She laughed roughly as she remembered the time she’d said something about his guilt driving all his actions and generosity to her, never dreaming she was right.
She’d been about to reveal the one thing to him that would chain her to him for life. At least God had some mercy and this happened first. An ill-begotten child from an ill-begotten love and life.
* * *
Minutes turned into hours and day became night, all without her moving or making a sound. Chaos reigned within her, her thoughts and feelings jumbled together like a tangled ball of yarn. When she noticed that the sun had risen again, she fought her way to her feet, changed her gown to one of the old gowns she’d brought with her and went to ask Ciara to set up a meeting with the laird.
By the time the sun hit the highest point in the sky, her life here in Lairig Dubh was done.
And two days later, Catriona MacKenzie was no more.
Chapter Twenty
Connor was in Gair’s chamber when Aidan crashed in. He saw everything he expected to see in his son’s eyes—fury, loss, frustration, mistrust, confusion. It was only a matter of time before he discovered his leman was gone. And then, only a matter of minutes before he came to see the man he knew would be responsible for such a thing.
He’d kept Aidan busy preparing for the visitors who would arrive at their gates this day and only when he disobeyed and went to see her did he find the empty house, the deed to it and the coins returned in the sack.
‘What did you do to her?’ Aidan said in a deadly calm voice. ‘Where have you sent her?’
‘She is gone from Lairig Dubh, that is all you need to know,’ Connor admitted as he closed the door. He did not want Jocelyn in the middle of this. ‘And since you have others things to put your mind on, I think it is good timing.’
Aidan resembled Jocelyn when she became irate and their son was certainly that. His hands balled into fists. Would he take that step and strike out at him? It was a time coming quickly and Connor knew, if not now, very, very soon. And that thought did not displease him. Every man must reach the time when he challenged his father. Connor was just disappointed that it was over this woman.
‘She should not be punished for my mistakes, Father,’ Aidan said.
‘What makes you think this is some kind of punishment? Your leman’s very existence was causing problems right now. The brawl in the village was only the latest. Now she is gone and you can move on and choose an appropriate wife without her as a distraction.’
‘So, you are punishing me by removing her?’ Aidan walked up closer to him. ‘I would not have thought you, even at your most ruthless, would do something like that.’
‘Aidan, it is time for you to marry.’
‘Why not...?’ Connor put his hand up in front of Aidan’s angry, red face to stop him.
‘My son will not take a whore to wife. Not while I am living and in charge of the people and lands of the MacLerie clan.’
‘She is not a whore!’ Aidan yelled.
Connor knew the moment Aidan’s control snapped and prepared as his fists came at him. He let his son take a few, good, close swings, before knocking him down. When Aidan regained his feet, wiping his face, Connor pushed him into the chair in the corner.
He’d discovered how Catriona MacKenzie had married Gowan and, though he did not condemn her for any of it, that knowledge became useful to him. He also understood how a man in love felt and saw the world. But, as Earl of Douran, laird and chieftain of his clan, he could not let his son’s first true love influence the decisions made—all must be done for the good of the clan.
‘I have spoken to most of the men who served with Gowan when he married Catriona those years ago. He was travelling through the edges of MacKenzie lands and came upon a man whoring out his daughter. Gowan bought her from him and brought her to our lands, kept her until he knew she did not carry another man’s bairn and then married her.’
Connor could see that Aidan was surprised to learn this about the woman he loved. He turned away and gave his son some time to think about it before continuing.
‘She had, at some point, given birth to some man’s bastard and resisted going back into her trade. Her father did not countenance her refusal and forced her to take customers whether she said aye or nay. Gowan took her from that life.’
‘I do not believe you.’
‘’Tis the way of things, Aidan. But you needed to know the truth of it. And the reason why she cannot ever be wife to you, my heir. Not when we can choose from the most virtuous, wealthiest women in the surrounding kingdoms. From women tied to every clan and family in power in Scotland, England and most of the Continent and the north. I will not accept a common whore as your wife.’
The strangest thing happened then, something Connor did not expect. Aidan matured before his eyes, his temper quelled, his face and expression grew calm and he nodded as though he understood. Connor knew he did not accept what had been done or said or decisions made, but he gathered his opposition under control. His son stood and nodded at him.
‘I have only one other question for you, Father,’ Aidan said as he walked to the chamber’s door. ‘Is she well?’
‘Aye. She is well.’ Connor could tell him that.
Aidan walked away then and Connor let out the breath he did not realise he was holding. Sinking into the chair where Aidan had just sat, he considered what his son would do next.
If it were him, he would begin sending out men to the MacLerie holdings and looking from village to village for a woman who’d just moved there. He suspected that was what Aidan would do now. It would do him no good, for Catriona was not on MacLerie lands—he’d sent her to Robert Matheson and asked for a place among his people for a widow who’d lost her husband in the service of his laird.
Although he allowed Aidan, and would allow anyone else who knew of his involvement, to believe he forced the matter, he did not tell his son that it had been Catriona’s choice to leave.
She’d arranged to speak to him at Ciara’s house and asked for his help in return for leaving and staying out of Aidan’s life. He paid her the fair value of the house and made arrangements for a woman called Coira MacCallum to travel to Matheson lands and live there. She said she did not want Aidan to find her and now he would not.
The strange thing was that she did not reveal her condition to him, when she could have used it to gain support for the bairn and for herself. Ciara had told him quietly before Catriona arrived at her house and bade him to let her tell him. She did not.
It would not be surprising that his son had fathered a child on her for many MacLerie men had natural children. His own father produced several, including his half-sister Margaret. So it was not unusual at all. But her not wanting Aidan to know spoke of a woman who was cutting ties completely.
He would abide by their agreement, even if he pondered on it. It made things easier for him and he tried never to look for trouble.
He pulled open the door and he watched as the one person who did always seem to seek out trouble walked towards him. She would never understand the wisdom in what he’d done, so he had no plans to speak of it to her.
‘I went to see my son’s leman, after hearing about the fight, and she is gone.’ She crossed her arms over her chest, tossing her auburn hair over her shoulder and taking what he called her ‘fight’ position. ‘What have you done with her, Connor?’
He tried to look aggrieved, and part of him was that, at always being blamed for the things that happened that she did not like. He was laird. He was chieftain. He was earl. And with those titles and positions came great responsibility and the need to make decisions even when they were unpleasant, ruthless, expedient or wise. He could not reveal the truth about Catriona, for this time he’d only assisted someone who’d already made their decision.
‘Jocelyn,’ h
e drawled out, ‘I did nothing to the woman. She is well, as I told Aidan. She is gone. She is no longer our concern.’ She studied him in silence, so he held out his arm to her. ‘Come with me so we can watch for the guests who arrive shortly. What did Lilidh write to you about the MacKenzie girl?’
From her intelligent gaze, he knew he had not convinced her to desist in her concern for Catriona nor deflected whatever actions she would take. He only hoped that by the end of this visit, a betrothal would be in sight and her attentions must turn to that.
He could only hope.
* * *
Neither of the young women there to meet him reminded him of Cat and Aidan supposed that was a good thing. Their looks and manners never mimicked anything about her. But their presence did not ease the pain in his heart over her departure or over his betrayal of her trust.
Days filled with pleasantries and journeys and meals and polite conversations were followed by nights of dreams that brought back every moment of passion...and love that they had shared. And then, just before he would wake, he would see her lovely face washed of all colour and her eyes fill with condemnation as she looked at him in that moment when his part in her seduction and downfall became clear to her.
He would wake up sweating and pleading with her to hear him. To an empty bed in an empty chamber that had once been filled with love.
Aidan used these days while forced to attend to Lady Alys MacKenzie and Lady Elizabeth Maxwell to send out men to search MacLerie villages and lands for her. He used what coins he could to pay for it and sent only men who could be discreet. And he tried to arrange it all without his father knowing of it.
The busy days passed. The endless, empty nights passed. Soon, the Maxwells and the MacKenzies left and Aidan’s life returned to what it been before he saw Cat by the well that day months before.
He trained with his friends, except for Munro who had moved to another of the MacLerie’s holdings. He drank with them. He still could not bring himself to go carousing with them and seek out women as he had before...before Catriona. No matter that he understood why she would refuse his love, it did not stop him from loving her.
He continued to try to find her. His father’s assessing gaze sat on him many times and he fought the urge to confess it to him. A time of reckoning was coming for them and Aidan did not think it would end well for either of them.
* * *
Two horrible, miserable, lonely months passed and Aidan knew what he must do. His efforts to find her were unsuccessful. So, he finally accepted that there was only one thing to do—tell his father he was going to find her and marry her, in spite of his opposition.
He waited to speak to his parents after the evening meal, telling them he’d made his decision about which woman he would marry. Although his father nodded at him and his mother had the gleam of tears in her eyes, the tension built through the meal and followed them into his mother’s solar. Once the door closed, the first of his two battles began.
‘So,’ his father began once his mother was seated and he stood next to her chair, ‘who is it to be then?’
‘None of them.’
‘None of them? What do you mean?’ his father growled.
‘I will marry none of them.’
‘Oh, you wish for us to seek other women for you to consider?’ his mother asked. ‘I thought that Elizabeth suited you well. In spite of her being from England, she seemed at ease here.’
‘I have decided on my bride, Mother,’ he said.
‘Aidan...’ His father shook his head, warning him off.
But Aidan had made too many mistakes with Catriona not to learn from them. He would find her. He would make her understand how much he regretted his terrible actions and the consequences of them. He would make her understand that the love they’d found was worth saving. He was worth saving and she was the one person who could.
‘I do not know where you have hidden her, but I will find her,’ he promised. ‘I leave on the morrow to begin my search.’
‘You have duties here, Aidan. I forbid you to leave on this foolhardy quest to find a woman unworthy of my heir.’
He faced his father now and shook his head.
‘I will leave.’ The decision had been made.
‘Will you risk my displeasure to seek a woman who does not want you to find her?’ his father asked.
‘Connor, what do you mean?’ his mother asked, coming to his father’s side and touching his arm. ‘You sent Catriona away.’
‘Nay, wife,’ his father said, shaking his head. ‘She came to me and bargained for my assistance to get her away from our son. She swore she wanted to never see him again and I agreed to help her...and promised her I would not reveal her whereabouts to him.’ He nodded at Aidan then.
‘Connor!’ his mother cried. ‘Why did you not tell him, tell me, this before? Why did you say it had been your plan to send her away?’
‘It matters not. Until I hear it from her mouth, until she hears my explanation, until she can say that she does not return my love, I will not stop searching for her.’
‘If you leave without my permission on the morrow, if you break your oath of loyalty and obedience to me, you are no longer my heir.’ When his mother would have cried out again, his father held her off with his arm as he took several steps towards him. When they were scant inches apart, he uttered the threats that Aidan knew would come.
‘Nay, Jocelyn. The boy needs to understand the consequences of refusing my orders and what his actions will bring about. He will no longer stand in my favour. He will be an outcast. No MacLerie will stand by him and remain bound to me. Is that what you want, boy?’ his father asked him.
A loud knock interrupted any answer he would have given. The door opened and Duncan stepped inside.
‘Is there aught that I can do, Connor? We can hear you out in the hall.’ Duncan looked from one to the other and back again.
‘Nay, Duncan. We are finished here,’ his father said, walking past him and out of the chamber. ‘Come, Jocelyn.’ He held out his hand to her and waited for her to follow.
‘Aidan, please,’ she whispered to him. ‘Do not...’
‘Hush now, Mother,’ he said, taking her shoulders and kissing her cheek. ‘I know what I am doing.’
She returned his kiss and took a step towards the door, looking back at the last moment. ‘Men, I have discovered, rarely know what they are doing.’
Her anger cheered him somehow and the thought of his father having to deal with her now lightened his mood. Duncan yet remained there, so he bade him a good night’s rest and left.
There really was no choice in this for him. Living as his father’s heir would cost too much for him to stay. He was a good fighter, good with a sword, and he had battle experience. He could find someone who would hire him for that. Part of his training had been menial labour, and he’d not been spared that because of his position as heir. So, he was not afraid of working with his hands or his back, if he must.
* * *
By the time the sun rose and the other inhabitants of Broch Dubh keep awoke, he was packed and ready, taking only what could be considered his. As he rode through the yard, anyone there going about their chores and duties turned to watch him leave. Aidan dared one last look behind him and found his father high on the battlements watching him as well.
He touched his legs to the horse’s flanks and spurred him to move. Aidan passed through the village, forcing himself not to look at the familiar places there. Only as he reached the last lane did he realise that something was tucked inside his leather jacket. He grasped it and pulled out a small bit of parchment rolled and tied. Sliding the small length of ribbon from it, he recognised his mother’s writing.
Go and visit with your sister.
Aidan laughed aloud then, knowing that somehow his mother ha
d discovered Catriona’s hiding place and shared it with him. He did not miss the irony in this situation, for she had done the same thing—sending a written warning about his sister to the man she loved—to warn him, too.
To Keppoch Keep, and hopefully Catriona, it was that he headed now.
Chapter Twenty-One
Keppoch Village—the lands of the Clan Matheson
Catriona accepted the small bundle from the little lass with thanks. The girl’s mother had welcomed Cat to the village outlying Keppoch Keep and continued to send her food. Everyone here had been welcoming to the widowed kin of the MacLerie’s wife. Everyone accepted the story that Lord MacLerie created for her—she was the widow of a loyal retainer and distant kin to his wife and sent here under his protection.
Though it was close enough to the truth, it was the new name she could not get herself accustomed to using—Coira MacCallum. It mattered not for the villagers had accepted her when she arrived nearly three months ago and made her welcome. When her condition became obvious, the women were even nicer, providing her with meals and inviting her to their cottages and including her even in some of their chores. Though some looked at her with questions in their eyes, none stared at her the way they’d done in Lairig Dubh.
This had become the kind of life she always wanted and could never have in Lairig Dubh.
Without him.
She sighed as she went back inside and opened the cloth to find some bread and cheese and roasted meat. Now, she could inhale the smells of food without her stomach rebelling. Her appetite had returned and she could keep down everything she ate. Cat wrapped it once more and put it aside for her noon meal. But first, the sun was shining and she had work to do outside.
The cottage she had was smaller than the house given her, but it did have an open area for a garden. Working the soil, pulling up weeds, nurturing the herbs and flowers she’d planted had saved her during those first weeks here. She had hired a few, strong lads to do the heaviest of the work and moving out the rocks, then she’d done the rest. Now, a nice crop grew and it needed her attention.
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