I climb into the backseat as Matt told me to do, and then he’s there, hovering over me, lifting his shirt over his head and dropping it. He goes for the buckle of my belt, loosening it. Then he unzips my jeans and drags them down my hips.
The leather is cool on my naked butt, but it doesn’t soothe the flame inside me. Matt takes off my sandals and pulls my jeans the rest of the way off.
It hits me that I’m totally naked now, lying beneath him and ready to fly apart with the lightest of touches. Of course I know what an orgasm is. I’ve had plenty of them on my own. I’ve touched myself at night, usually thinking about Matt, and then I come in the quiet stillness of my own bed.
I’m always slightly ashamed and slightly lonely afterward. Ashamed because I feel this compulsion to do it and lonely because it’s just me in the end. There’s nothing shameful about feeling good, and I know it. But I guess I want more. I want to have orgasms with someone.
With Matt.
He kneels above me now, looking down at my body so intensely that I have an urge to cover myself. What if he finds me lacking? What if my body is not as nice as Jeanine’s? Is he regretting this and trying to decide how to tell me we need to stop?
My heart hammers in my throat and I start to sit up, but Matt bends over me and captures my lips, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and I sigh. He isn’t stopping.
When he breaks the kiss and moves down my throat, I pant with anticipation. His mouth fastens over one of my nipples again, and his hand slides down my belly, down into the curls of my sex. When he skims his fingers into my wetness, I’m simultaneously embarrassed and so turned on I think I might scream.
I want everything and I want it now. I’m scared and not scared. I know it’s supposed to hurt the first time, but I know that isn’t supposed to last very long. I understand what happens during sex. It’s not a giant mystery, other than how it feels. That I can only imagine.
But if it feels like this feels right now, I think it’s going to be pretty amazing.
Matt takes his time on my nipples, sucking and licking and driving me insane. When his mouth glides down my body, his tongue caressing the planes of my belly, I shudder with sharp anticipation.
Will he? Will he really?
The thought excites me so much it hurts—and yes, it embarrasses me too. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s awful? What if I smell or taste bad?
“Wait, Matt—” I gasp as his tongue rolls along the line where my pubic hair starts.
He looks up at me, his eyes intense and hot. “Are you scared, Evie?”
“Yes… I mean, I want you to do that, but what if…?”
He laughs softly and opens me with his fingers. “Baby, trust me, I’ll like it.”
“I’ve never… I mean, I know you can do this and still be a virgin, but I’ve never… No one has ever…”
God, I can’t even talk. I’m hot, and more than half of it’s mortification heating my blood.
“Oh hell, you have no idea how much that turns me on.”
And then he lowers his head and his tongue touches me right in the center of all that heat. I moan. I can’t help it.
“Evie, damn, you are so sweet,” he murmurs, the vibration of his voice against me making the sensation even more intense.
I don’t think I breathe through much of it. Well, of course I breathe, but I feel like all I’m doing is moaning and whimpering. Matt licks every sensitive spot I have. He presses the flat of his tongue against me and then flicks my clitoris again and again.
The pressure inside me is incredible. I’m so wet I feel the moisture trickle onto my thighs. Or maybe that’s him. I don’t know, but I do know that my orgasm rolls over me like a tsunami that I never see coming. I mean, yes, I expect an orgasm, especially since I’ve never had a guy eat me out before, but this… Whoa, this.
It makes sweat break out on my skin. It makes my back arch and my legs shake. It makes me scream and gasp and sob.
Never—never have I felt anything like this before.
When I stop shaking, when I finally open my eyes and meet the gaze of the boy I love so much, he’s grinning down at me.
“Good?”
All I can do is nod. Matt unbuttons his jeans and takes them off. His erection springs up, big and hard and foreign. Yes, I know what a penis looks like. I’ve never touched one though.
I reach for him, surprised at how hot and smooth he is. He grips my hand and wraps it around him, and I’m surprised again at the feel of a hard penis. It’s kinda, I don’t know, rubbery in a way. Not soft or flimsy, but smooth and living and flexible in the sense that it springs back when you squeeze it.
“That’s amazing,” I say.
He makes a choked sound as I tighten my grip again.
“Yeah,” he says tightly. “Amazing.”
He reaches for something, and then he’s tearing open a foil packet, pulling out a condom. I let him go while he rolls it on. He settles between my thighs, holding himself up with one hand on the seat back and one pressing down beside my head.
“It’ll hurt a little,” he says.
“I know.”
“I’ll go slow, but I can’t make it not hurt at all.”
I settle my hands on his sides. “I know. It’s okay.”
He lowers his head and kisses me. I taste myself on him. It’s odd in a way and so incredibly special too. It isn’t bad… just different.
He kisses me deeply—and then I feel him, the head of his penis at my entrance. My heart beats a crazy rhythm and my body shakes. This is it. Really and truly it. The moment when Matt and I are joined together. The moment he’ll know the truth about us.
His entry isn’t as easy as I hoped. Yes, I’m very wet, but there’s still a barrier that he reaches almost immediately. His fingers slide up my side, gently pinch a nipple. The sensation is pleasurable, exciting.
And yet I’m so focused on his body entering mine that I can’t relax as much as I should. I want this so much, and I don’t want to fail.
“It’s okay, Evie,” he says against my lips. “It’s going to be so good when I’m inside you. Just relax.”
He stops tweaking my nipple and moves to my clitoris. When he touches me there, it’s like he set off an explosion inside me. I don’t come, but I feel his touch in every nerve ending, every cell. My legs go weak—
And he pushes deeper into me. There’s a sting of pain as he moves forward, and then the sting stops and he slides completely inside me.
“Wow,” he whispers. “Oh fucking wow.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MATT
*
No, this is not my first time. Not even close to my first time. But holy shit, it feels fucking amazing. I’ve been with a virgin before—when I was still a virgin too—and it didn’t feel like this at all. That was exciting and amazing in its own way, but it wasn’t like this.
I feel like I’m on top of the world right now. I feel safe for some inexplicable reason.
I also feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’ve taken Evie’s virginity but I’ve somehow tricked her into it. That I should have been firmer with her and refused.
I know how she feels about me. I know she has a crush on me, and I know that the first time for a girl is emotional. There’s more she wants, and I know that too.
But here I am, taking her innocence without any intentions of making promises to her for a future. I care about Evie more than I care about anyone but my sister. I’ve made a mess of our relationship by doing this, but right now, I don’t fucking care. All I care about is the exquisite pleasure I feel right this moment.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yes. It stung, but yes, it’s okay now.”
Funny how the words it’s okay are acceptable in this situation but wouldn’t be if she was more experienced.
I glide my hand down her side, around the curve of her ass, and lift her leg to curl it around me.
“You ready for what comes next?”
I start to move inside her, slowly at first because I don’t know if she’s still hurting no matter what she said to me. But she lifts her hips to meet me, and I know she’s feeling it. Feeling this same crazy tightening in her body that I feel in mine.
My balls are tight and lightning streaks through me as I move. I won’t last long. I can’t. It’s too good, and I’m too far gone to pull back from the edge.
I don’t think she’ll come like this, not the first time, so I put my hand between us.
“Matt!” she cries as I find her sweet spot and work it.
“Baby, this is so good,” I tell her, sweat beading on my forehead and running down the sides of my face. I keep pumping into her, not stopping, not letting up.
She keeps thrusting against me, so I know she’s good. I’m going to make her come and then come after her, but she reaches her peak so quickly, her body shaking as she moans, that I have to kiss her and feel those cries in my mouth.
Her tongue is crazy against mine, her moans and cries vibrating in my throat as she rocks into me.
I come much too soon, my body stiffening as I keep thrusting my hips into her, my cock exploding inside her, pumping out so much cum I’m worried about the condom breaking.
I pull out of her quicker than I want to, saying a silent prayer of thanks when the condom is intact.
“Oh my God,” she says a few seconds later. “That was amazing.”
She’s lying there with her legs spread and a fine sheen of sweat on her body. Her chest heaves as she sucks in air.
I left the Escalade running and the air on, but it isn’t quite enough in the close confines of the vehicle. I sit up and lean back against the seat, removing the condom and twisting a knot into it.
Evie drags herself up until she’s leaning against the door. She’s so pretty sitting there. So pretty that I want to do it again.
I have every intention of doing it again. I mean I shouldn’t have done it in the first place, but now that I have, I’m totally getting inside her again.
Maybe I’ll take her out a couple of times in the next week. Maybe I’ll take her out every night before I leave. I can take her home when the old man isn’t there, fuck her in my bed. God, that would be sweet.
I tug her into my arms, in spite of the warmth, slide my hands over her slick skin. She wraps her arms around me. I push the damp strands of her long hair back over her shoulder and kiss her. It’s a soft kiss, but my dick hardens anyway.
“I knew it would be perfect,” she says when we stop kissing. “I knew everything would make sense after this.”
I smile at her. “What makes sense, cher?”
She lowers her gaze from mine, her lashes fanning over her flushed cheeks. “You and me.”
“I’m not sure any of it makes sense to me, but okay.”
Her eyes are far less certain when they meet mine this time. Almost wounded. Definitely surprised. “How can you say that?”
I shrug, sensing I’m on shaky ground here. “I just mean that you’ve been my best friend for so many years that crossing into this kind of territory is a little confusing. I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“How would it ruin our friendship?” She seems genuinely puzzled.
I’m starting to feel vaguely uncomfortable, but I’m not sure why. Then again, I know, don’t I? I cannot be so fucking stupid as to think she isn’t affected by what we just did.
And now I have to be so careful with her, have to make sure she understands. And I have to do it without breaking her heart. Yeah, right.
But I have to. This isn’t happily ever after or any of that bullshit.
“Evie, baby, you do realize what this is, right? It’s sex. We had sex. Nothing has changed besides that. We were friends—we’re still friends. And now we’re friends with benefits.”
Her eyes widen as she sits back. “Friends with benefits? Seriously? Is that what you think this is?”
That bad feeling inside me swirls higher now, the dark clouds of it threatening to exterminate the light of everything that is beautiful about this.
“What else can it be? I’m leaving next week. You’re staying here. This isn’t true love or romance or shit. We fucked. We can fuck again. You’re still my best friend and that’s not going to change.”
Oh man, I know when I say it how wrong I am. It is changing. It has changed. I changed it the minute I stuck my tongue in her mouth back at the cabin. I made the choice, and now I’m dealing with the fallout.
She frowns hard, but then she reaches for her clothes and starts sorting them out. I watch her yank on her panties and jerk on her bra, my stomach sinking into the ground with every angry motion she makes.
I’ve pissed her off and I don’t know how to fix it. But I can’t lie to her. I can’t tell her I’m going to be the man of her dreams. I can’t promise I’ll come back for her and whisk her away with me.
“Take me back to the party, Matt.”
“I’ll take you home.”
“NO.” Her eyes flash as I stare at her. “You are not deciding where I go right now, you got that? I went to the party with Julie and Jack and I’m leaving with them. Now take me back there and stop acting like you give a shit, Matt. Because you don’t.”
I grab my clothes and start to jerk them on. My chest is tight with anger. I get my jeans on, and then I stop and point at her, my finger right in her face.
“You fucking asked for this, Evie. It was your idea. I didn’t promise you a goddamn thing—and you didn’t say you wanted anything either. You asked me to be your first. I was. If you’re changing the terms now, that’s your own goddamned fault.”
Her lip quivers and it just about kills me. But I don’t move, don’t take her in my arms or apologize the way I suddenly want to do.
“No, you’re right. You did exactly as I asked. Now please keep doing what I ask and take me back to the party.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
EVIE
*
I’m angry and hurt and cursing myself at the same time. Oh, he’s right that I didn’t say I wanted anything else. I was so sure that everything would be perfect after we made love for the first time. So damn sure.
What an idiot I am. I’m in love with Matt Girard. Have been for years. And even though he is my first lover, even though we were just as close as it’s possible for two people to be, his view of me hasn’t changed.
Or hasn’t changed much. I’m not a little sister to be protected anymore. I’m a friend with benefits. A fuck buddy. Someone you can have sex with when there isn’t anyone else available.
Oh, it hurts. It hurts so much.
I get into the front seat and cross my arms, staring out the window at the darkness. My eyes are blurry. Matt gets out of the Escalade. Just as I start to wonder what he’s doing, he gets inside again and puts it into gear. I told him to take me back to the party, but I don’t know if he’s going to listen to me or not.
If he takes me home, I’ll scream. I’m too raw to process this by myself in my room just yet. I want the party. I want people and laughter—and alcohol. I need to dull this pain. I need distraction.
How can I have been so wrong? How can I believe we are meant to be when he consistently proves we aren’t? What if he’s right and I’m wrong?
I’m surprised when he drives back to the party instead of to my house. I half expected him to ditch me at home in some sort of misguided effort to protect me. Too late for that.
When we reach the party, I’m out of the Escalade before he’s even stopped fully.
“Evie!” He shouts at me but I keep going. I run up the steps and inside. The party’s in full swing, and people are even drunker than they were when I left.
I go over to the fridge and pull out a wine cooler. I need this damn thing so much.
“Oh my God.”
I jump at the sound of the voice, whirling to find Julie standing there looking up at me.
“What?”
I ask, an edge to my voice that says I might burst into tears at any minute.
Julie moves closer, pitching her voice low. “Honey, you look like you’ve been, well, what you’ve probably been doing. You need to go in the bathroom and fix your hair and makeup before too many people notice.”
I look at the room. Most people are preoccupied with what they’re doing, but a few of the girls are looking at me. Some smirk knowingly.
I head for the bathroom, Julie on my heels.
“Well, was it any good? What happened? Did he really…?”
I reach the bathroom, which is thankfully unoccupied, and stand just inside it with a hand on the door when I turn back to Julie.
“Yes, it was good. Yes, he really did. But Jules…” Here I have to suck down the tears welling inside. “Let’s just say nothing has changed.”
“Oh Evie, I’m so sorry. He’s an asshole if he doesn’t cherish you.”
“Well, he doesn’t, so I guess he is definitely an asshole.”
An asshole I still love, in spite of how hurt I am. This little voice in my head keeps telling me it’s my fault. I should have tried harder, or done more. I should have made my feelings clear. I rushed it when I should have waited, maybe until he came home on vacation from college.
So many damn things I should have, could have, would have done—and I don’t know if any of them would have changed the outcome. I’ve been spectacularly deluded about what was going to happen when I gave myself to Matt.
I close the bathroom door and stand inside with my back to it, breathing deeply. My reflection definitely says I’ve been rolling around in a bed or somewhere. My makeup is smeared beneath my eyes and my hair is messy. And, crap, I left my purse in Matt’s car.
There’s a knock on the door a few seconds later, and I suck in a breath. “Occupied,” I call out.
“It’s me,” Julie says. “I have your purse.”
I open the door and take it gratefully, not even caring how she got it from Matt. Then I set about fixing my hair and makeup as best I can. Difficult when my eyes are so red with the tears I keep swiping away, but I persevere. I drink the entire wine cooler and I pee, wincing at the tenderness between my legs.
Reckless Heat: A Hostile Operations Team Prequel Page 7
