by Robin Hobb
"It is." I put the pot on the table with the bread and the cold meat, and Hap fell to as if he had not eaten for days. I made tea for us, and then sat across the table from my boy, watching him eat. Ravenous as he was, he still fed bits of his meat to the wolf beside his chair. And Nighteyes ate, not with appetite, but both to please the boy and for the sake of sharing meat with a pack member. When the fowl was down to bones with not even enough meat left to make soup, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. Then he leaned forward abruptly, his eager fingers tracing the charging buck on the tabletop. "This is beautiful! When did you learn to carve like this?"
"I didn't. An old friend came by and spent part of his visit decorating the cabin." I smiled to myself. "When you've a moment, take a look at the rain barrel."
"An old friend? I didn't think you had any save Starling."
He did not mean the observation to sting, but it did. His fingers traced again the emblem. Once, FitzChivalry Farseer had worn that charging buck as an embroidered crest. "Oh, I've a few. I just don't hear from them often."
"Ah. What about new friends? Did Jinna stop in on her way to Buckkeep?"
"She did. She left us a charm to make our garden grow better, as thanks for a night's shelter."
He gave me a sideways glance. "She stayed the night, then. She's nice, isn't she?"
"Yes, she is." He waited for me to say more but I refused. He ducked his head and tried to smother a grin in his hand. I reached across the table and cuffed him affectionately. He fended off the mock blow, then suddenly caught my hand in his. His grin ran away from his face to be replaced by anxiety. "Tom, Tom, what am I going to do? I thought it would be easy and it wasn't. And I was willing to work hard for a fair wage, and I was civil and put in a fair day, and still they all treated me poorly. What am I going to do? I can't live here at the edge of nowhere for all my life. I can't!"
"No. You can't." And in that moment I perceived two things. First, that my isolated lifestyle had ill prepared the boy to make his own way, and second, that this was what Chade must have felt when I had declared that I would not be an assassin anymore. It is strange to think that when you gave a boy what you thought was the best of yourself you actually crippled him. His frantic glance left me feeling small and shamed. I should have done better by him. I would do better by him. I heard myself speak the words before I even knew I had thought them. "I do have old friends at Buckkeep. I can borrow the money for your apprenticeship fee." My heart lurched at the thought of what form the interest on such a loan might take, but I steeled myself. I would go to Chade first, and if what he asked of me in return was too dear, I would seek out the Fool. It would not be easy to humbly ask to borrow money, but—"
"You'd do that? For me? But I'm not even really your son." Hap looked incredulous.
I gripped his hand. "I would do that. Because you're as close to a son as I'm ever likely to get."
"I'll help you pay the debt, I swear."
"No you won't. It will be my debt, taken on freely. I'll expect you to pay close attention to your master and devote yourself to learning your trade well."
"I will, Tom, I will. And I swear, in your old age, you shall lack for nothing." He spoke the words with the devout ardency of guileless youth. I took them as he intended them, and ignored the glowing amusement in Nighteyes' gaze.
See how edifying it is when someone sees you as tottering toward death?
I never said you were at your grave's edge.
No. You just treat me as if I were brittle as old chicken bones.
Aren't you?
No. My strength returns. Wait for the falling of the leaves and cooler weather. I'll be able to walk you until you drop. Just as I always have.
But what if I have to journey before then?
The wolf lowered his head to his outstretched forepaws with a sigh. And what if you jump for a buck's throat and miss? There's no point to worrying about it until it happens.
"Are you thinking what I am?" Hap anxiously broke the seeming silence of the room.
I met his worried gaze. "Perhaps. What were you thinking?"
He spoke hesitantly. "That the sooner you speak to your friends at Buckkeep, the sooner we will know what to expect for the winter."
I replied slowly. "Another winter here would not suit you, would it?"
"No." His natural honesty made him reply quickly. Then he softened it with, "It isn't that I don't like it here with you and Nighteyes. It's just that…" He floundered for a moment. "Have you ever felt as if you could actually feel time flowing away from you? As if life were passing you beyond you were caught in a backwater with the dead fish and old sticks?"
You can be the dead fish. I'll be the old stick. I ignored Nighteyes. "I seem to recall I've had such a feeling, a time or two." I glanced at Verity's incomplete map of the Six Duchies. I let out my breath and tried not to make it a sigh. "I'll set out as soon as possible."
"I could be ready by tomorrow morning. A good night's sleep and I'll be—"
"No." I cut him off firmly but kindly. I started to say that the people I must see, I must see alone. I caught myself before I could leave him wondering. Instead, I tipped a nod toward Nighteyes. "There are things here that will want looking after while I am gone. I leave them in your care."
Instantly he looked crestfallen, but to his credit he took a breath, squared his shoulders, and nodded.
Beside the table, Nighteyes rolled to his side, and then onto his back. Here's the dead wolf. Might as well bury him, all he's fit for is to lie about in a dusty yard and watch chickens he's not permitted to kill. He paddled his paws vaguely at the air. Idiot. The chickens are why I'm asking the boy to stay, not you.
Oh? So, if you woke up tomorrow and they were all dead, there would be no reason we could not set out together? You had better not, I warned him. He opened his mouth and let his tongue hang to one side. The boy smiled down at him fondly. "I always think he looks as if he's laughing when he does that,"
I didn't leave the next morning. I was up long before the boy was. I pulled out my good clothes, musty from disuse, and hung them out to air. The linen of the shirt had yellowed with age. It had been a gift from Starling, long ago. I think I had worn it once on the day she gave it to me. I looked at it ruefully, thinking that it would appall Chade and amuse the Fool. Well, like so many other things, it could not be helped.
There was also a box, built years ago and stored up in the rafters of my workshop. I wrestled it down, and opened it. Despite the oily rags that had wrapped it, Verity's sword was tarnished with disuse. I put on the belt and scabbard, noting that I'd have to punch a new notch in the belt for it to hang comfortably. I sucked in a breath and buckled it as it was. I wiped an oily rag down the blade, and then sheathed the sword at my hip. When I drew it, it weighed heavy in my hand, yet balanced as beautifully as ever. I debated the wisdom of wearing it. I'd feel a fool if someone recognized it and asked difficult questions. I would feel even stupider, however, if my throat were cut for lack of a weapon at my side.
I compromised by wrapping the jeweled grip with leather strips. The sheath itself was battered but serviceable. It looked appropriate to my station. I drew it again, and made a lunge, stretching muscles no longer accustomed to that reach. I resumed my stance and made a few cuts at the air.
Amusement. Better take an axe.
I don't have one anymore. Verity himself had given me this sword. But both he and Burrich had advised me that my style of fighting was more suited to the crudity of an axe than this graceful and elegant weapon. I tried another cut at the air. My mind remembered all Hod had taught me, but my body was having difficulty performing the moves.
You chop wood with one.
That's not a battle-axe. I'd look a fool carrying that about with me. I sheathed the sword and turned to look at him.
Nighteyes sat in the doorway of the workshop, his tail neatly curled about his feet. Amusement glinted in his dark eyes. He turned his head to stare innocently into the distance
. I think one of the chickens died in the night. Sad. Poor old thing. Death comes for all of us eventually.
He was lying, but he had the satisfaction of seeing me sheathe the sword and hurry to see if it were so. All six of my biddies clucked and dusted themselves in the sun. The rooster, perched on a fencepost, kept a watchful eye on his wives.
How odd. I would have sworn that fat white hen looked poorly yesterday. I'll just lie out here in the shade and keep an eye on her. He suited his actions to his thought, sprawling in the dappling shade of the birches while staring at the chickens intently. I ignored him and went back into the cabin.
I was boring a new hole in the sword belt when Hap woke up. He came sleepily to the table to watch me. He came awake when his eyes fell on the sword waiting in its sheath. "I've never seen that before."
"I've had it for a long time."
"I've never seen you wear it when we went to market. All you ever carried before was your sheath-knife."
"A trip to Buckkeep is a bit different from a trip to market." His question made me look at my own motives for taking the blade. When last I had seen Buckkeep, a number of people there wished me dead. If I encountered any of them and they recognized me, I wanted to be ready. "A city like that has a lot more rogues and scoundrels than a simple country market."
I finished boring the new belt notch and tried it on again. Better. I drew the sword and heard Hap's indrawn breath. Even with the handle wrapped in plain leather, there was no mistaking it for a cheap blade. This was a weapon created by a master.
"Can I try it?"
I nodded permission and he picked it up gingerly. He adjusted his grip for the heft of it, and then fell into an awkward imitation of a swordsman's stance. I had never taught Hap to fight. I wondered for an instant if that omission had been a bad decision. I had hoped he would never need the skills of a fighter. But not teaching them to him was no protection against someone challenging him.
Rather like refusing to teach Dutiful about the Skill.
I pushed that thought aside and said nothing as Hap swung the blade at the air. In a few moments he had tired himself. The hard muscles of a farm hand were not what a man used to swing a blade. The endurance to wield such a weapon demanded both training and constant practice. He set it down and looked at me without speaking.
"I'll be leaving for Buckkeep tomorrow morning at dawn. I still need to clean this blade, grease my boots, pack some clothing and food—"
"And cut your hair," Hap interjected quietly.
"Hm." I crossed the room and took out our small looking glass. Usually, when Starling came to visit me, she cut my hair for me. For a moment I stared at how long it had grown. Then, as I had not in years, I pulled it to the back of my head and fastened it into a warrior's tail. Hap looked at me with his brows raised, but said nothing about my martial aspect.
Long before dusk, I was ready to travel. I turned my attention to my small holding. I busied myself and the boy with making sure all would go well for him while I was gone. By the time we sat down to our evening meal, we were ahead on every chore I could think of. He promised he would keep the garden watered and harvest the rest of the peas. He would split the last of the firewood and stack it. I caught myself telling him things he knew, things he had known for years, and finally stopped my tongue. He smiled at my concerns.
"I survived on my own out on the roads, Tom. I'll be fine here at home. I only wish I were going with you."
"If all works out, when I return, we will make a trip to Buckkeep together."
Nighteyes sat up abruptly, pricking his ears. Horses.
I went to the door with the wolf at my side. A few moments later, the hoofbeats reached my ears. The animals were coming at a steady trot. I stepped to where I could see around the bend in our narrow lane, and glimpsed the horseman. It was not, as I had hoped, the Fool. This was a stranger. He rode a rangy roan horse and led another. Dust mottled the sweat streaks on his horse's withers. As I watched them come, a sense of foreboding rose in me. The wolf shared my trepidation. His hackles bristled down his spine and the deep growl that rose from him brought Hap to the door as well. "What is it?"
"I'm not sure. But it's no random wanderer or peddler."
At the sight of me, the stranger reined in his horse. He lifted a hand in greeting, then came forward more slowly. I saw both horses prick their ears at the scent of the wolf, and felt their anxiety as well as their eagerness for the water they could also smell.
"Are you lost, stranger?" I greeted the man from a safe distance.
He made no reply but rode closer to us. The wolf's growl reached a crescendo. The rider seemed unaware of the rising warning.
Wait, I bade him.
We stood our ground as the man rode closer. The horse he led was saddled and bridled. I wondered if he had lost a companion, or stolen it from someone.
"That's close enough," I warned him suddenly. "What do you seek here?"
He had been watching me intently. He did not pause at my words, but made a gesture at first his ears, and then his mouth as he rode closer. I held out a hand. "Stop there," I warned him, and he understood my motion and obeyed it. Without dismounting, he reached into a messenger's pouch that was slung across his chest. He drew out a scroll and proffered it to me.
Stay ready, I warned Nighteyes as I stepped forward to take it. Then I recognized the seal on it. In thick red wax, my own charging buck was imprinted. A different sort of trepidation swept through me. I stared at the missive in my hand, then with a gesture gave the deaf-mute permission to dismount. I took a breath and spoke to Hap with a steady voice. "Take him inside and provide him food and drink. The same for his horses. Please."
And to Nighteyes, Keep an eye on him, my brother, while I see what this scroll says.
Nighteyes ceased his rumbling growl at my thought, but followed the messenger very closely as a puzzled Hap gestured him toward our cabin. The weary horses stood where he had left them. A few moments later, Hap emerged to lead them off to water. Alone I stood in the dooryard and stared at the coiled scroll in my hand. I broke the seal at last and studied Chade's slanting letters in the fading daylight.
Dear Cousin, Family matters at home require your attention. Do not delay your return. You know I would not summon you thus unless the need was urgent.
The signature that followed this brief missive was indecipherable. It was not Chade's name. The real message had been in the seal itself. He never would have used it unless the need was urgent. I rerolled the scroll and looked up toward the sinking sun.
When I entered the house, the messenger stood up immediately. Still chewing, he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and indicated he was ready to leave at once. I suspected his orders from Chade had been very specific. There was no time to lose in sleep or rest for man or beast. I gestured him back to his food. I was glad my rucksack was already packed.
"I unsaddled the horses and wiped them down a bit," Hap told me as he came in the door. "They look as if they've come a long way today."
I took a breath. "Put their saddles back on. As soon as our friend has eaten, we'll be leaving."
For a moment, the boy was thunderstruck. Then he asked in a small voice, "Where are you going?"
I tried to make my smile convincing. "Buckkeep, lad. And faster than I expected." I considered the matter. There was no way to estimate when I might be back. Or even if I would come back. A missive like this from Chade would definitely mean danger of some kind. I was amazed at how easily I decided. "I want you and the wolf to follow at first light. Use the pony and cart, so if he gets weary, he can ride."
Hap stared at me as if I had gone mad. "What about the chickens? And the chores was to do while you were gone?"
"The chickens will have to fend for themselves. No. They wouldn't last a week before a weasel had them. Take them to Baylor. He'll feed and watch them for the sake of their eggs. Take a day or so, and close the house up tight. We may both be gone a while." I turned away from the incompreh
ension on Hap's face.
"But…" The fear in his voice made me turn back to him. He stared at me as if I were suddenly a stranger. "Where should I go when I get to Buckkeep Town? Will you meet me there?" I heard an echo of the abandoned boy in his voice.
I reached back in my memory fifteen years and tried to summon up the name of a decent inn. Before I could dredge one out, he hopefully put in, "I know where Jinna and her niece live. Jinna said I could find her there, when next I came to Buckkeep. Her house has a hedge-witch sign on it, a hand with lines on the palm. I could meet you there."
"That will be it, then."
Relief showed on his face. He knew where he was going. I was glad he had that security. I myself did not. But despite all my uneasiness, a strange elation filled me. Chade's old spell fell over me again. Secrets and adventures. I felt the wolf nudge against me.
A time of change. Then, gruffly: I could try to keep pace with the horses. Buckkeep is not so far.
I do not know what this means, my brother. And until I do, I would just as soon that you stayed by Hap's side.
Is that supposed to salve my pride?
No. It's supposed to ease my fears.
I will bring him safely to Buckkeep Town, then. But after that, I am at your side.
Of course. Always.
Before the sun kissed the horizon good night, I was mounted on the nondescript gray horse. Verity's disguised sword hung at my hip, and my pack was fastened tightly to the back of my saddle. I followed my silent companion as he hastened us down the road to Buckkeep.
