“Money isn’t an issue,” I told him. “Being older than dirt has its benefits.”
His shoulders relaxed. “Then why don’t you have a place to live?”
“I’ve never been in one place this long.”
He nodded like he understood. “My place is sitting there empty. I’m still paying rent because of the lease. It isn’t much, but it’s warmer than the woods.”
“You’re offering your home to me?”
He shrugged. “My home is with Heven.”
I nodded slowly. He was right. It was better than the woods. “Okay, thanks. I’ll take over the rent.”
He shook his head adamantly. “No. My lease. My rent. You’ve done more than enough for us. This is my way of thanking you.”
I dipped my head. Rejecting his offer would be insulting. “Thank you.”
“There’s a key taped to the roof of the building. Something tells me it won’t be a problem for you to get it.”
I laughed. “I think I can manage.”
“Thanks, Gemma. What you said before, about heaven… It helps.”
I nodded.
“And, um, I’m sorry about the view.” He grinned and then he was shifting, shedding his skin for a coat of black fur, and shooting off into the trees, the darkness all but eating him up.
I stood there for a while, just listening to nothing and replaying our conversation in my mind. Something in my pocket vibrated. I pulled out my phone for the second time and looked at the screen. New voicemail.
It was from Cole, from earlier, but it was just now coming through. I hit the buttons and brought the phone to my ear. The sound of his voice made my heart beat a little faster.
“We need to talk, Gems. Call me.” It was all he said before cutting the connection.
My finger hovered over the delete button, knowing I should just erase the message and pretend I never got it.
I couldn’t do that.
I couldn’t call him back, either. Talking wouldn’t change things. Talking only made things harder.
I shoved the phone back into my pocket, all the while telling myself it was for the best.
* * *
Sam’s place was pretty nice for a guy. It was small and dated, but it was clean, and I wondered if that had more to do with Heven than Sam. The bed was made, the floors were clean, and the fridge was empty except for a few bottles of water. I stood in the center of the silent, darkened room and decided that maybe staying here wouldn’t be so bad. At least it was warm and private. I dropped the small bag I’d retrieved from the tree I liked to sleep in onto the sofa and unzipped it. I rifled through the contents of everything I owned and pulled out a long, navy, scoop-neck T-shirt and clean panties. Then I took a long, hot shower, appreciating the fact that this bathroom had good soap and shampoo (likely courtesy of Heven too) and it wasn’t a public place (like a gym) so no one else would be entering the room.
When I finished showering, I dressed in the T-shirt and quickly braided my damp hair in a single braid that hung down my back. I glanced over at the bed, knowing a few hours of sleep would be a good idea, but found myself wandering over to the chair where I’d hung my coat. I reached into the inside pocket and pulled out my phone, hitting a button and lighting up the screen. There were no missed calls.
I carried the phone over to the bed, pulling down the blankets and slipping in. I lay on my side, pulling my knees slightly up toward my chest and pillowing my head on one of my arms. A few taps on the screen of the phone and I had Cole’s voicemail pulled up. I sat there for a few minutes just staring at his name before playing the message I’d already heard.
His voice filled the tiny apartment. It was slightly tense and slightly angry, but I enjoyed hearing it all the same. It was over in seconds and I laid the phone next to me and watched it until the screen went dark and his name was out of sight. I closed my eyes and sighed. That old saying “out of sight, out of mind” wasn’t true because Cole was still very much on my mind.
I didn’t sleep long, waking in the room with only a hint of light from the window by the front door. I didn’t require much sleep and knew there was no use staying in bed, so I got up and stretched. When I bent down toward my toes, I almost expected my wings to fold around me and the softness of the feathers to tickle my skin. It caught me off guard, and a feeling of longing swept over me, but I quickly brushed it away. Even after all this time, I would occasionally forget—just for a second—that I had fallen and my beautiful wings were gone.
I blamed Cole. Seeing him last night had stirred up my feelings, brought what I tried to bury deepest closer to the surface. He affected me like no one ever before.
And I blamed Sam. All that talk about heaven and its beauty and peace, it made me remember where I came from.
I smiled. Blaming men made me feel a little better. My stomach rumbled and I figured since I was going to be staying here, I might as well get some groceries and supplies. It’d been a long time since I stayed anywhere that I could cook.
I stepped into a pair of jeans, tucked in the front part of my shirt, pulled on my boots, and zipped my coat around myself. Before leaving, I grabbed my phone and some cash out of my bag and closed the apartment door behind me. Instead of flashing myself to the nearest store, I decided to walk, enjoying the crisp morning air. A few blocks later, I came to a coffee house that I knew Heven often went to so I decided to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel before heading to the grocery store. I was about half a block away when the door to the place swung open, the strong aroma of coffee drifting out into the street, and I took a deep breath. It smelled so good.
But my enjoyment was short-lived because right after the scent came two people. Cole. And Kimber. I froze, not wanting them to see me but unable to move. Cole held the door until Kimber was completely out of the café. She had both her hands wrapped around a paper cup with a black lid. He let go of the door as she lifted the cup to her lips, taking a small sip. I heard her make a sound of appreciation and Cole’s lips pulled back into a smile. He said something to her, but I didn’t hear what it was, and she smiled. He was wearing dark jeans, a pair of brown boots, and a jacket with a number on it, a number I assumed was his for football.
The pair walked across the street where Cole’s truck was parked at the curb. He opened the driver’s side and Kimber climbed in, sliding all the way over, and then he jumped in and slammed the door behind him. I watched as he pulled away from the curb and drove off down the street. Someone bumped into me, but I barely heard their apology as I started moving again.
He seemed happy. His happiness should make me happy.
It didn’t.
* * *
I didn’t expect to hear the knock on the front door so when it sounded, I stood there for long moments, wondering what to do.
Answer the door, dummy, the voice in my head intoned.
I set down the knife I was using to chop vegetables and made the few steps to the door. The only person it could be was Sam, probably stopping by to see how I was liking his place. I swung the door open, smiling, and said, “You don’t have to knock, you know…” But my words dropped away when I saw it wasn’t Sam.
“Good, next time I’ll just let myself in,” Cole said, smiling.
“I thought you were Sam,” I said, gripping the handle a little tighter than I had to.
He nodded. “Does that mean I can’t come in?”
His hair was slightly damp and it was messier than usual, sticking up like he’d been running his hands through it. He was wearing the same jeans and coat from this morning, and he was clutching a set of keys in his hand. He didn’t wait for me to answer but slid past me and stepped in the apartment so there was nothing left for me to do but close the door behind us.
When I turned around he was stripping off his jacket to reveal a snug-fitting long-sleeved red T-shirt. I tried not to stare at the muscles in his back as he tossed the coat on the back of the couch.
“Are you cooking?” he said, looking into th
e tiny kitchen.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked.
“Sam told me at school today.”
Of course he did.
“I figured since you didn’t call me back I’d stop by,” he replied, going over to the kitchen to lift the lid of the pot on the stove. “I’m starving.”
I walked into the space and shooed him away from the pot to use my spoon to stir the pasta sauce. Then I grabbed a plate off the counter and heaped some spaghetti noodles on it, adding a healthy ladle of tomato sauce over top. Then I handed the plate and a fork to Cole.
“I wouldn’t want you to starve to death.” I couldn’t help but tease.
He shoved a huge forkful in his mouth while standing there and made a bunch of noises around the food as he chewed.
“Go sit,” I said, laughing and pointing at the chair and table only steps away. He listened, and I went back to chopping up some vegetables for a salad. I liked having something to do instead of just sitting at the table where all I would do was stare.
I was surprised when he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to shove another bite in his mouth. I tossed a bunch of the veggies into a bowl of lettuce and delivered that to him as well. He made a sound of appreciation when I sat it down.
“Thanks. I had practice after school and it always makes me hungry.”
“Why didn’t you go home to eat?” I asked.
He set his fork down and looked at me. “I wanted to see you.”
I went back to make a salad for myself. “I saw you with Kimber this morning.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth I wanted to snatch them back. I had no idea where they came from.
His fork made a clattering sound against his plate and I heard the legs of his chair scrape the floor. I kept my back turned, not wanting to see the look on his face. Seconds later, I felt his hands on my shoulders. I stiffened but didn’t pull away as he turned me around to face him.
He bent slightly to stare right into my eyes. “There’s nothing between Kimber and me.”
“There used to be.”
“There used to be something between you and Callum.” He countered without heat.
My stomach dropped about two inches at the mention of the man for which I gave up heaven. “Callum is dead,” I said tightly.
“And if he wasn’t?”
I pulled away and put some distance between us. I wasn’t about to tell Cole that even if Callum were alive I would still be drawn to him. I wasn’t about to admit that my heart never beat for Callum the way it does for him right now.
“So he was it for you, huh?” Cole said, mistaking my silence for something it wasn’t. “He’s always going to be between us.”
“Callum isn’t between us,” I said, hating the idea that he would think my heart could belong to anyone but him. “You…” I glanced at him and he arched an eyebrow, almost daring me to finish my sentence. “You’re the only one I see.”
Something in his eyes flared and he stepped toward me, but I stepped back and shook my head.
He sighed. “I’ve just been spending some extra time with Kimber. Being trapped down there… in hell…” He glanced up. “She needs me right now.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to say anything else about Kimber.
“I didn’t come here to talk about Kimber. Or Callum,” he said. “Our conversation last night was interrupted and I want to finish it.”
“What’s the point?” I said, going back over to chop more carrots. “It won’t change anything.” The knife made a loud banging sound every time it hit the cutting board.
He came up behind me and took it out of my hand, tossing it in the sink. “Then it won’t matter what you tell me, will it?”
“Being with me will taint you!” I burst out. If he wanted the truth so bad, I would let him have it. Being this close to him was painful so I decided to tell him what he wanted so he would go.
“Taint me?” he asked in a way that made it seem silly.
I sighed. “You’re a Supernal Being, Cole. That means that when you die, you’ll get to keep your body. You might even be assigned a job, by God.”
“And?”
“And being with me—a fallen angel—will taint you. It could get you stripped of your body, possibly even cast from heaven. Your entire eternal life is at risk.”
“They would kick me out of heaven for loving you?” he asked incredulously.
“It’s possible.”
“So you don’t know?”
“I got kicked out of heaven for loving the wrong person,” I snapped. He made it sound like I didn’t know anything.
“But you weren’t supposed to love anyone other than God. You weren’t considered a human.”
I moved past him out of the kitchen and toward the couch. This room seemed awfully small all of a sudden.
“I might be a Supernal Being, but I’m also a human. Aren’t humans allowed to love?”
“Not me!” I cried. “You aren’t supposed to love me!”
“Well, that’s too damn bad.” He took a few steps so he was standing right in front of me. I refused to look at his face. Instead, I stared into the solid wall of his chest. “Because I already do.”
A sound, could’ve been a sob, broke from my chest, and I think I might have swayed a little on my feet. He reached around me and pulled my braid over my shoulder, sliding off the band at the end and tossing it away. Slowly, he worked his fingers through the hair until it twisted free and fell in heavy waves around my shoulders. I could hear nothing in the room but the sound of my own heart pounding erratically in my chest. It filled my ears and drowned out every other sound.
Then he buried both hands deeply into the waves, almost as if he were trying to tangle his fingers in the mass so I couldn’t get away, and then he tilted my head up so I had no choice but to look at him.
His voice was soft, like he was confiding a secret that no one else knew, when he said, “You cannot stop me from loving you, Gemma. I already do. I love you so much that sometimes I can barely see.”
My eyes closed, shutting off the way his searched mine, because if I looked at him one moment longer, I wasn’t sure what I would say. His lips captured mine and I surrendered beneath them. He was warm and insistent. The way his lips moved over mine built some kind of delicious pressure somewhere inside me, and it drove me closer. I wanted closer.
He made a sound in the back of his throat as he untangled his hands from my hair and wrapped them around my waist, lifting me up so my legs could wind themselves around his middle and my hands could bury themselves in the softness of his hair.
The passion that erupted between us was unlike anything I’d ever known, and I would never be the same again. When I could think again, I would realize that I would never again miss my wings, I would never again miss heaven, because this kiss, his hands, his skin, and his body were the only things I would ever want again.
I didn’t even know we were moving until he sat down on the couch, with me firmly in his lap and my legs still locked around his waist. He never, not once, stopped kissing me, and the way his tongue tangled with mine made something inside me sing with delight.
Finally, he pulled back but kept his forehead against mine and he smiled, then came back to kiss me again. After a few moments he pulled my head back and looked at me. “You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ve seen better,” I told him, staring back.
He grinned and pressed another swift kiss to my lips. “I will never get tired of kissing you.”
Something inside me went cold. He felt the change in me and in the air around us because his eyes narrowed.
“Did you hear nothing I just said to you?” I asked.
“I heard everything. It’s nothing.” The muscle in his jaw clenched.
“Your eternity is not nothing.”
“You don’t even know if I’ll be punished.”
“Would you take that chance if our roles were rever
sed?” I asked.
He growled. I knew he wouldn’t.
“Then you can’t ask me to do that to you.”
“I’m not asking you.” His fingers on either side of my head tightened.
I reached up and covered his hands with mine. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me if we spent a few years together here on Earth and then you died and were stripped of everything?”
“A lifetime,” he said.
“A lifetime?”
“Not just a few years, Gemma. I’m going to be with you for a lifetime.”
I wanted to weep. To curl up in a ball and let sorrow overtake me. “You don’t understand,” I said, lowering our hands until they were clasped between us. “A lifetime seems like a long time to you, but it isn’t. It’s the blink of an eye. Eternity… that’s a long time. You have no idea how long it really is.”
Heven & Hell Anthology (Heven and Hell) Page 16
