by Jenna Mindel
“Thanks, but we ate at my mom’s.” Beth let go of Corey’s hand and stepped down into the boat. She faced Nick when he didn’t follow, shielding her eyes from the sun.
Standing on the dock holding on to a seven-year-old who strained to climb aboard, Nick hesitated.
“You coming aboard?”
“I’m not much of a boating guy, but I thought... I don’t know what I thought.”
Julie grinned. “You expected a big motorboat, didn’t you?”
Nick nodded and finally let go of Corey, who jumped in with a whoop of delight.
“Can I go up there?” Corey pointed toward the front.
“No!” Nick’s voice was sharp. Then he glanced at Julie and explained, “I don’t want him falling over.”
Julie opened one of the bench-seat compartments and pulled out a child-sized life vest. “One rule on our boat is that kids have to wear a life vest on deck. We’ve got enough for the adults, too. You boys okay with that?”
Corey nodded.
Nick looked as if he relaxed, a little. He helped his son into the life vest. Not one of those cheesy orange puffy ones but a Coast Guard–approved personal flotation device. Gerry had bragged about them last year after he’d upgraded his gear.
“A cool one,” as Corey put it, making her heart pinch.
Beth ruffled the boy’s hair.
“Coffee, anyone?” Julie offered. “We’re waiting on Gerry’s brother and his wife, and then we’ll head out. They have a little girl around Corey’s age. I imagine the kids will want to play in the berth.”
“Berth?” Nick cocked his head.
“It’s way up front in the cabin with a flat bed. The kids can play games and look out the windows. It’s a good place for them while we’re moving out. They can’t fall out anywhere down there.”
Nick nodded. “Then sure, I’ll take a cup of coffee.”
Beth declined. Once Julie slipped back into the cabin, she turned to Nick. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
Nick gave her a tight smile. “Corey has been talking about nothing else all week. I can’t chicken out now. You’ve done this before, right?”
Beth nodded. “Several times. Gerry’s a good sailor. He grew up in Leland and has sailed Lake Michigan his whole life. He knows what he’s doing.”
Nick’s gaze traveled the nearly thirty-foot sailboat while he ran his hand along the railing surrounding the back of the boat.
He finally blew out a breath. “Okay, then. Good. I’m good.”
Beth chuckled and slipped into the cabin. She set the duffel bag she’d brought on a cushioned bench seat in the cabin’s galley. She’d packed sweatshirts and windbreakers for the three of them, as well as beach towels and sunscreen. Nick had left his gun at home. Dressed for the beach, he couldn’t exactly conceal it very well. Both Nick and Corey wore their swim shorts with T-shirts. Beth had her bathing suit on under her shorts and T-shirt.
Julie had informed her yesterday that the shoreline water temps were above normal for this time of year, so they might actually get in the water instead of wading around the beach.
Beth rolled her shoulders. She really needed this. A relaxing day spent in the sun with sand and surf.
It wasn’t long before the other couple arrived. Their daughter, Millie, was a year older than Corey and in third grade.
“Millie, tell Corey about the tall-ship field trip.” Beth wanted to stir Corey’s interest and give him something to look forward to at school next year. Something more than how well he could read.
The little girl’s eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh, it was so fun. We didn’t go nearly as fast as Uncle Gerry, but we all got a turn to steer. It’s a super-big boat with, like, these tall sails that make a lot of noise.”
Corey listened with rapt attention.
True to Julie’s words, the kids gladly followed her into the cabin toward the front. They seemed happy to stay put and play games until Uncle Gerry got the boat out into open water.
“Open water, huh? Like how open?” Nick sat beside her on the molded cushioned benches that made a horseshoe around the cabin entrance, surrounding the wheel.
Beth patted Nick’s knee. “Don’t worry. We’re only fifteen miles or so from South Manitou Island and it’s a straight shot. This is going to be fun.”
He draped his arm around the ledge behind her. His fingers teased her neck along the collar of her T-shirt, sending shivers through her. “If you say so.”
“I do.” Beth forced a smile and then got up for a bottle of water.
She’d never have expected Nick to be nervous about sailing. He seemed so ready to face whatever came his way, but this was different. Maybe because he had to trust someone else’s expertise for their safety. And maybe now he’d know a little about how she felt.
* * *
They made it. Nick climbed out of the inflatable dinghy with a small motor onto warm sand. They’d anchored in the crescent-shaped harbor of South Manitou Island, and a prettier place he’d never been. He felt like a pirate coming ashore to paradise, where a pristine sandy beach awaited them. He’d never seen water so blue.
He offered Beth his hand. “Watch your step.”
She took it but gave him a “yeah, right” expression as she hopped out and skipped up the beach to lay out a blanket. Beth looked right at home, too, already kissed by the sun. Tall and blonde and tanned, she lured Nick’s gaze often.
But she seemed distant today. Almost too cheerful, as if trying to keep something that bothered her at bay.
“C’mere, Corey. More sunscreen.” Beth sprayed down his boy, whose red hair flamed and freckles multiplied in the sunshine.
Nick’s did, too, so he’d keep his shirt on for a while yet. No need showing off his scars, either.
“So what’d you think?” Gerry slapped him on the back after setting down the cooler while his wife stuck a huge beach umbrella in the sand and opened it.
“Great trip. Thanks for inviting us.”
Nick had to admit after they’d pulled out of the harbor and set sail across the Manitou Passage, he’d started to enjoy it. The light wind and soft waves and warm sunshine coaxed his muscles to relax.
Nick had even allowed Corey to follow Gerry around the railings that encompassed the deck to the front of the boat. The bow, as it was called. Corey had loved watching their vessel cut through the wide-open water.
His boy had been beside himself with excitement when they spotted a long freighter to the north. If Corey’s interest in boating stuck, Nick might have to find a little boat for them to use on the lake across the street. He had a smidgen of Lake Leelanau lake rights.
Gerry gave him a wink. “Good, now what about Beth?”
“She’s amazing.” Nick had no trouble admitting that, too.
Beth turned and smiled, but it was a sad sort of smile.
He smiled back.
Gerry laughed and slapped his back again. “We’ll watch your boy if you two want to take a walk.”
Nick glanced at his son. Corey and Millie had plunked down near the shoreline with sand buckets and shovels in hand.
Gerry pointed toward the lighthouse tower peeping up over the tree line. “That way is a shipwreck you can see from shore. It’s a pretty good hike along the shoreline, but Beth knows the trail through the woods.”
“Corey’s going to want to see that.”
“We’ll meet you over there in a bit. Go on. It’s quite a sight.”
“Thanks.”
Gerry nodded. “No problem.”
Nick walked over to Beth sitting on the beach blanket. Sunlight shimmered in her hair. He sighed and offered his hand. “Let’s take a walk.”
Beth’s eyes widened. “What about Corey?”
“They’ll watch him and then
meet us by the shipwreck. Gerry said you knew the way.”
Beth took his hand and stood. “I do.”
Nick needed to talk with Beth alone. “Corey, we’re going for a walk. Mind Julie and Gerry, okay, bud?”
“Okay.” His son continued piling sand.
He glanced at Beth. “He’s good.” Nick wasn’t so sure about himself, though. Walking along the gorgeous stretch of shoreline in silence, he ran the question through his mind. Over and over, he came up with the same plan, and the same reasoning. But he couldn’t nail down the answer.
“You’re awfully quiet.” Beth gave his hand a squeeze.
“Yeah.” He glanced at her and his stomach dropped. He hadn’t been this nervous in a long time. He stopped walking and reached for Beth’s other hand. “I can say the same about you, too. What’s going on, Beth?”
Her eyes widened but she didn’t pull away. She didn’t say anything either, but shrugged.
“Talk to me.”
Her blue eyes clouded over. Guarded. “About Corey?”
“And us.”
“I don’t think we should do this now.” She tried to pull her hands away, but he held firm.
“Why?”
She looked around. “It’s too beautiful a day—”
That came like a kick in the gut. He’d hoped for so much more. “Would you consider watching Corey through the summer?”
Her eyebrows went up. “As his tutor?”
“No. Although, I sure could use your help with his reading.”
Beth tipped her head. “You mean like in the mornings until my mother gets home?”
He pulled her closer and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. “I mean to complete our family. For real. For good.”
“Nick...” she warned.
He knew what he wanted. It hadn’t taken long to know Beth was the woman he wanted to share his life with. Tired of dancing around the obvious, he dove straight in. “Marry me.”
Her eyes went wide and softened and then watered.
“I can’t.” Her voice was whisper-low and full of regret.
“Why?”
She pushed out of his arms. “You know why.”
“Because you won’t date a cop? Come on, Beth. Don’t you think we’re past that?”
“It’s bad enough worrying about you now. But if we— No. I can’t go through that for the rest of my life. I won’t.”
“We’re already a stable family for Corey. Doesn’t that count for anything?” He threw his arms wide. “Look at this sailing trip. You recognize Corey’s interests and feed them. You inspire him to succeed.”
“So, you—”
He cut her off. “So, he needs both of us. He needs you as much as he needs me.”
She closed her eyes and a single tear tripped over her lashes to run down her cheek.
He didn’t want to make her cry and felt like a heel for doing so. Gently, he wiped the tear away as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
“He wants you for a mom,” he said softly.
“That’s not fair.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Love’s not fair, but isn’t it worth exploring?”
Her eyes flew open.
“I love you, Beth.”
“Stop! Just stop.” She backed away as if scared to listen. “I’m not marrying you, Nick. There’s too much for me to lose.”
Nick understood her fears, but he didn’t want their lives ruled by it. Or their relationship stunted as friendship or ended because of it. How could he make her see that they had the right stuff to make it?
“But isn’t there far more to gain, even if our life together is shortened?”
* * *
Beth searched his solemn gray eyes. So dear, this man, but he didn’t get it. Her mother said she never once regretted marrying Beth’s father, but had her mom really moved on? She still grieved. Still tried to fill the void left from her father’s death.
She sighed. “Can we discuss this later?”
“If you’ll reconsider.”
“No. I’m pretty solid on this.” Beth didn’t flinch or look away, emboldened now that she’d finally made a choice. Was it the right choice?
Nick nodded, defeated. “Then let’s see this shipwreck. The rest of the group expects to meet us there.”
“Okay.” Beth felt sick for doing this to him.
She walked alongside Nick as they rounded the corner toward the lighthouse. They shuffled through the water’s edge and up on shore. Not all the sand was as smooth as in the protected harbor. They both wore their beach sandals, so it didn’t matter.
Without a word, they crunched through zebra mussel shells bleached white by the sun. The beauty was lost to her. She’d made the right decision. Her mind ran through all the reasons why they’d struggle. She mentally listed the risks. Deep down she knew they all made sense. Logical reasons to refuse him, but it still hurt.
“This place is incredible,” Nick said softly.
Beth jumped at the chance to act normal. Even if it was only small talk about the area, it was something. Something to stop the noisy thoughts inside her head.
“Wait till you see the shipwreck. It’s sort of eerie but really neat and stands right out of the water. This whole area is a diving preserve because of all the sunken ships. Gerry and Julie have dived here before.”
“Really? I didn’t know. Lake Superior, sure, everyone’s heard that song.”
Beth chuckled despite the heaviness in her heart. Who hadn’t heard about the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald? “There’s quite a seafaring history on Lake Michigan as well as Superior. Amazing how these lakes can turn deadly.”
Nick’s brow furrowed and his skin paled. “Ah, I didn’t need to hear that.”
Beth stopped walking and faced him. The noise was back in her brain. “That’s how I feel, Nick. Every time you go to work.”
He kicked a piece of driftwood. “I know it’s not easy. My parents may have split up because my mom couldn’t handle the demands of my dad’s job. But you’re strong, Beth. More so than you realize.”
She hadn’t planned on doing this today. She’d wanted to discuss it later, but the words seemed to bubble up and flow out of her before she could stop them. “I don’t know if I can handle it. If I can handle us. You can’t promise to come home unharmed.”
Nick looked at her. His eyes looked red-rimmed and lost. His nose was sunburned and his hair shone like burnished copper in the sun. He tipped his head back to look at the sky and then zeroed in on her. “Can anyone make that promise? Beth, we’re in God’s hands. Not our own.”
Looking into Nick’s somber eyes, she couldn’t say another word. What argument did she have for that one? Other than her lack of trust in God to see her through the heartache of losing Nick. And that’s what it all boiled down to. A matter of trust in the unseen and unknowable future. A strong person might be able to do that. But she wasn’t strong. Not at all.
“What about Corey?” Nick asked.
Beth nodded. She fought against the pounding headache that echoed deep in her heart.
Corey needed stability and like it or not she was part of that stability for now. “I’ll help through the summer as his tutor, but that’s all I can be. It might be best for you to find another care provider.”
Nick gave her that lopsided smile that wasn’t much of a smile at all. “Corey’s going to his grandparents’ for a couple weeks. They’ll keep up with Corey’s reading and I’ll look for someone else then.”
Beth fought for control and managed a clipped nod. Her mother knew from the get-go that Nick would find someone else through the summer months, but this still felt like a betrayal. An end.
She couldn’t hear any whispers from her heart now. Nothing came
to her but a dull ache. She sighed. “Come on, let’s see that wreck.”
Nick looked at her with gloomy eyes, as though he’d lost his best friend. And maybe she had, too.
* * *
“I don’t like the look of those clouds.” Julie packed up what was left of dinner.
Nick overheard that muttered comment over the sound of the beach umbrella flapping furiously in the wind. Wind that had really picked up. He scanned the horizon, where those dark clouds Julie had mentioned hovered far away.
He’d hinted at leaving early a couple of times. It was pretty tough hanging out with Beth. Pretty tough to act normal when his heart had taken a beating. There was no getting her back from this one. No pushing for something more between them. Beth didn’t want to be the wife of a cop. End of story.
“Wind’s coming out of the west, southwest. I think we can outrun it.” Gerry gave his wife a wide grin.
It was a braggart kind of grin that didn’t give Nick much comfort. Great, this guy wanted to play cowboy.
They’d lingered too long over dinner, but Gerry wanted to wait and sail back by sunset. He said there was nothing like it. Well, Nick could have done without the added treat if it meant getting home safe and sound.
After an afternoon spent hiking and lounging on the beach, everyone was beat. But Gerry suddenly kicked into high gear. He and Julie moved quickly, getting their beach gear loaded onto the dinghy while the rest of them trudged along.
Nick remembered that kind of adrenaline rush. The anticipation of a challenge ahead. He could feel it bouncing off Gerry like a rubber ball. Only Nick wasn’t feeling up to a challenge today. And he had a bad feeling this day was about to get worse. Fast.
“Come on, everybody. Let’s go.” Gerry waved his arm, gesturing to load up.
Nick looked at his beautiful but cowardly Beth. She wanted to run away from what they had, thinking it’d be easier. For who? Her? But the reality of how right she was hit hard. As the daughter of an officer, Beth had seen what it was like to be married to a cop. Her eyes were wide-open. Maybe he was the naive one thinking that love and faith were enough to keep them together. All he knew was that he loved her. Blindly, deeply and forever.
