walk silently back to the camp. Tears are threatening to fall down my face but I keep them at bay until Kat takes her place by the fire again and I walk straight into the shelter.
I don’t let go until I feel the pile of leaves—our pillows—beneath my head. It all comes out at once, hurting and burning me from the inside. The sun is completely set when I hear the almost dry blanket over me rustle from someone sliding under it.
I feel his hot breath against the back of my neck first and then I feel his arm wrap around me, pulling me closer to the wall of muscle behind me. “Are you okay?” his voice is a gruff whisper, sending warmth down me.
I shake my head slowly and sob harder into my hands. Beau’s arm tightens and he begins to rock me back and forth. “Her mother was pregnant,” I whisper into the night.
“Goddamn it,” he whispers. “I—poor kid.”
Another loud sob and Beau coos into my ear quietly. The sound of his voice sends a calm over me. I reach for Emily’s IPod but pull my hand backwards. Hearing Emily’s music isn’t going to help me rest tonight.
The only thing I have to soothe me is the one thing that does it best. So I ask him. My mouth pops open before I can stop it and I ask him. “Will you sing to me?”
All I hear is the crackling of the fire from outside and the heaviness of his breaths against me. I’m biting my tongue and praying he does when I feel the pad of his thumb rub the outline of my wrist. His voice is heavy and deep, just like I remembered it. So deep you could swim in it until it helps drift you off to sleep.
I settle into the heaviness of his voice and shortly after I fall into a warm sleep.
***
Beau
The blanket covering me from the waist down isn’t soaked the next morning but burning my legs. I don’t think it would have mattered if it was wet because either way I’d be tossing and turning all night on this goddamn ground. Why does it have to be so hard?
I arch my back and sit up slowly. Bella is lying on her stomach with her legs outstretched. She slept like a damn log last night. I wish I had that kind of sleep habit.
I crawl out of the shelter and grab one of the clean shirts out of the suitcases nearest me. We saved a small notebook out of a suitcase before it was completely soaked. I pull the small pen out of the binding of the side of the notebook and write another strike on the crinkled paper. I’m not sure how long we’re going to be here but keeping track may help my sanity.
Taborie is standing over the unimpressive stash of food we have left with a frown on his face. I guess we all knew we’d run out of food soon but that was a bridge we’d cross when we got to it.
“We’re almost out of food,” Taborie says, running his hand over his short hair. His skin is getting darker and I can feel mine starting to blister on my forearms and face. But anything is better than freezing my balls off at night.
“Well,” I toss my head toward the river. “I guess our only choice is fish. We’ll have to try and make a fishing pole.”
He nods. “There is some cane by the woods close to the waterfall. It’s probably best we start moving toward the waterfall and catch some fish there.”
“Okay. I’ll go tell them.” I trudge through the rocks toward the shelter and duck down to walk inside. Kat is still tucked in the blanket asleep but Bella is standing up trying to get into a pair of shorts.
Her cheeks turn bright red and she hurries herself into the small shorts. “Sorry,” she whispers, tucking her hair behind her ear.
My gaze lingers on her as she watches me through a nervous sideways glance. “Don’t be sorry for that, Dove. Never sorry for that.”
After blushing hard, she gazes at me straight on. “Did you need something?”
Shit. I shake my head and gently pull at the T-shirt I’m wearing. I’m already sweating and this damn shirt is sticking to me like a second skin. “We’re going to move to the waterfall today. We’re leaving as soon as we get everything together.”
“Okay, I’ll wake Kat and get our stuff packed.”
I nod. “Okay.”
After we get everything packed up, Taborie and I load ourselves down with luggage while the girls walk quietly behind us. Kat has flowers all in her hair and I don’t ask why because she looks content with it.
The soft sound of an animal cry sounds in the distance and I wonder what is all out here with us. The thought makes me scared to fucking death. If surviving this godforsaken plane crash wasn’t enough torment now we have to try and survive the wilderness.
I don’t know much about the people with me, but I can’t imagine them doing anything to deserve this. Kat’s cries last night make my already starving stomach churn. How do you tell an eight-year-old that’s lost her family that everything is going to be okay? How could it be? Her life is going to change forever. She’s lost everything and yet she’s still here. Trying to make it. I push the thoughts back and force myself to focus on the jagged rocks in front of me.
By the time we reach the cane, my lower back is killing me. I sling the suitcase I’m carrying over my shoulder down to the ground and start trying to bend the cane until it snaps. “How many do you think we’ll need?” I ask.
Taborie wipes his forehead with the back of his hand and eyes the cane up and down. “Let’s get four. In case we suck at trying to sharpen them.”
I laugh and break the first one at the base. “Have you ever tried to catch a fish with a sphere?”
Taborie lifts a brow and leans backwards on his heel. “I’m from Brooklyn. We don’t fish.”
Well that answers that.
Kat runs ahead of us as soon as she sees the waterfall. It’s the first reaction I think we’ve gotten out of her that hasn’t been tears. She leans over the edge of the rocks and stares down at the rushing river below us. “We’re staying behind that?” she turns and glares up at me.
I nod. “Yep. You want to me to carry you across?”
She looks at Bella who gives her a nod. “Yeah,” she says. I drop our bags and carry her across the slippery rocks. Once we’re behind the waterfall she gasps inward.
“It’s so pretty. We get to stay behind a waterfall,” she whispers, running her small fingers across the jagged rocks of the cave.
Taborie helps Bella across and they walk through after us, carrying the suitcases. Taborie groans and drops the bags. “Ready?”
I turn toward Bella and Kat. “We’re going to go try and catch some fish. You two can get everything set up. Maybe bring some brush in to sleep on. The only problem with this is that it’s going to be harder on our backs than the leaves we were lying on.”
Bella waves her hand. “We’ll get a bed made up for us. We’ll manage.” I watch her and she does the same. She gives me a smile I actually believe and I nod.
“Okay.”
***
Taborie and I sit outside of the waterfall with a piece of cane in both of our hands. We’ve almost got the ends sharpened with the dull blade I found on the plane and rubbing it against the edge of the rocks.
“Bella told me you were her boyfriend’s best-friend.”
I swallow and scrape the full blade against the edge of the cane. “Yeah, I am—was. We’ve been best friends since elementary school.”
Taborie rubs the end of the cane harder against the rocky cliff and pulls it back to blow the residue of the bark off of it. “Did he know?
What? I rest my arm that has the cane in it against my thigh and turn toward him. “Know what?”
He glances over at me and widens his small eyes and smiles, showing a row of white teeth. “That you love her?”
The breath I was about to take vanishes. I cough roughly against the hot wind and slap my knee. “What are you talking about?”
He chuckles as he stands up and examines the end of our makeshift sphere. “The way you look at her reminds me of how I look at my wife.” He glances down at me with a serious look. “You love her, just like I love my wife. That’s why you both tiptoe around each other, right? Or is there another reason?”
I swallow and push down on the cane harder with the blade. I could tell him, right? Who in the hell would he tell? I tighten my grip on the knife and push harder. “There was an incident about two weeks ago. We hadn’t told anyone. She ignored me for two weeks; we really haven’t talked about it since. And now—Jordan—he’s gone and I don’t know if I should ever talk to her about it.”
God that felt good. Taborie keeps quiet until I stand up and examine my own sphere. “I’m sorry about your friend, bro. I know the wound is still fresh. It’s only been three days but—it’s there. I see it. I can almost feel the connection and I had no idea you two knew each other before Bella told me.”
It’s there. I know it is too. The way she melted into my touch. Her eyes when I told her I drew the dove and put it on her desk. Me! I did it! But just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s what’s right. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. Because it looks like the odds were in your favor before this crash. She liked you then and now. I’m not saying go and try to start a relationship, because it won’t end well. Not right now.” He shakes his head vigorously. “But—there is hope for the future. Once both of your wounds have healed, it wouldn’t be wrong to go with that feeling.”
He doesn’t make eye contact with me but his words hit me hard. As badly as I want to take charge and love her—I can’t. When the time is right I’ll know.
“Anyway,” I toss my cane up and catch it. “I think we’re ready.”
Taborie smiles, and points down the bank. “Let’s catch some fish.”
I nod. “Let’s kill us some fucking fish.”
***
Fishing isn’t as fun as it looks. Not when you’re trying to toss spheres in a rushing river to catch them. I have no idea how bears do it. The six fish we caught are bigger fish but only enough for dinner and some leftovers. And we spent the entire day trying to catch the hundreds in front of us. My back is scorched from the sun—I couldn’t take having my shirt on with the temperature in the fucking one hundreds—and my arm sore I can hardly move it.
We cooked the fish over a fire we made until they’re burnt black. Kat crinkles her nose as I scrape the scales off and dig the meat out for her. She gobbles it up with the rest of the Cheez-Its and I’m glad she looks full.
She’s been so sluggish, but I don’t know if it’s from lack of real food or because she’s hurting.
The sun sets behind the hill facing us. The orange and red casts over the woods and down on us before sinking behind the mountain and leaving us with a faint glow to see by.
My eyes catch hers across the fire. Her eyes are intent and not turning away. There is so much emotion on her face that I don’t think I could pinpoint it if I wanted. The pink in the sky falls further behind and Taborie clears his throat.
“I’m going to put Kat in bed and probably turn in myself. You two okay out here?”
I snap my gaze away from Bella’s and nod toward Taborie. “We’re fine,” I whisper, my voice deeper than I imagined.
He disappears behind the waterfall. The last of the sunlight reflects off of the IPod she’s holding. Emily’s IPod no doubt. She’s been holding it between her fingertips every time we settle down for the night. Along with clutching Jordan’s cap. But that’s when things really start to hurt. At night.
You think of how you get to go to bed and they won’t ever again.
Tears start to rush down her face in swarms and I’m up and diminishing the space before I can think twice. I slide down beside her and hold her against me. When I move her I realize the headphones are in her ears.
The Reason, by Hoobastank is blasting from her eardrums and my heart thumps hardly against my ribs. That’s the song I sang to her at her apartment two weeks ago. The song she loves.
So, like last night, I pull her close to me but slip one of the headphones from her ear and place it in mine this time. As gently as I can, I rest her head against my shoulder and sing along to the song playing. She cries softly against me as I
sing the song out loud. I don’t do a lot of singing out loud unless in the shower with no one home. But I don’t mind signing to her, she seems to like it. She has no idea I’m singing to her and she doesn’t need to know. Not now at least.
The sounds of the night finally start to drown my voice out but she’s already asleep. As carefully as I can, I pick her up and carry her into the waterfall, through the side so she doesn’t get wet. Everyone is asleep when I lay Bella down and change clothes.
I lay down a few minutes later and listen to the sound of the water falling over us. With the warmth of Bella’s soft body curling against mine, I almost don’t hear the sound of something screaming from up higher on the mountain.
A sick feeling settles in my lower stomach. And I pray that they find us soon. Because we’re not alone on this mountain and I’m not sure how long it’ll be before it finds us.
Chapter Six
Bella
The sweat dripping down my neck burns the tops of my shoulders. Blisters are forming from the sun, and the thought of touching it scares me. The sun feels like it’s outrunning every cloud and tree to lead us to an even harder death.
My gaze drifts to Taborie and Beau who are readjusting the last of our HELP sign on the river bank. Both of them are wearing two shirts, and jeans despite the heat because of the sun.
Beau’s face is blistered beneath his eyes, and on his nose. Kat stays in our old shelter during the day, and since she’s a ginger it’s a good thing. I stretch my feet outward and let the river run over my dirty feet. I ditched my broken flip-flops yesterday, and I’ve been tip-toing everywhere since then.
Hard callouses have formed on the tops of my feet and heels. The cool water washes the blood away, and I watch as the mountain river washes it away like it was never there. I know it’s only been three days but I feel like the mountain could easily wash us away and no one would ever find us.
