Fatal Attraction

by Mia Ford

  Okay, I tell myself nervously as I stare at the stick which sits on the back of the toilet. That’s been about a minute. Time to find out. Time to see the negative sign and move on with things.

  My hand shakes as I reach out to touch it, anxiety bursts and explodes in my chest. I’m not ready for this answer, I almost want to walk away until I feel more emotionally equipped to cope, but as far as this is concerned I don’t think that minute will come. I’m sure I’ll always be unprepared. It’s much better to rip it of like it’s a band aid. I need to get the answer quick to work out what I’m going to do next…

  Just look, I beg my brain. Pick it up and look already. What’s the worst that can happen?

  Okay, no I need to scrap that. Since there’s only two outcomes here, it’s a fifty fifty chance that it will be the worst option. Instead, I wrap my fingers around it and I pull it towards me, peeking through a crack in my eyes.

  Shit. There it is. The dreaded sign that I didn’t want to see, the one that I have no idea what to do with. The cross. It’s positive.

  Chapter Fourteen – Will

  What a fucking bullshit day, I think as I trudge up the stairs to my apartment. Urgh, never again.

  I’m getting sick of Kingpin now, him and his games. I can’t work out if he’s getting more elaborate with his ploys or if we’re reading into things that aren’t really there. I teeter between the two, never quite settling on one choice or the other. It depends on my mood really, and of course what’s been happening that day. If he’s been nipping at my heels and focusing on me, then I’ll be more inclined to think he’s a clever fucker.

  “Hello.” My eyes snap up a I hear a raspy female voice at the top of my stairs. “Will, can I speak to you?”

  Immediately I panic. I’ve been pulling away, severing our contact completely, and I thought that Cici had the message. She seemed to since I haven’t had any calls or texts for a while. I’ve missed her like crazy, there’s a part of me that’s so fucking grateful to see her again, but the biggest bit of me is afraid. Truly scared.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I snap at her, probably a bit too angrily. “I didn’t tell you to come.”

  She recoils as if I’ve physically hurt her, which makes me feel like shit about myself. So do the red rings around her eyes. Has she been crying? Maybe something’s happened already, perhaps I haven’t been as clever as I thought. If that’s the case then I need to know right away. I have to find out everything.

  “Sorry, I’m sorry,” I apologize feebly. “That was shit of me. I didn’t mean…” I shake my head. No amount of explaining is going to work. “Work is terrible at the moment. Please come inside.”

  As we step into my apartment, I rush around picking everything up. Without Cici’s regular visits I haven’t had anyone to tidy up for so I’ve just let it go to hell again. I should make more effort for surprise visits like this one.

  “Sorry, I know it’s a mess. Please, take a seat while I get things sorted. Do you want a coffee?”

  Cici nods and she perches on the edge of the couch. She isn’t relaxed and comfortable, despite the fact that he knows this place well, which suggests she’s taken me pushing her away really hard. I’m an asshole.

  I whip us both up drinks while I flutter about the place to make it respectful, and the very last measure I take is flicking the lock closed on the front door. I’ve taken to doing that all the time when I’m in to prevent and surprise visits. I know if Kingpin wants me dead then I will be, but I have to take protective action.

  “Is everything okay?” Cici asks me, surprised as she sees me flicking the lock. “You’re being… weird.”

  I sigh and hang my head low. I haven’t had any intention of telling her anything, but now that Cici is here I feel like I need to throw her a bone and give her something. “It’s work, it’s getting… dangerous.”

  “Dangerous?” My expression stiffens which seems to tell her that I don’t want to answer. “Right, okay.”

  Once the coffee is made I take it to her and I sit across from her. I stare into her eyes seeing a real terror there. She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders which I don’t like to see. I have a funny feeling this is to do with much more than just me. She has something else going on. It better not be him.

  “Has, erm…” I hate that I have to ask this. It really isn’t fair on Cici. “Has something happened to you?”

  She bites down on her bottom lip, chewing thoughtfully for a moment before she nods. Almost right away my heart leaps up into my throat and I can feel it forcing hot red blood all around my body. He’s gone too far now, Kingpin has stepped way over the fucking line. I need to put this asshole out of his misery one way or another.

  “What did he do to you?” I growl. “Did he hurt you? Did you see him? Do you know what’s happening?”

  Cici’s eyebrows furrow. “He?” she asks confused. “What do you mean he? What’s going on here?”

  It can’t be a woman, can it? All the junkies and dealers we’ve had come through the cop shop have all referred to Kingpin as a he, it’s the only thing we’ve ever been able to get out of them, but maybe it was a rouse.

  “Not he then. Whoever.” Anticipation builds, much as I hate this I might actually be in a situation where I can find something real out. I can’t help clinging to that fact. “What happened to you?” I grab onto Cici’s hands and I stare deeply into her eyes. I hope that my intense look is giving her what she needs. “You can tell me anything.”

  “Is someone after me?” She glances towards the door. “Is that what all of this is about? Am I in danger?”

  “I… I…” I don’t know what’s happening here. “Has no one been in communication with you about me?”

  Cici snatches her hands back. “Will, I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about but you better start explaining yourself now or I’m going to be mad.” Her arms fold across her chest, making sure I have no access to her now. “You better let me know if something could happen to me. I don’t want any surprises.”

  I let out a deep breath. This is my own fault, I let my mouth get the better of me and now I’ve said too much. If I ever want Cici to respect me again then I’m going to have to tell her everything. I need to let her know just enough about what my life’s been like so she can understand me. At least that way, she won’t hate me.

  “Oh, well there’s just the guy, a criminal, who’s been threatening me at work. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about…” A little white lie never hurt anyone. “But the other guys from the station want me to be vigilant. I need to keep away from everyone a little while we work out what his next plan of action is.”

  “Does that include me?” she immediately demands. “Is that why you’ve been so nuts?”

  I nod, unable to hid it anymore. “Yeah. I didn’t want to pull back, I had to.”

  “And you couldn’t just tell me that?” She throws her hands in the air in obvious frustration. “I thought that I’d done something wrong. I’ve been trying to work out what’s wrong with me. I can’t believe this.”

  A single fat tear falls from her eye and runs down her cheek. As I watch it, I feel even worse about myself.

  “I only did it to protect you,” I try to reassure her. “I thought that the less you knew, the better.”

  “So… this is a real danger then? Or you wouldn’t be taking such precautions.”

  “I…” How do I answer this? It isn’t the easiest situation to find myself in. “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, great. That’s just great.” Cici pushes herself into a standing position and she paces the room. There’s something about her reaction which has me concerned, it doesn’t seem normal. “Maybe I should just go.”

  I could just let her walk back out my life again. Maybe that would be the smart thing to do, but something’s stopping me. Without even meaning to, I race to her side and I hold in place. “Don’t go,” I plead.

  Cici rakes h
er eyes up and down me. I can tell that she’s trying to work out how much I mean these words. My heart and head are battling over this. My heart wants to cling to her, to never let her go, but my head knows what’s best. This time though, I have a funny feeling that my head is on a losing streak.

  “Please, Cici, I really don’t want you to leave. I know that I’ve been a shit and I don’t deserve you to stay but I really don’t want you to go. I’ve pushed you away to protect you, but I honestly have missed you.” I have to be honest, totally truthful. It’s the only way to get anywhere with this. “I haven’t ever felt like this before.”

  “Will.” There’s a tremble in Cici’s voice. I snatch my hand away so she won’t yell at me to get off of her. “Will, there’s something I need to tell you and it complicates things further. I mean, really complicates things.”

  “I don’t see how that’s possible,” I laugh mirthlessly. “But go on, trust me.”

  Cici stares dead into my eyes, almost challenging me. She steels her jaw determinedly. “I’m pregnant.”

  Pregnant. It takes a couple of moments for that word to sink in and even longer for me to realize what this means. Pregnant. A baby. A real, life long commitment. That’s really fucking serious.

  “You… you… you…” I glance down at her stomach, wondering if there really is life growing inside of there. there’s no swelling, but I suppose we aren’t “You’re having a baby? An actual real life baby?”

  “We,” she reminds me. “We are having a baby yes. And now we’re in danger.”

  Shit… Kingpin. That’s a good point. I have a funny feeling that it won’t take long for him to find out about this baby. I can’t have Cici wandering around alone out there all vulnerable. Even less so now. I have to protect her in any way possible. Much as I’m fucking terrified at the prospect of having a baby and becoming a father, the main priority right now is keeping Cici safe. I have to make sure that no one can get to her no matter what.

  “Move in with me,” I gasp out desperately. “Move in here so I can keep an eye on you.”

  “Are you serious? You cannot be serious?” Cici looks like the wind has been stripped from her. “You can’t invite me to live here. A minute ago, you wanted to pull away from me, to end this.”

  I grab her round the waist and I pull her close to me. Thankfully, she doesn’t resist. I half expected her to fight me but I must’ve knocked the sense right out of her. “Cici, I didn’t want to pull away. I want to be with you. This might be quicker than expected but we have a baby on the way. It’s the right thing to do.”

  She glances up at me through her eyelashes, searching for something from me. I try to give her everything she needs with my eyes. I am on board with working out how we can be a family, but I know what I need to do in the moment right now. I need to make sure that no one can get her, especially not the bastard who’s out for blood.

  “Move in with me,” I say again. “The rest of it we can work out as time goes by. We can do it, can’t we?”

  She nods slowly, finally accepting my offer. “Yeah, okay. I suppose that might be for the best. I mean, if we’re going to work out if we can be together or not, we should work that out before the baby is born, right?”

  She rests her head against my chest again, leaving my mind reeling. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I’m in the middle of the most serious relationship of my life right when I’m in the middle of danger too. It really isn’t the best place to be. I should be happy, I should be scared, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be. All I know now is that I have two lives to protect. Two people who need me.

  Fuck.

  Chapter Fifteen – Cici

  I rub my hand over my very swollen belly, smiling at the black and white fuzzy picture in my hand. “I can’t believe it,” I almost squeal. “We’re going to have a boy. Are you excited? I’m so excited.”

  Will throws his arm over my shoulder and he smiles at me gleefully while snatching the picture from my hand. I love moments when he’s like this, when he’s all open and emotionally available. It makes me feel all safe with him. It reminds me of the early days when we were first dating and it all felt incredible. It’s been sticky the last few months, there have been some really hairy times, but we’re still here, pulling through. To be honest, all the difficult times are out of our control, they’re all related to this dangerous case that Will is working on. If it wasn’t for that, it’d be perfect. Everything would be just as perfect as I’ve always imagined it to be.

  And this baby thing. It might’ve been unexpected, but it’s actually wonderful. It’s bringing us a lot closer together and I love it. In a way, me and Will are doing things all backwards, not how it’s expected of us, but I really don’t mind. It’s working for us, we’re figuring it out as we go, and that’s all good.

  “What are we going to call him? I was thinking about Judd. Do you like that name?”

  “Ooh, I like that, but I was thinking Ollie. Do you like that? Could we go for Ollie?”

  “Maybe we should spend some time thinking about it. We still have four more months to go.”

  Four more months and our little family will grow. Right now, we’re two adults trying to navigate life together in a pretty small two bedroom apartment, but soon there’ll be a baby in the mix, changing everything. It’s insane to think about, even with the little man kicking away in my stomach it’s hard to fully digest, but that hardly matters. This baby is going to be born soon, no matter what. He’ll be in our lives soon enough.

  “Maybe we should go away,” Will says on impulse. “Have a long weekend somewhere before the baby comes. Go away to the country somewhere. Or even the city. Whatever you want. Have some me and you time.”

  “Oh my God.” I grab onto his hand, keeping his arm fixed over my shoulder. “That sounds amazing, I would love that. I’ll be on maternity leave soon enough anyway, so we can do whatever we want to.”

  We could so use it. Both of us have been incredibly stressed recently with work we could use a time out. Will especially. This dangerous case, which he keeps trying to tell me isn’t too dangerous, is crushing him. I want to see him in a more relaxed environment, I want to have some romance and love time. I need that.

  “Ooh, I think the country would be awesome. Somewhere private and quiet. Just us.”

  “Oh, yeah, mmm, I can almost feel it already.” Will’s eyes slide closed. “The birds tweeting in the trees, the warm winds washing over us, the lack of traffic bleeping and roaring outside. Sounds awesome.”

  “You really are quite the poet.” I laugh loudly. “It must be all the books you read.”

  The books that I’m now coming to love myself. Well, some of them at least. I’m certainly expanding my reading anyway, learning things that I wouldn’t otherwise. It’s pretty cool and gives me more insight to Will.

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Will rolls his eyes at me. “Come on, I’m taking you to lunch.”

  He takes me to a café and I immediately excuse myself to the bathroom while he orders for us. I can still feel some of the cold, sticky blue jelly that the doctor spread across my stomach for the ultrasound and I want to get it off. It’s a weird and slightly uncomfortable sensation. I can’t hate it though, it showed me my little boy.

  I smile at my reflection in the mirror while I wipe the rest of the stuff off, looking like a different person. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, today has been a really awesome day. It’s so awesome, it’s the sort of news that I wish I could share with the rest of the world. I want to post my baby bump on social media, I wish I could post my scan picture, but Will has said that we shouldn’t. I know it’s because of the work stuff and he’s scared that the baby will make me a bigger target, but sometimes I worry that it might be because he’s freaked.

  Still, at least I can text Michelle. She’s still doubtful, I’m sure of it, but outwardly, she’s been nothing but supportive. ‘Guess what? It’s a baby boy! That’s super exciting, right? Love y
a, C xx’

  I pause and press the cell phone to my lips while I wait for her to text back. There’s a real happiness dancing behind my eyes, I can’t switch that off. Even when Will is tense and things are bad, he makes me feel much better than anyone else does in the world. I still want to be near to him all the damn time.

  ‘That’s great news, girl, I’m really happy for you. Hope all is good. Michelle xx’

  I use the bathroom quickly, figuring I might as well while I’m here since my bladder has become a football for this little boy, then I head back into the café where Will is already sitting and waiting for me. When he spots me, he grins wildly as if I make him as happy as he makes me. I love the feeling that look gives me, especially because I keep worrying that this baby has pushed him into a commitment that he’s nowhere near ready for. I’m scared that there’s going to be a moment which pushes him too far and sends him flying… but so far so good. I was a little scared about today, actually. I thought that the ultrasound might terrify him, but it’s actually been one of the best days of our relationship so far. Will has been wonderful, really loving and available. I love him when he’s like this… well, maybe not love exactly, I don’t want to force that, but something very close.

  Or maybe it is love. Maybe I’m just scared to say it aloud because it’s like lying my heart on the table and leaving it vulnerable and exposed. Perhaps this truly is everything…