by Lizzy Ford
“That’s twisted. I don’t need protection.”
“You have bodyguards. Don’t you wonder why?”
“To keep the media away.”
“Right.” Ari rolls her eyes. “Daddy won’t tell me anything, but I know there’s something else going on. There has to be.”
“That makes no sense.” I looked around. I still imagine my attackers stalking me, hiding out in bushes and shadows to kill me or beat me into not testifying. My step slows, and I begin to think sneaking out is a bad idea.
I hate this doubt. It’s always there, always makes me afraid of every situation.
“Oh, did you look at the link I sent you this morning?” Ari asks. “You and Jenna are in the news.”
“No. My phone was off. It’s why I was late.”
“You turned your phone off? Is this another secret? You promised you wouldn’t -”
“It’s not a secret,” I tell her. “I just…I don’t know.”
“You went weird again?”
“I guess. I’ve been really stressed and I don’t want to see anything about Daddy disowning me or throwing me out in the press.”
The coffee is kicking in but I’m pissed for a different reason. Chris does know more than he’s told me. If what Ari’s dad believes is true, then the police are trying to keep tabs on me. I had the feeling before that something was up, but I figured it wasn’t anything I needed to know, or Chris would tell me.
Chris only tells me what I need to know. I should understand that by now.
Ari’s car is parked about a mile from school in a crappy neighborhood. Her pristine car stands out in the neighborhood, and we climb in.
“I couldn’t get a key to go into your apartment building, but I can show you where it’s at. Maybe we can sweet talk our way in,” Ari says.
“Unless your dad’s staff tells him and he figures out we skipped school.”
“Oh. Good call. We’ll just drive by and go get some coffee.”
With morning traffic, it takes an hour to get to the small town in northern Virginia where the all-too-familiar courthouse and her dad’s building are located. I’m used to living in a suburb. The drive seems excessive to me, and I wonder why Chris chose this place and not somewhere closer to the house.
“This is it.” Ari slows. We peer out at the building.
It’s modern and new, with a glass front, probably about twenty stories high. It appears imposing and unfriendly, not the kind of place I’d choose to live. There’s a security guard out front and a single entrance. The windows are too dark to see in.
“He rents out condos to ambassadors while they’re waiting for their houses, celebrities, basically anyone important who comes to town,” Ari says. “I’ve never been in, but I know it’s really nice.”
Ari’s dad owns some of the largest security contract firms in the world. I’ve never thought about what that means. The building looks like a compound that could stand up to a nuclear bomb. While Daddy has always been openly friendly with Ari’s dad, he’s also privately called Mr. Stevens a mercenary who sells his services to whoever will buy them.
I think that’s another reason why Ari and I became friends. I’ve been rebelling against my father since I was a child.
She parks illegally in front of the building, ignoring the guy behind us who honks. We stare up at the concrete-glass structure.
“It’s …” I have no idea what to say.
“Scary?” she asks. “It kinda is. But it’s safe. Daddy says it’s the most secure building in or around DC, and there’s a bunker in the basement.”
“It does look safe,” I agree. I take down the address and type it into my phone notes. Do I really need to live in a fortress? Or is Chris being overprotective again?
Then again, when I think about all the media members stalking me, I wonder if there shouldn’t be at least two security guards in front of the apartment building.
“Now for coffee!” Ari says cheerfully.
We drive around for a little while, exploring the area. There’s not much else in this part of the town, except for the county seat offices, the county courthouse, and other professional buildings. I’m somewhat glad to see I’ll be next to the police station where Dom works.
I take note of the address of the nearest coffee place, too, and follow Ari inside. We order our large cappuccinos and sit down in a far corner, away from the windows and door.
“You’ll have coffee nearby, and a few takeout places,” she says, folding her legs beneath her on the fluffy chair.
“This sucks,” I say moodily.
“Maybe my dad will let me move into an apartment here, too.”
“I wish.” I’m hurting again. I want so bad to have a daddy who loves me as much as Ari’s dad loves her.
“Are you upset?” she asks in a hushed voice.
I nod and sip my drink. “I know Daddy’s never seen me the same way he does Molly. But he’s throwing me out. He said I was selfish. He thinks I’m betraying the family.”
“You know that’s just the politics talking.”
“No, Ari, it’s not. He really doesn’t love me.” My voice catches. “He wants me out, so I don’t ruin his chances of reelection. When I was a martyr, he loved me.”
“You can’t look at it that way, Mia. He’s paying for the apartment, the bodyguards, everything.”
Dr. Thompkins would say these are Daddy’s limitations in showing how he cares for me. I’m not buying it, though, not this time. He’s buying me off or maybe, giving the appearance of caring to anyone who looks at the situation, while truly just covering his ass.
“Chris has been a better father,” I admit. “I never liked him before all this, but he believes in what I’m doing, Ari. He said no matter what, he’ll see this case through for me.”
“Even if your dad objects?”
“Obviously. I mean, Daddy wanted me to drop it. I’m sure he told Chris to make that happen. Chris is helping me instead.”
“I never liked Chris either, until now,” Ari says. “I’m really happy you have him. Dad says even he wouldn’t take on Chris in court.”
That makes me feel better. I don’t know Ari’s dad well, but I know he’s not afraid of anything, even the war zones he routinely flies into to check on his security contracts. I’m resigned to the next few months being awful, especially once the court stuff starts.
“Dom’s station is basically next door,” Ari adds, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
“Again, Ari?” I roll my eyes at her.
“He’s freakin' hawt, Mia! I was joking before, then I met him. Good god! I so –”
“We’re having coffee Saturday morning,” I mumble into my cup, knowing I have to tell her sometime.
Her mouth drops open. I don’t know why she’s so shocked – she’s been trying to get me to admit I like Dom since shortly after the incident.
“Just him. And me. And coffee,” I say at her surprised quiet. “Just as friends.”
And then I blush.
7
“Wait, what?” Ari exclaims. “Coffee? With him?”
I shrug.
Her eyes widen. “I knew it. You wouldn’t have his name in your phone otherwise!”
“Thanks for diming me out to him, Ari!” I retort, glaring at her. “He heard you say that in the car.”
“You might not be alone for long then.” She smiles and blinks her eyes innocently.
“Oh, no, nothing like that,” I say quickly. “Just coffee. That’s it.”
“Whatever.”
Okay, so maybe I see why me saying whatever in that tone rankles Dom, because I’m about to kill Ari.
“We played basketball yesterday,” I confess. “It was fun. I figure he’s a nice guy, so I asked him to coffee.”
“You played ball without me?”
“At community service. Unless you want to come with me?”
She shakes her head. “Please tell me you won.”
“No. He’s pretty ath
letic.”
“Did you use our magic tricks and hip check him and steal his rebounds?”
“Of course,” I reply proudly. “I almost knocked him down three times!”
“So you let him touch you.”
“It wasn’t touching. It was basketball,” I say, confused.
“You flinch every time I touch you, since the incident.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yeah, you do. I bet you didn’t flinch for him.”
I stare at her, thinking hard. I remember trying not to flinch a couple of times when Ari hugs me, but it’s not because I think she’ll hurt me. It’s instinctive now when it never was before. I’m jumpy since the incident. Loud sounds, too many people, anyone who so much as brushes by me. I startle easily.
“I don’t think so, Ari,” I say at last. “I mean, I don’t remember flinching when you touch me. I don’t remember not flinching when he does.”
“Fine,” she snaps and sighs. “Do you like being around him?”
“You know I do.”
“I do now!”
“Whatever, Ari. I can’t handle anything serious with anyone. It’ll be years before I can. You keep trying to make something out of this.”
“Can’t make something out of nothing.”
I ignore her and drink my coffee. She eventually gives up, and we talk about sneaking back onto campus in time for lunch.
Our plan goes as we hoped, and we re-enter school and head to the cafeteria. We’re still talking about my new place – and who I should hire to decorate it – when the bell rings to signal the five minute warning before the next class. I leave her at her locker and go to my next class. The teachers don’t bother asking me why I’m late or where I’ve been. I’ve been in and out of school too often for them to assume anything other than I was dealing with the press or DA.
Today is soccer practice after school. I think about what Ari said, that I shouldn’t leave school. I spend the next period texting Ari before I work up the nerve to text Chris.
I’m not leaving school, I tell Chris.
Interesting. I figured you’d wanted to. Convince me why you should stay, he responds.
I want to strangle him and wait until the next class to answer. I’ve never been good at speaking carefully. I decide to try to reason with him in a way he might respect instead of just going off on him. He may technically work for me, but even I understand he’s in charge. He’s an attorney, which means he probably appreciates an intelligent debate. I don’t like to explain myself, because I don’t like to express my feelings in the first place let alone leave myself exposed for someone else to judge me.
I need to keep busy, or I’ll go crazy. I can’t be locked up all day and night in a fortress. I can’t stand that much time alone with my head. It seems like a weak answer to me, but it’s the truth. I don’t think he’s gonna fall for it and slump in my seat. Half the period passes before Chris responds.
Agreed. It might be better for you to stay in school. It’s your choice.
While surprised, I still want to strangle him. Does this mean I’ll have more of a say in controlling my own life? Was he serious about me being free?
I take a deep breath, uncertain what to think. Chris is pretty much the only thing standing between me and Daddy. I’d like to think I can handle my own life, but the truth is – right now – I can’t.
Thanks. I tell him. For everything.
I text Ari to let her know I’m staying in school, then recall I haven’t told Dom where to meet for coffee Saturday morning. I send him the address and time.
Got it.
For once, I wish he’d be a little bit wordier. Does he want to come? Did I read him wrong? Am I pressuring him into something? Am I pressuring myself into something?
I’m confused and edgy again.
I run my ass off at soccer, pushing myself harder than I have to date. It makes the coach happy and earns me another jealous look from Jenna, who’s a better runner and is normally way ahead of me. Today, she barely beats me. We face off after one set of wind sprints, and the coach shouts at us to back off each other.
I guess he’s heard about the cheer practice incidents. Jenna and I both back down as ordered, and the practice goes peacefully.
Ari leaves fast after, late for a date with Benji, and I sit on the bench near my locker. I’m in no hurry to go home tonight. Chris texted and said – since I’m not leaving my day-to-day activities – he’s rescheduled my community service until tomorrow and Dr. Thompkins is coming tonight to talk about me fighting again.
I don’t want to see Dr. Thompkins. I don’t want to hear about how Daddy does care, and the rape isn’t my fault. I’ve been good for a few weeks, but I’m tired of it. I need a break from everything.
The locker room clears out, and I’m still sitting. Grudgingly, I pull off my sneakers and socks and slide my feet into sandals.
“I didn’t get dumped this summer.”
I look up, surprised to see someone else in the locker room. Jenna’s arms are crossed, and her face is red.
“I don’t care,” I say. The last thing I need is more fuel for Daddy, Dr. Thompkins and Chris.
Jenna spins away and goes to her locker. I have no idea what’s wrong with her or why she’s even talking to me. We’re under orders from the administrator not to get within ten feet of one another, unless we’re in practice.
She’s slamming around her locker. I glance towards her. Tall and gorgeous, Jenna is what I’ve always wanted to look like. She’s slender and willowy with exotic features displaying her mother’s oriental background. Her daddy is a retired ambassador, her mother from a wealthy Chinese family.
I have no idea what her deal is. I grab my stuff and close my locker, wanting to leave before we fight again.
“Mia.”
I stop at her voice. Okay, so maybe I will be going home with another black eye. I give up. I’ll never be able to live the way Chris wants me to. I’ll never be that perfect child Daddy wants. Because I’m about thirty seconds from hitting her before she punches me first.
“There’s a reason why I didn’t go on vacation with Benji this summer.”
At first, I think I’ve imagined the words. I face Jenna. She’s standing about fifteen feet away, arms crossed. Her dark gaze is stormy.
“Okay. So what?” I ask. “Why should I care?”
“What happened to you …” she pauses and clears her throat, “also happened to me.”
It takes a moment for her words to reach my brain. Jenna’s face is red, and she’s staring at the floor.
“You were raped?” I whisper.
She nods.
I want to demand to know if she’s serious or just messing with me, since she knows my bestie is dating her ex-boyfriend. I stare at her. Her flush deepens, and she turns away, muttering,
“Never mind.” Her hands are shaking as she fumbles for her purse. Embarrassed, she hurries towards the exit.
The pain in her gaze makes me feel sick and melts my suspicion.
“Wait, Jenna!” I call.
She stops and hunches her shoulders, the way I have many times before. I don’t know what to say, but I need to say something.
“Did you tell anyone?” I ask.
“I went to the hospital but left when they said they’d call the police.”
“Why did you tell me?”
There’s a long pause. “I don’t know what to do.”
“So all those things you said to me…” I murmur, starting to understand she’s always angry for the same reason I am.
“I was upset. Then you came forward against … against him. I thought …”
“You might want to, too?” I supply as her voice cracks and fades. “Wait, Jenna, who hurt you?”
She shakes her head.
“Jenna, if it’s Benji, you have to tell me. Ari’s dating him now!”
“Will you help me?” she asks, looking at me.
“Help you do what?”
&nb
sp; “I want to report it. My father is a lot like yours. But I can’t …”
“I know,” I say softly. “You can’t live with feeling like you do.”
She nods.
“Yes, I’ll help you.” I think for a long moment. “We can go now. My car’s waiting. The press is used to seeing me go places like the police station. If you’re with me, they won’t be suspicious.”
She hesitates. I see the same fear I often feel cross her face, and I hate it. I hate that anyone can make either of us feel this way.
“Okay,” she says grudgingly.
“It’s not easy, Jenna. It’s been hell.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for awhile. I’m scared but I respect that you did it, even with all the press and stuff. I think that’s why I kept picking fights with you. I’ve been so angry with you.”
“I thought I was picking fights with you.”
She offers a small smile.
The idea someone like Jenna is inspired by watching my whole life fall to pieces makes me want to both laugh and cry.
“Was it Benji?” I ask again.
She looks down and hugs herself. She nods.
I feel cold inside. I wonder now why he invited me to his birthday party. I can’t help thinking he kept asking me out for a different reason. I don’t know what to think.
Then I think of Ari.
“Come on. We’ll go now,” I say.
She hesitates. I feel furious. I whip out my phone and text Ari.
DO NOT go out with Benji tonight. Trust me. We’ll talk in the morning, I type.
8
We climb in my waiting car and make it through the throngs of media. Jenna is silent and still, staring out the window. I text Dom.
One of my friends needs to report a crime. What do I do?
His response is quick. Kiesha is in the office. I’ll text you her number.
I tell the driver where to take us, and we start the long drive towards the station.
U ok? Dom texts a few minutes later.
I smile. Yeah. She came forward because I did.
Ari sends me a flurry of texts demanding to know if I’m okay and what’s going on. I glance at Jenna, not wanting to tell Ari over text about the situation. I assure her I’m okay and tell her just to trust me. I know she’s cursing me, but she finally agrees and complains about how I’m keeping secrets.
