by Bijou Hunter
“Are you okay?” Jared asks Christine.
Her blue eyes remain frozen as we all stare at her staring at him.
“Great job, Dad. Your raw animal magnetism broke her,” Journey says, patting his shoulder.
I take Christine’s hand and pull her away from the front door and down the hall to her bedroom. Once she’s shoved into the bedroom with the door shut, I return to where Jared stands confused.
“Who’s Tina?” I ask.
“Is your mom all right?”
“She was going on a date, and you showed up and scared him off.”
Jared glances at Poppy, who is now curled up on the floor watching TV with Thelma.
“I didn’t know about the date.”
“Are you okay with that?” Journey asks.
Shoving his hands in his pockets like a disinterested kid, he says, “Your mom is free to do what she wants.”
“Because you’re busy banging a chick named Tina?” I demand. “Who is the hussy? Will she be our new mom? Is she hotter than our first mom? Should I be throwing a bigger fit than I currently am?”
“You and I need to talk about Court.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Fine. What was the subject?”
“Your whore Tina.”
Jared crosses his arms, mimicking a silent Journey. “How did you know about her?”
“Everyone in the entire town told me.”
“Your mom heard, huh?”
“Who?”
Journey senses I’m losing control of the conversation and steps between Jared and me. “Mom’s date came out of left field, and my younger sisters might have overreacted. Sorry that you got involved. If you’d like to share info with us about your slut, we’d love to hear it, but we also understand if you’re shy about the tawdry details.”
“Shy,” I snort.
A frowning Jared glances between us. “I sometimes forget how you two gang up on people.”
Giving him a dark glare, I struggle not to laugh. “Is that your way of saying you’d like to keep private the disgusting details of your sordid sex life with the hussy Tina?”
“Tina is a friend I occasionally spend the night with.”
Journey cocks a bushy eyebrow. “A friend with benefits arrangement, huh?”
“Do you love her?” I ask.
Jared laughs. “You’re so weird.”
“What’s your point?”
“So who’s the guy Christine was going out with?” Jared asks, glancing at her door.
“His name is Rick, and he smells immaculate.”
“Rick, huh?”
“Are you jealous?” Journey asks, and I realize she’s in the mood to cause some serious trouble. The world is likely shuddering in horror with this knowledge. “Do you still have feelings for Mom?”
“I haven’t spoken to her in over fifteen years, so I can’t answer that.”
I mosey closer and nudge Jared. “Did you notice how she’s still super hot? Mom looks better at nearly fifty than Journey does now.”
Jared doesn’t respond to my comment, likely fearing Journey’s wrath. The fact is we all know Mom’s the hottest member of our family.
“I’m a little confused why I’m here. Did you only want me to scare off Christine’s date? Couldn’t one of you do that? That one,” Jared says, gesturing toward Poppy “is terrifying.”
“Thank you,” she replies, never looking away from the TV.
“We didn’t request your assistance,” I remind him.
“Should I leave?”
“Or stay and tell us more about Tina.”
“She and I hook up when I have needs. We’re friends, but she hooks up with other guys too.”
“Do you hook up with other hussies?”
“No.”
“Do you wear a condom when hooking up or does your dick ooze green now?”
“Condoms, ma’am. Thanks for watching out for me.”
Sharing his grin, I shrug. “Well, I didn’t know what your sex education was like growing up. After all, you knocked up Christine twice.”
“On purpose both times.”
“Even with Journey?”
My sister takes a swipe at me before walking into the kitchen. “Would you like a drink, Dad?”
“No, I should probably head out so your mom can think again.”
Jared turns to leave but catches sight of the family photos on one of the walls. He walks over and smiles at the images of Journey and me in our youth.
“Look at my girls,” he murmurs while staring at a picture of us in the pool with Christine.
“There are pictures of us with you in the hallway,” Journey offers.
“In the hall at my place too,” he says.
We share a nostalgic moment ruined by how none of us are nostalgic people. I wish Jared would stay, so we could all hang out. Unfortunately, Christine will never settle down as long as he’s in the house. After he finishes looking over the photos, Jared walks back outside where we hug him goodbye.
“That went well,” Journey says as we watch him disappear down the road.
“Do you think he could ditch Tina and Mom could ditch Hair Gel and then they could live happily ever after?”
“How old are you?” Journey asks, giving me a sideways frown. “No, scratch that. I know the answer, so just grow up. Our parents are fully functioning adults, and they’re perfectly capable of running their lives. Leave it alone.”
Journey walks into the house while I remain outside. I want to stay out here for a long time and get pensive. I’d like to imagine a world where I get everything I want and people always bow to my will. In the real world, though, mosquitoes call the shots, and I must flee their blood thirst by running into the house.
Even the best-laid plans…
8 Black Sheep
Justice
My big ideas about our second date don’t pan out. Right off, I notice Court’s in a strange mood. He still holds my hand as we walk into TR’s Jug. When I tease him by asking if this restaurant is another testing location for his dates, he gives me a half-grin and says nothing.
Soon, I wonder if he’s fallen so hard for me that his brain is permanently damaged. Is this how he’ll be from now on? Considering how much I talk, his silence shouldn’t be too big of a problem.
We sit across from each other in the booth like on our first date. I consider sliding in next to him and feeling up his hot body during our meal, but his mood forces me to chicken out. I look over the menu, set it aside, and then pick it up again. I’m not a solitary person. I crave feedback. A head nod. An eye roll. An annoyed sigh. SOMETHING!
Court offers only silence. Plus, he studies the menu as if he’s never been to the restaurant before in his entire life despite nearly every person here saying hello to him. Hot damn, even the cook leans out of the kitchen and waves at him.
I decide to order something super fattening because Court’s silence leaves me unfulfilled. Apparently, if I’m ever forced into a life alone, I’ll end up weighing three hundred pounds. Man, I can’t even imagine how many great meals I’ll enjoy on my way to that weight.
After we order, I get bored of daydreaming about a joyfully fat version of me. Instead, I stare at Court, who scratches at his stubbled jaw as if he’s suffering from a bad case of grumpy lice.
“Do you like Tumbling Rock?” I ask him when he’s quiet for too long.
Court focuses on me and nods. “It’s where I live.”
“Did you suffer a brain injury in the last twenty-four hours?”
“No,” he grumbles.
“Why are you acting like a queef? Should I storm out? Is that what you want? Well, no luck there, buddy. I’m staying put because I’m hungry, and you’re paying for my meal. So just forget about getting out of enduring me for at least an hour.”
“I’m sorry. I haven’t been on a date in a while. Also, what the hell is a queef?”
“I called you a vaginal fart. As for your long stre
tch of loneliness, that’s weird. I totally heard you went on a date yesterday with a super-hot chick with minty breath and a great smile and a semi-curvy body.”
“I meant besides you.”
“What’s the bug up your ass? Perhaps I can assist you in digging it out.”
“I got into it with Becca yesterday, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, because rude silence is way better,” I say, dramatically throwing up my hands.
Court smiles grudgingly. “She doesn’t take care of Felix or her other kids. Their grandmother can’t do it alone, and Becca freaks out if I talk about getting custody of Felix.”
“Freaks out how?”
“Screaming. Crying. Threats of violence. Threats of suicide. More crying.”
“When my sister Poppy first started getting her period, she was so over the top with her hormones that we locked her in a cage during the heavy days. Have you considered this kind of tough love with Becca?”
“I don’t have a cage,” he says, fighting a grin.
“Do you really think she’ll hurt herself or Felix?”
“No, but I’m not great with crying women.”
“Hmm, good to know.”
“I’m sorry I was a queef.”
“You should be. I’ve been super nice to you.”
“Yes, you have. I like when you kicked me under the table a few minutes ago.”
“That was an accident. I mean, I meant to do it, but not in real life. I was imagining doing it and my foot jumped the gun.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you wanting me to pay attention to you.”
“No, in fact, there’s really nothing wrong with anything I do.”
Court laughs. “What do you want out of Tumbling Rock?”
“I don’t know. I came here because Christine wanted to. Despite my independent spirit, I’m a sheep who follows my mother everywhere.”
Court reaches across the table and caresses my knuckles. “Do you ever think about getting a place of your own?”
“No. One day, Journey will move out once she finds a baby daddy and pops one out. Poppy will probably run away to join the circus. I plan to stick around until Mom dies and I can claim the place for myself.”
“What if you find a baby daddy?”
“I don’t want kids.”
Court frowns as if I’ve queefed all over him. I smile at the thought of me trying to do such a thing. With my lack of balance, I don’t see the attempt ending well.
“What about you?” I ask when he says nothing.
“I have a kid. Remember?”
“I know. Do you like him?”
“Yeah.”
“What if he thinks I stink or he accuses me of stealing his lunch money or something? Will you stop dating me?”
“No, unless you actually try to steal his lunch money.”
“I’m not a thief,” I say, patting his hand. “Despite what my sisters say.”
“Are you messing with me?”
“A little bit. I want to make sure you don’t have a terrible temper.”
“I don’t hit women, children, or the elderly.”
“What if an old lady attacked you with a knife? Would you let her turn you into a jack-o-lantern?”
“Yeah. As a way to die, that one seems fairly memorable.”
“I’d pop her upside the head with my purse and then run away. I figure an old person wouldn’t be able to catch up. Of course, she could be one of those super fit old people, and I’d end up getting tired, and she’d carve me up anyway.”
“You enjoy thinking out your hypothetical situations, don’t you?”
“Sure. Like do you think you’d die in a zombie apocalypse?”
“No,” he instantly says, clearly having planned out his survival.
“I would, and I’d die fairly quickly. I can’t fight or use weapons. I talk too loud, and I’m horrible at hiding. Plus, I always have to pee when I’m scared. If it were a fast zombie situation, I’d be dead in five minutes. So remember me when you survive to the end, will ya, Court?”
“I’ll remember you every night.”
Grinning, I scoot around excitedly in the booth. “What would I be doing when you remember me?”
“Well, you’re a feisty chick, and I’d guess you enjoy running around naked a lot.”
“I really do. So what do I do besides run around?”
“You’re very affectionate.”
“With my hands, mouth or other stuff?”
“Do I have to choose?”
Leaning back in the booth, I sigh. “I like that idea. Zombies rule the Earth, and you’re alone in the dark with fantasies of me being naked and generous. That’s a Hallmark moment right there.”
“Do you like fishing?” he suddenly asks.
“I don’t know. Is it the most exciting activity ever? If the answer is yes, then, yeah, I’d probably like it.”
“I want to take you fishing.”
“I want to take you miniature golfing. I like to see how a man handles having his ass handed to him by a girl.”
“We’ll do my thing first and then your thing.”
“Is this how you’ll be in the bedroom?” I ask, crossing my arms. “I sense I might end up unsatisfied a lot.”
“Trust me, Justice,” he says, running his fingers over my arms and nearly grazing booby territory. “You’ll never go to bed unsatisfied. That’s a guarantee.”
“I’m really into the idea of you doing things to me tonight. What are your thoughts on that?”
Court studies me for way too frigging long. I mean, what could he possibly be thinking about in his hunky man head? Having access to my naked body should be a done deal.
“We fish first.”
“Why?”
“It’s a test.”
“Ugh, I refuse to cook the damn thing. I’ll tell you that right now.”
“No cooking and you don’t have to touch the fish.”
“So if I fail, you’ll say no to all this?” I ask, gesturing to my small B-cups sized boobs.
“Jared is my friend and mentor. I don’t want to do anything with you that I can’t undo.”
Court’s totally lying. I’m not sure how I know, but I sense he isn’t sharing the real reason we’re fishing before fucking.
“I’m going to assume that makes sense to you. Just know that I’ve been untouched for a long time. If you jerk me around for too long, I’ll move on to someone new.”
“That horny, huh?” he asks as a rolling laugh escapes his sexy lips.
“You can never know.”
“No, I probably can’t.”
“In all seriousness, are you, you know, clean? I mean, there’s no harm in you slipping your hot dog into random chicks around town, but I want to make sure you won’t slip anything gross to me.”
“I wouldn’t do a woman wrong,” he says, winking at me.
“You’re a real sweetie, eh?”
Court’s smile gives me a weird vibe. I sense he’s feeling arrogant about doing something not so cute. I also sense he’s uneasy about me knowing what he did. A whole lot of conflicting emotions pass over his gorgeous face before he clears his throat.
“We can go fishing this weekend. One of the club guys lets me take his rowboat out to fish with Felix.”
“Is this fishing test something you’ve pulled with other chicks?”
“No.”
“I’m special then?” I say, adjusting in the booth. “Sounds about right. Now I don’t have to touch the bait, do I? My lab partner in school always touched the worms in science class.”
“Did you mooch off her?” he teases.
“Just with the experiments. I took all the notes. I also taught her how to divide. The chick got multiplication, but division made her queef her panties.”
“How different is Indianapolis from Tumbling Rock. You know, besides the size?”
“It’s greener here. This entire state is nothing but giant frigging trees.”
“Do you miss your friends?”
“No. Once we all graduated, everyone started forgetting each other. They got jobs, got married, had kids, got fired, got divorced, and lost custody. Lots of drama.”
“I’m still friends with the guy I hung with through school. Chucky is my roommate now.”
“Chucky?” I ask, sighing. “Poor bastard.”
“It’s a nickname. His real name is Neil, but he looks like the Chucky doll, so the club guys started calling him that.”
“How in the world is that better? Do you call fat people, Lard Ass?”
“Actually, we have a guy who goes by Tubbs.”
“Does my dad have a fun nickname?”
“Yeah, they called him Stache, but he wouldn’t respond to it.”
“Our dog is the same way with his name.”
Court grins. “They call me Boy Scout because I used to walk around in my goofy outfit.”
“Can I call you that?”
“No.”
“Can I give you an obscene nickname or do you worry Felix might hear and be scarred forever?”
“Felix has seen some shit. I wouldn’t worry about offending him with a bad word or two.”
“Cool shit. So I can fucking cuss in fucking front of your fucking kid then?”
“I really need to be careful with you.”
“Or just let it all hang out and roll with whatever happens. I’m not your kid, and I don't need any life lessons. I’m all grown up, and this is as mature as I’ll likely get.”
Court leans forward and smiles. “It gets hot out there on the water. Make sure to dress accordingly.”
“So mostly naked then?”
Still smiling, he taps the table and says nothing. I take his reaction as a yes.
“See isn’t this better than you moping around like a stinky queef?”
“Yeah, but I don’t hang with people who want the truth. The club guys want their egos fed. Women around here cry at the drop of a hat. So I keep shit inside.”
“That’s not healthy. It’ll make you constipated. Based on my former step-father’s whining, not being able to take a dump can be extremely frustrating.”
“True, but don’t expect me to get touchy-feely with you anytime soon. A lifetime of conditioning doesn't change overnight, even for a pretty girl.”
