Then there was the topic of his heat. It was a sensitive subject, but I would do anything I needed to give him a safe space that didn’t include the dirty old man his parents had tried to set him up with. If that meant I went to a hotel for a while, fine. I hardly dared hope for something more, though my treacherous mind wouldn’t stop running through the possibilities in the back of my mind.
I set aside my plate and opened my mouth to offer my home to him, but some other part of my brain took over completely. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole that night.”
“Last night?” Miles asked. “You were the complete opposite of an asshole. I would say you were more a knight in shining armor.”
His praise only amplified my guilt. “No, I mean… before.”
His eyes widened and he dropped his head as he comprehended what I was referring to. The silence between us stretched uncomfortably, and I scrambled to find a way to salvage the conversation. I hadn’t intended to dig into that night, not yet.
“I blamed you for a long time,” he admitted, and my heart sunk.
“Rightfully so,” I said. “If I hadn’t been such an ass about you transferring to a better school because I was afraid of losing you, we might have…” I felt a knot growing in my throat. “We might have stayed together. As… as a family. The three of us.” I hadn’t talked about our unborn child since the accident. After Miles actually left school, I hadn’t talked about either of them to anyone.
Miles’s voice was broken as he said, “I would’ve liked that.”
“Me too,” I whispered, clearing my throat. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I never will. If I hadn’t been such an ass, you wouldn’t have been out that night. But I hope that you can at least give me room in your life to help you. I owe you at least that.”
I dared a glance at Miles and felt my chest rip apart with each shake of his head. I didn’t blame him. Some part of me had expected it, really, but I had dared to hope…
“You’re misunderstanding me,” Miles said. “I don’t blame you for the accident anymore. Every piece of that night is burned into my brain, my memory, the reports, the news footage. It took me a long time to realize that we were just normal people, having a normal fight, with normal feelings and a really shitty communication style. Circumstances were to blame. The asshole who hit me is to blame. You and me? If that hadn’t happened… I like to think we would’ve patched things up soon enough. That we would have made it through a long distance relationship.”
I smiled sadly. “That’s a nice thought, but I know me. I would have fucked it up somehow. Someway.”
I couldn’t bear the sadness in Miles’s eyes. “Do you really think so little of yourself?”
“Look at the evidence, Miles. Facts speak.”
“You want to look at the evidence? Okay fine, let’s look at the evidence. Since that night, what major grievances have you committed against someone you love?”
“None,” I snorted. Maybe whatever happened with Zeke, but since he wouldn’t tell me what it was, I had no clue. “Because I haven’t let anyone close enough to do it again.”
Miles made a buzzer sound. “Irrelevant, then. Let’s look at other ways you’ve fucked up.” His sarcasm was on max. “I mean, look at all the businesses you’ve driven into the ground. The employee’s lives you’ve destroyed because you couldn’t keep your business together.”
His firm confidence was wearing my walls down. I burst from my seat, unable to contain the energy shaking my limbs and began to pace. “That’s not the same.”
“Bullshit,” Miles said, tears spilling over his cheeks as he stood to confront me, blocking my path and pushing up into me. “I can’t handle this ridiculous image you have of yourself as poison. You believed in me in a way no one else had before. You were my everything. And then you were gone. You left. You said you never wanted to see me again. That’s what I couldn’t forgive. You—”
As my brain caught up with what he was saying, I realized something had gone horribly wrong. I hadn’t said that. I wasn’t the one who had left! But instead of asking what he meant, whatever he was going to say next, I swallowed with a kiss, the taste of our tears on our lips a bitter contrast to the sweetness of his mouth on mine, and for a moment, I felt peace.
38
Miles
Thinking about that time was something I tried to avoid at all costs, and, consequently, something I had never completely dealt with. I’d come to accept that the fight we had was just that, a fight, many years ago. People fight. We may have fought dirty, but emotions were high and fear had ruled the night.
And then last night—last night he was my hero in so many ways. He gave up so much to attend that awful dinner where my parents showed their true colors. I’d convinced myself they meant well, that they only wanted what was best for me. I realized now that wasn’t the case. If it were truly on my side, they never would have moved forward on plans with Andrew after I announced my relationship with Parker, my position at work would have included actual work, utilizing my skills, and they would’ve not only believed my side of the story about why I’d been fired, but would’ve helped me file a grievance against my previous employers, at the minimum. Looking back I could now see that ever since we found out I was an omega, they supported me not at all. And I had allowed it.
I should have stood up to my parents a long time ago, beyond my minor rebellions. A comment or a school transfer was one thing, actually facing them and telling them I needed more support from them as parents or needed their toxicity out of my life was another. Shit, they never once acknowledged my loss after the accident and if it weren’t for my scholarship, they would’ve put the kibosh on my transfer. That was a horrible time in my life. Though I came out stronger, I would never wish such an experience upon anyone.
My emotions roiled as the past slammed into me; the insecurities that had been resurfacing since I lost my job still simmering below the surface. And then hearing that Parker had held onto all that guilt…? It was all too much, and the emotions flew out of me in the form of tears. Tears I felt safe to shed with Parker, not feeling vulnerable, but loved.
When his lips landed on mine, I clung to him, needing the moment to last. The kiss started out hard and needy, but quickly became soft and tender. Parker’s lips danced with mine, pouring our love into each other. The kiss was over much too quickly, but the awkwardness of our position made it a necessity.
“You know the accident wasn’t either of our faults,” I whispered. Parker wiped my cheek with his thumb, removing the last of my remaining tears. “I understand why you left. I do. I just am scared that you might again.”
Parker hadn’t offered me a new start with his words, but his actions, his care, his touch, they told me what he’d not yet been ready to vocalize.
“You’re right. I never should have taken no for an answer. I should have kept coming back until you would see me. I should have done so many things, but when the guards escorted me out of the hospital at your demand, I let the guilt of what had happened to you, both of you, grow into this giant monster. And when you wouldn’t return my messages, I tried to start over. ” He pulled me up so we were both standing and held me tight. “Not trying harder, not being more persistent, not doing what was right and standing by my omega is my biggest regret. It was something I could control, but I allowed my emotions and flawed logic get the best of me. If you allow me back into your life—for real and not just pretend—I promise to always be there.”
I was dumbstruck. Why would he think…
I pulled out of his arms to meet his eyes. “I never sent you away. When I woke up three days after the accident and they told me I lost our child, I cried out for you. I needed you. They told me you said it was over. I… they… shit…”
Holy crap, I was lied to. Parker didn’t not come. He came. He was always there for me, I had been just too dumb and too young to see it at the time.
“Three days?” Parker stuttered as I nodded my head. “So
you never knew I came?”
“I thought you hated me for losing the baby... our baby.” My tears turned into sobbing and Parker held me tightly, murmuring reassurances and his love for me until I finally got myself in some semblance of control. During my sobbing, he had settled me on his lap in one of his lounge chairs, a place I was in no hurry to remove myself from.
“Never. Not for one second did I blame you for that man’s reckless driving. I blamed me for not being the alpha you needed and being the reason you were out there that night.” He rubbed slow circles on my back as he allowed his words to sink in. “I called you so many times.”
“My phone was lost in the accident.”
“No, it wasn’t. I talked to… shit. I think I talked to your mom.”
“That can’t be. If it were, there was no way she’d have not mentioned it last night. She is one to pull out the time I called her a bitch in high school anytime we fight. She’s a dredger.” I couldn’t begin to fathom the cruelty of my mother denying her only son his alpha, even if it wasn’t official yet. True, she was pissed she didn’t hadn’t known about the baby and, in a sick way, I think she was glad the baby was gone. To her, being an unmated omega was a crime and being an unmated pregnant omega far worse, not that she told me that to my face, but I’d been to enough of her dinner parties to have heard her opinions on the matter well enough.
“Miles. Listen to me. I promise you my words are completely true.”
“Go on.” It was all I could muster in reply.
“I called you the morning after we fought and a woman answered. It must have been your mom. She had been crying—a nurse wouldn’t do that and then answer a patient’s phone. She asked if I was your alpha, only she worded it differently. I don’t think I ever told her my name. Did you?”
I thought back to that time, when I first woke up and I was pleading for him. Shit, he was right, I kept crying for my alpha.
Tears threatened to fall again, only this time out of anger. How could she do this to me, to us? How could I have believed her?
“I’m sorry I believed her.” The sobbing returned. My. Own. Mother. All those years lost, tears shed, hurt rooting deep for no reason other than to—what? Protect me? Because if that was her intention, she beyond failed.
39
Parker
I don’t think I had ever experienced such a clamoring confusion of emotions before, not even when I thought Miles had rejected me. That had been grief, and guilt, and I’d been furious with myself. Now, I was relieved, yet nearly overwhelmed by the sense of regret that I hadn’t pushed harder, figured it out sooner. I was absolutely livid at Miles’s parents—his mother in particular. I was terrified that if I said how I felt about that whole thing, I’d offend him, or scare him away. But he surprised me.
“That fucking bitch,” he spit out through his tears.
“Shh…” I tried to comfort him.
“Don’t try to make excuses for her!” Miles managed to say, the words coming out choked and broken. “How could you, when she did this to us?”
I took his hands in my own. “Miles.” I waited until he looked at me. “Believe me when I say that I will never excuse or defend what your mother did. I can’t put into words how beyond furious I am. I’ve always hated how they’ve treated you, especially after last night. But this… I can’t…” Now my voice was breaking, and Miles was the one comforting me.
We held each other, letting broken breaths and tears subside. I felt absolutely drained, but felt like every cell in my body was shaking.
“Maybe I should make some tea,” Miles said finally.
A wild idea captured me, and I barely dared voice it, but it refused to stay locked away once I acknowledged it. If Miles said yes… it meant I’d never lose him again. “Miles… I’m going to say something crazy… and it’s okay if you say no. Okay? Promise me you’ll say no if you’re not okay with it?”
“Parker.” Miles shook his head. “I can’t promise until I know what you’re talking about.”
“Just promise you’ll be one hundred percent real with me. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings.”
He practically rolled his eyes, but he said, “I promise.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “Miles, will you mate me?”
40
Miles
My heart literally stopped. “I want to say yes. I do.” More than anything.
“But?” He kept his arms firmly around me.
“But I’m jobless and homeless.” That reality wasn’t going anywhere. “Not really the time to jump in.”
“You are an amazing attorney. You’re very employable and you are not homeless, you just recently moved here, to my condo.”
I was so letting the second part of his argument go for now, needing to wrap myself around the enormity of what he had just asked. Mate him. He wanted me to mate him, to pick up where we left off all those years ago and go forward together, as it was meant to be. There was no part of me that wanted to deny him, not after all those years were stolen from us by a deception that could never be forgiven. But it was irresponsible to saddle him with me in my current state, even if it would break my heart all over again to deny
“I’m only an attorney here if the bar reciprocity is in my favor.” From what I could piece together, it should be, as long as my former employer didn’t file a complaint against me with the state, which he would’ve been a fool to do because I was in the right, and he would lose. Plus I had Mr. Fips in my corner, or so I thought. But I didn’t want to count on anything until it was a done deal. “It might take longer than I can cover with my savings.”
“Things are going to work out.” Parker rubbed my arms. I wanted to bottle his confidence of not only us, but my career’s future.
He kissed me soundly, only breaking the kiss when I was good and drunk on him. “Say yes.” He punctuated his words with kisses. “I want you as you are now, as you will be in the future and every incantation in between. Everything but us being mated is just details. We have already lost so much time. Say yes. Make me the happiest alpha in the world and give me the one thing I have always wanted… a future with you. Say yes.”
“Yes,” escaped my lips before he was on me again, putting an end to the discussion, which was fine by me. I needed to just feel him, us in the now, to let the rest of the world wall away even if only for a moment. As his lips left my neck, descending down my neck, I found myself begging him for more. For everything. “Take me to your room. Knot me, Parker. I need to feel you, all of you.”
He froze in place, tilting his head back, finding my eyes. I met them, pleading with my own. He must’ve found what he was looking for because before I knew it, we were in his room, our hands peeling away each other’s clothing, our scents wrapping around us, almost discernable. He was mine, even after all this time, he was mine.
There was so much still to be dealt with, to be worked through, to process, but none of that mattered now. Right now, our love, the one that never faltered even with all the hurt, grief and deception between us, was everything. Parker was my alpha. Mine. And soon to be so in truth, not just promise.
41
Parker
So much of Miles was familiar. The feeling of his skin on mine, his scent as I buried my face in his neck, the tiny gasps of pleasure as I nibbled that spot right behind his ear that drove him crazy—it was like coming home. But we’d both grown, filled out; our bodies fit together just differently enough to give me pause. He wasn’t the skin and bones kid I’d first fallen in love with. He’d become a man, and in all my dreams I’d never imagined that I would ever find Miles sexier than my memories, but I’d been thoroughly wrong.
I slid down to lay between his legs, his erection pressing against my stomach, tracing the new curves and contours of the only man who had captured my attention and my heart. I was desperate to memorize them, to rebuild my mental image of Miles with the reality that was under my hands. Before, my fingers had been able to thrum across
his ribs like guitar strings, but now I glided down the side of his chest to the last two ribs, then smoothing over the dip of his stomach to his hip bones, resting my thumbs on the intriguing crease of muscle that lead down in a vee to where our bodies pressed together.
Miles arched off the bed, pressing more firmly against me.
“Am I going too slow?” I asked, rubbing my thumbs over his hipbones teasingly.
“Never,” Miles gasped. “I could just let you do that for an eternity.”
“Oh really? Just this?” I dug my thumbs in a little harder and he gasped. “Just minutes ago you were begging for my knot.” To press the point, I slid my hips forward, brushing the head of my cock against the sensitive skin right behind his balls.
“I’m all for that too.” Miles’s voice was decidedly higher pitched and breathier this time.
“So which is it?” I pressed my hands into the bed on either side of his chest, the leverage allowing my to circle my hips, my cock slipping back and forth between his thighs. “Do you want my knot, or do you want me to keep teasing you?”
“Yes,” Miles gasped, prompting a laugh from me.
“What a mathematical answer.”
“What?” Miles blinked hazily and I pushed my hips further forward to see if I could wipe out every last shred of logic from his brain. I slid between the crease of his ass, my sensitive length extremely aware of heat of his entrance. Miles’s mouth dropped open and his eyes rolled back as a gush of slick covered my cock. My vision nearly whited out. Miles was so wet. For me. I was the one driving him blind with need. Had it ever been this good, back then? Maybe it was my hormones talking, but I didn’t think so. The gap of lost time had made us both appreciate this so much more, each touch a thousand times more intense because we knew what it was like to live without it, each moan a thousand times sweeter, because it had been so long since I’d heard it.
Reclaiming His Omega: M/M Non-Shifter Alpha/Omega MPREG (Cafe Om Book 5) Page 13
