by T. T. Kove
I wrapped my legs around his hips and twined my arms around his shoulders and neck. His lips found mine again and my moans were exchanged for deep, lazy kisses instead.
He did pound into me eventually and I was on the verge of crying, it felt so damn good. He held onto my hips as he thrust, he didn’t even have to go anywhere near my dick. It came all on its own, making a right mess of my treasure trail and pubic area.
Andreas watched it spurt semen without anything at all touching close to it with a hungry expression.
‘Fuck, Alex,’ he groaned, thrusting quickly and deeply a few more times before he kept himself buried as he came too.
He was gorgeous when he came. He was on his knees, chest slick with sweat, and his head tilted back on the deep groan that left him. Then he started thrusting again, milking his dick for what it was worth.
Mine was sticky and empty and flaccid already. My body was boneless and satiated. And I watched him with heavy eyes as he continued fucking me through his orgasm. When he was milked dry and his dick had gone flaccid, he collapsed on top of me, squeezing me into the mattress in that way I loved during sex. I loved it after sex too.
‘That was so good.’ I wrapped my legs around him again. Our flaccid dicks were sticky together squished in-between us now. ‘I’ve missed you. I love you.’ I hugged him tightly.
‘I’ve missed you too.’ He hooked his arms under my shoulders, hugging me back. ‘And I love you. Obviously.’
Obviously. Yeah.
‘I’m so fucking relieved you’re doing better.’ He stroked some hair away from my forehead, then rolled over to lie on his back next to me.
I stroked his forearm, then tangled our fingers together and brought his hand with me to rest on my stomach. ‘I’ve really missed you. I never meant for things to turn out like this.’
‘It’s not your fault this happened, Alex.’ He turned his head on the pillow so he could look at me. I smiled at him, so happy to see him again I couldn’t help it. ‘This up here—’ He tapped my head. ‘That’s what’s messing with you. You can’t help it.’
‘The meds are working now, I think, so maybe my brain will stop messing with me so much.’ I could hope.
‘What do you mean you think? Aren’t they working? You’re doing loads better.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe this is me when I’m normal? Maybe the depression lifted and now I’m fine again. Maybe I would still be fine if I quit the meds.’ It was hard to tell if it was the medication making me better or if it was just the way my depression worked.
I wasn’t depressed all the time, after all. I had good periods. I didn’t need medication to function twenty-four seven. But they were there to keep me more stable so I didn’t swing so much. Downwards that was. No matter what they said at the psych centre, I didn’t believe I’d ever been hypomanic.
‘Maybe,’ Andreas said. ‘Maybe not. Maybe you would be fine now without the meds. Or maybe you’d still be depressed. I, personally, think the meds help. So does Glenn. He says they work for him.’
‘You two still talking about me?’ I mock-glowered at him.
He grinned. ‘You’re a person we both care about, so yeah, we talk about you. We’re both very invested in your mental health.’
‘Good to know.’ I smiled, unable to hold it in again. ‘I’m glad me being with Glenn hasn’t messed up your relationship. He was your friend first, after all.’
‘Actually, I think our relationship’s been better since you two got closer.’ Andreas wriggled around a little and then turned over on his side. He braced one elbow on the bed and rested his head in his hand. ‘We didn’t speak for a whole year when I was in the military. I got a few texts from him, but that was it. And I know, he didn’t speak to anyone except Nik that year, but still. And even after, it felt like we were growing apart a bit. And I learnt about all the shit he’s struggled with and it wasn’t the Glenn I knew, you know? Suddenly I felt like a shitty friend.’
‘You’re not.’ Andreas wasn’t a shitty friend at all. ‘He hid it from everyone. He didn’t want you to know.’
‘I know.’ He sighed, then smiled. ‘But suddenly he had more in common with you. And you two grew closer. I’m glad you did.’
‘You’re glad we’re more than friends?’
‘Yeah. He’s good for you. And he gets you in a way I don’t.’ He squeezed my hand. Our fingers were still tangled on my stomach. ‘Do I wish it was still just you and me? Not... really.’ He bit down thoughtfully on his bottom lip. ‘It’s hard to explain. I’m happy for you, that you two have found each other. As I told you before, I’ve kind of been expecting something between the two of you since Ayia Napa.’
I kissed him. I did it so suddenly it startled him, and he toppled down on his back. I followed, straddling his hips, not breaking the kiss.
He cupped my arse in his palms, one finger rubbing down my crack.
‘After Glenn and I have been in London,’ I said against his lips as I drew back to draw a breath. ‘I’m not coming back here. I’ll be back in Oslo.’
‘Yeah?’ His gaze searched mine. ‘You sure?’
‘I want to be with you. I want to be close to Glenn.’ Our noses rubbed as I bent down for a chaste kiss. ‘I like being here, I do, but it’s not the same when I’m alone. Leo and Thomas work every day, Ben works almost every night. It’s just not the same. But I can’t go back to Oslo and not have anything to do either. That leads to a downward spiral again, I just know it, and I don’t want that.’
‘What do you want to do then?’ He moved his hands to my thighs, stroking.
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But I have to do something. I could start going with you to the gym?’ I had to start working out, at least a little. Build some muscles. Eat healthily. I was too scrawny. Always had been. But then I’d never been the most healthy person either—and I skipped food rather than eating too much.
‘That’s a start.’ He smiled wider. ‘Go with me to the gym, spend your days with Glenn doing whatever you two do together, and we’ll spend time together after I’m done at school. No sitting at home gaming all day.’
‘That’s what I want to avoid.’ My coping mechanisms hadn’t been healthy at all. Sleeping in late, gaming until he came home, and then pretending I’d totally been to uni and was making something of my life. ‘I’m sorry I kept everything from you for so long.’
‘I should’ve paid more attention to you. It was right there under my nose if I bothered to look a little deeper.’ He pressed a lingering kiss on my lips. ‘Let’s be honest from now on, okay? If you’re having a bad day, tell me. No pretending you’re good just so you won’t worry me, get it? I want to worry about you if you’re feeling bad, Alex. And it’s not going to fuck up my studies. You promise?’
It was my turn to look at him searchingly. Fucking up his studies was what I’d been so scared of at the end of last year when things got really bad. But I’d worried him anyway, no matter how hard I’d tried not to, so... ‘I promise.’
‘Then it’s all good.’ He looked very pleased with himself as he grinned up at me now. He stroked his hands up my arms now, gaze flickering downwards. ‘And no new cuts. That’s good.’
‘I haven’t cut at all,’ I told him quickly. ‘Not since back in Oslo.’
‘It’s okay if you do, Alex.’ He met my gaze again. ‘I mean, obviously, I’d prefer if you didn’t since it’s not exactly the best habit to have, but if you slip up or if you really need it... it’s okay. You don’t have to hide it or feel bad about it. It’s how you’ve coped for so long. All these scars are a part of you.’
‘They’re ugly.’ I hated looking at my arms.
‘They’re not. Not really.’ He stroked down my arms now. ‘They show how much you’ve struggled—and how much you’ve survived.’
When he said it like that... but they were still ugly. People still stared if I walked around in a T-shirt. Stared and judged.
‘Hey, come on. Don’t look like that.’ He fli
pped us over so I was now the one on my back and he was lying on top of me. Arguably the better position. Me on top of him had its uses sometimes, but his weight pressing on me was much better. ‘I haven’t seen you since Christmas. Let’s forget all that serious stuff for now and just enjoy ourselves.’
‘We have enjoyed ourselves,’ I reminded him. ‘Or don’t you remember?’
He laughed. ‘Oh, I remember. But I reckon I’ve got one more orgasm in me. Do you?’
I gasped as he pushed two fingers inside me, not expecting it. ‘Keep doing that and I’ll have several.’ Nothing got me off more than being fucked in the arse. I was just a total sucker for a dick up there, plain and simple. Shamelessly so too, especially with him. And Glenn now.
Fuck.
I had nothing to be upset about.
Sure, not knowing what to do with my life wasn’t ideal. But as they all said, I had time. I was only twenty years old. It wasn’t like most of my life was over. I’d only just started.
And I had two boyfriends who knew each other and were friends and there was no jealousy or drama about it at all. They just accepted it. I should be on cloud nine simply because of that. Who could say they went and fell in love with another person and their current boyfriend didn’t just not bat an eye, but actively approved of the new relationship?
I was so fucking lucky to have these two men in my life. I was lucky to have all these people in my life, not just Andreas and Glenn. I had Leo and Thomas and all my friends. Considering what I’d come from—an abusive home, no friends, no nothing—I had such an awesome life right now. Everything but my future career path was simply falling into place, I didn’t even really have to do much for it to go so seamlessly. Everyone was so bloody chill, I felt like the abnormal one worrying about everything.
Live in the moment.
That’s what I needed to learn to do.
It wasn’t easy. But right now, with Andreas’s fingers in my arse, slowly fucking me, bringing my dick to life again as it got interested in the proceedings... it was easy to do so. It was easy to forget everything else and just be.
Chapter 21
‘I’ve been researching online, and bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed. I could have borderline personality disorder instead.’
Andreas, who was on his stomach at the foot of the bed watching the telly, twisted slightly to look at me. I was lying on my back, head nestled in my pillow, as I looked at my phone.
‘I don’t even know what that is.’
‘It’s shitty. I don’t know what’s worse; bipolar or borderline. They’re both the short end of the stick.’ I’d researched a lot since the psychiatrist gave me my diagnosis. ‘But it might not be either of them. When I get to see someone in Oslo, maybe they’ll figure it’s something else entirely. Maybe it is just depression.’ That’s what I’d always thought I had, after all. ‘Then again, I haven’t gone to school for six years to educate myself in psychology, so who am I to diagnose myself?’
‘They probably know what they’re doing,’ he commented. ‘As you said, they’ve gone to school for six years to study this shit.’
‘Shit?’ I raised my eyebrows quizzically.
He grinned wryly. ‘You know what I mean.’
‘It is pretty shitty being like this.’ It was quite an apt description, after all. I didn’t want to dwell on it though. Not now when I was doing fine and we were finally together again. ‘I’ve been researching other things too.’
‘What kind of things?’
‘I’ve learnt a new term.’
He twisted his upper body to look at me again. ‘What term? The suspense is killing me here.’
‘Fluid bonding.’ I ran my foot up his leg.
‘That’s just bare sex, isn’t it? We do it all the time.’ So he’d done his research too.
‘Is it bad that I want to ditch the condoms with Glenn too?’ I’d been dreading asking this. Using condoms, that had been his one stipulation when he told me to go get it on with Glenn.
He looked at me for a long minute.
Here it comes. Here’s where I took it too far. Here’s where it stops being easy.
I was just waiting for the big resounding no.
‘I thought at first it was just about sex for the two of you. That you’d eventually get him out of your system.’ He smiled wryly. ‘I was damn wrong about that. I saw it almost immediately.’
Where was he going with this? I sat there holding my breath. I was so damn nervous.
‘So yeah, I’ve been expecting this too. I know how much you love it raw.’ He grabbed my ankle and pulled.
I lost my phone as I flailed, not expecting that, and then I turned around so I could lie next to him. ‘Is that a yes? Yes, go have hot, raw sex with Glenn whenever you feel like it?’
He chuckled. ‘Well, we’ve got to be careful first. We have sex without condoms, after all. He and Nik might too. So we all need to get tested just to be sure it’s all good. I don’t want to risk anyone.’
‘I don’t either.’ I clutched at his upper arm. ‘But I want to feel him completely too. Have the same amount of intimacy with him.’ Did that sound needy? ‘Also, I can’t afford condoms, so...’ I couldn’t afford anything right now. I had no student loans coming into my account and no job.
He laughed. ‘I’m sure Glenn can afford condoms. Isn’t he earning a lot on those books of his I never even knew he wrote?’
‘Yeah.’ Not that he’d told me exactly how much he earned, but he didn’t seem to be badly off in any way, so it must be enough not to worry about money every month.
Andreas studied me shrewdly now. ‘Have you read any of his books?’
‘Yeah. Not many, only a few. He’s very protective of them.’
‘I’ve never seen one.’
‘It’s only Nik and me who’ve read some of them,’ I pointed out.
‘Ah, the boyfriends. Okay. I get it. Friends don’t get to read the secret written porn.’
It was my turn to laugh. ‘Something like that.’
My phone pinged and I sat up, searching through the sheets for it. When I saw who the message was from, I smiled.
Glenn: Miss you. Can’t believe I’ve got to work during the holiday when even Nik’s off. But you’ve got Andreas so you’re probably very busy anyway. ;)
‘Boyfriend number two?’ Andreas guessed.
‘How can you tell?’ I asked, a little distracted as I typed in my answer.
Me: You don’t even work every day! I’m sure you and Nik can find plenty of time together to get busy as well, because yes, I am very busy right now. ;)
‘Well, you’ve got this really happy look on your face.’ He sat up now too and draped his arms around me, pulling me in to sit in between his legs. ‘Is that how you’ve looked for the past two months when I’ve texted you?’
‘I don’t know what I look like when I get a text.’ I leant my head against his chest. ‘But I was very happy whenever you texted me. Even more so with you, actually, because I know how much you hate texting.’
‘I’ll do anything for you, Alex.’ He turned my face around so he could kiss me. ‘Even keep a damn long text conversation.’
‘I’m flattered.’ My phone pinged in my hand but I ignored it in favour of kissing him again. Kissing Andreas was one of my favourite things. Besides shagging him, that was.
‘I can’t believe you’re going to England at the end of the week.’ He fell back down on the bed again and hooked his arms behind his head. ‘That I’m jealous of.’
‘Maybe Glenn will take you next time if you ask nicely.’ I unlocked my screen again to see what Glenn wrote this time.
‘Hah, I don’t think that would be the kind of holiday you’ve got in mind.’ He chuckled. ‘It’s good that you’re getting away for a bit though. I think it’ll do you good.’
Glenn: I’m currently stuck at work. Can’t wait to be done so I can get busy as well.
‘But get out of the hotel room a little too to see the si
ghts, don't just stay inside shagging for a week.’
I mock-gasped. ‘We would never.’
He gave a look.
‘Okay,’ I relented. ‘I could see us doing that but we won’t. Glenn’s got an online friend who lives there he wants to meet.’
‘Oh, yeah? Make sure he’s not some weirdo pretending to be someone he’s not.’
I cast him a smile. ‘I think we’re meeting him in a public place the first time. At a cafe or something.’
‘Good. That’s wise.’ He nodded to himself. ‘Meeting someone new in public is always a good idea. Less chance of something bad happening.’
Now he had me slightly worried. ‘Do people often pretend to be someone they’re not?’
‘Mostly you hear about old pervs pretending to be young girls to lure other young girls into meeting them so they can have sex with them.’
‘Eww.’ I grimaced. ‘Well, neither Glenn nor I are young girls, so I think we’re pretty safe from those pervs.’
‘Could be some old guy out to get some young, gay arse to fuck though,’ he suggested lightly.
I snorted. ‘I hear the guy’s got a boyfriend.’
‘Could be a fake boyfriend.’
‘Stop it.’ I swatted at his stomach. ‘You’re making me nervous about meeting this guy now.’
He grinned, grabbed my hand and pulled me down on top of him. ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine. Is it Glenn’s first time meeting him as well?’
I nodded, making myself comfortable on top of him as I finally typed in my answer to Glenn.
Me: It’s only a few days till we’ll be alone together for a week. Enjoy the time off Nik has while you can! I’m certainly enjoying Andreas’s off-time.
I added lots of winky faces after that one.
Glenn: Oh, you bet I will. Enjoying Nik for a whole week, then you for the next. How fucking great is life?
Me: Pretty great, actually. Love you.
At least my love-life was great. I wasn’t going to bog anything down with other worries now. I felt good and I was trying not to let it drag me down. I wanted to feel good for as long as possible.
