Jesus.
This was the thing she was hiding. The more I felt that she wasn’t saying.
My mouth dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
“So you could kick me out for working for a firm with a bad rep?” A tear ran down her cheek.
“I would never have done that.” I shook my head.
“I was scared, and maybe you wouldn’t but I’m sure your father or Preston might have.”
“I would never have allowed anyone to do that to you.” I assured her.
Maybe I should have been mad that she didn’t tell me, but I wasn’t. I understood why she kept the secret, and why she was telling me now.
It made sense.
“It means a lot to hear you say that. It really does.” She sighed. “It was something that killed me to keep from you and I felt worse every day for keeping the secret. I took this job because no one else would hire me as an attorney. I was up to my neck in debt and had to find something. I suffered like I was the one who was guilty, when I didn’t do anything wrong. I lost my job before I realized my dad was so sick, and I came here to restore my name and get some credibility. I can’t live through something like that again.”
“I would never consider going ahead as planned if I thought for one moment that anything could get exposed in court and drag us all into a crazy mess.”
“But you don’t know what could happen. I’ve listened to you talk about how much you wanted the senior partnership, and I’ve held back on telling you how much I just wanted to be a lawyer again, and be me. I worked hard too, and it wasn’t so I could be a PA forever.”
“I know, and I don’t expect you to be a PA forever. Summer… all the stuff that Marc found was from me being worried and wanting to do extra checks. And, all the findings have been done by people with special skills to find this shit. They had to dig deep. A simple run of the mill case won’t require that level of deep investigation.”
“But what if later something happens and it’s found out that you knew what was going on? How can you even trust the people who found the stuff? They could come forward at any moment and say they found it and gave it to Marc who then gave it to you. What would you do then? ”
That was a possibility but one I didn’t want to entertain. “Hopefully I would have sorted things out by then.”
“This isn’t right. Alex you don’t want to be caught up in a lie that could turn uglier than it already is. You told me only two weeks ago that you were worried you’d act selfishly, you knew something was going on from then didn’t you? All the time you looked worried you knew something wasn’t right.”
I thought for a moment, then looked deep into her eyes. I didn’t want to lie or evade the question.
“I did.” At the time I knew about the offshore accounts.
“Alex, the reality of this is anything could happen. We don’t know what the prosecution could have found, and it could get dragged into court. Please see it all for what it is and not what you want it to be.”
I was losing my grip of everything and didn’t even know what to do anymore.
“I’ve worked too hard to mess things up now.” I thought of what my father said back in the office earlier.
He told me he was proud.
I’d lived my whole life waiting to hear those words.
He’d never praised me when I did anything good, because he found some sort of flaw with it. He never looked at all the abilities I had as a good thing, but that I had more experience in certain areas so I should take on whatever he threw at me.
If I brought this to him that would be it. I’d lose more than the chance for the senior partnership.
It would also be that respect that I’d gained from him, from following orders and doing what he told me to do.
“So your choice is the senior partnership?” She held my gaze and looked at me with wide worried eyes.
“Yes.” I heard myself say. “But I’m going to sort out the kinks later. I promise I will do that.”
She closed her eyes, squeezed them and opened them quickly and blinked several times like she couldn’t believe my answer.
“Okay.” Came her breathy reply that held an air of defeat in its tone. “Okay.”
I wanted to continue to reassure her that I would do all that I could to make it okay but what I saw next caught and held my attention.
Whenever I looked at Summer, the first thing I always saw in those beautiful green eyes was that spark.
It was fire that came straight from her soul, and I knew it only burned for me.
In the flashing lights of the club that night, months ago now, I saw it ignite.
But just now I saw the light go out.
The spark was gone.
It went out as if someone had switched it off, and I knew in that moment that I lost her.
Chapter 27
Summer
I went home about ten minutes after.
Couldn’t stay with my tormented mind.
It seemed that I’d been mistaken again. But this time it was my own fault.
I knew Alex was just determined to pursue his dreams.
However, the man I saw today wasn’t the person I thought I knew.
As I sat here in the living room I went over today’s events.
Thinking about what I was going to do.
All of the things that Marc found was enough to damn Devon to hell. If the authorities found out he’d go down big time and anyone associated with him would either get dragged down with him, or get a bad rep. Just like at Ashfords.
At Ashfords, the senior management were all guilty, but the people below them like myself weren’t. Look what happened with that.
When people wanted to form an opinion they just did it. If the terrible thing that happened was so bad that it affected thousands, it wouldn’t matter what an innocent person did to show they were innocent.
I’d must have tailored my CV all six ways to Sunday before I had an interview.
But, I’d been invited as a scapegoat. The interviewer wanted someone to scream at someone from Ashfords for her loss of investment, and that happened to be me.
I’d never forget her telling me that I’d be lucky if I ever worked as an attorney again.
Those words stayed with me for a long time, and were in my mind now.
They rung in my ears and warned me that the same thing could happen to me again if I stayed at Sullivan’s.
Alex was blinded by his desires to be senior partner. Blinded and focused on pleasing his father.
He wasn’t thinking of the consequences of his actions.
I couldn’t believe that on the bare surface of it, he was willing to go to court, probably win and end up cheating that poor lady out of her investment that he knew was set up to rob her.
It was wrong. Getting involved was wrong. And, that just wasn’t the guy I’d come to know. That same guy who rushed off to help Clarrisa because he didn’t want her to go bankrupt and lose everything. The same guy who offered his services for free for a ton of clients who couldn’t afford his normal legal costs.
I’d seen him in action and knew that the person who could act with such kindness wasn’t thinking straight.
What did it all mean though?
All of that meant nothing if he was going to follow the plan. It was like giving someone poison, knowing what you’re giving them will kill them and then trying to find an antidote after they’d drank it. It was a problem that could have been prevented from the start.
That was him.
As for me…
I couldn’t allow myself to get caught in that if it all went wrong. My father worked hard to make sure I got what I wanted out of life.
I honored him by working equally hard to make sure I got the most out of whatever it was I did.
It would be a terrible move on my part to entertain Alex’s plan, follow it all through and miss a chance to further my own career.
The answer that came to me was one
that I’ve arrived at, at least ten times but rebooted my thought process to see if I could come up with anything else.
I hadn’t and that answer stuck with me.
Alex chose his career. That was the bottom line. That was what he chose. Above everything. He chose his career.
Even when he knew there were chances things could go wrong, and even after I said I didn’t want to get caught up in another work scandal.
He chose his career, but weeks ago I chose love.
I’d sat on this Morgan and Ackerman job for over a week, shelving it to the back of my mind as an option I was just keeping there, but would sacrifice for love.
After all that had happened today I suddenly felt like a fool.
After all I’d been through why would I even consider passing up such an opportunity?
So this was where I was at. Alex chose his career. Shouldn’t I choose my career too?
If I stayed and Sullivan’s got caught up in a fraud scandal I’d get caught too.
Same problem as before, just different characters playing the same role.
Then what?
I had to choose me too, because in the end I’d only have myself to rely on.
Just me.
Being with Tom opened my eyes immensely. I’d experienced firsthand how much effect one person could have on another.
I spent months feeling like I wasn’t good enough, or like something was wrong with me.
The same thing hadn’t happened here but some of the principles were similar.
Tom chose his own personal desires over being loyal to me.
Alex knew what it would mean for me if I got caught up with another firm in a scandal.
Both chose themselves.
So now it was time for me to take control and choose me.
Alex
I was actually scared to go home, fearing what I may find when I got there.
I knew Summer left early.
The thing to do was to go after her and see if she wanted to talk some more, but since I knew that wouldn’t work I stayed at work.
It was eight o’clock by the time I got home, and when I saw her in the living room sitting with the lights dimmed and her suitcase packed my heart just…
Well…
I couldn’t feel my heart anymore.
“Summer.” At the sound of my voice she turned her head and stood.
She was dressed up, wearing a black jacket, a pair of jeans that hugged her slender legs. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail.
“Hey,” she gave me one of her little smiles.
I walked right up to her and took hold of her hand.
“No.” I wanted to get straight to the point before she could tell me she was leaving. “Stay don’t leave.”
“I have to.” She breathed and just like earlier today a tear ran down her cheek.
“No, Summer, what happens at work has nothing to do with us. You and me, exist beyond work.” The quiver in my voice was something I’d never heard before.
“It actually doesn’t. You chose your career and I’m choosing mine.”
“You’re making it sound like I’m choosing my career over you.” I wasn’t doing that.
“Alex, I know you know that going ahead to represent Devon is wrong. You don’t know what can happen, and if you get caught up in it you won’t have control over what happens either. I’m certain that your father would prefer to find out all the things you found out today and stop a problem in its tracks rather than think everything is fine and it’s not.” She nodded and pressed her lips together.
“I’m still thinking about what to do.” I confessed because right now I wasn’t sure.
Losing the chance to be senior partner would cut me deep, but losing her would break my heart.
“Well I hope you choose the right thing.”
“Please don’t go.”
“There’s a job I think I’m going to accept. Morgan and Ackerman are interested in me taking on a senior associate role in Dubai. It’s with a view to being senior partner in a year. I’m going to stay with Eilesh until I go.”
That was an excellent opportunity.
“You found that out today?”
She shook her head. “Nearly two weeks now. I was going to turn it down.”
I stared into those eyes of hers, wondering why she would turn down something like that but the answer came to me.
“Why?” Like most things I wanted to hear her say it.
“You. I wanted to stay with you.”
“Why?” That too, I knew the answer but wanted to drag it out of her.
Again she shook her head. “Doesn’t matter now.”
“I love you.” This was on me. It was for me to say. The only woman I’d ever said that to was my mother. No one else.
“I love you too, but it’s not enough.” More tears ran down her cheek.
“How can that not be enough? It should be everything.”
“It’s not, because it doesn’t solve anything. If you choose to do something you know isn’t right you aren’t the man I thought you were. I won’t do that again either and be in a relationship that is destined for doom.”
“Summer, I said I’m still thinking about it.”
“So think. But, I can’t be here.” She stood on her toes and planted a soft kiss on my lips.
A kiss from an angel.
She took her suitcase and walked away, leaving.
I didn’t realize how empty and lonely this apartment felt until then.
But, what was worse was the emptiness I felt.
And the loss.
I didn’t realize how empty and lonely I was until she left me.
“Don’t drink anymore.” Marc said. “Don’t drown your sorrows in the bottom of a bottle.”
“If my sorrows could be drowned in a damn bottle I’d drink every last bottle of wine in this house.” I slammed down my glass on the dinner table and rested my head back against the chair. The hard wood of the frame felt cool against my skin.
I was certain I’d drank a whole bottle of wine, and I did need to stop now.
It was best because I wanted a clear mind tomorrow. The last thing I wanted was either to skip out on tomorrow because I had a terrible hangover, or go in to work with it.
What did it matter though?
Lost in the wind.
That’s how I felt. Like one of those balloons that had floated away and soared far beyond anyone’s reach. Drifting around without hope or an aim.
Just there.
“You look like shit.” Marc stated. “Hey.” He snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Come back to me man. I came by to talk. We need to talk.”
I straightened up and stared at him. “I don’t know what the hell to say.”
“Let’s start with Summer.” Marc held up his hands. “I think she’s probably the most important topic here.”
“I want her back.”
It was nearly ten. Nearly three hours since she’d stood in this very room and left me.
It seemed like forever. The scene had played itself over and over again in my mind like a film on repeat.
“I’m sure you do. But she’s right, Alex.”
Mark had gotten here about an hour after Summer left. My cavalry ready to rescue.
He came by knowing I’d need to talk about today. He didn’t know though that today was only the start of my problems because with Summer gone it felt like I’d lost everything.
“I know. You’re both right. I know that.” Of course I knew. And I knew I’d been a complete jerk today. Selfish, out of character, and completely self-focused.
I’d kind of kissed the damn senior partnership goodbye the minute Summer closed the door.
The problem now was what to do.
“Don’t let her go to Dubai thinking she wasn’t important to you. I can see she was.”
“She is. I told her I loved her and she still left.” I reached for the bottle and poured myself another glass of wine. When the gl
ass was full Marc took it and started drinking straightaway. “Hey, come on man.”
“Told you, no more for you. You need to get your woman back Alex.”
“Marc, the whole thing is a mess. Everything.”
“I don’t know about that. From what you told me, you did most of those things exactly the way you normally do things. Except that this whole trying to be senior partner has placed you into this suppressed box where your being told how to act. Alex, you’re a leader, not a follower. And you’re a damn good leader too.”
“My father doesn’t think so.”
He pointed at me. “Hold that thought.” He smirked. “Do you remember how you thought you might want to go to Harvard instead of Princeton. Do you remember why you thought that?”
Of course I remembered. “My dad would have gone ape shit at me. All the Sullivan men went to Princeton.”
“Right, then do you remember back in high school, how you wanted to play football but choose basketball because your father thought the sport was more classy. Also how you turned down like ten different scholarships to play because you knew your father wanted you to focus on everything academic.”
I loved basketball, would have loved football more too. I was a natural at sports and enjoyed playing it, but I tossed the idea of playing seriously aside because I knew it would have pissed off my dad to no end.
“I remember, Marc. Is there a point to this walk down memory lane? It’s not helping.”
“Everything I say has a point. I’m reminding you of those things because they were important points in your life that could have had life changing results. You could have been an athlete. You could have gone to Harvard and maybe worked at another firm. But you didn’t entertain the possibility of any of those things because as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always tried to please your father. I think that this, all that happened today is down to that.”
I closed my eyes and took in what he’d said.
This wasn’t anything new to me. It wasn’t new news. I actively knew that I’d made certain decisions in my life that were geared at pleasing my father. The significance about my recent actions was that this was the worst thing that had happened so far, and he was holding something over my head that I’d wanted badly.
The Rules Of Attraction Page 26
