I only have enough time to process all this when suddenly, Charlie is up from my stool, motioning for me to sit.
“I made a cuppa for you,” he offers, my eyes landing on the steaming cup I hadn’t noticed was there until now.
“Thanks,” I reply, taking my seat where I see a red envelope with my name typed on it in bold, black letters. I frown, picking it up. “What’s this?” I ask, turning it over then back again. It only has my name, so it certainly hasn’t been posted.
“It was amongst this morning’s mail when I picked it up. Is it your birthday today or something?”
I shake my head, still frowning. “No, my birthday isn’t for another few months yet.”
Not wanting to keep it a mystery for longer, I rip the red envelope and take out the contents. It’s a “Thinking of You” card. I wonder for a second if it’s some sort of romantic gesture from Chris, but knowing how quick he needed to deal with his emergency this morning, I swiftly dismiss that thought. My eyes wander over the beautiful flowers on the card, my mind awash, wondering who it could be from. Tentatively, I open it, my smile immediately dissipating and all the colour draining from my face at the four words staring back at me.
“Who is it from? An admirer?”
Dropping the card on the counter like it’s a disease or something, I practically jump out of my skin. I didn’t realise Charlie was still standing there. “It’s… no one,” I quickly respond, my eyes darting in his direction.
His carefree appearance morphs into a stoic stance, his shoulders tense like he’s ready for an assault from some unseen force. “It didn’t look like no one, Bri. You’ve gone white as a sheet.”
“It’s fine,” I quickly snap, wanting this conversation over with.
Charlie grits his teeth in annoyance and searches my eyes for something, but when he doesn’t find it, he turns and walks into the back, leaving me with only the offending card and my haunting thoughts to plague me.
I know your secret.
Those were the four words.
Just four little words that turned my world completely upside down and knocked me off the high cloud I had been riding on since last night.
How stupid of me to think I could be happy. How completely fucking ignorant of me to think I could escape my life as it is and sugarcoat it under the guise of joy.
Again, I had been kidding myself that I can be anything but locked into a world of my own fucking making. In my mind’s eye, I’ve been chasing that pot of gold over the rainbow that deep down, I know I will never find. Because, like everyone knows, pretty soon the rain will stop, the sun will emerge, and the rainbow leading to that pot of gold will be gone forever. I’m a lost cause, a sailboat forever bound to sail the seas with no set destination.
Reluctantly, my gaze falls down towards the offending card, my heart racing like I’m staring at a timer on a bomb—and figuratively speaking, I may as well be. My mind races with what to do. I can’t tell Chris, because he’ll flip and want to do something rash without thinking it through first. There’s also the fact that armed with the knowledge of what my uncle did to me would completely destroy him. What choices do I have? Ignore it and hope that it’s just some practical joke that will go away? Although something tells me that’s not going to happen, for now I have little choice.
My mind set, I pick up the card and the envelope and throw them both in the bin. There’s nothing I can do with this shit now. I’ll just have to deal with it if and when the time comes. For now, all I can do is be more vigilant.
The bell at the top of the door rings, and in walks Freddy. I love Freddy, I really do, but today is not the day I can deal with his carefree, flirtatious manner.
He breezes in, his eyes lighting up the moment he spots me sitting in my usual seat, and right then, the guilt of what I thought just now eats away at me. Freddy is lonely and just wants a little company now and then. Who am I to begrudge him that? I do my best to match his smile. This is, after all what he comes in for. That’s what he tells me regularly, anyway.
“Bri, so nice to see you again. I missed you the other night.”
I take in a deep breath, trying to calm my wretched nerves somewhat. “Yeah, I’m sorry, Freddy. I worked real late that night, so I couldn’t make it. Are you happy with your purchase, though?”
“The crystal bitch lady?” he asks, a devious glint in his eyes.
A chuckle leaves my lips, and for that moment, I’m happy that I had at least a second to want to laugh. “Yes, the crystal bitch lady.”
“She’s looking as beautiful as ever on my mantlepiece. She certainly catches people’s eyes when they walk in, that’s for sure.”
“I can imagine,” I respond, glancing down at the newspaper in his hand. Of course, he notices.
“Ah, my morning paper.” He walks towards me and places it down on the counter in front of me—just like he does almost every visit. “As always, I thought you might like a little light reading while you’re sitting here on your own.”
I smile, grateful. “And as always, that’s very thoughtful.”
As he’s about to say something else, the bell on the door rings again, alerting me to another customer—only, it’s not a customer.
I glance up to the ceiling, having a word with the man upstairs. Seriously, is there anything else you want to throw at me today?!
“What in the hell are you doing here?”
Freddy’s angered voice halts my thoughts abruptly, my focus squarely on him and the man who’s just walked in.
Frosty.
“Well, hello to you too, brother.” Frosty responds.
Wait, what? They’re brothers!?
Freddy’s normally carefree demeanour is long gone. Instead, his teeth are clenched, his fists balled up by his sides. Frosty, on the other hand looks relaxed, not a frown on his face or an angered, agitated twitch in sight. If he feels any anxiety whatsoever, he’s doing a damn fine job at hiding it.
“This is not your area, Graham. You promised you’d never step foot in it. It was the only reason why I moved here, remember?”
Frosty straightens his long, brown overcoat, and the smile he gives to Freddy makes the hairs on the back of neck stand on end.
“I haven’t come here for you, Fred, so don’t get your boxers in a twist.” My heart rate picks up as he pans his gaze from Freddy to me, offering a somewhat warmer smile, but still menacing, nonetheless. “I came to see the lovely Bri here.”
I gulp down the load of saliva gathering in my throat as two sets of eyes stare at me. Freddy is incredulous, a nervous frown creasing the tip of his nose. I know that look. He’s nervous for me.
That makes two of us.
Frosty approaches my counter as slow as a snake, purposeful in his strides. It’s almost as if he’s deliberately intimidating me. Either that, or I’m imagining something that’s not there.
“Bri,” he says, laying one hand on the counter. “I would love to say that this is a more favourable visit, but unfortunately I have some bad news.”
I take in a deep breath, inhaling as much air as I can muster to help me deal with the news. I’ve already been hit with one punch today, what’s the harm in taking another?
“What is it?”
“Brandon,” he replies, his eyes narrowing. “You remember Brandon, don’t you?” He conveys a silent message to me of acknowledgment, so I nod my head, my heart skipping ten beats per second.
“Apparently, Brandon is a mummy’s boy. Who knew?” He chuckles, his gaze turning to Freddy for a second like he’s attempting to engage him in our conversation. Freddy, however, just stands there, his posture rigid with that concerning crinkle still above his nose. “It turns out that Brandon calls his mummy at least four times a day. But guess what?” He doesn’t need to tell me. He and I both know the answer to that and why. I have no doubt whatsoever that Frosty knows that Brandon is gone, but I don’t know what it’s got to do with him. “His mother hasn’t heard from him in two days, so last nig
ht she got his older brother to sniff around asking questions.”
While still nervous about all this, I have to ask the question. “Why are you telling me this?” He’s warning me for some reason.
Frosty exhales a deep breath, seeming to look off in thought for a moment until his frosty gaze captures my eyes again. “I don’t like who you associate with, Miss Wilkinson. Frankly, Chris’s attempts at managing his end of the bargain always seems to tip extremely close to the edge of crossing a line. I believe you get my drift.” I nod my head in confirmation, wondering where all this is heading. I’m also acutely aware that Freddy is listening to this whole conversation, and as a result, will now know that I’m not all sweetness and light like he’s been led to believe. “However, you on the other hand are a different kettle of fish.” A little dazed by this, I narrow my eyes displaying my confusion. I’m met with a sly grin. “I have no idea what you see in him, but frankly that’s none of my business. I’m here today out of courtesy… towards you.”
I’m rooted to my spot. Again, he’s telling me things he has no real reason to tell me, but he’s doing it anyway. Why? I should be suspicious, but he tried to warn me about Brandon last time, so I have no real reason to be distrustful now.
My nerves calming somewhat, I lean forward. “Thank you.”
Satisfied with my answer, Frosty swiftly nods his head and pivots towards Freddy. “You will be pleased to hear that I will be gone and never to return…” he gazes back at me with a warning look, “unless I have to.” I’m granted with a surprising wink before he ever so calmly strolls towards the door and opens it. “See you around, bruv,” is the last thing he says as the door shuts closed behind him. The moment it does, my breath is released.
“What was that all about?” Freddy asks, approaching the counter.
I gaze around trying to see if Charlie is secretly watching the whole scene, but thankfully he’s nowhere in sight. If this keeps up, my job will be on the line, and I really don’t want that. Yet I can’t help wondering how I’m going to get out of all this mess. Everything seems to be weighing down on me all at the same time, and I don’t know how long it’s going to be before the weight becomes too much and everything collapses around me. Running away seems all too tempting right about now.
“It’s complicated,” I offer him back. “I never knew you were brothers!” However, come to think of it, they do look somewhat alike. Frosty has much lighter hair, but they have the same ice blue eyes as each other. It’s just Freddy’s are kinder.
“I tend not to dwell on that as much as I can,” Freddy answers, blowing out a puff of annoyed air. “I’m worried about you, though. If you’re mixed up in something that involves my brother, that is never a good situation to be in, Bri.”
Something I’m all too aware of.
“I know. It’s not the life I would have chosen for myself, Freddy. It’s the life I’ve been handed.”
With a sad smile, Freddy nods, and I’m glad for that. So many people in his shoes would judge, screaming and shouting that I only have myself to blame as I choose to stay. However, for people like me, it’s not a choice. It is never a choice.
I feel it’s my duty.
After Freddy finally leaves, I stay sitting in my chair with only my thoughts to keep me company. Usually I enjoy watching the world go by in the quiet times where there’s no customers, but today I am stoic, finding no peace in that. Charlie has been completely absent today, which isn’t totally unusual, but has been of late. In a sense, I’m glad, because his presence only brings confusion to my already muddled mind lately. I wish I knew where to go from here, but every time my mind attempts to focus on a solution, it goes blank.
As it gets nearer to closing time, I send a message to Chris telling him I’m getting ready to leave, noting that I haven’t heard from him all day. I’m gathering up my coat and bag, placing my keys in my pocket, when I hear a ping from my phone.
Chris: Okay, baby. I might be a little late. Trying to sort shit out. I’ll message when I’m on my way home. Love you. x
Feeling deflated that I will be alone even longer now with my ever-depressing thoughts, I message back that I love him too and place my phone back in my pocket. I’m about to pick up my handbag when I hear several screams outside. Frowning, I step towards the shop window to see what all the fuss is about. Across the road is a gathering of people tending to a someone laying in the road. I can only see the man’s boots, but it’s enough to know that he may be seriously unwell.
Without another thought, I ignore my handbag and instead grab the first-aid kit and go racing outside towards the crowd. A woman in her forties is hovering over him, wailing that he can’t breathe and for someone to help him.
I push past people, telling them to get out of my way, before placing the bag down by my feet and kneeling to look at him. I can hear a slight wheezing like he’s trying to draw in breath, but the oxygen isn’t getting to him.
“What happened?” I ask the lady, who’s hands are frantically shaking as she cries over the man.
“We were just eating, and then he started complaining that his tongue was swelling up. Can you help him?” she asks, her face filled with horror, despair, but also hope.
“I’m certainly going to try,” I reply, going through my bag to find an EpiPen, but having no luck. Fuck! Then, as if things couldn’t get worse, the man stops wheezing altogether. A sense of dread comes over me when I realise I will have no other choice but to perform a tracheostomy.
“He’s not breathing! He’s not breathing!” the woman wails, making me feel even more anxious. I’m a wrack of nerves, but considering no ambulance is here yet—and I sincerely hope someone has called them—I have no other choice to perform it, otherwise this man will be dead in a couple of minutes.
Focused solely on this, I get to work, grabbing some alcohol from the bag and pouring it over the guy’s throat and my hands. I have no time for gloves. I grab a scalpel from one of the sealed bags and hover over him. It’s then I remember.
“I’m going to need a straw, or a pen—anything that forms a tube!” I shout, trying to get someone into action.
“Hold on!” someone shouts from the crowd. “The waiter’s rushing in to get a straw.”
“Tell him to hurry!” We don’t have much time!
Within a nanosecond, said waiter is dangling the straw in front of me. “Okay, grab that alcohol solution and pour it on the straw. I don’t have much time.”
As he’s busy doing this, I quickly find the soft spot underneath his Adam’s apple and start to make the ever so small incision in his neck. Blood starts to pool out, so I quickly place my finger over it while holding my hand out for the straw. “Quickly,” I shout, making a grab for it as soon as it’s within reach. I place the straw into the incision and breathe the biggest fucking breath of my life when the guy starts to breathe on his own again.
“Oh, my God, thank you, thank you, thank you!” the woman cries.
“Has someone called an ambulance?” I ask to the crowd.
“Yes, I did,” some guy shouts back, just as the telltale sign of sirens are heard in the distance.
That’s my job done. Grabbing all my things, I get up and start to move back a little. The ambulance zooms past us and parks quickly. Everyone’s attention is now on the ambulance, so I move back farther then quickly run across the road, back towards the shop, glad that nobody shouts after me. I grab some disinfectant wipes from my kit bag and wipe my hands as I make my way back to my car. Too exhausted to even go back into the shop, I place my kit in the boot of my car when Charlie emerges next to me. I try to ignore him, but he’s so close.
“I saw what you did back there. Why’d you walk away?” I continue not to look at him, instead concentrating on zipping up my bag and shutting the boot down. “Bri,” he commands when I don’t immediately answer him.
Standing stock still, my eyes fix on his. “Yeah, well, what's the point?”
His eyes dart around the park
ing area incredulously. “The point is you can make a difference.”
My hands ball into fists. I’ve seriously had enough of this day. “A difference to whom, exactly?”
He grabs my arms, holding me in place then leans forward so his eyes are level with mine. “You do something so fucking extraordinary, and yet you walk away like it's nothing? You don't think that the mother, father, brother, sister, whatever would want to thank you for saving someone so important to them?!”
I flail my arms out, causing him to let go of me. “So what am I supposed to do? Stand around basking in the glory of all the thanks I get? I’m not that type of person. I may have saved his life. So what?” My eyes start to brim with tears. I’m angry. So fucking angry with everyone and everything.
Fuck my life.
“Don’t you dare fucking act like what you just did was nothing. It was everything, and you know it.” When I purse my lips and cross my arms like a petulant child, he sighs. “Why are you so upset? Is it something to do with that card you got today?”
The moment that question leaves his lips, it triggers something in me, and before I can stop myself, the words are flying out of my mouth. “That fucking card is one of the many reasons why I am angry. That card is a reminder that when I needed someone to be on my fucking side for once, no one was. That card is the reason why I can never have a normal life!” I snuffle, unable to hold my tears any longer. I'm tired. So fucking tired of it all. I so want to be able to go to sleep like this is some kind of bad dream and be able to wake up free of this everlasting nightmare.
I want to not have to hide anymore.
Charlie steps forward, surprising me when his arm snakes around my shoulder. I naturally recoil. I don't need his comfort. I don't need anyone's comfort.
Tainted Love Page 10
