Jeremy shrugged and walked a little closer. “No, I guess we don’t. Saw you at church today. A little advice?”
“I’d rather you not give me advice, if you don’t mind. It wasn’t that long ago that you were running hard and fast from anything that had to do with Dawson.” Jackson grinned and avoided looking at Jeremy. “As a matter of fact, I remember a dozer aimed at this building.”
“Right, I guess you’ve got a point.”
“I guess I do.” He placed a nail and lifted the board that needed to be attached. “What would you do without me, anyway?”
“Oh, we’d manage.” Jeremy stepped closer and Jackson saw that his brother wasn’t smiling. “I’m just going to go ahead and say this.”
“Really?”
Jeremy nodded and for a second Jackson wondered if he was about to get punched. Jeremy smiled but his eyes were steel-hard in the evening light.
“Jackson, if that kid is yours, you’d better not leave her out in the cold.”
When an old dog got riled, he bristled. Jackson felt a lot like an old dog but Jeremy looked a little ahead of him, more prepared for a fight. He put the hammer down and took a step away from Jeremy. He got it. He knew why Jeremy would say something like that to him. Jeremy had spent most of his life feeling like baggage that got left on the side of the road.
“I think you know me better than that.” Jackson picked the hammer up again. He tapped the nail into place, and reached for another. “And you don’t really know a thing about this situation.”
“I know that everyone in town is talking about a kid showing up on your doorstep claiming to be yours and looking a lot like you.”
“People assume a lot, don’t they?”
“Maybe they do, but sometimes the facts point to the obvious answer.”
Jackson pushed a tarp out of the way and pulled a piece of plywood across the opening. “I’m really not going to have this discussion with you.”
Jeremy didn’t budge. He didn’t back down. “I guess it isn’t any of my business. And I guess I’m making it my business because she’s a kid and I know what it feels like to be that kid, wanting to be a part of a family.”
Jackson exhaled a whole lot of frustration. He finally looked at Jeremy, shaking his head and wishing he’d gone on home. Instead he’d come here thinking he could work alone, get his thoughts together and figure out what to do.
That’s what he got for thinking.
“She isn’t mine.”
Jeremy stared for a long minute and then looked up at the sky. When he zeroed in on Jackson, it felt pretty uncomfortable. Jackson’s attention focused on a closed fist and then on the hard stare.
“Really?”
Jackson picked up another board and nailed it to the frame of what would soon be the inn that turned Mary and Joseph away. For all eternity it would be the inn that turned away a baby, the son of God, the savior.
But the story would have changed if Jesus hadn’t been born in that manger, the humblest of circumstances. He might not go to church every Sunday but Jackson got that God always had a plan. Things came together for a reason.
A young girl had landed on his doorstep. For a reason?
“Jeremy, she isn’t mine. I know that she looks a lot like a Cooper and my name is on the birth certificate. But I’m about one hundred percent certain she isn’t mine.”
“‘About’?”
“I’m done with this conversation. I’m either going to finish the inn or knock you into the middle of next week. Which do you prefer, brother?”
Jeremy raised his hands and backed away. “You go right ahead and finish the inn.”
“Thank you, I will.” Jackson pounded another nail with Jeremy watching.
Of course he wouldn’t be quiet for long. Finally he cleared his throat and stepped forward again.
“She’s a cute kid and she seems pretty high on you.” Jeremy cleared his throat again. “As a matter of fact, she isn’t the only one who seems to really like you these days. Two women, is that a record?”
“It isn’t a record and you’re a piece of…”
Jeremy slapped him on the back, laughing loud. “Jackson, I’m the best thing that ever happened to you. I’m your brother.”
“I don’t know how you think that’s a good thing.”
Jeremy backed toward the door. “Well, I haven’t knocked you on your can yet. And I put up with you coming over here in the evening, making noise and bellowing like an angry bull.”
“I put up with you on Sundays and holidays.” More than that, but he wasn’t in the mood to be congenial.
“I’m going to give you a sweet little niece or nephew in about eight months.”
Jackson froze, holding the board, pretty amazed. “Seriously, you and Beth?”
“We’re having a baby.”
“Congratulations.” Jackson meant it, but today it didn’t come out as easily as it once would have. Today he could only think about the little girl who wasn’t his and the woman who had kissed him this afternoon, unsettling him, and changing his mind about a lot of things.
“Thanks. It’s going to be a big change for us.” Jeremy grinned and snorted a laugh. “At least we get to work up to it. No ‘surprise, it’s a teenager’ for us.”
“You’re a laugh a minute.”
“I try. Hey, it’s getting late and Beth will wonder where I am. Why don’t you head on home? We’ll get some more work done here on Wednesday.”
“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He slipped the hammer into the tool belt and stretched, groaning when the muscles between his shoulders protested. “I think it’s time to go home and put my feet up.”
“Let me know if I can do anything to help.” Jeremy walked out the door ahead of him.
“Yeah, I’ll do that.”
A few minutes later Jackson drove down the road, slowing as he got close to Madeline’s driveway. Every light in the house was on. A week ago he would have gone on by, wondering about her, maybe smiling.
Tonight he pulled in, parking behind her car.
It took her a few minutes to answer the door. He knocked a little louder, rethinking the decision to stop by. The puppy barked and Jade shouted, which meant he couldn’t leave now. He had to stand there, not quite sure of himself. He pushed his hat back and waited.
Who was he kidding? His mom said he’d been sure of himself since he turned three and managed to kiss Annie Butler on the cheek in the church nursery. He grinned, not that he remembered, but he liked that story. Even if Annie hadn’t ever dated him.
Commotion erupted inside the house. He peeked between the curtains and saw Jade race through the hall, the dog following her. Madeline yelled that she would get it and for Jade to get in the shower.
Wow, domestic. Family. Not at all what he had been thinking about. A book on the table and a coffee cup. Pictures on the walls. The smell of wood smoke filled the air. A cat hopped up on the porch and sat looking at him, licking its paw and blinking the way cats did.
The door opened a crack. Madeline peeked, sighed and opened the door the rest of the way.
“Why are you here?”
He shrugged. “Guess I felt like we have unfinished business.”
“Really? I think it’s all been said. Jackson, can’t you let a woman crawl off and hide without you chasing her down and making her remember that she made a fool of herself?”
He moved a little into the door. “You didn’t make a fool of yourself, so that isn’t why I’m here. And I’m afraid I do like to be the one who chases the woman.”
“So this is because…” Her cheeks turned pink. “Because I kissed you.”
“And hurt my male ego?” He smiled and then laughed. “It isn’t that at all. Why don’t you invite me in for a cup of tea? It’s cold out here.”
And he wasn’t a tea person. But he thought she probably was. He could hear water running and knew Jade would be out of the shower soon.
“Okay, tea.” Madeline led the way
through a house he’d been in hundreds of times in his life. His great-grandparents had lived here. His grandmother had grown up here.
Jackson took a seat at her tiny dining room table. A poinsettia graced the center. She’d put her Christmas tree in the corner of her little dining room. Jackson watched as she moved around the kitchen heating water, finding tea bags and placing cups on the counter.
After a minute he stood, because he couldn’t sit and watch her. He had to stand near her, watch her expressions, her serious brown eyes. He knew her story, but he wanted to know everything about her. He wanted her to share her dreams with him. He wanted to hear her laugh.
He’d dated a lot of women who talked nonstop, whose constant stories about themselves grated on his nerves. This woman didn’t talk enough.
“The other day when I was looking for information on Gloria Baker,” he said, leaning against the counter. Madeline kept her back to him. She poured steaming water in the two cups. “I searched your name.”
She nodded but still didn’t turn to look at him. “Okay.”
“I know what happened when you were a little girl.”
She poured hot water in the cups and didn’t look up. It took everything for him to stay in that spot, watching her, not moving toward her, not reaching for her hands that trembled, not putting an arm around her when she shivered.
He knew all the right moves. He’d spent his life studying women, figuring out how they ticked. He knew how to make them feel special. This time he didn’t know. Or maybe he did. Maybe standing there, letting her pull herself together, not reaching for her was the best move.
It was just a new page in his life. A new game plan.
“Why are you telling me this?” Her voice trembled but there were no tears.
“I’m telling you to explain that I didn’t pull away because of you. I pulled away because of who I am. I don’t want to be another person that hurts you. And let me tell you, I’m the guy who could. I’ve had plenty of angry messages on my answering machine. I’ve dated a lot of women and most of them are no longer in my life. A few still send me Christmas cards. Thirteen years ago one of those women put my name on a birth certificate as the father of her child. I’m keeping my distance because I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What did you learn about me?” She turned, handing him a cup of tea before walking away. He watched her take a seat at the oak dinette.
When he’d searched her name he hadn’t really expected to learn anything. He hadn’t expected to learn information that would change his life. Maybe hers.
“I guess I learned everything. Or at least the facts available on the internet. But there’s more to you than that story.”
“It isn’t something I share with many people, Jackson. It isn’t a great opening line. Hi, I was born and raised in a cult. My mom worshipped a man who convinced her that all of the women owed him their little girls.”
“You were a victim.”
She shrugged. “It’s my past. It changes how people think of you when they learn something like that. Doesn’t it?”
He moved to the seat across from her, carrying the cup of steaming tea in a tiny little cup that represented the woman staring up at him with liquid brown eyes and a soft smile that trembled and faded.
“I’m sorry.” What could he say? That he wanted to find that man and hurt him for what he’d done to her and countless other children. He didn’t need for her to share the story of a man who used little girls as objects, dividing them amongst his disciples, marrying them off at young ages after their innocence was already stolen from them. He didn’t want for her to have to tell him the story in her words. The story was on her face, in her eyes and hidden in her heart.
But she’d survived.
Her hands trembled as she sipped the tea. The cup clattered in the saucer when she set it on the table. He kept his hands on the porcelain cup of amber liquid, thinking it should make him calm, but it didn’t.
“You don’t have to be sorry.” She smiled up at him, brave, amazing. Too good for him. “Unless you mean you’re sorry for snooping.”
He laughed a little, surprised by her smile, her soft laughter. “I am sorry about that. I’m sorry if anyone ever treats you differently because of what you’ve been through. You are more than what happened to you in that place.”
“I know.” She sniffled a little and reached for a napkin in the basket on the table. “I get caught feeling blessed because I escaped with fewer scars than so many of the children. And then I feel guilty because I escaped. I owe Sara everything.”
“Your sister?”
Madeline nodded again. She held her cup of tea in both hands, not drinking it. He sipped his, waiting, not wanting to push.
“She took me to town. And then she disappeared. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”
“Your parents?”
“I don’t know who my real father is. My mother finds me and sends a Christmas or birthday card every year or so.” She glanced toward the hall, toward the bathroom where water still poured from the shower.
“Your mother is out of prison?”
She nodded. “Jackson, I’m glad I can help you with Jade, but you have to understand. I’ve spent years trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault.”
He held the cup of tea because he wanted to hit something. Or somebody.
“I’ve been numb. I’ve been afraid. And over the years, I’ve been happy with my life.” Her brown eyes twinkled. “Even when I sleep with the lights on.”
Jackson reached for her hands. He moved them from the cup and he held them in his. “I haven’t had a lot of experience with this, but I think I make a pretty good friend.”
She laughed at that. And laughed some more. When Jackson started to let go of her hands, she held tight until her laughter dissolved and she had to wipe her eyes.
“What’s so funny?”
She laughed again. “You, being a girl’s friend. The idea of it makes you turn a little red.” She touched her neck. “From here up.”
Footsteps in the hall meant they were about to have company. Laughter and the dog barking. Madeline smiled. “You have definitely unsettled my life. My neat little house is suddenly chaos, clutter and a Christmas movie come to life.”
“I hope that’s a good thing. I think we’ve both been a little unsettled this week.”
“More than a little.” Her eyes darted toward the door. Still no sign of Jade. “I think she’s not as happy as she pretends to be.”
“I think you’re right about that. I think she’s trying to pretend this is some great adventure.”
“We can’t run from life.”
“No, we can’t.” He stood, leaving the nearly empty tea cup on the table. Maybe he was a tea person after all. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She followed him to the door. He could still hear Jade and the dog. They were probably in the spare bedroom at the back of the house. It was probably better that she didn’t crash in on this conversation.
He knew Madeline’s story. She still didn’t know his. He thought that one was better saved for after the doctor’s appointment he’d made for the next day. A DNA test and a check-up.
“Jackson, thank you.” She stood on the front porch, hugging her sweater around her thin frame. The full moon captured her features, her big eyes and sweet smile.
“You’re welcome.” He leaned in, kissing her goodbye. An easy kiss on the cheek. “I’m getting very good at this.”
Her eyes narrowed. “At what?”
“Nothing.”
He tipped his hat to her and walked down off the porch, whistling a song and thinking that maybe self-control wasn’t such a bad thing. But she didn’t need to know that.
They were friends. He could give her a simple kiss on the cheek to tell her good-night, or an easy hug. He could be there for her, make her feel safe. Friendship.
Yeah, simple, easy, friendship.
He’d keep telling himself that.
Chapter Ten
Mondays were always hard for Madeline. The kids were fresh from the weekend, lots of energy, homework not done and attitudes definitely not in check. This Monday proved to be even more difficult. She couldn’t relax and the kids were bouncing off the walls. When she left at the end of the day she wanted nothing more than a long soak in the tub and a nice, easy dinner. Maybe takeout from the Mad Cow.
But halfway home she remembered Jade. She remembered Jackson. She remembered all the ways her life had changed in the last few days. And none of it had been her doing. A few weeks ago in their Sunday school class Clint Cameron had taught how God changed our lives to make more room for Him and His plan. She hadn’t really thought about it before. She’d made her own changes, such as buying a home, forcing herself to stay and not run.
God had brought other changes. She hadn’t thought about Jade or Jackson in that light. She’d thought about Jade on her doorstep as a mistaken address and bad directions.
What did any of this have to do with her? Maybe God wanted to use this situation to show her that she could open up to people. More specifically, that she could trust a man. Of all the men she should be expected to trust, God picked Jackson Cooper? Why not someone like James Wilkins, the nice teacher who had asked her to lunch on occasion?
Why not the very handsome coach from the Tulsa school where she’d taught?
She pulled up to her mailbox and pulled the mail out, shuffling through the letters, junk mail and an electric bill. Another card from her mother. She tossed the mail, all of it, on the seat next to her?
Why another card? Wasn’t one unopened card at Christmas enough? Didn’t the lack of a response tell her mother what she needed to know, that Madeline had no interest in a relationship with her?
Madeline pulled up her driveway and parked. She sat for a long time, not wanting to move. She wanted to run again. But she wouldn’t. She looked at her little house, now adorned with Christmas lights and two new motion lights.
People in Dawson cared. They wanted her in their lives. Jackson Cooper had installed security lights to make her feel safe. She had a church family and neighbors. She picked up her mother’s card but she wouldn’t open it, not yet.
The Cowboy's Holiday Blessing Page 10
