by Anna Brooks
Knowing this changes so much shit because if I’d known how horrible it was, I’d have done more research. But with everything that’s transpired, I never actually talked to her about it.
Which I realize now was my mistake. I maneuver myself so I can reach my phone, then shoot off a text to Q, asking him to pull up as much info as he can on her parents.
“It’ll be okay, honey. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“I can promise I’ll make things so good for you that you’ll forget about a time when you were nothing but happy… no matter how long it takes me.”
She nods and closes her eyes while I do the same, sucking up all the beauty from her that I can. Never thought I’d be at a place in my life where I’d have this again. Where someone would trust me enough to take care of them and keep them safe outside of work.
Then again, she doesn’t know why I do what I do. What made me devote my life to protecting people to make up for it. If she knew, she probably wouldn’t trust me. So until she knows the truth, I’ll do everything I can to make her happy and hope she’s so far gone for me that when she discovers it, she won’t want to leave.
She falls asleep snuggled into me, and even though my arm’s asleep and my neck has a cramp, I don’t move. The seat belt light dings right before we descend, and the noise wakes her up. “Hey, honey.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “You still buckled?”
“Yeah.” She raises her arms over her head to stretch. “Are we close?”
“About to land.”
She looks past me out the window. “Wow. That was fast.”
“It is when you sleep for most of it.”
Her smile puts me at ease, and I let her squeeze the shit out of my hands when we land. I’ve arranged for a rental vehicle, so as soon as we get that, I follow the directions and pull up to a hotel.
“We’re not going right there?”
“No.”
“But why?”
I help her out of the truck and close the door behind her. “You’re going to relax. I need to fuckin’ rest to be completely honest, babe. I’m wiped. But I also need to make sure it’s safe for you to go get your mom. Otherwise, I’ll leave you here, and I’ll go get her.”
She puts the brakes on and crosses her arms. “Absolutely not. You are not going without me.”
“If it’s not safe—”
“I grew up in it, Carter. I can handle it. I might be small, but I’m tough. I can handle it.”
And there it is, the strength and determination I somehow ended up missing before. I soften my tone and bring my head down to hers. “I know you can. You’re so damn strong, and I think I’m just now realizing how much, but I’m yours, Billie, and that means I’m going to be strong enough for both of us so you can live easy while I deal with the hard shit.”
Her mouth falls open like she’s going to protest, but then she snaps it shut.
“Let me be that for you.”
“I just want to see my mom.”
“Then that’s what you’ll do.”
She rests her hand on my cheek and breathes deeply. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
As soon as I get us checked in and into our room, Q gets back to me, and I don’t like what I see. “I’ll be right back.” Walking into the hallway, I close the door behind me and dial his number.
“I know,” he greets. “But I’m telling you, man. Nothing.”
“No death certificate for her, right? Please tell me there’s not a death certificate.”
He clicks a few buttons, the noise louder than it should be through the receiver. “No. I just double checked, no death certificate, no hospital stays.”
“And you’re seriously saying he’s lived off disability for eighteen years and doesn’t even have so much as a speeding ticket?”
“Hard to believe, but yes.”
I shake my head, totally not believing it.
“I can keep digging, but I doubt I’ll find anything else.”
I flip the key card around in my hand before I put it in the door. “Nah, I’ll just find out when I get there tomorrow, I guess.”
“You’re going in alone?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“I can find someone to meet you down there.”
The light for the door turns green, and I push the handle down. “Not necessary, but if that changes, I’ll hit you up.”
“Okay. Stay safe.”
“Thanks, man.”
Billie doesn’t ask who I was talking to, which just tells me how freaked out she is. We’re both exhausted, and I think she’s still keeping some feelings in from the auction, but I’d imagine anybody would need some time to process that. Now we’re here… it’s a lot.
So instead of talking, we crawl into bed and pass out.
Billie
I couldn’t sleep a wink last night. I’m going on practically two days of no sleep, and it’s making me loopy because I have the urge to laugh at how fucked up my life is right now as I sit outside the trailer.
Carter opens my door for me, not only because he’s a gentleman, but because I can’t move. No, that’s a lie. I can move. I just don’t want to. Another lie. I’m too much of a scaredy-cat to. The place I grew up is mere feet away, and I’m more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life at what I’ll find when I walk inside.
“Come on, honey.” He puts a hand on my back and ushers me as we walk to the front door, the screen dangling. I lift my arm but can’t bring myself to bang my fist on the rusted aluminum.
“It’s okay. I’m right here. He won’t hurt you.”
That’s not why I’m afraid. “If she’s not here…” I wipe my cheek on my shoulder and suck in a shaky breath, then bang on the door.
There’s no answer, so I do it again. When I finally hear some shuffling around inside, Carter drops his hand from me and rests it at his back, no doubt to reach his gun fast. A creak sounds from the hinges, and the awful noise scratches at my skin before the door opens all the way to reveal my father.
Dirty gray t-shirt, unkempt facial hair, balding, big belly, and when he sneers at me, his missing top tooth draws my attention to it. “Well, well…” He belches and staggers from the force of it. “Lookie what the cat dragged in. You’re almost as pretty as your mom used to be.”
“I’m here for her.”
“Can’t say hi to your daddy?”
“Where is she?” I ignore any attempt at further conversation. I just want to get in and get her, then go and never, ever come back.
He laughs. “I got an interesting phone call last night from my old pal, Eddie. Seems he saw you at the motel. And when I asked your mom, she sure had a lot to say about you running away.” Oh no, last night he found out she helped me escape.
Oh God, he gets that look on his face when his always glossy eyes darken, and one corner of his lip quirks up. When Elvis did it, it was sexy and hot. When he does it, it’s vile and ugly.
“Move aside and let us in,” Carter speaks up, and my father, although I hate calling him that because he ain’t no father, postures himself as much as he can. It’s not much, not only because he’s just a pussy of a man, but because of the back injury he sustained years and years ago. That’s what started the downward spiral. Pain pills.
“Or what, little boy?” He hacks something up and spits on the ground centimeters from Carter’s shoe.
My man clenches his jaw and whips his hand around, clocking him so fast and so hard, my dad falls to the ground. When he doesn’t get back up, Carter steps up and over him, then holds his hand out for me. “Come on, he’ll be out for a few minutes.”
I scramble but quickly follow his instructions and run through the dirty trailer. My mom tried to keep it as clean as she could, but with the way he and his friends made it so disgusting, it was near impossible. I rush through the small hallway and open the first door on the right. My knees collapse, and Carter’s behind me to hold me up.
&nb
sp; “Jesus, fuck,” he mutters under his breath.
She’s here, lying on the top of the bed with dried blood weaving down the side of her face. Her arm is twisted at an angle that makes me want to vomit, and her clothes are all torn. Carter jumps into action as I fall to the floor, my legs no longer able to hold my shaky body upright.
He quietly talks to her, gently touching her and trying to rouse her. A moan slides through her lips and a resulting tear slides down my cheek. When a swollen eye pops open, it lands on me. “Baby,” she whispers.
“Billie, I need you to get her stuff, the necessities. ID, medications, anything that she’ll need because she is not coming back here.”
My answer has solidified in my throat, but Carter calls my name again, louder. “We need to get the fuck out of here. Find her shit so we can go.”
His panicked tone has me pushing up and rushing through the house. Before I barrel through the open area, I make sure my dad is still passed out. Then I find a grocery bag in the kitchen and run back to the bedroom where Carter is very slowly and cautiously lifting her into his arms. I yank open the dresser drawers and reach in the back, knowing that’s where she always kept her things. After stuffing the bag full, I follow Carter out and into the living room, where my sperm donor is just now waking up.
“Shit,” I whisper-shout.
“Honey, look away.”
“What?”
He shuffles my mother’s fragile frame in his arms and nods at my dad. “I can’t protect you and carry her if he’s awake, and I’m afraid to set her down. She’s so weak she’s sure to collapse. I need to knock him out again, and I don’t want you to see that.”
“I’ll watch.”
“Hon—”
“I’ll. Watch.”
He clamps his mouth shut, then gives me a quick nod of concession. Without another thought, he takes a couple of strides and stomps his big foot on my father’s face. His nose crunches and his head bounces off the linoleum floor, blood mixing with the dark chew dripping out of his mouth. And I smile.
“Let’s go.” Carter motions for me to go first, and I quickly step over my father and wait for Carter to do the same.
When we’re both down the two rickety steps, a sense of freedom I’ve never felt before crashes over me. It calls to me to do something I’ve always dreamed of doing, so I drop the bag and then run back up and kick my dad in his fat stomach, then right between his legs. Revenge.
Even knocked out, his body responds and tries to curl into itself. I do it again and again. Years of what I had to see, of enduring his fists, getting beaten to teach me a lesson, of knowing what he did to her behind closed doors all surface and I finally am able to take my anger out on him.
Fear and so much pain drive me to keep getting every ounce of aggression I have out until Carter clamps an arm around my waist and pulls me back. He carries me like that, bending down to grab the bag on the way to the vehicle where he drops me down by the open back door next to my mom.
I fall into him, my adrenaline wearing off and the overwhelming emotions taking over. I don’t cry, though. Just let him hold me and take everything away. A moan from my mother makes me pull back. I put my hand on Carter’s face. “Thank you.”
“I love you.”
“Thank you.”
“I. Love. You.”
My lips quiver when I smile. “I love you, too.”
He leans down and gently kisses me. “Let’s get outta here. She needs a doctor.”
Chapter 17
Carter
Billie sits across from me, holding an ice pack to her mother’s face. Her legs are tucked beneath her, and she focuses all her attention on Sally.
I arrange for her to see a doctor as soon as we arrive and will make sure to take care of any logistics that arise from it. Sally winces as she sits up and seems more awake than she did the last time when she barely muttered three words. Billie explained everything to her, and even though Sally wasn’t talking, she was listening because her cracked lips turned up in a smile when Billie was saying how much she loved me.
“You’re going to love California. It’s sunny all the time. No snow.” She laughs as she cries, and it crushes my heart watching her with her mom. “Remember that time when we got snowed in? The snow was almost to the top of the trailer.”
Sally doesn’t answer, but nods and even that seems painful. Her throat is probably killing her from him wrapping his fingers around it.
“He was stuck at the bar, so it was just you and me, and we played that record… what was it?”
“Johnny Cash.”
Billie points at her mom and nods her head. “Yes. And it only played that one song. We sang it like a thousand times that night. And that was the night you taught me how to do a French braid.” Her fingers absentmindedly twirl her hair. “We don’t have to worry about that here, though. No snow.”
She rests her head next to her mom’s, and when Sally closes her eyes, Billie does too, and a couple of tears roll down her cheeks.
A few minutes pass with them just getting reacquainted, but then Billie sits up and coughs.
I reach into the cooler and grab her a water. “Here, babe.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Do you want anything to eat or drink, Sally? Water?”
“No, thank you.”
“So polite. Just like your daughter.”
She smiles, a chipped tooth on display that makes me want to turn around and go back there so I can kick his rotten teeth in. Opening her eyes takes effort. “She always was a good girl.” Her scratchy voice pains me, and my eyes dart to the purple handprints around her neck.
“I learned from you,” Billie states, drawing another smile from Sally.
“We’re going to be landing in about an hour and a half. Once we leave the airport, we’ll be going to County General where I’ve arranged for you to stay in a private room until you’re healed.” I debated taking her to a local hospital, but when I mentioned it in the car, she almost panicked, saying she just wanted to leave.
I imagine being in a town so small that everyone knows everyone, she just wanted to leave, so I granted that request. Although she’s banged up really bad, she’s still breathing okay and is totally coherent, just exhausted and in pain.
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be just fine with some ice and ibuprofen.”
I glance at Billie before leaning forward to talk to Sally. “This isn’t a discussion, Ms. Bishop.”
Her swollen eyes widen a bit, but she simply nods.
“I told you he’s stubborn.”
“You’re calling me stubborn, honey?”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not nearly as stubborn as you are.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.” She bats her eyelashes and puckers her lips at me.
“If you weren’t so pretty, I might believe that.”
We hit some turbulence, and Sally groans at the abrupt movement, grabbing her arm that’s sure to be fractured. My girl’s entire demeanor changes, and it guts me that she’s even in this position.
Sally nods back off, and I watch as Billie struggles to keep her composure. “I need to use the bathroom,” she whispers to me and quietly slips out of her seat.
I give her a few minutes, then go to her and find her exactly how I thought I would. Staring blankly at the mirror. “I figure now that I have her, there’s no turning back, right?” she whispers.
I look at her reflection in the mirror. “There wasn’t any turning back before.”
“Because I wanted to tell you… I want to. I feel like I need to for everything you just did for me and for her. And just because I love you and I think you deserve to know.”
“And I want you to give it all to me so you don’t have to carry it anymore, but only if you’re ready and not because you feel like it’s some sort of payment. That’s not how this works, how we work as a couple. I do thing
s for you because I want to and vice versa. Not because there’s some unfounded obligation or debt.”
Just when I think she might have changed her mind, she takes in a deep, shuddering breath. “If he didn’t have the money for whatever his drug of choice or liquor was for the week, he’d force her to perform oral sex as payment.”
My knuckles turn white as red blots my vision, but I nod for her to continue.
“I accidentally saw it once. I knew it happened more, but what I don’t know is if it was worse or if she knows I know. But it happened.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” I turn away from her and flex my fists to prevent myself from making a hole almost as big as my gaping heart for what the woman I love had to endure.
“And I want you to know. Carter, that’s what I come from. I’m not one of those girls who grew up playing house and riding her bike around the block. I was messed up. I’m not as… clean as you think I am. I was a slu—”
I slam my hand against her mouth. “Not another word. You’re not that. You could never be that.”
“But I was,” she mumbles. I slide my hand over to cup her face. “I made it so I gave myself and I did it often. It seemed like it was my choice because I didn’t want to be like her. Nobody was going to take that away from me, so I was the one who gave it just so it wouldn’t get taken because I knew that’s where I was headed. I haven’t been like that since I’ve been here, and I never want to go back to being that way ever again.”
I pull her into my arms, wrapping her tight and letting some of my frustration ease as she squeezes me back. She acts like this is no big deal, but the fact of the matter is, it’s huge. It’s disgusting, and it’s mortifying, and something that nobody should ever have to go through, yet she still finds a way to smile. She amazes me. Absolutely amazes me. “You’re perfect, Billie Bishop.”
“It led me to you, so I can’t wish it never happened.”
“I’d have found you, Billie. Somehow, someway I’d have found you, so I can absolutely wish it never happened to you. Just like I can wish the auditions never happened. And like I can do the same with Paxton putting his gross hands all over you. But you can’t make something not happen that’s happened already; all you can do is everything in your power to prevent it from happening again.
