by Robin Hobb
I unfastened it from my throat and held it out to him. "You can take it and study it if you like. I'm not entirely sure I like wearing it. I think I'd rather know what people honestly think of me."
"Somehow I doubt that," he muttered, but he returned to take the charm from my hand. He held it out in the air between us, studied it, and then glanced at me. "Tuned to you?" he guessed.
I nodded.
"Intriguing. I would like to keep it, for a day or so. I promise not to take it apart. But after that, I think you should wear it. Always."
"I'll think about it," I promised, but felt no inclination to don it again.
"Chade wanted to see you as soon as you came in," he suddenly said, as if he had only then remembered it.
And there we had left it, and I felt that I was, if not excused, at least forgiven for going where I had no business being.
Now as I followed Chade through the narrow passageway, I asked him, "How was all this built? How can a labyrinth like this that winds all through the castle be kept secret?"
He carried a candle and walked before me. He spoke over his shoulder, softly. "Some was built into the bones of the keep. Our ancestors were never trusting folk. Part of it was intended as a system of bolt-holes. Some of it has always been used for spying. Some of it used to be servants' stairs, incorporated into the secret passages during a phase of intense reconstruction following a fire. And some was created deliberately, in your lifetime. When you were small, do you remember when Shrewd ordered that the hearth in the guardroom be rebuilt?"
"Vaguely. I did not pay much attention at the time."
"No one did. You may have noticed that a wooden facade was added to two walls."
"The cupboard wall? I thought it was built so that Cook had a bigger larder, one that kept rats out. It made the room smaller, but warmer as well."
"And above the cupboards, there is a passageway, and several viewing slits. Shrewd liked to know what his guards were thinking of him, what they feared, what they hoped."
"But the men who built it would have known of it."
"Different craftsmen were brought in to do different parts of the job. I myself added the viewing slits. If any of them thought it odd that the ceilings of the cupboards were so sturdily built, they said nothing. And here we are. Hush."
He lifted a tiny leather flap on the wall and peered into the revealed hole. After a moment, he whispered, "Come."
The silent door admitted us into a privy chamber. There we paused again, while Chade again peered through a peephole, then tapped lightly at the door. "Enter," Kettricken responded quietly.
I followed Chade into a small sitting room off the Queen's bedchamber. The connecting door to the bedchamber was closed and a bolt in place. The room was decorated sparsely in the Mountains' severe but restful way. Fat scented candles gave us light in the windowless chamber. The table and chairs were of bare pale wood. The woven mat on the floor and the wall hangings were made of grass worked into a scene of waterfalls tumbling down a mountainside. I recognized Kettricken's own handiwork. Other than that, the chamber was bare. All this I noticed peripherally, for my Queen stood in the center of the room.
She was waiting for us. She wore a simple gown of Buck blue, with a white and gold kirtle. Her gold hair was dressed close to her head, and crowned only with a simple band of silver. She was empty-handed. Another woman would have brought her needlework or had set out a platter of food, but not our Queen. She was waiting for us but I did not sense impatience or anxiety. I suspected she had been meditating, for an aura of stillness still clung to her. Our eyes met, and the small lines at the corners of her mouth and eyes seemed lies, for in the gaze we shared no time had passed at all. The courage I had always admired still shone there, and her self-discipline was like an armor she wore. Yet, "Oh, Fitz!" she cried low on seeing me, and in her voice there was warm welcome and relief.
I bowed low to her, and then sank on one knee. "My Queen!" I greeted her.
She stepped forward and touched my head, her hand a benediction. "Please rise," she said quietly. "You have been at my side through too many trials for me ever to want to see you on your knees before me. And as I recall, you once called me Kettricken."
"That was many years ago, my lady," I reminded her as I rose.
She took both my hands in hers. We were nearly of a height, and her blue eyes looked deep into mine. "Far too many, for which I fault you, FitzChivalry. But Chade told me, long ago, that you might choose solitude and rest for yourself. When you did, I did not begrudge it to you. You had sacrificed everything to your duty, and if solitude was the only reward you wished, then I was glad to grant it to you. Yet I confess I am more glad to see you return, especially at such a time of crisis."
"If you have need of me, then I am glad to be here," I replied, almost without reservations.
"I am saddened that you walk among the folk of Buckkeep, and none know what sacrifices you have made for them. You should have been accorded a hero's welcome. Instead, you walk unknown among them in the guise of a servant." Her earnest blue eyes searched my own.
I found myself smiling. "Perhaps I spent too long in the Mountains, where all know that the true ruler of that kingdom is the servant of all."
For a moment her blue eyes widened. Then the genuine smile that broke forth on her face was like the sun breaking through storm clouds, despite the sudden tears that stood in her eyes. "Oh, Fitz, to hear you say such words is balm to my heart. Truly, you have been Sacrifice for your people, and I admire you for it. But to hear from your lips that you understand that it has been your duty, and took satisfaction in that, brings me joy."
I did not think that was exactly what I had said, and yet I will not deny that her praise eased some of the ancient hurt in me. I pulled back from looking at that too closely.
"Dutiful," I said suddenly. "He is why I am here, and much pleasure as I take in this reunion, I would take even more in discovering what has become of him."
My Queen kept possession of one of my hands and held it tightly as she drew me toward the table. "Oh, you were ever my friend, even before I came as a stranger to this court. And now your heart goes with mine in this matter."
She drew a deep breath, and the fears and worries of a mother broke past the control in the monarch's voice as she said, "No matter how I dissemble before the court and it grieves me that I must deceive my own people this way my son is never out of my thoughts for a moment. FitzChivalry, I put the blame for this at my own feet, yet I do not know if my fault was too much discipline for him, or too little, or if I demanded too much of the prince and not enough of the boy, or—"
"My Queen, you cannot approach this problem from that direction. We must begin from where we are; no good will come of trying to apportion blame. I will tell you bluntly that in my brief time here, I have discovered nothing. Those whom I have questioned speak well of the Prince. No one has divulged to me that he was unhappy or discontented in any way."
"Then you think he was taken?" she broke in, This interruption was so uncharacteristic of Kettricken that I finally grasped the depth of her anguish. I drew out a chair for her, and as she sat, I looked down into her face and said with all the calm I could muster, "I do not think anything yet. I do not have enough facts to form an opinion."
At an impatient sign from her, both Chade and I were seated at the table. "But what of your Skill?" she demanded. "Does it tell you nothing of him? Chade told me that he suspected you and the boy were somehow linked in your dreams. I do not understand how that could be so, but if it is, surely it must tell you something. What has he dreamed these last few nights?"
"You will not like my answer, my Queen, any more than you liked my answer all those years ago when we searched for Verity. My talent now is as it was then: erratic and unreliable. From what Chade has told me, it is possible that I have occasionally shared a dream with Prince Dutiful. But if it is so, I was not cognizant of it at the time. Nor can I break into his dreams at will. If he has
dreamed these last few nights, he dreamed alone."
"Or perhaps he did not dream at all," Kettricken mourned. "Perhaps he is dead already, or tormented so that he cannot sleep and dream."
"My Queen, you imagine the worst, and when you do, your mind stops at the problem and does not consider the solution." Chade's voice was almost severe. Knowing how distraught he was over the boy's absence, his sternness surprised me, until I saw the Queen's reaction. Kettricken took strength from his firmness.
"Of course. You are right." She took a breath. "But what can our solution be? We have discovered nothing, and neither has FitzChivalry. You have counseled me to keep his disappearance a secret, lest we panic the people and precipitate rash decisions. But there have been no demands for ransom. Perhaps we should make public that the Prince is missing. Someone, somewhere, must know something. I think we must announce it and ask the people to help."
"Not yet," I heard myself say. "For you are right in saying that someone, somewhere, must know something. And if they are aware the Prince is absent from Buckkeep, and they have not come forward, then they have a reason. And I should like to know what it is."
"Then what do you suggest?" Kettricken demanded of me. "What is left to us?"
I knew it would chafe her, yet I still suggested it. "Give me a little more time. A day, at most two. Let me ask more questions and sniff about some more."
"But anything could have happened to him by then!"
"Anything could have happened to him by now," I pointed out levelly. I spoke calmly the cruel words. "Kettricken. If someone took him to kill him, they have done it by now. If they took him to use him, they are still awaiting our move in this game. If he ran away, then he may yet run home again. While we keep his absence a secret, the next move belongs to us. Let it be known, and others will make that move for us. You will have nobles tearing up the countryside, looking for him, and not all will have his best interests at heart. Some will want to 'rescue' him to curry favor, and others may think to seize a prize from another weasel's jaws."
She closed her eyes but nodded reluctantly to my words. When she spoke, her voice was strained. "But you know that time runs out for us. Chade has told you that an Outislander contingent comes to formalize Prince Dutiful's alliance? When they arrive a fortnight from now, I must be able to produce him or I risk not only embarrassment but also insult and an end to a carefully wrought truce that I hope to make an alliance."
"Bought with your son." The words leapt out of my mouth before I knew I had thought them.
She opened her eyes and gazed at me directly. "Yes. As the Mountain alliance with the Six Duchies was bought with me." She cocked her head at me. "Do you consider it a poor transaction?"
I deserved rebuke. I bowed my head to it. "No, my Queen. I think it was the best bargain that the Six Duchies ever made."
She nodded to my compliment and a faint blush rosed her cheeks. "I shall listen to your counsel, Fitz. Two more days will we seek Dutiful on our own, before we reveal his absence to our people. In those days, we will use every means at our disposal to discover what may have become of him. Chade has opened to you the concealed maze within the walls of Buckkeep. I little like what it says of us, that we furtively spy on our own folk, but I grant the freedom of it to you, FitzChivalry. I know you will not abuse it. Use it as seems wise to you."
"Thank you, my Queen," I replied awkwardly. I did not truly welcome this gift, the access to every lord's and lady's small and grubby flaws. I did not glance at Chade. What had it cost him to be privy not just to the massive secrets of the throne, but the dirty and shameful sins of the folk of the keep? What vices had he inadvertently witnessed, what painful shortcomings had he glimpsed, and how did he meet the eyes of those folk every day in the broad and well-lit chambers of the keep?
"…and whatever you must do."
My mind had been wandering, but my Queen was looking at me, waiting. I made the only possible response. "Yes, my Queen."
She gave a great sigh as if she had feared my refusal. Or as if she dreaded what she next must say. "Then do so, FitzChivalry, ever friend. I would not spend you this way if it could be avoided. Safeguard your health. Be wary of the drugs and herbs, for as thorough as your old master is, no translation should ever be absolutely trusted." She took a breath, then added in a different tone, "If either Chade or I press you too hard, tell us so. Your head must stand guard against my mother's heart. Do not… do not let me shame myself in this, by asking more of you than you can…" Her voice trailed away. I think she trusted me to take her meaning. She drew another breath. She turned her head and looked away from me, as if that would keep me from knowing that tears stood in her eyes. "You will begin tonight?" she asked in an unnaturally high voice.
I knew what I had just agreed to. I knew then that I stood at the lip of the abyss.
I flung myself off into it. "Yes, my Queen."
How shall I describe that long climb up the stairs to the tower? Chade led the way through the secret places of the keep and I followed his uncertain lamplight. Dread and anticipation warred inside me. I felt I had left my stomach far behind me, and yet I longed for him to hurry up the steps. Excitement coursed through me as we approached that indulgence so long denied to me. My hopes and focus should have been on recovering the Prince, but the prospect of drowning myself in Skill dominated all my thoughts. It terrified and tantalized me. My skin felt taut and alive, and my senses seemed to strain against the confines of my flesh. Music seemed to move through the air at the edges of my hearing.
Chade triggered the door's opening, and then gestured for me to precede him. As I edged past him, he observed, "You look nervous as a bridegroom, boy."
I cleared my throat. "It seems strange to rush headlong into that which I have tried to school myself to avoid."
He shut the door behind us as I glanced about the room. A small fire burned on the grate. Even in the height of summer, the thick stone walls of the keep seemed to whisper a chill into the room. Verity's sword leaned up against the hearth where I had left it, but someone had removed the leather on the hilt. "You recognized Verity's blade," I observed.
"How could I not? I am glad you kept it safe."
I laughed. "More like, it kept me safe. Well. What exactly do you propose?"
"I suggest you make yourself comfortable and that you attempt to Skill out after the Prince. That is all."
I looked around for a place to sit. Not on the hearthstones. Yet, as it ever had been, there was only one comfortable chair near the fire. "And the drugs and herbs the Queen mentioned?"
Chade gave me a sidelong glance. I thought I detected some wariness in the look. "I do not think we will need them. She refers to several scrolls within the Skill collection. There are teas and tinctures that are suggested for Skill students who seem to have difficulty attaining a receptive state. We had considered using them on Prince Dutiful but had decided to postpone it until we were sure they are necessary."
"Galen never used any herbs when he was instructing us." I brought a tall stool from the workbench and set it opposite Chade's chair. I perched on it. He settled in his chair, but then had to look up at me. I suspect it annoyed him. He sounded peevish when he spoke.
"Galen never used any herbs when he was instructing you. Did you never suspect that perhaps the others in your Skill coterie received special attentions that you were not privy to? I did. Of course, we will never be certain of that."
I shrugged my shoulders to that. What else could I do? It was years ago and they were all dead, several of them at my hands. What did it matter now? But the thoughts had stirred my old aversion to the Skill. From anticipation, I had shifted suddenly to dread. I changed the subject. "Did you find out for me who gave the cat to the Prince?"
Chade looked startled at my abrupt shift. "I yes, of course. Lady Bresinga of Galeton and her son Civil. It was a birthday gift. The cat was presented to him in a little jeweled harness with a leash. The animal was about two years old, a long-legged st
ripy creature with a rather flat face and a tail as long as the rest of it. I understand those cats cannot be bred, that a kitten must be taken from a wild den before its eyes have opened if anything is to be made of it. It is an exotic coursing animal, suited to solitary hunting. The Prince took to it immediately."
"Who took the kitten from the den?" I asked.
"I have no idea. Their Huntsman, I imagine."
"Did the cat like the Prince?"
Chade frowned. "I had not really concerned myself with that. As I recall, they approached the dais, with Lady Bresinga holding the end of the cat's leash and her son actually carrying the animal. It seemed almost dazed by all the light and noise of the festivities. I wondered myself if they had drugged it lest it panic and struggle to escape. But when they had made their courtesies to the Prince, the lady put the end of the leash in his hand and Civil, her son, set the cat at Dutiful's feet."
"Did it try to get away? Did it test the leash?"
"No. As I said, it seemed quite calm, almost unnaturally so. I believe it looked at the Prince for a time, and then bumped its head against his knee." Chade's eyes had gone distant, and I saw his trained mind recalling the scene in detail. "He reached down to stroke it, and it cowered away. Then it sniffed his hand. Then it did this strange thing, opening its mouth wide and breathing near his hand, as if it could taste his scent from the air. After that, it seemed to accept him. It rubbed its head up and down his leg, just as a little cat does. When a servant tried to lead it away, it would not go, so it was allowed to remain near the Prince's chair for the rest of the evening. He seemed very well pleased with it."
"How soon did he begin hunting it?"
"I believe he and Civil took it out the next day. Civil and the Prince are nearly of an age, and the Prince was eager to try the cat, as any boy would be. Civil and his mother stayed on at court the rest of the week, and I think that Civil and the Prince took out the cat every morning. It was his chance to learn how to hunt with it, you see, from people familiar with the sport."
