“Fuck, I’ve missed your sweet pussy,” he growls, plunging his tongue into my pussy, kissing and licking my little nub.
“Yes, kiss it better. Make it all better again,” I whisper, closing my eyes, praying with all I have that he can.
Pleasure jolts through me, and with it tears prick my eyes. The last thing I would’ve ever thought I’d want right now is this after what transpired earlier, but Chris and his expert tongue is causing waves of pleasure to surface. My mind is spinning with desire, my orgasm reaching its peak. I thread my fingers through his hair, moaning as his tongue masterfully dances over my nub, over and over again until I detonate around him, my screams echoing off the bathroom walls.
Chris grabs me off the bath and pulls me to the floor, ripping the towel from my body, his eyes filled with nothing but hunger. His sweatpants are pulled down, and within an instant, he’s inside me, calling out my name as he pumps into me. I freeze, unable to move, but Chris is so lost in us that he fails to notice my change. I close my eyes, my face turned to the side as Chris buries his head into the crook of my neck, his hot breath hitting me with every thrust. But I feel nothing. Emptiness enters my chest and settles there, creating a void unlike anything that has ever existed between Chris and me. My body has become a mere vessel, an empty shell to be used for the pleasure of others.
So I lie there, letting him take. Take, take, take, the void threatening to implode and swallow me whole, leaving me with nothing left but the darkness that envelopes my mind and a heart which slowly turns a velvety shade of black.
The next day, I drive to work after kissing Chris goodbye and telling him I love him, letting him think that all is swell in the world.
I, unfortunately, know different.
After what happened in the bathroom last night, Chris carried me to bed, fed me, and then I passed out shortly after nine, my sleep filled with nothing but nightmares. I feel broken, my thoughts filled with dread and unease, my mind whirling with what’s to come. I might not hear from Pete today, maybe not even tomorrow, but I know one day he will be in touch, demanding I comply with whatever sick, twisted desire he has in store for me next.
“Bri?” Charlie’s voice calls, his hand on my shoulder making me jump. “What’s wrong?” His frown is deep, his head leaning down to face me in my seat.
“Nothing,” I answer with a chuckle, my attempt at brushing him off.
“I’ve been calling your name for the last five minutes, and since you walked in, you’ve looked like you lost your dog or something. You flinched when I touched you and grimaced when I asked about your holiday. What’s wrong?”
Charlie’s more astute than I give him credit for. It’s funny really, as I’ve always thought I had a good way of hiding my feelings so deep down that no one could ever even get a glimpse of them. I guess Charlie can read me better than I thought.
“I’m fine,” I eventually answer, turning away.
“Now I know something’s up.”
“Why?”
He spins my chair around so I’m forced to look at him. “Because you said the word fine. No one is ever fine when they say they are.”
“Well, I am fine, so that’s a load of bollocks.” I attempt to turn away again when Charlie grabs my hand and virtually yanks me out of my chair, making me yelp in surprise before he pulls me into his office.
“Charlie, the customers,” I protest.
“We’ll hear the bell ring if someone comes,” he replies, spinning to face me once we’re in the office. “Was that really your dad who got in your car yesterday?”
My body turns rigid, causing Charlie to scowl. “You saw?”
“You said he was your dad, Bri. Please fucking tell me that was your dad?” My head drops in shame, but a finger pulls my chin up to look at him. “Tell me,” he implores, his caramel eyes filled with nothing but concern. It makes my almost blackened, dead heart beat back to life.
“It was Pete.”
“Fuck!” he shouts, grabbing my shoulders. “Your pedo fucking uncle? That Pete?” I nod my head. “Shit, Bri. Why didn’t you fucking tell me it was him? If I had known, I never would have let him get in the car with you!”
I don’t want to hear it, those words that show me he cares. Those words that he has no right to. “You’re my boss, not my saviour. I’m not your responsibility!”
“Whether you are my responsibility or not, that doesn’t stop me from caring. Fuck, Bri, what did he do to you? Did he touch you? If he’s touched you, I’ll…”
“What? Hurt him? Tell him to never come near me again? It will never work. He’ll find a way to get to me, and you know what? I will go to him, because going to him stops him from revealing my secret. Going to him protects the ones I love, and I will never, ever sacrifice the ones I love for the sake of a quick hand job in my car.”
Charlie’s eyes turn a darker shade of brown, his features twisted in a murderous rage. “What about the sake of your soul?”
My heart aches, because he’s right. I was broken in two yesterday after the incident in the car, and it’s only going to get worse. But there’s nothing I can do about it.
“If selling my soul means protecting everyone, then so be it.”
“What are you hiding, Bri? Surely it’s not that bad?”
I snort. “Oh, believe me, it is. It’s something so bad that it tears me up every damn fucking day. It’s something so bad that I’m willing to go to any length to keep it a secret. Hell, it’s so fucked up, even I don’t want to acknowledge it. But it’s there, pick, pick, picking at my head until I think it might explode!”
The dam breaks, and out floods the tears I can no longer hold. My resolve is waning so fast, I’m unable to hold it together any longer.
A set of strong, warm arms encase me, and I cling to his chest through his jumper like I’m afraid he’ll let go. Through my sniffles, I inhale his sweet, musky scent, the familiarity of it all too welcoming and safe.
With Chris, I never truly feel safe, because even though I can trust him to never hurt me, I don’t trust myself when I’m with him. With Charlie, it’s a different matter entirely. With him, my head is calm, my thoughts no longer scattered, my heart welcoming. I can truly let go.
“I don’t care what the fuck you’re hiding, I will never, ever let that fucking scumbag touch you again. You got that?”
I lift my head up to look at him, my eyes filled with unshed tears. “As much as I love that you said that, no one can save me,” I croak, my throat pent up with emotion. “This has always been my life, Charlie. I just have to accept it.”
Charlie’s chest heaves, his eyes narrowing with rage. “Nobody has to accept being abused, no matter what shit’s going on. He’s your uncle, for fuck’s sake! He’s supposed to look after you, support you, not use you for his own sick, sexual gratification. That is never something you simply accept.”
He’s imploring me with his eyes, and I hear him loud and clear, but what else am I supposed to do? I’m trapped, poised to live out this ever-lasting nightmare until either Pete dies or gets bored of me. Maybe running away with Chris once we have the money isn’t such a bad idea after all.
“I don’t want this. I feel sick every time he touches me. But what can I do? He found a way to get to me when I was younger, and now he’s found a way to get to me again.”
Pain touches Charlie’s eyes as he stares down at me. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve any of this.”
A single tear drops down my face at his words. Charlie cares for me, I can feel it in the way he holds me, the way he’s now looking at me with those tender eyes which speak a thousand unspoken words. In another life, I would jump into his arms and ask him to love me.
But I’m undeserving of such love.
“All throughout my life, I’ve made choices, and those choices have led me to where I am today.”
Charlie rears his head back, confusion creasing his forehead. “Are you seriously trying to say that you’re at fault for all
this shit?”
Yes.
“I’m simply trying to explain why I’m here today.” I turn my head away, ashamed to look at him, but Charlie coaxes my head back with a slight touch of his fingers.
“You were a starving kid who needed food. You were desperate to stay alive. It was not a choice, Bri. It was child abuse. Pure and fucking simple. I don’t want to hear any more of this shit about it being your choice. That fucker is not to touch you again. Period. You’re not to be the sacrificial fucking lamb, Bri. I refuse it.”
I grant him a soft smile and nod my head because it’s what he wants. I know differently, though. The moment Pete contacts me and crooks his little finger, I will be there, because to put it simply, I have no other choice. Charlie’s words mean a lot to me, but ultimately mean very little in the grand scheme of things. He’s my boss, not my rescuer. Not my white knight out to protect and save me. It’s not his job to do that.
I wipe my tears away and snort. “I think I may have gotten your jumper a little wet.” It’s a beautiful, dark blue V-neck, but the middle is even darker now that my tears have soaked it.
“It’s fine,” he replies, smiling back, and my heart turns that little bit pinker again. “It’ll dry.” He then takes his thumb, placing it under my eye and wiping away a tear I missed. “I think you’re all set now.”
Our eyes lock, and something passes between us. The air is stagnant, the room silent with only our breathing a whisper through his office. A twist of lust squeezes my stomach, and my mouth parts, a tiny gasp leaving my lips. Charlie’s eyes scan down towards them, and he licks his own as if anticipation of kissing me is in the forefront of his mind. But suddenly, as if someone slapped him, his face hardens, and his body stiffens.
“I don’t share,” he simply exclaims, snapping his head away from me and walking off, leaving me completely gobsmacked. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? There’s no denying that Chris and I are together. But now it seems the attraction I thought was only on one-sided was only in my imagination.
It warms my heart knowing that he feels our connection too, the unmistakable heat when he gazes into my eyes, but it also saddens me. I’m given glimpses of a different life—a life I could only ever dream of. A natural life—a normal life. A life where I don’t have to keep secrets and lies, a life where I can settle down even, get married, have children.
But it’s a life I can never have as mine is tied down to one person and one person only. A person with the exact sentiments as Charlie when it comes to not sharing…
“Neither does Chris.”
Saying those words out loud has me crashing back to reality. Wanting Charlie is simply a dream, and dreams are the opposite of reality for a reason.
Because they never come true.
I see no way out. It’s like I’m in one of those Egyptian style booby trapped rooms like you see in Indiana Jones where the walls slowly close in on you, fating your demise. In one sense, I have terrible guilt that I feel that way when I have a man in my life who would go to the ends of the Earth for me, but in another, it’s all just… wrong. So fucking wrong.
The bell on the door alerts me to a customer, so I take a deep breath, put my big girl panties back on, and walk out to the front of the shop.
A man, around six feet tall with balding brown hair and a tattoo of a snake curling up around his neck stands in the middle of the shop, gazing at all the furniture. Instantly, something doesn’t seem right. I feel bad thinking it, but he looks terribly out of place here.
“Can I help you?” I ask, causing the man to spin round, his dark brown eyes dancing across me before a smirk graces his lips.
“How much is that dining table?” he asks, pointing towards the antique, Victorian, mahogany table.
“It’s eleven hundred, but I’m sure we could make an arrangement for a grand, if you’re interested.” He simply hums under his breath, approaching it and stroking the rim with his hand. I approach him, unsure if he’s really here to make a purchase. I hate to cast assumptions, but this man with the scary snake tattoo doesn’t exactly scream Victorian furniture to me.
Ignoring my discriminatory thoughts, I approach the man, standing beside him as he continues to gaze. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? This is actually one of my favourites, and it hasn’t been here long. I’m actually surprised that it hasn’t sold already.”
“I take it the grand includes the six chairs?”
I nod my head with a smile, excitement bubbling at the prospect of a big purchase. “Of course.”
“Is this the only set you have?”
Excitement dwindles a little. If he’s asking about others, then maybe he’s not that interested after all. “Unfortunately, yes. We had another two sell a couple of weeks back.”
He continues staring at the table, and something about this man makes the hackles on the back of my neck stand up. “Hmm… that’s a real shame, Bri. A real shame.”
Wait… what? Did he just say my name?
“How do you know my name?” I ask, my heart jumping in my throat.
He turns to me fully, the dining table completely forgotten as he scans my face with his beady, dark brown eyes.
“I have some questions for you.”
All this shit about the table was just an act to lead me into a false sense of security. I want to turn around, see if Charlie is around or call out for him, but I’m afraid to alert this guy that I’m scared. And I am scared.
“Who are you?”
He sucks in a breath before speaking. “The name’s Tom, Tom Bilko.”
Bilko, I say in my head over and over again. I recognise that name from somewhere. I narrow my eyes, trying to figure out why that name sounds so familiar when it dawns on me, and my eyes widen.
“There it is,” he responds. The cocky bastard sure is full of himself.
“I don’t know anything,” I quickly snap, the walls of the shop suddenly caving in on me.
“You get pissed off about something my brother does, then all of a sudden he’s missing. I think it’s too much of a coincidence, don’t you?”
A dark chuckle leaves my lips as anxiety turns to anger. “Pissed off at him? You do realise he tried to rape me, don’t you? You do realise he assaulted me?”
His face is completely blank of emotion. “Yes, and I do believe your boss rescued you.” He peeks over my shoulder towards the back door. “Is your knight in shining armour in? I’d like to ask him some questions too.”
I ignore the jab about Charlie being my knight in shining armour and instead square up to him. “You leave him out of this. This has nothing to do with him! Your brother attacked me, yes, and if he attacked me, he’s probably attacked loads of other people in the past. I bet he has a number of enemies. All I can say is Brandon’s disappearance has nothing to do with me and nothing to do with my boss. Maybe he’s run away because someone’s after him. Have you thought about that?”
He holds a finger up, accentuating a point he wants to make. “Yes, we did think about that for all of ten minutes until we realised something. Brandon never, ever goes a single day without calling our Ma. So that only leads us to two other conclusions. Either someone’s holding him for some reason, or he’s dead. I’m guessing the latter, and I have a hunch it has something to do with you.”
My heart rate kicks up a notch, but anger flares when he starts circling me like a lion about to attack its prey. “As I told you, I bet he has a number of enemies. Just because he disappeared soon after he attacked me is merely a coincidence.”
“Hmm,” he hums again, his breath so close it fans my neck. It smells of whisky and stale cigarettes, causing my nose to twitch. “We shall see, won’t we? As it’s been said many a times, the truth always has a way of getting out.” He storms to the door, allowing me to release the breath I’m holding, but as he opens the door, he turns. “I’ll be in touch.” And then he storms out.
Fuck!
I had been so engrossed in all the shit with Pete, I had com
pletely forgotten about Brandon and his fucking tenacious family. Shit, this is all I need.
With shaking hands, I walk back to the counter and pick up my phone. I have no other choice but to tell Chris what just happened. He’s going to get pissed and demand I come home, but I have no choice.
I dial his number, and as always, he answers within two rings. “Baby, everything okay?” When I sigh, he says, “Bri, what’s going on? Tell me.”
“I just bumped into someone,” I lie. I don’t want him thinking he came into the shop.
“Who?”
“Tom Bilko.” I bite my lip.
“Motherfucker!”
That’s my confirmation that Chris already knows who he is.
“What did that fucker want? Did he hurt you?”
“No, nothing like that. He was asking questions about Brandon, saying how much of a coincidence it is that he disappeared right after he attacked me.”
The sound of what could be a rubbish bin being knocked over thumps through the phone, causing me to pull my mobile away from my ear.
“I’m going to kill that fucking arsehole!” he bellows.
This is the last thing we need, but I had little choice but to tell him. “Chris, calm down.”
“I’m not fucking calming down, that fucker has crossed a line thinking he can intimidate my woman. I’m coming to get you, no fucking arguments. Hold tight. I’ll be there in ten.”
He cuts the phone off, not giving me a chance to answer.
“Problems at home?” Charlie asks from behind me, making me jump.
I spin around, my smile sad. “It’s… complicated. And I think you need to be careful. Brandon’s family is sniffing around asking questions. He’s… missing.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Missing, huh?” He leans his broad shoulder against the doorframe, a cocky glint in his eyes. “I can look after myself. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“I’m fine,” I blurt, biting my tongue after.
Tainted Love Page 18
