by Anthology
For the love of God, she really knows how to dig her claws in, doesn’t she?
“I’ve told you; it’s the restaurant. So lay off and quit worrying about me. I’m fine, really I am. You’re about to get married, so please don’t worry about me. Please.”
Fucking hell, I can see it in her eyes. She knows I am full of shit.
“Did you know that when people answer with, “I’m fine,” it means they really are not fine? It’s a lie to try and appease the person asking.”
I shake my head no, wishing like all hell I didn’t feel like I was on repeat spin cycle.
“It’s true, so the next time I ask, tell me the damn truth.”
“Fine. I will be honest with you.”
She releases a heavy breath and closes her eyes for the briefest second, opening them back up with a look of worry written all over her face.
“I am nervous about seeing Antonio tonight.”
“Oh, Shelby. You don’t need to worry about him. And why would you be, anyway?”
“Erin, listen. Just forget about it, okay? It’s really not a big deal. I just haven’t seen or talked to him since I left here. I’m fine really. Just a little nervous. Now can we please go?”
I know I left my sister standing in the middle of her kitchen most likely more worried than when she walked in, but damn it, I am not about to tell her the whole truth. Yes, a part of me is scared shitless about seeing Antonio in less than an hour. And yes, the real reason I wore this ugly as all hell dress is because of the way he used to ogle my breasts as if he wanted to bury his head in between them and use them for a pillow. He’s more than likely not even going to look in my direction, tonight or any night for that matter, after what I said.
I sigh and grab my coat, hat, and gloves, and walk back into the kitchen where Adam is helping Erin put on her coat. Once he’s done, he bends down and helps Sierra button up hers. Seeing how the three of them have been with each other this whole week, and how my sister, who has taken care of me most of her life, finally has someone who loves her just for the sweet caring person she truly is, is the only thing that has kept me from falling farther into complete darkness.
“I am a total bitch!” I cry as Markus drives us to dinner.
The snow has let up over the last few days, giving the snow plows time to have the main roads just about completely bare.
“What have you gone and done now, Swanky?” The sound of Markus’ voice soothes away some of the anger I have inflicted upon myself.
“Erin and I got into it right before we left again. I feel like shit. God, I am such a mess, Markus.”
“Oh, honey. Come on now, you are not a mess. You’re just a little lost right now. Tell me what happened.”
We sit at the red light and I let his words sink in. After making the turn onto Shayne and Luke’s road, I spill my guts about the way I have been acting and lashing out at Erin after she voiced her concern.
“You know, I think it will be good for you to see Antonio.” Before I can respond, he places his free hand across my mouth. “Do not say a word, Shelby. Listen for one damn minute. You’re hiding. And before you try to deny it, you need to tell your brain to shut the hell up and to let your heart lead for once. Jesus Christ. I can’t believe you don’t feel like a damn ping pong ball with all this back and forth bullshit you let scramble around in your head. Fucking live, for Christ’s sake. Listen to what everyone has been trying to tell you. LIVE, honey. God, you have gone out of your way to ignore Antonio all week long and now that you have to actually see him, you dress like a damn nun. For what? To keep him away from you? I’m sick of it. Pull your head out of your fucking ass and live your damn life. You have only one life to live, you know, and you sure as fuck are NOT living it. You are drowning in your own self-pity, and to be quite honest with you, I am sick of it!”
WOW. I feel like I have just been scolded by my dad for my petulant behavior. Tears well up in my eyes and I try to hold them back along with my so called self-pity.
“Look, I’m sorry for yelling at you. But I really don’t know what else to do to make you see what all the rest of us see, Shelby.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat as we pull into the drive, I see all the SUVs and notice Antonio’s old, gray Ford Bronco right away. I laugh at how silly this whole entire fucked up situation is. It’s not like Antonio and I had a relationship to begin with. We made out. A lot, actually, but point blank, that was it. He wanted more. I didn’t. Well, I did, or at least I thought I did, but he’s just not a man to be trusted, nor is he a man who will ever settle down. I do deserve to live and have some fun in my life. The old Shelby was not such a fun hater.
“You’re right,” I say at last, submitting to everything he just told me. He puts the car in park and turns his full body in my direction.
“Say that again.”
“I said, you’re right. Starting tonight I will try and have some fun. But,”
Markus holds up his hands to silence me.
“No buts. Now get your dark cloak and dagger ass out of this fucking car. So help me, God, Shelby, if you even look like you’re going to act like a fucking bitch, I will use the back of my hand and slap you.”
He throws open his door and slams it shut so hard he actually makes me jump. I have never seen Markus so pissed off in all the years I have known him. I open my door and hop out. If I was wearing any panties, I would hike those babies up. Hell, I would pull them over my head and hide.
I make my way up the stairs and grab hold of my best friend’s hand, squeezing it gently. Looking up into his concerned face, I silently promise both him and myself that I will have fun and live in spite of the shit rolling around in my head. As the door opens, I gasp in shock. I’ll be damned if I am not being punished for some unknown reason, because there stands Antonio with his arm draped over a tall, skinny, dark-haired beauty.
CHAPTER FOUR
SHIT. HE LOOKS EVEN better than I remember. What bothers me the most, though, is the way he is looking into my eyes as if he can see every ounce of pain and suffering I have been feeling over the past few months. Hell, those green eyes of his boring into mine have shot straight to my pussy, which is fluttering and pulsing and heating up my freezing cold body. And he knows it too, damn it, as his frown turns into a smirk. Damn him.
“Hello, Shelby,” he says, his deep voice spearing into my brain.
“Antonio. Can we come in? It’s just a tad bit cold out here, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“No shit. I hadn’t noticed,” he shakes his head as he removes his arm from around little miss ‘I am so beautiful and yes, he is mine.’ The two of them step away from the door to let us pass.
“Hey, Markus. Good to see you again.”
“You too, Antonio.”
The two of them shake hands. What the hell?
“Everyone is in the kitchen,” Antonio says from behind me as I unbutton my coat.
My body heats up when his hand grazes the back of my neck as he helps me take off my coat.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
It’s right then that I realize how much I have missed hearing his deep voice. The voice I have kept bottled up for so long inside so I would never forget the smooth, deep roughness of the way it sounds.
When I shrug off my jacket, I hear him and his piece of arm candy each take in a sharp breath. The biggest smile explodes across my face. I love the hell out of knowing they are looking at this ugly black sweater dress I have on. It comes all the way below my knees.
It wouldn’t matter what the hell I was wearing tonight, anyway. There is no way in hell I could compete with his date, or girlfriend, or whoever she is, even if I wanted to. He’s obviously moved on. I will not let this sour my mood. I am going to have fun tonight.
Markus gives me a sympathetic look along with a wink. With him by my side tonight, I can handle the fact Antonio is here with someone else. I really have no claim on him. Truth be told, I never did. Not
wanting to let the two of them know I heard their reaction, I strut my ass away from them without another word. This time Markus grabs my hand and squeezes. I don’t get very far though when I hear a voice behind me.
“That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen, my dear cousin, but those five inch fuck me boots she has on are the hottest damn things ever.”
Did she just say cousin? Oh, fuck!
“Aunt Shelby!”
Lucy and Sierra shriek my name loudly when we saunter into the kitchen and inhale the sweet aroma of garlic and spices. My hands twitch with a desire to shove the very pregnant Shayne out of my way and finish preparing all this food myself.
“Oh, my God!” I exclaim, bending down to eye level as the girls come running up to me. “Are you two twins now?”
They start giggling.
“No, we’re not twins, Aunt Shelby! Lucy is older.”
Sierra twines her little arms around my neck and places a kiss on my cheek.
“You sure could have fooled me with these cute little matching red dresses. You two are so pretty.”
I look up at Lucy and she is standing there with a scowl on her face.
“Lucy? What’s wrong?”
I reach for her and bring her closer.
“Your dress is yucky, Aunt Shelby. It looks like something our librarian Mrs. Fletcher would wear.”
The girls place their hands over their mouths and start silently laughing with me close behind them doing the same.
“It really is ugly, isn’t it?”
They shake their heads yes simultaneously.
“Good. Let’s keep the ugly sweater dress to ourselves, then,” I laugh softly.
Sierra turns and puts her arm around Lucy.
“Okay. We can keep secrets, can’t we, Lucy?”
“Yes. We’re good at keeping secrets, but why are you wearing it?”
“That’s what I would like to know too, Lucy.”
Lucy crosses her arms over her chest and huffs.
“It’s a secret Uncle A, so if you want to know the secret you have to ask her.”
“Oh, I definitely intend to,” Antonio drawls.
He’s playing games, now. No way in hell am I going to let him win or goad me into saying a damn thing. I ignore his comment and stand up.
“You girls have fun,” I say, and they take off down the hallway to play. Antonio grabs me gently by my elbow.
“We need to talk.”
I frown as my mind begins racing and my heartbeat shoots into spasms from his slight touch.
“Now isn’t the time to talk. Can we talk tomorrow after the wedding?”
He doesn’t answer me; instead, he glides his smooth hands down the length of my black sweater dress, leans in close, and whispers words of uninhibited seduction in my ear.
“We will talk. And you will listen, or I swear on everything I believe in I will tie you up and spank your sexy, bare ass. That’s just the way it’s going to be, Shelby.”
As the meaning of his words hits me, I realize coming back here and seeing him again is harder than I thought it would be.
My brain cells are on fricking fire all throughout dinner as I sit and pick at my food. It’s delicious as usual. Shayne has outdone herself with her chicken Milano dish covered with sun dried tomatoes and fresh garlic, served with asparagus and an antipasto salad. As tasty as it is, though, I mostly concentrate on the excellent wine being served with the meal. I pour myself a third glass and direct my attention to Bubba, who is seated next me and nudges me in the side.
“You’re quiet tonight. You feeling okay?”
He’s a damn mind reader, I swear. No wonder whenever there’s a problem, he’s everyone’s go to guy.
“A lot on my mind, that’s all,” I shrug, and take another hefty gulp of my wine.
“Well, you won’t have a mind left if you keep drinking like that. Trust me, I know,” he adds, eyeing me as if he can truly read my mind.
“I- I know. I really am not a drinker at all,” I whisper.
“I can tell. That wine is meant to be sipped, not gulped down like a damn vulture attacking its prey.”
A slight smile spreads across his face.
“I know, Bubba. It’s just...”
“Just what?”
He leans into me so no one can hear us. It’s not like anyone is paying attention to us, anyway. I look around the table. Everyone is involved in their own conversations, laughing like there is no tomorrow. A feeling of remorse and sadness seeps into my chest as my gaze locks onto Erin’s.
“I’m sorry,” I mouth.
She gives me a wink.
“I know,” she mouths back.
Bubba brings my attention back to him as I clear my throat.
“So you were saying?” he asks.
“Can we talk about it some other time, maybe? Tonight should really be about my sister and Adam. Maybe I can swing by your bar one day next week while Sierra is in school.”
“Anything for you, Shelby, and I mean it. But in the meantime, here’s a piece of advice. I hope you take it for what it’s worth.”
I swallow, expecting I don’t know what to come out of his mouth, but what he says sticks in my fucked up head a lot more than anything my doctor ever has.
“Whatever it is troubling you, if it’s not something that’s going to kill you, then it’s not worth even the smallest spot in your pretty little head.”
Huffing out the air in my chest, I give him the smallest hint of a smile. I suddenly find myself very uncomfortable sitting here. I want to choke myself for letting Antonio get to me.
You can’t get sucked in, you’re leaving again in two weeks, remember? says a reasonable voice in the back of my head.
No, let him suck you in. Better yet, you suck him in, the irrational side of my brain says slyly.
And now I’m arguing with my own damn self. Great.
***
“YOU’RE SURE YOU don’t want me to come home with you?”
Adam has his hands all over Erin’s ass, groping the ever-loving shit out of it. I keep myself out of sight, giving them the time and space to say their goodbyes. I back up slowly into the living room, and bump right into... nope, it’s not the wall like I hoped it would be. It’s Antonio. I would know his smell anywhere.
His scent is the secretive calling of the ocean at night when the waves are silently crashing against the shore, beckoning you to dare take the final step into the water. It’s so damn irresistible. I stiffen as his arms snake around my waist and pull me flush against his front.
“I’ve missed you like fucking crazy,” he whispers in my ear.
God, if his words don’t send my mind into a tailspin of erotic ideas. My body betrays me as I keep myself glued to him for a moment before pushing away. He doesn’t let me go completely.
“Antonio. Please don’t do this. We… we talked about all of this before I left. Nothing has changed,” I tell him quietly.
“That’s where you’re wrong. Something has changed, or I should say, someone? It’s you. You’ve changed.”
One thing’s for sure, I am glad it’s dark in this room because my mouth is hanging wide the hell open.
“I have not. Why would you think that?”
“Don’t play coy. There’s no spark in those beautiful blue eyes of yours. They’re as dull as this ugly fucking whatever the fuck you call this thing you tried to hide this sinful body under,” he growls, nibbling at my ear.
“Well, maybe I’ve changed, but you sure as hell haven’t,” I sneer with fake bravado.
“No, I haven’t, and I’m not about to, either.”
Seriously, who the hell does this man think he is? We haven’t talked for months. I am so sick of people telling me what I need to do. I do what I want, when I want, damn it!
“Get your hands off of me.”
“Not until you tell me why you haven’t said but two fucking words to me all night. I know you said we could talk tomorrow, but fucking hell, you didn’t
say a word to me at dinner. Do you really think I am oblivious to the fact you sat down next to Bubba instead of next to Markus who was seated next to me? Do I appall you that much that you cannot even be civil at your own sister’s party? What the hell is wrong with you?”
He yanks me in tighter. Damn if he isn’t hard everywhere, and I mean every fucking where. Even when he’s pissed.
“There’s nothing to say. We said everything we needed to when I left here. Do I need to repeat myself?”
His breath hitches and I dive in for the kill.
“You’re a promiscuous slut who has no idea how to keep his garbage dick in his pants. And I told you, that is not the kind of man I want to take my...”
Shit. He has me all kinds of messed up right now. I almost slipped and told him. I can’t think straight when I am around him. I need to get the hell out of here, now.
“Garbage dick? Oh, Shelby. I definitely do not have a garbage dick, my girl. If we’re going to describe my dick, I would call it more like a ‘Lethal Weapon’ with a side of ‘Happy Gilmore’ who is going to ‘Die Hard’.”
I can’t help myself. That has got to be one of the best comeback lines I have ever heard. So much that if he doesn’t let me go right now, I am going to bust out laughing and interrupt my sister. Call me a coward, but as hard as it is, I hold my laughter in and say absolutely nothing. It takes less than a minute of my silence for him to speak again.
“Fuck this shit, then. You know, I stayed clear of you this week not so much because I wanted to, but because I was so busy in court. Get this shit through your stubborn head right the fuck now, though. We’re going to talk. No, I take that back. I am going to talk, and you will listen to every damn word I have to say, even if I have to toss your sexy little ass face first in the damn snow and hold you down until you do.”
With that he leaves me standing there panting and shaking, feeling the coldest I have felt since I stepped off that godforsaken airplane.
