by Anthology
The morning after our talk, Alec had acted strange, like he was afraid he would do something wrong. He would still seem unsure of himself from time to time even though I’d explained that I had no expectations or presumptions about how things would happen between the two of us. It had made me realize just how hard he was trying to make things work between us.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I asked.
Between our work schedules, we were only able to spend a few nights together. I was excited about having him for the entire evening.
He shrugged. “We could always have lots and lots of sex. I’m down for that.”
I grinned. “I’m sure you are.” A thought occurred to me. “I know what I want to do.”
“What?” he asked, sounding suspicious.
“It’s nothing bad. Gesh. I was just thinking about when you said you played guitar. I would love to hear you.”
He seemed unsure of himself. “I don’t know.”
“Why not? You said you’ve played in front of people before, so I know you’re not shy.”
“It’s different with you. I care about what you think,” he admitted.
I smiled, touched by his words, even if it seemed to kill him to say them. “Come on. I’m sure I’ll like it.” When he still seemed uncertain, I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Please, Spike.”
His body shook with laughter. “You’re not allowed to call me that.”
“Why not?” I teased.
“Because everyone else calls me that. I’m Alec to you.”
I squeezed him tightly. “Fine. Alec, will you please play something for me?”
He sighed as he removed my arms. “I suppose.”
He pretended to scowl, but I could see the amusement in his eyes.
“Go sit on the couch. I’ll be back in a second.”
I walked over to the couch and sat down as he disappeared into his bedroom. When he reemerged, he had an acoustic guitar in his hand. He sat down on the opposite side of the couch and strummed the guitar. He fiddled with the tuning pegs and then strummed again.
Once he was satisfied, he turned his attention to me. “This is something I’ve been working on for a few weeks. It’s not finished yet.”
I nodded encouragingly. He looked away as his fingers began to move across the neck of the guitar. I watched in fascination as he played. The melody was soft, almost sweet. He played for a few seconds before he started singing. My mouth dropped open in amazement as I listened to him. His voice was deep normally, but it turned into a low growl as he sang. Listening to him sing was otherworldly.
What is happening to me?
I’m just trying to survive.
Then, you came to me, and I felt like maybe I wasn’t really living,
Maybe I just needed to find someone who gave a damn,
A damn about me
You don’t belong here.
You can’t,
Not with me.
Innocence can’t go hand in hand with the devil.
Things like that just aren’t meant to be.
I feel like I should’ve been a better man,
Especially when you look at me.
Just don’t stop looking at me.
As he finished, I ran my fingers under my eyes, trying to keep my tears from falling. His voice was mesmerizing. I had no idea how he wasn’t singing professionally. Every word he’d sung captured me. I felt every emotion his voice held.
“Dear God,” I whispered as I stared at him in awe.
“I know it’s not that great, but it isn’t finished. It’ll be better when I’m done,” he said, obviously mistaking my awe for dislike.
I shook my head. “It was amazing. I’ve never heard anything like it. Why are you in West Virginia, running a bar, when you could be out there, singing to the world?”
He seemed surprised. “You really liked it?”
“I loved it,” I told him honestly.
He sat his guitar on the table and tugged me over. He lifted me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. “I started writing it when I met you. I couldn’t seem to get you out of my head, so I decided to put everything I felt down on paper. It helped but only a little.”
“You have to be the most romantic man I’ve ever met.” I snuggled into his chest. “Can’t do relationships? Psh.”
He laughed. “When I’m around you, everything seems easy. I wish I had met you a long time ago.”
I sat up and looked into his eyes. “Things will never be easy. Life never is, so a relationship won’t be any different, but we’ll figure it out.”
“You think?” he asked, his expression serious.
“I know.”
He leaned in and kissed me gently. “No going back.”
“No going back.”
“Now, how about that awesome sex I mentioned earlier?”
I laughed as he picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. I knew what I’d told him was true. Nothing worthwhile was ever easy in life. I had no doubt that Alec and I would have issues along the way, but it didn’t matter. I wanted him, and he wanted me. That was what counted.
Our story was only beginning, but I’d found my happily ever after already. I couldn’t wait to see what would come next.
Blurred Lines
by
Tamsyn Bester
Prologue
Reid
November
JADE STARED AT ME with her chocolate brown eyes, red and slightly puffy, and I fought the natural inclination to wrap her in my arms. We’d been friends all our lives, and she was always the one constant in my life when everything else seemed uncertain. But for the past few months, the dynamic of our relationship had changed, and it terrified the hell out of me. It went from being playful to sexual, sedate to intense, calm to electrical, and we were both fumbling around in the proverbial dark trying to figure out what it meant for our friendship.
“I want you to kiss me, Reid, like you did the first time weeks ago when you couldn’t fight this,” – she gestured between the two of us – “any more than I could.”
We were standing in her family’s Villa in Barcelona, and she was a mess after her grandmother’s funeral. I’d come with her because I knew how hard it was going to be, and I couldn’t not be here if my girl needed me.
My girl.
I’d been thinking of her that way for a while now, if only in my head.
“Jade, I - ” I hesitated, rubbing my hands down my face. She wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was aware of that, which was why, giving into her, was a terrible idea. Once I kissed her, I would be tempted to do more, and the last thing I wanted was for her to think I was taking advantage of her vulnerable state. Because that’s exactly what she was.
Vulnerable.
Split wide open.
Showing me everything.
“Please,” she begged softly, the hitch in her voice causing my chest to ache. She was hurting, and I wanted to do what I could to help her through it.
I ran my eyes down her body, and my body reacted the way it always had when I saw her. Something deep inside me stirred, and it was so much more than just lust. It was a fierce need to have her, to claim her…to love her.
And God did I love her.
So much.
But what would happen if I acted on it?
My fear of losing her far outweighed my physical need to be with her, and as far as my emotional need went to tell her how much I cared about her, I wasn’t sure if our friendship would stay the same if I did.
I stepped closer to her, resting my hand on the back of her neck, and pressed our foreheads together.
It was dark outside, but I could see the plea on her face, in her eyes. I wanted to give her the world, but I was waging a war on the inside because what she was asking of me right now, in this rare, unguarded moment was so much more than that.
“If I kiss you,” I breathed, “There’s no going back. We will never be the same, and that scares me.”
“It scares me too,” she replied. “But what scares me more is going to bed in the next room without knowing what this would have felt like. With you.”
The ‘this’ she was referring to was more than a kiss, because we wouldn’t be able to stop there. Neither of us wanted to, but we had to be mindful of how it would impact the twenty years we’d been friends.
It was inconceivable to think that she’d been in my life that long, but our mothers were pregnant together, gave birth to us days apart, and our fathers had been best friends since high school. Her life was inextricably woven with mine, and her presence had always grounded me.
I had a feeling it would all change after tonight.
I wasn’t ready.
We weren’t ready.
But it was bound to happen, the same as the sun was meant to rise, and set every day.
“Are you sure?” I asked. Part of me was hoping she’d realize it was a bad idea, that our friendship wouldn’t last if things changed so drastically, but the other part wanted to know that she wanted this as much as I did.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” she replied.
That confirmation alone made my body hum with anticipation.
I pressed my lips to hers, gentle at first, and then our tongues met, and the rest came as naturally to me as breathing.
Every touch.
Every whimper.
Every inhalation.
Every exhalation.
I breathed her in. Her scent, her sounds, and the way her back bowed when my hands roamed her naked body. It was cool, a light breeze coming through the balcony doors, but the humidity coated her golden skin with a light sheen of sweat and I licked up the salty taste with fervor. Her body opened up for me, welcoming me home and I struggled with my restraint, shaking as I held myself above her.
“Reid,” she sighed, moving her hips and gripping my hard cock inside her. “You don’t have to be gentle. I won’t break.”
No, but I will.
I captured her lips with mine, and started moving. Her body gave itself over to me, as mine did to her, and for that brief, but intense, sliver of time I didn’t worry about where it left our hearts, where it left my heart. I gave in, I surrendered, and when the sun rose the following morning, Jade was nowhere to be found.
I was right.
Things changed after that.
And I knew neither of us would ever recover.
I’d lost my best friend.
Chapter 1
Jade
March
I WALKED INTO the apartment that I shared with my closest girlfriend Kennedy, and stifled a sigh when I found her playing tonsil hockey with her boyfriend, Dane. I’d had a rough day, and I wasn’t really in the mood to watch them dry hump on our sofa.
“Hey.”
Kennedy’s head whipped up at the sound of my voice, and she scrambled off Dane’s lap. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you home so early.”
“Yeah,” I snorted. “I see that.”
Dane ducked his head, and Kennedy muttered “sorry” as her cheeks reddened.
“It’s fine,” I said, walking to my bedroom. “Just put a sock on the door next time so I’m prepared.” I winked to let her I know I was teasing, and tried to squelch the pang of envy seeing her with Dane brought to the surface. I was happy for her, for them both. After the hell they had been through to find each other, they deserved it. But lately I’d been feeling as though life was taunting me with the things I wanted, but didn’t have. And I was tired of it.
I threw my bag onto the floor, and placed my sketch bag on my desk. I was in my third year at Brighton University studying a Bachelor of Science in Design, with the hopes of being a fashion designer. I had a knack for drawing, and had been sewing most of my own clothes from the age of sixteen, when my parents bought me my own sewing machine for my birthday.
I loved my classes, but more importantly it was the only thing I felt was going right in my life. I could control the outcome of this one small element of my world, which is exactly what I had been doing since everything had fallen out from under me last November.
I was exhausted, but fortunately it was already spring break, and I was looking forward to having a few days off.
“You okay?” Kennedy asked walking into my room. I sat down on my bed with a tired sigh, and replied, “Fine. Just feeling a little worn out.”
Kennedy smiled, and took a seat beside me. “I know what you mean. I’m so excited for our trip to Cabo. It’s the break we all need.”
Right. We were flying to Cabo in the morning, and I had to tell myself repeatedly that I was just as excited to be spending a few days on the beach. Truthfully speaking, I was kind of dreading it.
“It will be good,” I said, trying – and failing – to sound marginally enthusiastic.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t been quite like yourself these past few weeks.” I looked up, and wanted to cringe when I saw Kennedy’s expression filled with concern and sympathy.
“I’m good,” I lied. “It’s just been a little hectic, and I really am tired.” That part wasn’t a lie. I was more tired than usual, and I’d been feeling more emotional too. I shrugged it off though, claiming it was hormones, and ‘that time of the month’.
Kennedy let out a breath, and watched me with her knowing green eyes. She knew what had me feeling out of sorts, but I was grateful when she didn’t say it.
“We’re going to dinner tonight, you want to come?” She asked, changing topics.
“Who’s going?”
She bit her lip, nibbling on it nervously. It was one of her tells, and I knew I wasn’t going to like her answer, despite knowing exactly what she was going to say.
“Me and Dane, obviously, and I think Chase, and Ash will be there too. Grady is also going…” her words trailed off, leaving the rest for me to finish. “And Reid, and Stella.”
She looked away from me, and I hated that she felt sorry for me when she had no reason to. Reid was my best friend, but things had changed drastically in the past few months that I wasn’t even sure he was that anymore. He felt more like a stranger these days.
But I suspect that had more to do with his girlfriend and her dislike for me, than him actively staying away from me.
“I think I’m going to chill at home tonight,” I said, standing up. “Maybe watch a movie, or read a book. I could do with an early night.”
I started removing some of my clothes from my closet, and packing them into my suitcase.
“You don’t have to avoid them every time we hang out,” said Kennedy. “I will vagina punch that bitch if she tries anything with you.”
I snickered. “You know I can handle that Hobbit just fine. I was actually just want to chill out before our trip.”
Going to dinner with Reid and his girlfriend, Stella – aka the Hobbit – was as appealing as getting a pap smear, and something I could avoid. Going to Mexico with them for a week however wasn’t as easy to escape. Kennedy had begged me relentlessly for the month of January and I said yes because I could deal with Reid for that amount of time. But then he became ‘Reid and Stella’, and it was too late for me to pull out. Hence, I couldn’t get out of it.
“What must I tell Reid? You know he’s going to ask about where you are.”
Kennedy was right. We might have drifted apart, but Reid still cared. Much to Stella’s disgruntlement.
“Tell him I’m not feeling well,” I said. It was kind of true, so at least I didn’t have to ask Kennedy to lie. “He’ll see me tomorrow so it shouldn’t be a big deal.”
With a heavy sigh, Kennedy wrapped her arms around me, and rested her head on my shoulder. “I wish I could fix whatever happened between the two of you. I miss the ‘Jade and Reid’ show.”
I felt the familiar ache in my chest, and ignored it the same way I’d been forced to when Reid had started to distance himself. It wasn’t all Stella’s fault though. It was mine too and part of my pro
blem was coping with the guilt it made me feel.
“I don’t think it can be fixed,” – I tried, but only ended up making things worse – “but I’m getting over it. I’m happy if Reid is happy.”
I could tell Kennedy didn’t believe the ‘I’m getting over it’ part, and sadly I didn’t either. He’d been part of my life from the moment we were born, and I felt his absence. Every. Damn. Day. But he’d moved on, and I had to live with it.
“You know he’s not happy, Jade. He misses you. I have no idea what he sees in that girl. She’s nothing but a glorified dancing Hobbit.”
I laughed, picturing a hobbit in a tutu, and rested my head against Kennedy’s. “You only hate her because she’s bff’s with Amy.”
“And because she’s pretty much told Reid he’s to have nothing to do with you, and he actually listens to her.”
Yeah, I didn’t want to talk about them anymore.
I patted Kennedy’s arm, and made an effort to smile at her. “Go and enjoy your dinner, and if you and Dane come back here, make sure you keep the noise down.”
She blushed, and let out a giggle. “I’ll make sure we go to his place if we wanna…you know.”
“Good idea,” I laughed. “Maybe you and Stella can have a screaming competition.”
Kennedy scrunched her nose. “Ew. I don’t want to know what a hobbit sounds like having sex. But I think we’ll come home afterwards anyway, our flight is quiet early.”
I nodded, and placed my luggage on the floor at the foot of my bed. “I was just kidding. I’ll probably be passed out cold when you guys get back.”
Kennedy started walking backwards towards my door, and said, “Call me if you need me, okay?”
“I will.”
Kennedy left, and my smile slipped. I was feeling a little raw inside, thinking about Reid and how much I pined for him. There was only one way I could forget about it long enough expel the feelings burning in my chest.
