Aubrey let the rest of the world simply melt away. For tonight, she would luxuriate in Hugh’s love and not give tomorrow a second thought.
* * *
The sun had barely started to break through the curtains when Hugh found himself wide awake. Aubrey was curled up against him, her hand on his chest, her head on his shoulder, and he smiled. It was the perfect way to wake up.
The first gala was a success and now it was behind them. The next one wasn’t for another six weeks, so they had some downtime coming to them and he was anxious to get to it. With no more distractions, Hugh was confident Aubrey would be open to their finally planning their future. So far, he knew he hadn’t handled it well—at least judging by Aubrey’s reactions—but he was going to rectify that today.
This morning.
Now, if he thought he could pull it off.
Unable to help himself, he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and pulled her close. Aubrey purred and snuggled closer. Images of the hours they’d spent making love flickered through his mind. Looking over at the clock, Hugh saw he’d only slept for two hours and yet he’d never felt more invigorated.
It would be mean to wake her up. She had worked so hard for so long and he knew he should let her sleep, but he couldn’t stop from whispering her name. She barely stirred. Maybe he should try to go back to sleep himself. After all, two hours wasn’t enough sleep for anyone. Forcing himself to relax, Hugh closed his eyes.
“Hugh?” Aubrey whispered, and when he opened his eyes, he was shocked to see four hours had gone by since he’d last looked at the clock. She smiled at him. “Good morning.”
“Good morning to you,” he murmured, lowering his head to kiss her. “Did you sleep well?”
She nodded. “I could probably stay here in bed all day, but I really want to go downstairs and make sure everything got cleaned up last night and check in with Liza to see what kind of feedback we received.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “There is time enough for that tomorrow. You worked hard all week and today is for resting.”
“But—”
Placing a finger over her lips, he shushed her. “No arguments. I’m the boss and I say no work today.”
Aubrey pouted. “That doesn’t mean I’m not going to be distracted thinking about it.”
“Maybe I’ll have to distract you myself,” he teased as he rolled over and tucked her body beneath his. “I can think of several ways to do that, you know.”
She giggled. “Oh, I know you can,” she said, “but I’m starving. I promise to let you distract me after we have a bite to eat.”
It wasn’t quite the way Hugh imagined spending the morning, but he realized he was a bit hungry himself. Besides, maybe they could do some talking over breakfast and he could finally convince Aubrey to overcome her fears of marriage.
“I’ll order some food for us if you want to use the shower first,” he suggested.
“Perfect!”
Thirty minutes later, Aubrey sat next to him in his dining room wrapped in her robe, her hair up in a towel. And she still managed to take his breath away.
He listened to her observations about the previous night and how successful she thought it all was, and Hugh had to agree. He already knew their guests had had a wonderful time and Bill was pleased as well.
Finishing off his omelet, he reached over and took one of her hands in his. “I don’t know if I’ve said this already, but thank you.”
She looked at him quizzically. “For what?”
“I know I was a real jackass in the beginning when this all started and you had every reason to not want to take this job, but you did and you did an outstanding job on the whole thing. So thank you for putting up with me.” He kissed her hand.
Aubrey blushed. “That’s very sweet of you, but I think it was a team effort. You may not have been happy about it in the beginning, but you came around to it quickly and gave me all the tools I needed.”
“We do make a great team,” Hugh said, happy to have the perfect lead-in to their discussion.
“Yes, we do,” she smiled serenely as she finished the last of her breakfast.
“I know we started to talk about this the other day and…” He paused. “I think we need to talk about it some more.” Instantly he noticed the wary expression on her face. “Aubrey, I love you. I never expected to find you or to meet someone like you.” He squeezed her hand.
“Hugh…”
He wasn’t ready for her to stop him. “I don’t want to compare ourselves to your parents or mine. We’re us. We’re who we are and we don’t have to be like anyone else. We’ve had a unique relationship from the start, and together we can build a unique life.”
Carefully, Aubrey pulled her hand from his. “I don’t understand why you’re pushing so hard on this right now,” she said quietly.
“Because I love you,” he said simply. “I thought I was happy with my life—I was living the way I wanted to. But once I met you, I knew I was wrong. I hadn’t been truly happy in a long time. You make me happy, Aubrey. You’ve shown me what it’s like to really live.”
“I wish that were true.” She rose and walked over to look out the window.
“What do you mean?”
Turning back toward him, Aubrey took a steadying breath. “Hugh, you’re still too cautious. You say you want to marry me and have a life with me, but there’s more to a life together than what we’ve been doing.”
For a moment he could only stare at her. “I don’t follow.”
She sighed. “We travel together. We work together. We spend a lot of time together doing those two things. But what do we do besides that? Do you really think we’re going to spend our lives living like nomads? Once this whole thing with Bill is done, I’m going to need to get a job. It’s going to require me putting down roots somewhere.”
“Why? Why can’t you work for me? With me?”
“Because I need to know I can do something on my own! For years my father dictated where I worked and what jobs I took, and it would be no different going from that world to yours. I’m enjoying experiencing new things, trying new things.” Then she looked at him sadly. “I wish you would try some of those things with me.”
“I’ve been with you all this time and—”
“No,” she interrupted. “You’ve been in the same area with me, but you’ve kept yourself safely ensconced in your office. You live under your protective bubble of the resorts and refuse to venture out and try something new.”
“So because I won’t…what? Go skydiving or jet skiing, that means you can’t marry me? That seems like a flimsy excuse, Aubrey.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying and you know it! All I’m saying is I think you have an unrealistic view of what settling down means.”
“I don’t think I do. That’s why I’ve been trying to talk to you about it. When we have kids, I know we’ll have to settle down more and find a place of our own so we can—”
“What if I don’t want kids?” she asked flatly.
“What?”
“You heard me. What if I don’t want kids? We never discussed it. You never asked and yet everyone has just assumed we’re going to get married and start popping out a big family.”
Hugh stood and walked over to her. “Is that what you’re saying? That you don’t want to have a baby?” His heart sank. In his mind the two went hand in hand—you got married, you had children. Even though in the past he had always envisioned a marriage based more on practicality than love, he never once imagined it would exist without children.
Aubrey stared hard at him before taking a shaky breath. She nodded her head. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”
For a moment, time stood still. Hugh felt like he was going to be sick. “Wow. Um…okay. I mean, maybe in time…”
S
he shook her head. “No. Time isn’t going to change anything. I know you grew up in a big family and…”
“I’m sure it wasn’t easy being an only child,” he said quickly, “especially when you were sick and dealing with unsympathetic parents, but it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“You’re not getting it, Hugh,” Aubrey said with more than a hint of frustration. “If you want to marry me, then you need to accept this. I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not going to wake up one day and go ‘Okay, let’s have kids.’ It’s not going to happen.”
He raked a hand through his hair and began to pace. “Aubrey, I…hell, I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her tone flat again. “I probably should have told you this a long time ago. I guess I never thought it would be an issue.”
“Meaning what?” he asked, his voice like gravel.
“Meaning, I didn’t think we’d ever talk about marriage. A future.”
She was killing him. Who was this woman? Where had the loving woman he had spent the last several months with gone? “How could you say that? After everything we’ve shared. I don’t understand.”
She shrugged and then he noticed a stray tear rolling down her cheek. “I never thought you’d be the guy to change so much you’d want to settle down. You’re so regimented and don’t like change… I just figured we’d happily go along like this.” She fidgeted with the towel around her head. “You seemed content to stay in your own world and let me do my own thing.”
He shook his head adamantly. “No, I wasn’t content. That’s what I’m telling you. I…”
“Hugh, you fight every opportunity to be spontaneous. I have a better understanding now about why you’re that way, but I can’t live like that. I won’t live like that. I’m finally learning it’s okay to break free from the restraints others put on me and…and I’m afraid…”
“I’m going to be the one restraining you,” he finished for her, his voice grim.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
There was nothing he could say. Nothing he wanted to say. There was no way he could make promises and guarantee her that he could suddenly unclench and be the kind of free spirit she clearly wanted. And as for the issue with kids…? Well, that was really more than he could handle right now.
“Me too,” he forced himself to say.
And then he had to stand back and watch as Aubrey went into the bedroom alone. Without him. Deep down he knew she was packing. She was leaving. And he was too numb to stop her.
* * *
Aubrey read the text on her phone for what was probably the hundredth time in the last week. She’d never talked to Hugh about it. Never talked to anyone about it. It was too painful. Now, as she sat in the airport lounge waiting to board her flight back to North Carolina, it was the only thing she could manage to do.
Test results are in and they’re not what we were hoping for. Please call me. Dr. G.
Aubrey had been going to Dr. Pamela Gabbert for more than ten years. They were more like old friends than doctor/patient, so the rather unconventional text wasn’t unusual to her. The only problem was she wasn’t ready to make the call. Maybe after she got home and dealt with having to walk away from Hugh, she could do it, but right now, she couldn’t handle any more bad news.
On some level, Aubrey had known it would end like this. Who was she to believe that she would get a happy ending? Nothing about her entire life had been happy.
Except when you were with Hugh.
Yes. He had made her happy while they were together, and more than anything, she wanted to be the one to make him happy. But that wasn’t going to happen and he didn’t deserve to have to suffer any more in his life.
Especially if it could be avoided.
So she left. Some would say she was running again, but this time it wasn’t for selfish reasons. Self-less, yes. But not selfish. The only way she could give Hugh the safety net and let him continue to live in his careful world was to walk away.
No matter how much it hurt.
“You know you disappoint me, Runaway Bride.”
Aubrey didn’t have to look up to know Bill Bellows was standing in front of her. With a sigh she put her phone away and forced herself to look up.
“I figured you’d be basking in the glory of your successful event,” he said, taking the seat next to her. “So imagine my surprise when I heard you handed over your files to Hugh’s people and stepped down from the remaining events.” He made a tsking sound. “Not cool, Aubrey.”
“Now’s not really a good time, Bill,” she said wearily.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he said. “I’m sure. But let me just say this—I don’t know what went on with you and Hugh, and personally, I’m fine with that. It’s none of my business. You’re damn good at what you do, and our agreement was you would be the one working on this campaign.”
Her eyes flew to his. “Don’t take this out on Hugh, Bill. I just… I can’t work for him anymore. It’s not his fault, it’s mine. Please.”
He nodded. “I wouldn’t do that to him. He told me you had everything taken care of for the remainder of the campaign and I’m cool with it. But know this…you were good for him. I’ve known Hugh Shaughnessy for a lot of years and I’ve never seen him as happy as he’s been since he met you.”
She willed herself not to cry. “Please…”
“I saw it that weekend in Napa. I wanted you for this job not only because I knew you would kick ass with it, but because I knew you would also be the one to breathe a little life into Hugh.” He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “When the dust clears, if you need or want a job, give me a call.”
Aubrey didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Bill walked away and all she could do was sit and stare at her hands clasped in her lap. When her flight was called a few minutes later, she forced herself to get up and move. She stared out the window the entire flight home and somehow managed to make it all the way to her house and inside to her bedroom before she completely collapsed and cried.
She cried for her past.
She cried for her present.
But mostly, she cried for the future that wasn’t going to come.
Chapter 12
Two weeks. Three days. Nine hours and twenty-three minutes.
That was how long it had been since Hugh had watched Aubrey walk out of his life. And every minute of it had been hell. Now, standing in the driveway of his father’s house, he felt ready to collapse. The front door opened and there stood Ian Shaughnessy. Hugh knew he must look a fright, and his father’s expression confirmed it.
Gone were the designer suits, the perfectly styled hair, and the sleek professional he once prided himself on being. In its place was a man in faded jeans and T-shirt, with a face that hadn’t been shaved in two weeks.
In a word, he looked like hell.
It pretty much fit.
Neither spoke a word as Hugh picked up his suitcase and walked toward the house. Ian held the door for him. Once inside, Hugh simply kept walking until he reached his childhood room and put his luggage down.
“That’s a new look for you,” Ian said quietly and Hugh turned. He hadn’t heard his father follow him.
“I’m trying something new.”
Ian gave a sad smile. “I like your old look better.” They stared at one another for several moments. “I was just getting ready to have a bite to eat. It’s just leftover chili, but Anna made it. Care to join me?”
Hugh nodded and followed his father down to the kitchen. They worked in silence as they reheated the meal. Ian pulled two beers from the refrigerator and placed them on the table. When everything was ready, they sat down. Ian said grace and then dug into his meal. He was three spoonfuls in before he spoke. “It’s never easy.”
“What?” Hugh murmured, focusing on the bowl in front of him.
“Being alone.” He took a pull from his beer and waited a moment. “It doesn’t matter if it’s by choice or not. It doesn’t matter who walked away or how. It hurts.”
Damn. Hugh knew his emotions were too raw and he was seriously close to breaking down. He wanted to change the subject. He wanted to beg his father to talk about something else, but no words would come out.
“And the thing is, I don’t think you’re ever prepared for it,” Ian said, breaking the silence. “I know it’s not the same—me and your mom versus you and Aubrey—but it still hurts.” He looked at his son. “It’s okay to let it hurt, Hugh.”
Hugh nodded. “I know,” he finally said. “I just can’t help wondering what I could have done different. What I could have said…or done.”
“There may not have been anything. Sometimes things don’t work out. I know it’s painful but…”
“She wanted me to be more spontaneous. To…to go out and do things. Try things.”
“Well, you should have told her to join the club. We’ve all wanted that for you. You shut down after your mother died, and although I held my tongue about it, I never agreed with it. You were too young to simply stop living like that.”
“I had to,” Hugh said sadly, his voice breaking. He knew it was time. There was no way he could ever move forward if he didn’t confess to his father why he did the things he did. Looking up, his eyes welled with tears, and rather than cursing them, he embraced them. “How could I continue to live the way I had when I’m the reason Mom’s gone?”
To his credit, Ian’s expression only went wide for the briefest of seconds before it went neutral. “Hugh, what are you talking about? A drunk driver is the reason your mother is gone.”
Hugh vehemently shook his head. “No. It’s my fault. I should have gone to the pharmacy that day. I should have been driving. Not Mom. Don’t you see? She’d be here right now—Aidan, Quinn, Riley, Owen, and Darcy would all have their mother here with them if I had been a more responsible person!”
The last reaction Hugh expected was for his father to resume eating, but sure enough, Ian picked up his spoon and took a few more bites of his chili and another swig of beer.
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