by Ruby Rowe
“Don’t give him shit about it. You did tell me some stuff about him and Nicole last week.”
“True, but enough about Elliott. Tell me what your beef is with your parents because as amazing as you turned out, it’s hard to believe they could be all that bad.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Try me. I think I can keep up.”
“OK…” Shifting to her side, she traces the tribal tattoo on my forearm. “I couldn’t take another day of seeing them look at me as if I stole their future … their daughter. When Rebecca died, they did, too.”
“You were a kid, and it was an accident.”
“It doesn’t matter why it happened. All they see when I’m around is the person who caused them to endure the greatest loss a person could experience … the loss of a child. I understand, but I can’t handle the reminder. It’s one of the reasons I stay away as much as possible.”
I slide my hand over the back of her hair.
“They shouldn’t make you feel that way.”
“There’s another reason I don’t see them, too, so it’s easier to stay away than to dig through the shit with them. I mean, what if there’s no crawling out of it, and all I do is sink further in it for trying?”
“That’s heavy, girl. We don’t even need the Hallmark Channel.”
“That’s what I love about you. Even though you have a serious, depressing job and have family problems, too, like what’s happening with Marcy, you somehow compartmentalize it and find the courage to live every day to the fullest.
“I suck at that. The pain and fear consume me, and I stay in a bubble for protection. While spending time with you, I feel fun again. I feel like the fourteen-year-old girl I remember before she had to grow up real damn fast.”
“You better not be fourteen, or I am so fucking screwed. I don’t mess with minors. No way is being a prison bitch worth some young pussy.”
“Jake!” Sailor tickles my waist, so I grab her body and pull her onto me so I can tickle her, too. She squirms, kneeing me in the groin.
“Ohh, damn. Don’t injure my equipment. It’s finally found its purpose.” Burying her face in the crook of my neck, she sighs.
“I’m falling for you and fast, Jake.”
“I feel the same about you, and even though it’s scary as hell, I wouldn’t change it.”
Lifting her head, Sailor kisses me passionately and rocks her body against mine until I realize my package still works fine.
She said she’s falling for me and fast. Well, I believe there’s nowhere left for me to fall.
***
Sailor’s button nose whistles next to me as she sleeps. I want to take credit for her exhaustion, especially after the mind-blowing sex we had minutes ago, but I imagine she’s mainly tired from chasing around twenty kindergartners all day.
I’m not about to wake her. I want Sailor in my bed, so unless she gets up and leaves on her own, I’m not making her.
I seldom minded in the past when women slept over, especially if it was super late and we’d been drinking, but with Sailor, I not only don’t mind, I want her to stay in my bed.
It’s more like it’s necessary … like a need I can’t explain. When I see her beneath my sheets, it’s as if she belongs there.
I quietly get out of bed, and after pulling on my briefs, I stroll out to the kitchen to clean up our mess from dinner.
As I pick up our plates from the dining room table, I hear a phone vibrating and notice Sailor left hers in the seat of the chair next to her.
I pick it up to set it on the table, so she won’t forget it tomorrow morning, and I can’t help but read the text on the screen.
Elliott: After our weekend together, I can barely focus on work. It’s driving me crazy knowing Jake’s getting this time alone with you. I haven’t felt this fucking helpless—
The screen goes black before I can read the rest of the message. I squeeze the phone in my hand, wishing I could break it into pieces. What the fuck was he talking about? Why did he sound way too damn comfortable texting her?
Striding to the kitchen, I pick up my phone where I’d left it on the countertop while cooking. Leaning my head back, I take deep breaths and think about what I want to say to him.
Me: Sailor doesn’t have her phone because she’s asleep in my bed. I couldn’t help but see part of your message to her. Care to fucking explain?
Elliott: Shit. Since this talk’s gonna happen now, I need you to answer a question for me first. Is Sailor more than another one-night stand?
Me: She’s been in our house for more than one fucking night, so that should answer your question. I told you she’s different. Now, explain to me what you meant in your text to her.
Elliott: There has yet to be a woman you couldn’t walk away from, so I’m telling you now to walk away. Sailor and I have a history you don’t know about and one you can’t compete with. You’re only going to confuse and hurt her if you try.
Me: Fuck you and your entitled attitude. Is this to get back at me? Is it more revenge for what happened to Rebecca? I thought after you bashed my face in the first time and left me for dead the second, that we’d buried the hatchet, but I guess I was wrong. You walk away, asshole. Sailor’s in my bed tonight because she wants to be.
Elliott: You’re pissed. You really do like her.
Me: No shit, so you better leave her the hell alone. Sailor and I are sleeping together. Are you really making a move on my girl? What the fuck happened this weekend?
Elliott: Calm down. I didn’t fuck her.
Me: Sailor wouldn’t have slept with me tonight if you had, so I already knew that, and for the record, she didn’t seem like she was thinking about you whatsoever while she was sucking my dick or while I was making her come. You fucking asshole! I should’ve let you rot in a prison cell when I had the chance.
Elliott: You need to calm the fuck down. Don’t drill Sailor over this. It’s not her fault.
Me: I’m not pissed at Sailor. She wants me. She made it clear tonight, so this is some delusional power trip you’re on to fuck it up for me all because you can’t stand the thought of seeing me with another Lockwood. Stay the hell away from her.
Elliott: I refuse to do that unless she tells me to. I have to go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Sailor
Ten Years Earlier
The sunlight wakes me, and the second I think of Elliott being in my room, I roll over in bed to face him, but he’s gone. I glance around, and his clothes are missing, too. My eyes dart to my bathroom door–it’s open.
Maybe he was worried my parents would catch us. I pick up my phone from the nightstand, and I have one unread text from him.
Elliott: I’ll never forget you, Sailor Girl. Never. Please don’t hate me.
His message reads as if he’s never going to see me again, but I don’t believe it. Not after last night. He wouldn’t hurt me like that. I dial his cell phone.
“Hello,” Mr. Roberts says.
“Um, this is Sailor. Is Elliott there?”
“Elliott left for college early this morning with his mother, and we gave him a new phone, so you won’t be able to reach him.”
“Well, can I have the number?”
“He asked me not to give it out.”
“Oh … OK.”
“Take care of yourself, Sailor.”
“Sure, bye, Mr. Roberts.”
“Sailor, Sailor, wake up.” I open my eyes, and Jake is looking at me, his arm snug around my waist in bed. “Shit.” He rubs the pad of his thumb under my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone shed tears from a dream. Are you OK?”
I slip a hand up around his neck and scoot close to his warm body.
“Thank you for still being here.”
“You don’t have to thank me, doll. It is my bed.” He gives me a crooked smile. “I’m joking. I’d still be in your bed, too.”
“You’re good to me and good for me.”
His sm
ile disappears as he looks over me at the wall.
“I don’t want to be your friend with benefits, Sailor. I want more, and I have a feeling it’s important to tell you that today.”
“OK...”
“I know Elliott likes you. We talked about it briefly last night.”
I scoot back to see Jake’s face better.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you or what to even say, but I was going to soon.”
“Do you care about him, too?” I divert my gaze. “Fuck, I should’ve known this could happen,” he adds before rubbing his forehead.
“Unresolved feelings resurfaced between us, and I’m trying to sort it out in my head, but I can promise they haven’t changed my feelings for you.”
Sitting up in bed, Jake nervously slides his hands along the sides of his hair. The sheet is barely covering his fit physique. He’s sexy, funny and caring... Why did Elliott have to show up in my life? God, why?
“My head is spinning, too. I’ve never been in a situation like this since I haven’t cared about a woman until you. It’s happened fast, and I should’ve known there’d be a road block.”
Sitting up, I kiss his shoulder. “I don’t want what’s happening between us to change. That has to count for something.”
“Elliott’s not going to stop pursuing you. Either he’s trying to get revenge for what happened to Rebecca, or he genuinely likes you. Regardless, he won’t stop until he wins. Elliott always has to be on top.”
“I know about that night. That you were the reason he and Rebecca were fighting, but Elliott has never said he blames you for the accident. He didn’t back then, and he doesn’t now. I don’t believe he’s doing this because of her.”
“That means he really cares about you. Sailor, I don’t skirt around shit, so I’m just going to say it. You’ll have to make a choice. At some point, you’re going to have to decide if you want to date one of us or neither of us.”
“You’re angry and hurt. I’m sorry.”
He looks back at me, and for the first time, Jake’s eyes are vacant of light.
“I’m not angry at you. I’m pissed at Elliott because I told him I cared about you. He shouldn’t have made a move.”
“The feelings were already there. They’ve always been there … for both of us. What I’m trying to say is we didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“OK, then get him out of your system. Do what you need to do. If you have to spend time with him to figure it out, I’ll deal with it, but I don’t want to know what’s happening between you two in the meantime. I can’t fucking handle it.”
Shifting his body back to face me, he slips a hand in my hair and grips it.
“I realized last night that I’m all in. I want a relationship, so I’ll temporarily share so you can determine if you want the same.
“If you do, I have to know you mean it. I don’t want lingering feelings or doubt getting in the way of our future.” He takes hold of my face and ducks to look me square in the eyes. “No fucking maybes, Sailor. Do you hear me? No fucking maybes.”
***
My cell phone buzzes on my desk with another incoming text message, so I toss my pencil down and sigh. I’ve purposely stayed late at work, not knowing what the hell to do about the two men I suspect are at home, waiting for me.
I’ve avoided answering my phone, as well. Maybe only one of them has been texting me the last hour, but I’m too worried to discover it’s both. Wearing out a spot on the inside of my cheek, I pick up my cell.
Elliott: Hi. You didn’t respond to my text from last night. Is everything OK?
Jake: I’m sorry if I came across as a dick this morning. It wasn’t my intention.
Elliott: I’ll be home by eight. I need to see you.
Jake: Thanks to a psychopath, duty calls, so I won’t be home from work until late. Elliott should be at the condo, but maybe you already knew that…
What I know is how this whole situation has gone off the rails. I rub my temple.
Me to Elliott: I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text. It’s been a stressful day, but I look forward to seeing you tonight.
Me to Jake: Psychopaths should have to eat deep-fried bull testicles wrapped in the lining from a goat’s ass off a grade C street cart.
Jake: Is this Sailor?
I snicker.
Me to Jake: Wait. No, psychopaths should be prison bitches who feed their own cauterized, removed testicles to their owners during a ceremony where they also have to drink piss from a communal trough.
Hitting send, I giggle. I must be losing my mind from all the stress.
Jake: I somehow have the wrong number.
Me to Jake: You have the right number, Detective. This is your sweet kindergarten teacher.
Jake: Wow, criminals are lucky you didn’t go into law enforcement.
Me to Jake: I hope I cheered you up.
Jake: You did. Thank you, Teach. I’ll see you in the morning.
Elliott
Dropping my duffle bag by the staircase, I listen for noise, but the house is quiet. Sailor’s car is here. Jake’s isn’t.
I refrained from speaking to him today, figuring it would only lead to an argument, and since Sailor gave me only one brief reply in a text message, I have no clue what transpired after Jake and I exchanged words.
Starving, I stroll to the kitchen, and on the refrigerator is a sticky note from Sailor.
Elliott,
There’s a pasta dish in the fridge for you. I’m working in my room, but feel free to come see me if you’re not too tired.
—Sailor
After scarfing down dinner, I head upstairs to take a quick shower. I’m eager to see her, but I could be walking into a conversation I don’t want to have.
She must not be too pissed at me, or I doubt she would’ve fixed me something to eat or told me to see her. I need to explain what happened with Jake.
Once I’ve showered, I put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and walk to her room. Sailor looks up and smiles before I can tap on her open door.
“Hi,” she says.
“Hi. Thanks for dinner.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure. Um, close my door please.”
I do it, but I’m not jumping for joy. I know it means she’s worried about Jake appearing. As I stroll over to her bed, she moves school papers and books aside.
“You’re working late, too,” I say.
“Yes, teachers do more at home than people think.” Sitting at the side of the bed, I study her. She’s in black yoga pants and a crimson sweatshirt. I should buy her a new Harvard one.
Her dark hair is in a ponytail, and there’s something about Sailor that makes her fucking adorable. Maybe it’s her small symmetrical facial features and petite, sexy body to match. I need to get my mind off how bad I want that body beneath me.
“I need to explain what happened with Jake,” I say. “I didn’t run and tell him about us. He somehow saw the text I sent you the other night, so he messaged me from his phone, giving me shit about it.”
“I fell asleep early. He must’ve seen it on my screen.”
“I didn’t tell him much.”
Sailor sighs. “It caught him off guard. He’s jealous and angry, and I can’t blame him.”
“Is that why he’s not here?”
“No, he’s working late.”
“So, are you two still cool with each other?”
“Yes. He told me he’d give me time to figure out what I wanted. Time with you even.” I nod, unsure of how to respond. “I told him I care about you, but he’s good for me, Elliott.” She looks toward her window.
“How do you know I’m not? We’ve hardly spent time together.”
“True, but the past is painful, and you’re a constant reminder of it.”
“Is that it then? Is this the talk where you tell me I have no chance in hell, so I need to stop trying?”
Dragging
her eyes back to me, she shakes her head.
“No. As much as my mind wishes that were true, my heart keeps reminding me it’s not.” I climb onto her bed and start toward her. As I move on all fours over her body, caging her in, she lays back and stares up at me. “What if we’re not compatible?” she adds. “What if we’ve held on to a fantasy?”
“What if we could be better than we ever imagined? You haven’t given us a chance to find out.”
“If I do, it would have to be while I’m seeing Jake. I can’t believe it’s come to this, me needing to date two guys at once, but I don’t see a way around it on my end. I guess what happens next is for you to decide. Jake said he’ll give me time with you. Can you share me with him?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Of course, you have a choice. You don’t have to see me.”
“Yes, I do. It’s all I’ve dreamed of for a quarter of my life.”
Sailor
After Elliott says his heart-stirring words, he ducks his head to kiss me. I tremble, my nerves at attention, attempting to guard my heart.
Jake makes my stomach flutter in a fun, exhilarating way, whereas Elliott evokes a fight or flight response. It’s scary, and it’s not so much him I fear.
It’s the reckless, bold behavior I suspect he could draw out of me. I often wonder if there’s anything I wouldn’t have let him do to me the night he took my virginity.
As he explores my mouth, I slide his t-shirt up and clutch his waist. He lowers his long, broad body onto mine and kisses me deeper like I’ve invited him in, and I guess I have.
His solid weight and hard dick against my leg make me feel like he’s making me his, and in the moment, I am his, but I can’t avoid thinking about how I was with another man only last night.
It doesn’t feel wrong to be with Elliott, only wrong to be with him right after Jake, and that confuses me further.
Elliott fists my hair and skims his mouth down my throat, inciting a whimper I can’t hold in. He hums appreciation against my skin with his sultry lips, and I skim my fingers up his back.
