I squeeze my eyes shut as tears start to burn. This day was bound to come, but I’ve been putting it off and putting Chris off until the inevitable happened. His words—he knows—cement my fate. He knows that I will never, ever leave him, and that’s the leverage he has over me.
I owe him my life.
So I relent in his arms and hug him back. “I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
His tears wet my neck as he snuggles his head at the base. When he kisses me there, it feels like red, hot poker sticks burning my skin. My mind fills itself with nothing but Charlie as it screams and screams for this to stop.
I don’t stop, though. I can’t. I’m trapped, my feet firmly planted to the ground knowing that if I pull away, Chris will finally know the truth, and it would kill him.
“I fucking love you so much, Bri. Tell me you love me too. I need to hear the words from you.” He carries on kissing my neck, his heavy, hot breath hitting my skin.
“I love you too,” I reply on autopilot, my body quickly becoming numb.
My words seem to fuel his fire. He kisses my lips, forcing my mouth open with his tongue, his body pressed against mine, his hardness digging into my groin.
“Fuck, Bri, I can’t get enough of you,” he pants. His need for me completely overtakes him as he spins me around, my stomach hitting the kitchen sink. Once there, he grabs my neck, pulling it to his mouth where he nibbles and sucks, making sure to leave a visible mark on my skin. I stay stock still, my hands gripping the edge of the sink with all I have, waiting for this to be over. Chris is lost in the moment now, completely oblivious to my body’s inaction towards him.
Through my dress he squeezes my breast, my nipple hardening, but my mind is still shut down. His moans vibrate through my body as he lifts my skirt up, his hands frantic to free himself so that he can invade my body.
I close my eyes, my imagination swiftly allowing itself to picture that it’s Charlie behind me, touching me, teasing me, desperately wanting me. I float gloriously on this cloud, because to allow anything but will destroy me.
He’s there now, ripping my knickers from my body, his cock pressed urgently at my entrance, and then he plunges forward, both of us gasping through the initial contact.
He rams in deep and violently, so violently that my hip bones hit the side of the kitchen sink with each thrust. I keep my head there, allowing myself this moment to picture that it’s Charlie grunting, it’s Charlie biting my neck, it’s Charlie losing himself inside me like a raging animal.
“Fuck, Bri, I’m going to fucking come! Shit!”
Over and over again, he hits that spot he knows will render me completely his. I come undone, shuddering beneath his arms, unable to hold on any longer. He bellows my name, thrusting one last time before he empties inside of me.
With our breathing ragged, Chris holds me close, kissing the back of my neck so tenderly that you would never think he had just abused my body in the way that he had a few moments ago. I ride high on my wave, euphoric on that little cloud I had been dancing on this whole time I’ve had my eyes tight shut, avoiding the outside world.
But then my eyes open.
Then, I feel nothing but disgust.
I don’t sleep a wink, my mind whirring with guilt, fear, anxiety, and pain. I dwell on my situation for hours until I realise that my emotions are fruitless. I’ve made my bed, and I need to now put on my big girl panties and take the bull by the horns.
That’s why, when faced with the day ahead, I make my decision. A decision that will ultimately make Chris the happiest man on earth. My world will be broken, but it’s the sacrifice needed to keep Chris in my life. To keep him sane and happy.
“Are you getting ready for work?” Chris asks, his hair wet from the shower.
As he flips through whatever’s holding his attention on his phone, I answer him. “I am, but only to tell Charlie that I quit.”
His thumb halts over the screen, his mouth parting as he stares up at me. It was inevitable that I’d quit at some point, and considering I have gone as far as I can with Charlie, it’s only right that I end things. I guess the last time we made love was our very last time after all.
“You’re shitting me?” he blurts, a bolt of laughter coming from him, making me smile.
“I shit you not. We knew this day would come, so why not now?”
Although it was a decision I consciously made, it still hurts like a bitch, nonetheless. Apart from the obvious of missing Charlie, I will also miss the regular customers who pass through, cracking jokes, flirting, and making me laugh. Those are the memories I will look fondly over when we’re miles away, living a brand-new life.
Chris quickly closes the distance between us, picking me up in his arms and spinning me around, causing laughter to bubble out of me. For a few seconds, I allow myself to get swallowed up by his infectious euphoria. Besides, his happiness has always been my own.
“That’s the fucking best news I have ever gotten, Bri! But why right now? What’s made you decide?” He pulls away, eagerly awaiting my response. I cup his face, and he leans into it, seeking my affection.
“Why delay the inevitable? I realise I haven’t been focusing on us enough lately, but from today forward, that changes. Besides, someone needs to keep an eye on you,” I tease, trying to lighten the moment when all I want to do is collapse into a heap on the floor and curl up into a tight ball, shutting the whole world out.
“Fuck, Bri. I don’t know what to say. You know how I’ve felt about you working there, so to hear that you’re finally jacking that shit in makes me so happy. That job was always beneath you anyway.”
A jolt of pain slices through me at his words. That job was never beneath me. It was the only thing I had that was truly mine. But Chris will never, ever understand that.
Chris glances at his phone again, then his eyes light up like he’s thought of something. “I tell you what. I have to meet this guy about the stash in an hour, but once we’re done, I’ll take you out to a nice, fancy restaurant. How about that?”
I grace him with the best smile I can muster. “It sounds perfect.”
Chris bends over, kissing me lightly on the lips before he picks up all of his things and leaves. The sound of the door clicking has my eyes closing, my feet wobbling through the dizzy spell enveloping me. My hand shoots out, holding the bedpost, steadying my legs. All this lack of food and sleep is unhealthy, but it’s not only that. It’s the thought that I now have to drive my car to the shop and tell Charlie that I can’t work for him anymore.
Swallowing the bile rising in my stomach, I grab my keys and head down the lift to my car. I get in then drive all the way there while struggling to keep down the nausea erupting in me. I park up in my usual spot, making sure I arrive early enough to tell him before the shop opens.
I glance down at my watch. It’s twenty to nine, hopefully enough time to say what’s been eating away at me for the last few hours.
I put the key in the lock and open the door, silence immediately hitting me the moment I walk in. I call out Charlie’s name, but there’s no answer, so I make my way upstairs into the kitchen where I find him dunking a teabag into his mug, completely lost in the task. He’s looking rather dapper this morning with a pale blue shirt and dark jeans riding just above his hips, his arm slung through the makeshift sling I created for him to use for a while until he’s fully healed.
I get up the top step, and it creaks, alerting him to my presence. He spins round, a huge smile on his face, but then it quickly lands on my expression. However, it’s when his eyes travel towards my neck, seeing several hickeys that Chris planted there last night, that my heart breaks in two at his reaction.
Pain. Betrayal. Hurt. Anger.
All of the emotions he has every right to feel.
“Want a cuppa?” he simply asks, the pain hidden, his stoic mask slipping firmly in place.
“No, thank you,” I reply softly stepping farther into the kitchen. Charlie co
ntinues busying himself with his tea, obviously trying to avoid eye contact with me.
“I need to speak with you about something.”
“Okay, what is it?” he asks, still not looking at me.
“I can’t work here anymore.”
“Okay,” is all he responds as he walks towards the fridge and takes the milk out.
“Okay? Is that all you have to say?” I ask, my teeth gritting in anger.
He tips a little milk into his mug as he talks. “You don’t want to work here anymore. I won’t force you. In fact, go home, and I’ll pay you till the end of the week. How’s that?”
Tears burn my eyes, but I will them back. “Why are you being so heartless?”
He turns then, stabbing me with nothing but hatred in his eyes. Before he responds, they travel to my neck again. “Me, heartless? That’s rich coming from you, don’t you think?”
Message read loud and clear. He’s angry at me, and why shouldn’t he be?
“You’ve made your choice,” he continues, laying it all out on the table. “What else is there to possibly say?”
My eyes study the floor, shame eating away at my heart. He’s one hundred percent correct. Of course, he is. I have no right whatsoever to get angry at him after turning up here like I’ve been sucked to death by a vampire. So why is it I feel this gut-wrenching, blood-boiling rage of fire racing through my whole body? Why is it, even though I’ve betrayed him, that I’m the one who feels wronged? There’s no logic. I can’t be with him, and yet here I am, hoping that he’ll fight for me. Here I am, wishing he’ll get angry, tell me to leave Chris and run away with him—pull me into his arms and never let me go.
I nod my head, my lip slightly wobbling with the tears that are threatening to shed. “Okay,” I whisper. “I hear you loud and clear. I just want you to know that the time I worked here has been the best of my life. I know it seems like a strange thing to say, but I mean it. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I will be eternally grateful.” I turn, placing my hand on the banister to make my way down the stairs. “Goodbye, Charlie. I wish you well in life.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I take a step, hearing the sound of my heart tearing out of my chest with each step that follows. I want nothing more than to run back upstairs, demand that he be with me, fuck everyone else in the process, but all that remains a fantasy in my head. Instead, I will go home and cry into my pillow so I can get it all out of my system. I will allow myself at least that. And when I am done, I will pull myself together, put on a bright smile, and finally be the devoted partner that Chris expects me to be. Besides, will it be so bad when we run away together to start a new life? Will it be so bad if we stay together for the rest of our lives? Maybe in time I can learn to live with my feelings of repulsion whenever I consider the debauched lifestyle we lead. Maybe, in time, I will find it all to be… normal. Maybe, in time, I can finally convince myself that what Chris and I share is… perfect.
It has been three days since I said goodbye to Charlie and the best job I ever had. Since then, I have been using my time to concentrate on where Chris and I are going to go and the life we will finally have together. We decided Costa Rica is a good place to start simply because our money will stretch an exceedingly long time there. We’d be able to buy something by the beach outright, live near the jungle where we can pick fruit and swim in the sea every day. It all sounds so glorious but also cut-off. We would arrive as a married couple—to the locals we would be anyway. A couple that made it big in the UK and decided to retire early to raise a family. But as far as I’m concerned, there will be no babies on my horizon, no matter how much Chris wants them. That is definitely one hard line I will never cross. He can have my body, he can have my soul, but in no way will he get me to have his children.
So here I sit, packing and organising what I can while Chris tries to wrap up everything in his warehouse. Apparently the pick-up will be made tonight. Chris has been bouncing with happiness that we’re finally going to be able to live our dream. We just need to get through tonight, sort out the handing over of the warehouse and our flat, and then we can go.
All sounds perfect, right?
As I think about what we can have for dinner tonight, I check my phone for the millionth time, because for the millionth time I’m secretly hoping that Charlie will message me. Even if it were a simple “hello, how are you?” it would do. I really should not be surprised that nothing is there each time I do look, though. As he said, I made my choice. Despite all this, it still angers me that he never offered me an alternative. As selfish and quite frankly despicable it is of me to feel this way, I can’t help but feel the emotions that still run through me.
Tonight, I am super nervous. I am unsure of what’s causing my anxiety, but it has been building and building for several days. I have been trying to put it down to leaving my job and cutting things off with Charlie, but I don’t know… something doesn’t’t sit quite right with me.
That’s why when my phone starts ringing and I clock that it’s Chris calling, my anxiety grows. He calls, letting it ring once, and immediately hangs up, so I try to call him back when he rings me again.
“Chris, what’s wrong?” I immediately pick up on his heavy breathing.
“Fucking warehouse has been raided. I was in the middle of doing a deal when the fucking police raced in. We all fought back, but most of my guys are dead.”
My heart leaps into my mouth. “Oh, my God, are you hurt?”
After all the time we’ve spent planning this day, only for it to be ripped from us. I should be grateful, but after accepting my fate a couple of days ago, this fills me with nothing but dread.
What are we going to do now?
“I’m fine,” he replies, an angry breath leaving him. “I managed to escape and drive off before the police got me. But that’s not it, Bri. Just before it all went down, I got a phone call from Frosty.”
My breathing quickens as I listen intently for what he has to say. Frosty has been very amicable since Chris told him he was packing it all in and leaving, so I’m eager to know why he called him.
“Go on,” I urge, impatient to hear the rest.
“He got word a while back that there was an undercover police officer possibly investigating our activities, but he didn’t want to say anything until he had concrete evidence. Frosty got one of his best investigators on it, and it took him a while, but he eventually managed to find the arsehole. The moment he knew, he called me. But then all fucking hell broke loose the moment he told me.”
I hear a thumping sound as he lets out a growl. He’s driving and he’s angry. Two things that do not gel well together.
“I should have fucking known!” he curses. “I should have fucking seen it. All this time, I’ve been letting you go there every day, telling him fuck knows what…”
Wait… what? My head feels like it’s about to explode. “Chris, what are you saying?”
“Charlie fucking Cox, that’s what I’m saying. He wasn’t your boss, Bri. He never was. He was just using you to get intel on us. He’s the fucking undercover copper. And I’m heading right over there now to put a fucking bullet in his brain.”
Chris ends the call abruptly, and for a moment, I can’t move… I can’t even think. My brain is working overtime to process everything he’s just told me, but it’s not going in fast enough.
Charlie.
Undercover police officer.
My boss.
Not my boss.
Police officer.
Chris.
Chris and the warehouse.
Chris escaping and heading to kill Charlie.
“Shit!” I scream, my brain finally engaging. I take flight, grabbing my car keys before I flee down in the lift. I try to call Charlie, but every time it goes straight to voicemail.
“Shit, Charlie!” I curse, my mind and my heart whirling with the news. I have no idea why I’m trying to call him to warn him. He lied to me this whole time. Was any o
f it even real? Were we real? I then sigh. Of course, we weren’t real. I must be stupid to even contemplate it. He only slept with me to gain access to Chris.
Didn’t he?
None of it makes any sense as he never really asked me questions about Chris. He only asked about me. Only ever me.
Despite all that, I certainly don’t want to see him dead. Yes, he’s fucked up our plans to take everything and run—to live a comfortable life where we will hopefully never have to worry about money again, but I would never want his life ended for it.
I grip my chest. Shit, why does it hurt so bad?
I start the car up and frantically call Charlie again, but again it goes straight to voicemail. I need to drive now, so I have no other choice but to leave him a message.
“Charlie, it’s Bri. Chris is on his way to the shop to see you. Just… keep a look out, okay?”
I end the call, leaving it there and start the car. There’s no way I’m leaving a message to tell him he’s on his way to kill him. Charlie might use it against him if Chris ever gets caught by the police.
Police.
Shit, how in the hell did this happen? Who owns the antique store, if anyone? And if someone does own it, then how is it that they just let the police take it over all these months just to, what? Investigate Chris? The whole thing’s fucking insane!
With my mind scrambling for answers, I drive as fast as I am able to the shop, parking it where I normally would. It’s dark, and I can hardly see shit, but for now, I breathe a sigh of relief that I don’t spot Chris’s bike anywhere in the parking lot. I get out of the car and try the back entrance, but it’s locked. Sighing a frustrated breath, I run around to the front, my keys jangling in my hand when I spot Chris’s bike parked by the kerb and the shop’s door broken into. I rush forward, pushing the door open, where I find Chris standing in the middle of the shop, pointing a gun at Charlie. They both turn their heads towards me as I step in and shut the door behind me.
Tainted Love Page 24
