by Anthology
A pang of hurt courses through me. God, I am such a fuck up, but know is not the time for me to think about it. It’s time for me to take hold of my big sister’s hand and walk her down the aisle to the handsome man dressed in black.
All the emotions inside of me fade away as I listen to Adam recite his vows to my sister. She deserves happiness more than anyone. Her road to meeting this man has been a long one, a road no one should ever have to endure... but she’s here. I don’t stop the tears that flow freely down my face as the minister pronounces them husband and wife.
Erin throws me a wink as she and Adam each take one of Sierra’s hands and the three of them walk down the aisle. The perfect family portrait has everyone sniffling. Even Luke and Bubba have unshed tears in their eyes, I notice, as I make my way behind the trio on Luke’s arm.
When I walk past Antonio, he is staring down at the ground. What the heck happened to the demanding man from last night, the one who all but forced me to talk to him? This man looks beaten, almost like a lost little boy. My heart actually breaks when he doesn’t look up from the floor at all as we glide past him and his parents.
***
“I MUST SAY, I AM impressed with dinner, Adam,” says Markus, finishing off his steak and lobster.
“Thanks, man,” says Adam somberly. “McGuire’s was my mom’s favorite place to eat, and with her being gone, it was my way of having her here with all of us.”
The room instantly turns quiet at the mention of Adam’s mom, Judy. Erin leans in and places a tender kiss on his cheek. After an awkward silence, Shayne clears her throat and with tears in her eyes tells everyone how happy she is, knowing Judy would be so joyful that both she and Adam have found love and happiness.
After the caterers remove all of our plates, we all stand up to see Erin and Adam off as they have a flight to catch and their drive to the airport is nearly three hours.
“The wedding was absolutely perfect! Small and quaint, just like we wanted it. Thank you for sharing our special day with us,” Erin beams as Adam places her cape around her.
Sierra runs into her parents’ arms as they say goodbye. This must be so hard for them right now. Erin has never left Sierra like this before. She peers at me through shimmering eyes.
“She’ll be fine,” I whisper into my sister’s ear as I hug her tightly, saying my goodbye. “This is your honeymoon. I want details when you get back.”
“Details? I don’t think so, you ass. Like you said, this is my honeymoon. I’m not sharing details, not even with you.”
“You dip shit. I don’t want to know those details. Good God, no, you horny bitch. I want details about Adam’s reaction when you tell him about the baby.”
Her smile spreads so wide across her face that it makes me want to snatch it up and plaster it across mine, as genuine and infectious as it is.
“Oh! I plan on telling him as soon as we get to our hotel.”
Erin pulls me off to the side as if she has to tell me a secret. She looks serious-minded, all joking cast aside as she grips both of my hands.
“Hey. Listen to me for a minute before you interrupt, okay?”
I nod curiously.
“I’m not oblivious or blind, Shelby. You really need to talk to Antonio. He came here alone. Do you hear me? Alone, and I know it’s because of you.”
I roll my eyes thinking, not this again. I go to speak and she cuts me right off.
“No. Listen to me!” she hisses. “You may not notice the way he looks at you, but I do. Now I am not saying you have to jump in bed with him and give up what you have been holding onto for so long. Just give the guy a chance and have some damn fun while I am gone. You have two weeks here. Don’t stay cooped up in my house doing nothing or I will be so pissed off at you when I get back.”
She takes a deep breath and continues.
“You deserve to be happy just like anyone else does. I know this is why you have sat there all night stiff as a damn board, pushing your food around on your plate.”
I look down at the floor but she grabs my chin and brings it back up to look at her.
“Don’t. Just don’t. You once told me how proud you were of me and that no one deserved to find happiness as much as me. Well, my beautiful, talented, sister. I agree with you on every point except one.”
“And what’s that?” I ask humorlessly.
“To me, you deserve it more than anyone. You don’t see the inner beauty and kindness and selflessness you have. Let it out and let go.”
I can’t speak as I really don’t know what to say. I’m scared to let go. I’m so scared to fall for someone and have them leave me when they find out how truly broken I am. I know I wouldn’t be able to survive.
But... when I am near Antonio, my heart does something it has never done before. For the first time in years, it feels like it has finally started to beat again.
CHAPTER SIX
“TAKE CARE OF MY baby girl. No parties, no staying up late, and especially no guys spending the night,” Adam chuckles as he embraces me.
I roll my eyes and shove Adam gently away.
“Get the hell out of here, you two. Let me take my niece home so we can pole dance and drink whiskey straight from the bottle while listening to that Crazy Bitch song.”
“What’s a crazy bi-”
Before Sierra can finish her words Erin clamps her hands over her mouth.
“It’s another one of your aunt’s very naughty words and don’t you ever say it.”
Oh, here comes the drop dead glare from my sister. I hold my hands up in defeat.
“I got it. I got it. Now, go.”
I look around for Markus so we can walk outside with everyone else and finally spot him coming out of the bathroom with a big smile on his face.
“They’re leaving. You ready? And what put that smile on your face?” I ask.
“I am so ready. And I will tell you in a minute,” he states through gritted teeth as he continues to smile.
Placing his arms around me, he pulls me tight as we step outside into the bitter early evening air.
“I still don’t understand why you people like this shit. It’s no fun at all,” I grumble to whoever can hear me.
My teeth start chattering as I watch Adam lift Erin into the carriage before bending down and giving Sierra a hug. He whispers something into her ear, causing her to giggle. She waves to them as he climbs inside. With one last wave, we watch the happy couple disappear with their lips locked with a pure love that I can feel even as they glide out of sight.
Again I look around for Antonio and he’s gone. Like vanished. What in the hell?
I take Sierra’s hand and we walk with everyone to the giant bus that will take us back to the main house of the vineyard where our vehicles are parked.
Once settled in our seats, Markus grabs my hand and brings it to my lips as he whispers in my ear.
“Listen, I had a very good night tonight, Swanky, so please don’t be mad at me when I tell you I met someone. He and I are going to Bubba’s to have a drink. Are you okay with that?”
“Huh? What? When?” I ask a little too loudly.
“Shh. Shut it! Jumping Jesus, Shelby. It’s the waiter, loud mouth. We were talking while you sat there staring into space during dinner. Then when I went to the bathroom right before we left, he asked me to go for a drink.”
He shrugs his shoulders as if it’s no big deal.
“Well, shit,” I say, nudging him slightly in his side. “You go have some fun, then.”
“Oh, I intend to, and I suggest you do the same.”
Markus and I go way back and I know he means well. Our relationship is so much like brother and sister. I love and hate him right now for having the balls to just go out and have fun without a care in the world. If I had one wish right now, it would be to have guts like he does. If I did, I would march right into Erin’s house, pick up the phone, and call Antonio. I would throw caution to the wind and ask him come over, saying the hell wit
h all of the shit stirring up in my head and just go for it.
“What’s going through your head right now?” Markus asks.
“It’s refreshing to know you can just pick up and go have some fun. I envy you and your spontaneity, is all.”
“Oh, honey. How many times do I have to repeat myself? You just need to pull your witch broom out of your ass and hop on it.”
I roll my eyes at that, furrowing my brows and lifting my lips into a smirk.
“Well, I can pull the broom out of my ass, but I can’t very well fly over to his house. Did you forget I have a little girl to take care of?”
“No. I didn’t forget, smart ass. Pick up the phone and call him.”
“Did you see the look on his face? I’m not sure if he wants to talk to me anymore.”
“Shelby, quit looking for excuses and call the man.”
He pauses, keeping his eyes trained on mine.
“Okay. I’ll call him.”
“Good girl. And I’m only a phone call away if you need me.”
“I know,” I say, not sure if I am trying to convince Markus or myself.
The bus comes to a stop and we all exit and say our goodbyes. Promises to call each other soon, hugs, and ‘I love yous’ fly around. I breathe in a heavy lungful of the crisp winter air as I watch Markus take off. Right as I’m about to settle in behind the wheel after buckling in Sierra, Bubba and Jen stroll up beside me.
“Hey, you. If you still want to have that talk, I will be around on Monday at lunch time.”
I nod my head and buckle myself in, driving off with more purpose and a hell of a lot more to lose.
I don’t have the heart to wake Sierra as I bring her in the house and lay her down on the couch to sleep. I change into a pair of warm flannel pajamas and a pair of matching pink fuzzy socks, then after about an hour, I get my sleeping niece up and change her as well. It’s still relatively early to put her to bed for good if I want her to sleep all night, since she fell asleep in the car on the way home.
We cuddle up on the couch together after Sierra puts on a movie. She starts to recite almost word for word what the characters on the screen will say next.
“You’re so smart,” I beam and pull her into me.
“I know,” she says, never taking her eyes off of the movie. I try to get into the movie, really I do, but my damn cell phone is sitting on the table staring at me as if it wants to say, ‘Pick me up and use me, you damn chicken shit.’
Oh, shut up, I yell at it in my mind. And, now I’m talking to inanimate objects. Excellent.
Sierra yawns for the hundredth time.
“Do you want a snack or something to eat before I put you to bed, little Miss Thang?”
“I want ice cream!” she pipes up, turning off the television.
“You be crazy, girl. If you want ice cream, go outside and grab a pile of snow. That shit is cold.”
We both start to giggle. Sierra places her hand over her mouth and I mimic her as we both realize my slip up.
“Sorry!” I laugh a bit more.
“Aunt Shelby, don’t worry. Boys in my school say naughty words all the time.”
“Well, don’t you be saying them, little girl, or your mom will be calling you a potty mouth just like she does me.”
I grab the ice cream out of the freezer as Sierra gets us bowls and spoons. Her nose crunches up with a look of disgust.
“Now, that’s gross!”
“What’s gross?” I ask, placing the ice cream in front of her.
“Potty mouth! Who wants to have a toilet for a mouth?”
“Hmm. I guess that is kind of gross, isn’t it?”
I take a bite of the ice cream.
“I have an idea, Aunt Shelby.”
“What’s that?” I ask, tapping her cute little button nose.
“Well,” she huffs, “Every time you say a naughty word you have to put a dollar into this bowl right here.”
She leans over the bar where we are sitting and grabs a transparent plastic bowl.
“A whole dollar? You know I will fill it up, don’t you?” I tease.
“Yup! And then I am going to beg mommy and daddy for a new puppy when they get home so Muppet has someone to play with when we’re all gone. You want a brother or a sister to play with don’t you, boy?”
Her smile spreads clear across her face as she looks down at Muppet, who is laying down on the floor right by her feet. I know damn well my sister won’t want another dog, especially with a new baby, but seeing the excitement and twinkle in Sierra’s eyes has me agreeing with her anyway as we finish our ice cream and clean up our mess.
“Good night, baby girl,” I whisper, giving her a kiss and tucking her in.
God, I love her so much. This time alone with her means more to me than anyone will ever know. I miss her and my sister living near me so much. No pity party for me, though. Seeing both of them happy no matter where they are is enough for me as I close her door halfway and make my way next door to my room.
It doesn’t take me long to climb under the covers, clutching my cell phone tightly in my hand. I ignore the part of my brain telling me to wait until I talk to Bubba before I call Antonio. I stare at the screen until I can no longer stare at it any more. I’m not quite ready to hear his voice yet. I chicken out and choose to send him a text instead.
Shooting out a deep breath, I scooch up until my back is flush with the headboard. I scroll through my phone until I come across his name. Oh, shit. If he saw how I put his name in here, he would be raging mad. Ah, fuck it. He is a slutbag, and I am sure that will never change. He’s a mighty fine slutbag, though. All lean muscle.
I close my eyes for a moment, drifting back to the first time I laid my eyes on that man. Damn. Those eyes. God, those fucking green eyes have got to be the best set of organs God has ever created on a human. I couldn’t even remember my own name the first time I stared into those eyes. I was lost even then. They scream sex. They’re like lasers shooting into my soul. And then he opened his mouth.
I didn’t know what to make of the man standing before me. He’s exactly like me except in the perfect male form, fucking hell bent and stubborn as a damn jackass. The way he looked at me, with ‘I want to fuck you right now’ written all over his face. Shit if I haven’t thought about the things he could do to me or the things I want him to do.
Something pulls me out of my Antonio daydream. I have no clue what until I stare down at my phone. I nearly drop it on the floor when I see it’s a text from him. Antonio. It’s a sign. It has to be. He’s thinking about me, too.
I fumble with my phone and swipe the screen, anxious to read his text. I nearly fall apart when I do. This doesn’t sound like the confident man I met months ago. What pisses me off more than anything is why now? Why, when I finally have the courage to tell him, would he say this?
Maybe because you have been a cold hearted bitch to him since you got here, you dumb broad. Did you ever think of that?
I read the text one more time.
You looked beautiful tonight.
I shake my head. How do I respond? Thank Christ he isn’t standing right in front of me. My jaw is hanging open. I’m surprised he even noticed me, the way he was acting. He even left early without saying a word. I type my reply.
Thank you. I was actually just thinking the same thing about you. Well, not beautiful but handsome.
I wait and I wait for what seems like forever, feeling stupid when I read my response until I see on the screen he is typing something back.
Are you trying to tell me you think I’m handsomely beautiful, Shelby?
I guess we will never know will we? Unless you really want to find out? So, why are you texting me?
Smiling, I settle back down to get more comfortable on the bed as I wait for his reply back. I nearly scream when my phone starts to ring and I notice his picture and the caption ‘Slutbag’ flashing across the screen.
“Hey,” I say with a shaky breath and even mor
e shaky hands as I answer.
“Hey. I hate texting more than anything, so I thought I would call instead.”
His deep, husky voice sends sensations throughout my body as I pull the covers up over me, only to throw them right back off immediately as my body heats up.
“But...” he adds, drawing out the word. “If you’re into sexting instead, then baby, I am completely down with that shit.”
Sexting? Oh, hell. It seems I am a virgin in more ways than one. I have never sexted before either. Hell, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
“Hello, Shelby? Are you there?”
“Oh, yeah. I am here.”
Face palm alert. Wet panty alert. SLUTBAG ALERT.
“Didn’t you say last night you wanted to talk?” I say quickly, avoiding his sexual innuendo altogether by means of changing the subject.
“Yeah, I do. Things didn’t end like I wanted them to when you left.”
“About that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. It’s none of my business what you do or don’t do.”
And now it’s his turn to be quiet. This is so awkward. He clears his throat.
“Did I hear you right? Did my little bella petardo just apologize?”
The mood swiftly changes from teasing to serious with his words.
“What did you just call me?” I shoot straight up in bed. “If you just swore at me, I am going to rip your damn ear off and shove it up your ass just to make sure you can hear me when I kick it.”
Deep, hard core laughter envelops my ears from the other end of the line.
“You’re a grown man!” I shout, steaming mad. “You called and got me all riled up, just to call me some damn whatever the hell slang swear word. To hell with you, you asshole!”
I jab the disconnect button with my finger and toss the damn thing onto the table next to the bed.
“Fucking dick with ears,” I mutter, talking to the four walls inside of this cold bedroom. I raise my hands into the air as if someone will listen. “Please let me in up there, even after I shoot that asshole.”
