by Cassie Mae
Quiet Star Wars music starts playing. The first person to walk down is a little girl—I think Sierra said it was her cousin—and she’s dressed as the sweetest little Jedi ever. She throws out flowers that match the ones in Zoe’s hair, and lots of cameras go off, along with “awww”s.
Next are the groomsmen, each with a bridesmaid on their arm. The guy with Ariana is in full out Darth Maul makeup, and looks freaking scary to be honest. The horns on his head reflect the light saber glow, and his teeth are really white. Even if I knew who he was, I never would be able to tell. I scoot a little toward Adam without really thinking about it.
Levi would look scary too if I didn’t know him. And if he wasn’t looking at Sierra like she’s the most fascinating thing on this earth. Sierra’s pinned Leia buns have tiny braids in them, and instead of wearing white, she’s wearing a silver gown with a sewn in belt. It actually looks pretty hot, and Jolie lets out an audible, “Gorgeous!” as she snaps a picture of the couple. If only my brother wasn’t wearing a bald head.
The music turns up, Star Wars theme blaring across the hall now, and the audience stands. Everyone turns on their light sabers as Zoe makes her way around the corner, clutching the massive arm of her dad, who is dressed as Darth Vader—without the mask. Jolie’s capturing it all, and it’s entertaining as heck. But the looks Zoe and Zak share also scream that it’s romantic as heck, too.
Wookie man runs the ceremony, and he starts it off by growling to the sky, making the entire congregation laugh. Then he gets serious and blah blah this, romantic stuff that, and Zak and Zoe say vows in some weird language that is neither Star Wars nor X-Men, so I don’t know what the heck that was about. But they share the most adorable kiss after—not that I’ve witnessed many kisses—but he kisses the apples of her cheeks first, then her lips. I can’t help but think that would probably feel so awesome. To be loved like that.
We all turn on our light sabers again when they walk down the aisle. Adam leans over me, and asks, “You’re still planning on sweeping me off my feet, right?”
And I nod, batting away those butterflies wreaking havoc in my belly.
Chapter 24
Welcome to the Reality Check
“I call first dance with my little sis.”
“I’m not little.”
“See what I put up with?” Levi hooks his finger in the sleeve of my white blouse and pulls me from the dining table. He’s abandoned the bald head, his blond hair gelled into this messy style he rarely has time to do. After the wedding party all posed for pics, he stripped that thing as fast as he could.
Adam, Sierra, and Jolie all laugh behind us while Levi pulls me to the dance floor. He whips me around, and we start a simple box-step.
“I don’t know when I’m coming home,” I say, not even trying to keep the smugness out of my voice.
He gasps. “I just want to dance with you.”
“Sure you do.”
He twirls me out, and since I’ve done this maybe twice my whole life, I stumble and trip my way back to him.
“Where’s Mom?” he asks.
“Was she invited?”
He nods. “The whole family was. Thought maybe she’d come with you.”
“Sorry.”
His hand twitches against mine. “You ever going to come home?”
Knew it. I drop my eyes to our feet. The logical side of my brain tells me I can’t hide forever. Most of my friends are leaving come September. Not only that, but… I miss being home. I need to face Mom. I need to tell her how I feel. Not walk out, but like, actually say how I feel.
My gaze flicks back up. “You ever going to leave?”
He twirls me out again, making me fumble all over myself.
“I want to,” he says when I slide back into his arms. “But I…”
“Can’t afford it.”
The music changes, and I wonder if I should hand him over to Sierra, but he keeps dancing with me.
“I actually had a place picked out.”
“Yeah?”
“The rent’s manageable, and it’s pretty close to the theater. And I applied for some grants to do night school at the community college.”
“That’s where Sierra’s headed too, right?”
He nods.
“Um, then if the rent is good, why can’t you afford it?”
His blond hair waves over his forehead, and he blows it back into place. “That damn security deposit. Before I move in, they want that and first month’s rent. And well, Mom hasn’t found a job yet. I can’t just—”
“Yes, you can.” I snap in front of his eyes so he looks at me. “You should.”
“I can’t.”
My heart hurts watching his face. I want to yell at him or smack him or something, but I’ve done that before, and it just makes things worse. Instead, I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder. My brother who does everything for me, for our family, deserves to do something for him.
“Please stop putting your life on hold because of us.”
I feel his lips go up in a smirk as he settles his head on top of mine. “You guys are my life.”
He’s so stubborn. All of us are really. We’re so fun at family reunions.
The music turns again, this time to an upbeat number. Jolie and Sierra join us, doing the robot, then gangnam style. We make absolute idiots of ourselves, but Jolie’s actually pretty good. A kind of big guy with dark hair, wearing a blue button-up and a yellow tie asks if he can have the next dance with her, and she blushes like crazy as she agrees. Then she and Sierra squeal so loud I’m surprised my eardrums don’t rupture.
The lights flicker, and the music changes again to a slower song. Levi takes Sierra and Jolie goes to find her guy. I’m sweaty and gross, so I race to the table to find a napkin to wipe my pits with.
Terri and Mr. Silver are sipping on their champagne and talking about Terri’s costume she was wearing earlier. Mr. Silver looks like he will be permanently flushed for as long as he dates this woman. Every time she smiles or laughs, his ears go up in smoke, and the freckles stand out along his nose.
“Where’s Adam?” I ask as I sit. Terri hands me a glass of water.
“Zak spurted off something very technical, and he ran off to help.”
My shoulders slump. I was hoping for at least one dance with him tonight. Even though the thought of touching him sends twisty turny boogie dancing butterflies amok in my mid-region.
“He should be back soon, hun,” Terri says, and I quickly make my face impassive. My gosh, I think my outer shell is starting to crack.
Jolie runs over, grabs my water, and quickly swigs half of it. Her neck is a bright crimson red, her bangs a little matted and sweaty against her forehead. And she’s smiling ear-to-ear when she sets the glass back on the table. “Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to sit at Ren’s table.”
“Ren…?” I ask, nodding to her dancing date. He’s currently shuffling his feet and talking to himself under his breath.
“Is that okay?”
She fixes the loose curls on the back of her neck, excitedly biting down on her bottom lip. I fake a sigh.
“If you must.”
She lets out an “eep!” and squeezes my hand before taking her name card and purse and speed-walking back to nervous guy. He’s actually pretty cute for her.
Mr. Silver and Terri must’ve gotten up to dance or something because when I turn back around, they aren’t at the table. I get myself a refill and wipe Jolie’s lipstick off the side of the glass before tilting it back. I catch Adam’s red-brown hair through the water.
“Hey,” he says, whipping his jacket from the back of his chair. His hand digs in one of the pockets, and I hear his keys jangle when he pulls them out.
“Are… are you leaving?”
He nods, glasses sliding down a centimeter or two on his nose. “Just for a minute. Zak can’t get the light show to work for the cake cutting ceremony, and I left the backup program on my computer.”
I
shoot to my feet. “Can I go with you?”
Half his mouth quirks up. “If you can run in those things.” He nods to my heels.
Giving him a sly look, I slip my shoes off and bolt to the parking lot. His arms wrap around my middle when he catches up. I wonder if he can feel the chaos ensuing under his fingertips.
He twists me toward his Geo, and we race again. I have the upper hand till I step on a rock from hell itself and stop to curse at the damn thing and pull it from my heel. “Thwarted by loose gravel!”
Adam’s laughter makes my heart tumble through my body like it’s on a bungee cord. He crouches down so I can climb on his back, and even though we’ve done this before, my body boils to an unsafe degree when I get so close to him.
“Did you try the dark side cheese appetizers?” he asks two minutes into our drive.
“That was cheese? It looked like stringy snot!”
“I think it was supposed to.” He chuckles and turns onto the highway. Adam’s never been much of a speeder, but he is tonight. “Tasted amazing though.”
“I’ll try to snag one when we get back.”
I reach into his glove box for the adapter, and he hands me his iPod. After scrolling through everything, I put on one of his favorite mixes.
“We don’t have to listen to this,” he says when the first song starts playing. “I know you’re not a fan.”
“You’re not a fan of my music, but you listen to it anyway.” I kick my feet up on the dash, holding my skirt so I don’t flash anyone who happens to look through the windshield.
“Hmm… that’s true.” He gives me a wide grin, then cranks it up and starts singing. Really badly. I’d punch and tickle him if he wasn’t driving.
We turn off the highway and get to Adam’s house in I swear record breaking time. The house is dark, all except Adam’s room since he left his light on. I hop and skip to the porch, careful to avoid all devil rocks with my bare feet.
Adam hits every light on the way upstairs, and I stifle my giggles while he tells me to shut up about his fear of the dark.
The screensaver on his PC is a bunch of pictures of us at Cineplex 17 when Levi got promoted. Sierra threw a big party for him, and we had a movie marathon. That was the first time I fell asleep on Adam. Can’t believe how many times that’s happened since, and I didn’t realize I was able to because I trust him.
“Okay,” Adam says more to himself than me as he clicks the mouse. “Computer, programs, Zak’s stuff, cake cutting… Hey, would you hand me that flash drive on my nightstand?”
I locate the thing and slip it into his open hand. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I hold tight for way longer than is normal. Long enough his eyes move from the computer to our hands to my face, and I smile like a huge, major, I-can’t-believe-my-brain-isn’t-functioning doofus, and I finally let go.
He clears his throat, and I notice his hand shakes so much it takes him three times to get the flash drive into its slot.
“All right…” he says to himself again. “Now, upload file…”
He leans back, rubbing the back of his head.
“How long will it take?” I ask.
“Few minutes.” Our eyes connect briefly and a whopping 600 pound sumo wrestler does a belly flop somewhere inside me. The whole room seems to shift, and I take a step forward, not thinking about it at all… until he dives around me and I end up falling right into his rolly chair.
“Um… Be right back,” he says, stumbling a little as he walks backward to the hall. “I think I drank an entire pitcher of water by myself.”
I wave him off, twisting in the desk chair as if I totally meant to sit down and not… do whatever my body wanted to do two seconds ago.
As soon as I hear the bathroom door click, I dive into his desk drawer for gum. And I instantly regret it.
The big packet stuffed on top has a large sticker on it that says WELCOME TO MASSACHUTES INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY. My breath comes out wobbly, and I know I shouldn’t look, but I’m looking anyway, hands sliding out the contents. My stomach falls out with it.
Dear Adam Silver,
We are pleased you are interested in our early internship program for advanced study engineering. Below you’ll find a schedule, medical forms, and federal aid information. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have. We look forward to seeing you this June!
Chapter 25
Wow.
Early internship.
Early.
June early. Next freaking month!
I look at the post date. March. He’s had two whole months to tell me about this…
My breath whooshes out of me in a panic. I try to tell myself this was inevitable. He was going to leave anyway. What does it matter that it’s now sooner than September?
But it does matter. Time slams down on my back, and it feels like everything I want to say to him won’t get said before he’s gone. And the fact he never told me about this doesn’t help the words come out, because I’m mad. Beyond mad. I’m so pissed I want to shove the computer off his desk and destroy his room like a psycho.
Something buzzes in my ears, and I don’t hear Adam when he walks in the room, but I sense he’s there, right behind me. My breath is still steaming from my nose, lips pursed as I control all the curses I want to chuck his way.
“Whoa,” he says when he catches my face in the middle of its conniption. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I clip, and try to maneuver around him, but he grabs my upper arms. Even pissed, a wave of butterflies zap around my stomach.
He waits for me to give in. A million excuses not to say anything flit through my brain. We’re in a hurry. Zak is waiting on us. We need to get back. I can’t get into this right now.
“Is it Jay?” he asks, and I’m so far past Jay I end up snorting a dismissive laugh.
“We broke up, Adam. So no, it’s definitely not him.”
“Broke up? When?”
I wiggle in his arms. He loosens his hold but doesn’t go far. This isn’t about Jay. I don’t want to tell Adam it’s him I have a problem with right now. I also hate myself for wasting so much freaking time, for realizing things way too late, and for being so effing stupid for pushing away reality.
“You didn’t tell me you applied for an internship.” The truth slips through my teeth despite not wanting to talk about it, and Adam’s face drains of color.
“I… I didn’t think I’d get it.”
I pfft at him and shrug completely out of his hold. “You did though. You got the letter in March. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugs. His fingers twitch at his sides. Suddenly the carpet is more interesting than my face, and something completely fractures in my chest and drops into my gut.
“Well, that’s cool,” I spit out, not meaning any of the words.
“I don’t know if I’ll—”
“Of course you’ll go.” Because he will. He should. Even though I don’t want him to. Even though it kills me to think he’ll be so far away, and I have no internet. My phone has stupid limits. “You should go. It’s great, Adam.”
His eyebrow rises. I know I sound like it’s anything but great, but I can’t keep my voice steady. It’s coming out louder, sharper, and I have to blink a few hundred times to keep the water building in my eyes at bay.
“So go,” I say, not even pretending to smile about it. “Hell, why not move tomorrow? Get a feel for the place.”
“Brea…”
“I’ll even help you pack,” I snap, trying to slide around him to his drawers. I’ve lost my freaking mind. “This is actually great for me, you know? Now I can take your damn job with no guilt. In fact, I’ll call Pegs tomorrow.”
“Stop, I’m sorry—”
“About what? Not telling me? It’s not like we’re friends or anything. Not like you’re my best friend. Not like you give a shit that I’m stuck here with failing grades while you have a million choices of schools in your drawer.” I wave my hand
at all those acceptance letters in his desk.
“When was I supposed to bring it up, Brea?” Now he’s getting mad. “It’s a sensitive subject, and you’ve been on edge lately.”
“How about when I left you that message? You know, the one you’ve said nothing about. The one that took so much out of me to actually admit and you completely ignored.”
“What was I supposed to say?” He tosses his hands up, runs them over his head, and pulls at his hair. “That I’ll miss you too? That I hope a piece of you does go with me because I can’t even think about the distance between us. It’s hard to let those words out. Especially since you have… or had a boyfriend.”
“What does that matter?”
He rolls his eyes. Like I’m stupid. My hands fly to his chest and shove.
“Just go, then! Leave right now.” Obscenities drop from my lips, completely out of my control. Every time my hands make contact with his chest makes me feel better and worse all at once. He lets me beat him, scream, and I don’t even know what I’m saying. I know I’m saying everything I don’t mean. That he needs to get out of here, he needs to leave me alone, that we can’t talk anymore, and we shouldn’t hang out because there’s no point. And during the middle of my cursing, my shouting, his arms catch me mid-shove. He pulls me into him, my fingers fist into his button-up, and I drop my forehead against his warm chest.
“You can’t leave me,” I croak into the material. “What am I going to do without my best friend?” My fists tighten, leaving starburst marks in his shirt. His hand runs over my back, up and down. “I love you. I need you to stay, but you can’t stay. I know you can’t and it hurts.” I pound my head against his chest. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He loosens his hold on me, and I step back to compose myself, but my hands won’t let go of his shirt. Like they don’t want him to get too far away. My voice leaves my throat. I’ve screamed it to oblivion. Adam steps into me, and I stumble back into his desk. His hands move to mine, gripping my fists as I grip the white fabric of his shirt. I blink past the blur to his face, so close that I feel a wave of warmth rush through my neck and cheeks.
