by Meara Platt
“Well, I see you as right for each other. Not that my opinion accounts for much, but I watched him when he courted Nathaniel’s sister. No spark. No light in his eyes. Not even a flicker. However, with you? He lights up like a blazing torch.”
Honey passed an off-handed remark to dismiss further talk of Tom. Since she was feeling restless, she decided to go for a walk. She grabbed a light shawl from her bedchamber and strode out of the house, past the garden, and toward the meadow. Her destination was the river. The trail that ran alongside it was a very pretty one, and she hadn’t explored very much of it.
Her footsteps fell silently upon the soft earth. The ground would soon be covered with leaves as the seasons changed, but right now, the trees were still lush and brimming with life. A few squirrels darted across her path and skittered up one of the trees. Birds called to each other with noisy chirps from among the branches.
She hadn’t walked far before she spotted someone seated on a fallen log, his back turned to her as he stared at the rushing water. He seemed to be studying the water’s flow, the way it struck the protruding rocks along the riverbed and tossed spumes of white spray into the air. The spray formed a mist around the man, the foamy tendrils twisting over the water and reaching out to envelop everything upon the nearby shore.
She recognized Tom as he rose, his golden hair shining in the sunlight, his broad shoulders and muscled arms seemingly broader against the lawn fabric of his shirt. The mist still swirled around his boots, but now that he was standing, she saw he’d tossed aside his jacket and cravat, no doubt wishing to get comfortable while out here on his own, lost in his thoughts.
He drew nearer to the edge of the water. He was still watching the flowing current and had not noticed her yet. She remained where she was, studying him.
Yes, this is how she would remember him, this big, handsome man standing amid nature, lost in contemplation. His wise and soulful eyes taking all of it in.
The butterflies in her belly began to flutter, and her heartbeat quickened. She loved this man. How could she let him go? Why would she not fight for him? He’d been telling her all along how he wanted her by his side. He’d felt it deep and raw inside of him, this instinctive, primordial understanding they were meant for each other.
And what had she done to fight for their love?
Absolutely nothing.
She’d told him the decision was all on him. No wonder he’d left her abruptly earlier, unhappy she’d tossed this burden onto his shoulders. If she wanted his heart, she had to do everything possible to keep them bound in love. She could not simply tell him she was of illegitimate birth and then sit there meek as a mouse awaiting his decision.
Of course, she had to tell him the truth.
But she also had to do whatever was necessary to convince him none of it mattered. Only their hearts mattered. Their love for each other would see them through the worst life had to throw at them.
Who were the elite of society to tell them what to do or how to behave? What made any of them more worthy? Her thoughts immediately turned to Lady Sarah and her toady friends. Were they better than her because they were born to privilege?
Never. They were odious young women.
Tom, sensing her presence, turned suddenly toward her.
The fiery look in his eyes left her breathless.
Oh, this man.
He captivated her with his dark intensity. She felt his frustration and savage need as though it was a living, breathing thing between them. She held her own breath as he wordlessly strode toward her out of the mist.
Seemingly out of the mists of time, for this is how eternally she felt bound to him.
Wasn’t this how she’d always hoped it would be? The man of her dreams walking toward her just like this? She thought of the flower, love-in-a-mist. She’d spoken of it to Tom on her first day here.
And now he was marching toward her, that dangerous gleam in his eyes and pain etched in his face. She ached to be swept into his arms, needed to be held by him, and kissed by him until he possessed all that she held and all that she was.
“Honey,” was all he said before swallowing her in his arms and lifting her up against his tense, hard chest. Then he was kissing her, his mouth warm and urgent on hers, possessive and hungry. Devouring her. Taking all of her into his heart.
He kissed her again.
He kissed her on the neck, nibbling at her ear.
He kissed her at the base of her throat.
Her heart was pounding so wildly, she could hardly catch her breath. “I love you, Tom. I’m so sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it to sound as though I didn’t care.”
“I know.” He kissed her again, his lips claiming hers with conquering fervor, once more long and deep and infinite. He did not let go of her when he ended the kiss, nor did she have any desire to let go of his body. Her legs had turned to butter and would never hold her up.
A smile quirked at the corners of his lips, but it was a wry, sad one. “I wasn’t angry with you. Never with you. Everything hit me in that moment, and you took the brunt of it.”
“Still, I shouldn’t have said it as I did.”
“You could have said nothing, and I would have behaved the way I did. I was watching the game, enjoying the light breeze and the sun on my shoulders. Enjoying you standing beside me. Everyone was having a good time. I noticed the older ladies in the distance, Lavinia and my mother laughing heartily. That precise instant in time was too perfect. But this is how it had been while I was growing up. I wanted our life to be like this again.”
He kissed the top of her head and continued. “Then I thought of Sarah and her viper’s tongue. She means to hurt you. How, I don’t know. I looked up and saw my mother’s eyes begin to take on that lost look and knew she would soon be gone from us again. She barely made it through luncheon.”
“And while all that was going through your head, I thoughtlessly piled the burden of my secret on you.”
“The not knowing what you are hiding burns in my soul,” he said with a wry laugh. “I’ve found you, and I don’t want to let you go.”
“Oh, Tom. I’m truly sorry.” She shook her head. “I’ll tell you now if you must hear it and cannot wait another day. I was being selfish, wanting to wring every last drop of this magical time with you, wanting to share two dances with you tonight. Waltzes no less.”
She glanced up at him. “I was afraid of the way you would look at me once you knew. I’m still afraid, but I’m not ashamed of who I am. I hope you won’t be either.”
He led her over to the fallen log and sat her down beside him. There was something calming about the whoosh of water and intimacy to the swirling mist.
“Tell me, Honey. Whatever you say to me, no matter the outcome, your secret will never leave my lips. I promise. I know how important this is to you.”
She nodded.
Closing her eyes tightly, she told him everything. “My parents were not married when they had me. That is, they thought they were, but my mother had married another man when she was very young. Then she was told her first husband had died. She had no cause to doubt the news. In truth, his family and hers truly believed it and mourned his loss. A few years later, she met and married my father.”
He ran a hand roughly through his hair. “Oh, Lord. But said first husband wasn’t dead?”
“That’s right. No one realized it…at least, I don’t know if and when they did. His death was announced in the papers a little over a year ago. Our parents tried to hide the truth from Belle and me, but we found out. So, you see, if you were to marry me, you’d be marrying…you’d be…” She sighed. “I cannot even say aloud what I am.”
A bastard.
Tom shook his head and uttered a muffled curse. “Society will certainly see you that way. Those like Lady Sarah, brainless, heartless, and mindless, will go out of their way to humiliate you.”
“They will do their worst, I know. But they can’t hurt me. I don’t car
e what they think of me. I know who I am and am proud of what I’ve made of myself. However, you were raised in society. These are your friends. These are the men you will have to face in the House of Lords and the women who will cut you from their elite circle because of me. Will the men who sit on the board of your clubs now terminate your membership? What of your own servants? What will they think of you when they learn that I am beneath them?”
“Are you trying to talk me out of marrying you?”
Her eyes rounded in horror as she stared at him aghast. “No, never! I hope you know I want to marry you with all my heart and soul. I love you for the man you are, Tom. The thought I might not be with you has me dying inside. I love you. I don’t care about your title. I don’t even know how wealthy you are, not that I care about that either.”
He shook his head. “Then you are the only girl in England who doesn’t.”
“Truly, I don’t. It’s obvious you have a beautiful estate, and I cannot imagine you being reckless with it or any of your other holdings. My family runs a successful business, and we have some wealth of our own. Probably nothing close to yours, but our perfume shops and the lotions, soaps, colognes, perfumes, and other products we sell are more than enough to support us comfortably. That is another thing. Can you accept that I will continue to help out in the family business? We don’t have to speak of it now. I just want you to think about it.” She folded her hands on her lap, another thought coming to mind. “It was your eyes.”
“What?”
“I fell in love with them,” she said, speaking into her lap.
He tipped her chin up so that she met his gaze. “You fell in love with my eyes?”
“Yes. More precisely, I fell in love with the man I saw behind them. I didn’t know who you were when I first noticed you. But I saw intelligence, compassion, wit in them. I saw honor and valor. I began to think of you as the man with intelligent eyes. You were gorgeous, too. But everyone saw that in you.” She smiled at him. “I don’t wish to sound like a low-brain female, especially since females are only supposed to have that one, higher-level brain, but I will admit to having heart flutters over you. Your body is hard to overlook.”
He laughed. “Good to know I wasn’t the only one hopelessly lusting.”
“Every woman lusted over you. But I liked to think of myself as more than a mercenary debutante out to catch herself a wealthy, titled husband. You were perfect. Lord Intelligent Eyes. Then you had to make that stupid wager with Joshua Brayden.”
“That?” He winced. “How could I pass it up? It was the easiest twenty pounds I ever made. All you Farthingale girls are named after flowers. How could he think your name would be anything other than Honeysuckle?”
“Ugh! Don’t even say it aloud.”
His eyes gleamed with affection. “I thought myself safe, even though you were stunning and my heart shot into my throat every time I saw you. Still, I was sure I could not take a girl by the name of Honeysuckle Farthingale seriously. No danger to my state of bachelorhood.”
She punched his shoulder lightly but wasn’t really angry with him. She simply detested the name. How could her parents have done this to her? It was almost as bad as the secret of her birth. “Do not call me that!”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. “It didn’t take me long to realize I’d fallen in love with you. We’d hardly exchanged two words in greeting, and I knew. Beautiful and clever. But so much more than that.”
“Beautiful, clever, and illegitimate.” She folded her hands on her lap again and stared down once again. “I don’t want to lose you, Tom. You now know everything about me. This is why I didn’t want to tell you before tomorrow. I don’t think I could bear to see disgust in your eyes…those eyes I fell in love with.”
She rose. “I’ll leave you alone to think about what I’ve said. I’m sorry if I’ve added to your burdens.”
He took her hand and held her back gently. “You spoke of my eyes. I’m not certain I’m all that much smarter than the next man. However, I was born with an innate understanding of human nature and a certain clarity in judging others. It is hard to fall in love with someone when all you see reflected in their eyes is a balance sheet tallying up your wealth. Every girl I’ve ever met has had that look, except you.”
He rose to stand beside her. “Just as you fell in love with my eyes, I fell in love with yours. Every time I looked at you, I saw spirit, wit, extraordinary compassion. You’ve shown it all along to my mother, who is obviously helpless and fading.”
He caressed her cheek. “What I’ve never seen is that mercenary balance sheet. What I’ve never seen is cruelty out of you. The other night, I wanted to take you by the shoulders and shake you because you were so forgiving of what my mother did to your gowns.”
“She didn’t understand what she was doing.”
“I know. It still made me angry.” He sighed and walked toward the river’s edge. “This discussion has made me realize something.”
She joined him. “What?”
“I’ve spent the past month worried about what others might think about my mother’s condition. I didn’t want them laughing at her. But I also didn’t want them laughing at me. Perhaps this is what really concerned me most, that I would be ridiculed and thought of as lesser because of her.” He released a long, ragged breath. “What a dolt I’ve been. Who gives a rat’s arse what others think? They’re the fools if they find cause to taunt and ridicule. Anyone of worth would never behave this way.”
“Bravo, my lord!”
“What about you, Honey?”
She shook her head in confusion. “What about me?”
“I don’t need time to think about what you’ve told me. Nothing will change the way I feel about you. It took honor and courage to tell me this before you’d trapped me in marriage.”
“I would never keep such a thing from you. This is why I had to tell you now.”
“And this is why my choice is easy. Beautiful, clever, and trustworthy. I’ll never know a moment’s doubt with you. A life with you in it will always be a happy one for me. If your secret ever came out…most secrets do, it’s only a matter of time before it does. But if it ever came out, I will be no less proud to call you my wife.”
He took her hand and kissed her softly on her trembling palm. “Miss Honeysuckle Farthingale, and I promise never to call you that again. But this is important, so, my dearest Miss Farthingale, will you marry me?”
Chapter Twelve
“What?” Honey said, shaking her head as though she hadn’t heard right.
Tom smiled and kissed her on the wrist this time. “Will…you…marry…me?”
As his words penetrated her brain, she threw her arms around his neck, holding him so tightly, he felt the breath rush out of him. But he quickly recovered and was about to laugh when he realized she was sobbing. “Sweetheart, why the tears?”
He knew what she was feeling, the burden she’d been carrying in her innocent heart ever since learning the circumstances surrounding her birth. And Honey, being Honey, could not conceive of holding back the truth from the man she loved and wanted to marry.
“Blessed saints, I love you.” He wrapped his arms around her slender body and held her in the protective circle of his arms as every ounce of pain, vulnerability, and a thousand other desperate feelings poured out of her.
But he also saw the sparkle of relief in her eyes as she said, “I love you, too.”
“I know.” He kissed her tear-stained cheeks, not really needing an answer to why she was crying. She’d tried to deal with her secret as only an innocent would, by declaring she did not ever wish to marry. This is why she was always running from him, running away from the one man she knew could force her to shatter that pledge.
No wonder he’d been so confused whenever he was around her. He felt awful about it now, for all the while he’d thought she was playing a coquettish game to capture his attention, her heart was breaking.
“I know,” he
repeated in a whisper as the flood of tears continued to pour out of her. She loved him. She’d loved him from the moment they’d met. She’d loved him from afar.
But that’s all it had taken for him to fall in love with her, as well.
A mere glance from afar.
He’d first spotted her at one of those London society affairs, the crush of guests disappearing as his eyes trained on this lovely, ethereal innocent. Indeed, at first sight, he thought he must have been dreaming, she was so beautiful. Here he was now, holding her in his arms and never wanting to let her go.
And why ever should he? What was he really giving up to have her? Absolutely nothing if her secret remained safe among the handful who knew.
But secrets always had a way of coming out. He didn’t care for himself. He only cared that Honey’s feelings would be hurt. As for those in society who would ridicule and shun her? He didn’t care to mingle with them anyway.
Cutting off relations with the likes of Lady Sarah and her toady friends was no loss.
“Honey, do you think you can stop crying now?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. I need another moment.”
“All right, love.” She was still holding onto him like a barnacle clinging to the hull of a sailing ship. “May I take your tears as acceptance of my offer? Or do you need longer to decide?”
“I know what is in my heart.” She laughed through her tears. “I know what has always been there for you. Yes, Tom. Yes, I will accept your offer, with all my soul and being.”
“Well, isn’t that something,” he said softly and released her to run a hand roughly through his hair. “I’m to be a married man.”
He could not stop grinning.
Nor could she, as she took out her handkerchief and dried her tears. “And I’m to be married after all. To the man with the kind, intelligent eyes. To the best man in all of England.”
“Shall we announce it to our guests?”
She took his arm as they strolled back toward the house, and a feeling of warmth permeated his body. This was one of the things he loved most, this feeling of rightness whenever she walked alongside him. “Would you mind if we didn’t just yet? I’d like my sister and parents to hear it first. There’s no doubt my father will give his permission. He’ll probably leap at you and hug you as tightly as I did just now,” she said with a laugh. “If you wish, we can quietly tell Poppy and Nathaniel. And your mother, of course.”
