He sighs. “This Saturday.”
The world tilts on its axis and I’m lightheaded for a moment. “But this Saturday is Amy’s wedding.”
He frowns and walks around the island to me. “I know, and I’m sorry, but it’s out of my control. It’s the only weekend with availability since that’s the date they originally thought we’d requested.”
“So I have to go to the wedding by myself now?” I hear the panic creeping into my voice.
“Like I said, I’m so sorry.” He reaches for my hand, but I pluck it from his grasp.
“What will people say? After they saw us arguing at the bachelor party, they’re bound to think we’ve broken up or something if you’re not with me.” I slide off the barstool and pace the kitchen, unable to sit still with the restless tension coursing through me.
“Just tell them the truth—that it’s my grandparents’ fiftieth anniversary party and I had to be there.”
He says it as though it’s as easy as that when we both know it’s not. People will talk. Elijah and Sarah will talk and make me feel as bad as I possibly could that my supposed husband isn’t with me.
“I can’t believe this.” I push my fingers into my hair and stand there, digging my nails into my scalp. “I’m going to look like a complete idiot. I’ll be lucky if people don’t question whether it was all fake to begin with.”
Panic rises inside me like a runaway train, and it’s impossible to put the brakes on to slow it down. I’m just along for the ride.
“They have no reason to do that. It will be fine when you tell them what happened.”
I come out of my trance and scowl at him. “You don’t know that. Now Elijah and Sarah are going to be looking at me like I’m pitiful all night. I can’t wait to hear what snide comments she has for me. I’m going to be so embarrassed.” Tears spring to my eyes.
He tilts his head and studies me. “Elijah and Sarah are assholes. Who cares what they think? This weekend will probably be the last time you ever see them.”
“Easy for you to say. You weren’t the one who was dumped and passed up for a better model.” I’m yelling now, but I can’t stop.
He steps toward me, eyes on fire. “Why do you even care so much anymore? We’re together.” He motions with his finger between us. “My opinion of you should be the only one you care about. Do you still have feelings for him?”
“Are you serious right now?” I’m so angry I understand what the term “seeing red” means.
“Well, you seem pretty concerned what your ex thinks. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re trying to make him jealous. Just like the bachelor party.”
I step toward him, hands clenched at my sides. “Tell me what you really think.”
“What I really think is that for some reason, you’re obsessed with trying to make your ex jealous and I really don’t know why the hell that is.”
I suck back the first tear trying to escape.
The fact is, Lucas has no idea what it’s like to not be chosen by someone you love. First it was my father, then Elijah. And now it appears to be Lucas. You think I’d get used to it at some point, but in a lot of ways, I’m the same little girl who wondered why she wasn’t good enough for her daddy to stay.
“I’m not doing this.” I stomp toward the front door, but I hear Lucas’s footsteps behind me.
“So what? The going gets tough and you’re just out? We’ve been avoiding this conversation all week. It needs to be dealt with.”
“You’ve made your position pretty clear, I’d say. I’m going to leave.” I push my sandals on my feet and grab my purse off the hook by the front door.
“Camila, don’t run off. We need to figure this out—the wedding and what went down at the bachelor party.” He’s trying to sound reasonable, but I still hear the anger in his words.
“You’ve made your choice. You’re going to your grandparents’ anniversary party and leaving me in a lurch. And I get it, I really do. But I can’t help how it makes me feel. Once again, I’m not the chosen one.” And with that, I leave for what I know will be the last time.
It was good while it lasted. Who knew even a fake husband could break your heart?
Thirty-Eight
Camila
Two days have passed since I stomped out of Lucas’s house and he hasn’t reached out. Not that I’m surprised. I haven’t reached out either.
“Here.” Amber brings me an overfilled bowl of ice cream and parks it next to me on my sofa.
“Gaining ten pounds before the wedding is not going to improve my situation,” I say as I push my spoon into the creamy goodness that promises at least temporary relief from the emotions swirling inside me like a kaleidoscope.
“Now tell me again why you can’t just reach out to him and have a conversation,” she says, ignoring my remark.
“Because I’ve had enough rejection for a lifetime, thanks,” I say around my spoon.
“It’s not his fault that the date for his grandparents’ party got moved.” She adjusts herself so that she’s better facing me.
“I never said it was. But, Amber, he accused me of trying to make Elijah jealous—more than once, I might add.” I use my spoon to bring another scoop of ice cream to my mouth.
“Surely you can understand why he might think that, given what you’ve told me.”
I glare at her. “No, I can’t, and that’s exactly the point. He knows about my dad leaving. He knows about the end of my relationship with Elijah.” The familiar feeling of being abandoned wells up inside me. “He knows all that, yet he can’t understand why I’d be upset.”
“Because…” She genuinely looks confused.
I set my ice cream bowl on the table. “Because once again, I wasn’t chosen.”
Her face crumples, and she scoots forward on the couch and pulls me into a hug. “Camila, it’s an impossible choice between you and his grandparents, who it sounds like played a pivotal role in his life.”
“And I understand that it’s not really a choice at all, I do. But he presented it to me like this is how it is, deal with it, as though I shouldn’t even have been upset. Even when he knows everything I’ve been through. There was zero acknowledgment of why it might be extremely difficult for me to go to this wedding alone.”
Amber pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “And why is it so hard?”
I swallow hard. “Because I wanted to show Elijah that someone did choose me. And if I show up alone, he’ll assume rightly that I was passed up yet again.”
“Oh, honey.” She rubs my arm. “It doesn’t matter what he or anyone else thinks. You’re the one who has to feel worthy. In here.” She pokes me in the chest with her index finger.
I crumple into tears because she’s right. Why couldn’t I have just said that to Lucas? I know the answer though. Telling him the truth would make me vulnerable, and being vulnerable makes me open to being hurt again.
Amber embraces me while I shed more and more tears, and when I’m done, I feel as though I actually released all of the pain wrapped up inside me.
“What am I going to do?” I ask, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“You could talk to him. Explain.”
I sink back into the couch and stare at the ceiling. “He was pretty clear when we first got together that he wanted to avoid drama in a relationship. God, he must think I’m the most dramatic person alive at this point. Fake boyfriend to fake husband to a breakdown because he can’t attend a wedding with me.” I sigh.
“You won’t know unless you try.” Amber reaches for my bowl of now-melting ice cream and eats it.
“I guess.” I think about what his reaction might be if I show up to apologize for overreacting and explain what I was really upset about. The idea of making myself that vulnerable nearly gives me hives, but I owe it to him to apologize. “It’s only a few days until the party. I’m sure he’s busy trying to arrange everything since the date was moved up. I don’t want to be a source for any more drama
right now. I’ll wait until Sunday to reach out. Until then, I have to figure out how I’m going to get through this wedding.”
I decide that getting through the wedding means hiring a professional to do my hair and makeup and wearing a pair of Spanx under my formfitting black dress. As well as my only pair of expensive heels—my red-soled black pumps that cost a small fortune but make me feel like a powerhouse when I wear them.
I stand at the doors of the reception hall with my hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before swinging it open. It was easy to avoid anyone I knew at the church ceremony because I arrived right before it was slated to begin and left right away. Amy looked gorgeous and the ceremony was lovely.
But at the reception, I’ll be confronted with the inevitable question about where Lucas is. So with one last deep breath, I step into the room, heading toward table number thirteen—I saw my name on the assignment board in the hallway. Here’s hoping thirteen is a lucky number for me and I get through this evening without too much trouble. Amy kindly sat Elijah and Sarah at a table far from mine—yeah!
I’m the first one at the table. Most everyone else is either at the bar getting a drink or mingling on what will be the dance floor later. I, for one, want to remain sober tonight since my track record of drinking at these things hasn’t paid off too well.
Eventually, after the MC tells everyone to prepare for the bride and groom’s entrance, people make their way to the tables. I’m seated with some of our coworkers and their spouses. Since I gave Amy the heads-up ahead of time that Lucas’s grandparents’ anniversary party had to be moved, she removed him from the seating chart, so I don’t have to sit beside an empty chair all night. Instead, we all have a little more elbow room. I’m counting it as a small win.
Once dinner and the speeches finish up, and after the first dance, the DJ spins some music and guests hit the dance floor. I excuse myself from the table to use the restroom and exit out the same doors I entered through. When I head down the hallway where the bathrooms are, I find myself walking straight toward Elijah and Sarah. They’re hand in hand, and based on the way Sarah’s trying to fix her hair with her free hand, I’m wondering if they just got it on in one of the bathroom stalls.
I prepare myself for the familiar feelings of hurt and negativity and having to prove myself to my ex, but they don’t come. My ex’s presence feels… inconsequential.
I’m shocked. Every time I’ve seen Elijah, or hell, even heard his name, since we broke up, it was a big deal for me—had me all up in my feelings. How is it that I can be walking toward him and the woman he left me for and feel… nothing?
“Hey, Camila,” he says.
They stop in front of me and Sarah smirks in her usual manner.
Instead of spurring anger and making me feel like I want to get in a hair-tugging girl fight, I merely want to roll my eyes. Rather than doing that, I smile at them both. “Hey, guys. Gorgeous wedding, wasn’t it?”
Elijah clearly senses that something has changed for me, because he tilts his head and studies me.
“It was beautiful.” Sarah places her hand on her fiancé’s chest. “We were just saying how we want our wedding to be even grander than this one.”
Her comments are clearly designed to piss me off, but I refuse to let her get to me. “I’m sure it will be lovely.”
I’m starting to see that Lucas was right. Why do I care what these two think of me? They aren’t a part of my life. I don’t even like either of them. Why should their opinion of me be any of my concern? I had the man I wanted and I let my own self-doubt and insecurities get in the way and ruin it.
“Where’s your husband tonight?” Sarah asks.
I laugh.
Right there in front of them both, I laugh like a maniac at my own absurdity. I can’t believe I ever let Elijah get me to the point that I was willing to lie about being married. It’s insane! I was insane!
Rather than give some thought to the consequences of my words, I let them spill out of me. The more I talk, the more I want the truth out in the open, if only to prove to myself that I’m done letting other people determine my worth. “Actually, about that. There’s something you both should know. Lucas isn’t my husband. I made that up. In fact, he wasn’t even my boyfriend when I brought him to the Stag and Doe party. But through the course of all this craziness of pretending we were married, we did start seeing each other and I fell in love with him. And because I’m an idiot and I let you both make me feel less than, I lost him. And I’m done with it. I’m done with caring what you think or what you might say about me to other people here. Over it. Lucas is the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m certainly not going to let the likes of you two ruin it for me.”
Elijah and Sarah stare at me wide-eyed for a moment before she speaks. “I knew you could never get a guy like him.”
Her snarky remark is like a hand over silk—it slides over me easily. A feeling of peace and freedom washes over me. It doesn’t matter that these two know the truth. These two themselves don’t even matter to me. Lucas is what matters, and when I show up at his place tomorrow, I have to win him back. And the only way I’ll be able to do that is to live in my truth.
I shrug at her. “Well, I did. And you got…” I motion to Elijah with my hand. “That. Have fun with it while it lasts.” I give her a saccharine smile as hope wells inside my chest, making me feel buoyant.
I spin on my heel to go back the way I came. I’ll use the restroom later. I feel as though I should walk away from them for flair rather than walk past them in the direction I was heading. But I almost stumble with my first step because when I turn around, Lucas is standing there, wearing a suit, hands in his pockets and looking at me in shock.
Thirty-Nine
Lucas
“I swear if you don’t wipe that miserable look off your face, I’m gonna give you something to be miserable about,” Travis says.
I can’t help but chuckle. “You sound like Dad.”
“Maybe, but I swear to God I will. This party is supposed to be fun.”
I glance around the hall at everyone—many of whom I know well because they’re relatives, and some I’ve met in passing, like my grandparents’ friends. Everyone is laughing and smiling and having conversations. I’ve been hiding in the corner and nursing a beer for the past hour.
All I can think about is how Camila should be here with me. Be here and meet my parents and the rest of my extended family. Continue to build a relationship with my brothers. Become further entrenched in my life.
Instead, I’m here by myself, miserable and pissed off and wishing I hadn’t come down so hard on her. The fact is, I don’t know what it’s like to have a parent choose to leave your life at such a young age. There’s no question that leaves scars. But at the same time, we can’t build a healthy, trusting relationship if she’s always trying to prove something to everyone outside of the two of us.
“What? I’m having a good time,” I say.
“Bullshit. You’re pining away for Camila. If you don’t want to be apart from her, then just make it right between you two.”
“It’s not that easy.” I take another pull of my beer.
“It really is,” Travis says.
I roll my eyes. “No offense, bro, but you’re not exactly an expert at relationships.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth.
Travis had a bad breakup a couple of years ago and it’s a touchy subject for him. I didn’t even think about that when I made my comment, but I know he’s not thinking that when his face goes stony.
“Whatever, be miserable then.” He stalks off and ignores me when I call after him.
Damn it. I feel like an ass. Even more than I did before. I blow out a breath and push a hand through my hair. Then Grams appears at my side.
“Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to thank you again. That gift you and your brothers gave your grandpa and me is too much.” Tears fill her eyes when she moves in to hug me.
I wrap
my arms around her and squeeze gently. “It’s not too much. In fact, it’s less than we’d like to be able to give you after all you did for us growing up.”
“Nonsense,” she says into my chest and pulls away. “But we will have the time of our lives, so thank you.”
I smile at her petite frame. “You’re welcome.”
“Now, want to tell me why you’ve been standing off by yourself all night?” She crosses her arms.
There’s no way I’m getting out of telling her at least some of what’s going on—or not going on, to be accurate—with Camila and me. But I’ll give it a go.
“Nothing, just enjoying the party.” I shrug.
“Lucas Arthur Abbott, do not lie to an old woman like me. I could drop dead right here and the last thing you said to me would have been a lie. Now why isn’t Camila here with you?”
“Because I messed up. We got in an argument and I wasn’t very understanding of her side and I… may have been a little harsh.” I take a swig of my beer and set it on the table beside me.
Grams presses her lips together. “You still care about her?”
I look into Gram’s eyes and admit the truth in a rough voice. “I’m in love with her.”
She claps her hands together in front of her chest. “Well, that seals it then. You have to go after her. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you’re sorry for whatever you said and how you acted.”
“I wish it were that easy. I think I really hurt her. She has some… issues from her past that have affected our relationship. I’m not sure how to get past them.”
She waves off my concerns. “Everyone has issues, Lucas. You guys don’t hold the patent on that. But you need to convince her that you’re going to be there for her when those issues arise. That you’ll help her work through them. That’s all a long-term relationship is—working through things when they come up and enjoying the time together in between. Believe me, your grandpa and I had plenty of hard things to work through over the years. But look at us now, celebrating fifty years of being married.” She pats my cheek. “If you love this girl, you need to make sure she knows.”
Rent-A Husband Page 18
