When I hear him move, I panic. “No, please stay.” My voice is barely above a whisper. I open my eyes to see Devon standing at the foot of the bed. He looks tired, unshaven, and his shirt is all crinkled like he’s worn it far too long. Slowly, I look around the room. “Where am I?”
Devon rushes back to my side, taking my hand. “You’re at St. Thomas’s. You’ve got a concussion and have been out for two days.”
Two days?!
I swallow and wince. My throat feels like it’s on fire. “Do you want some water?” I nod. Devon fetches me a glass, holding it to my lips with one hand, carefully lifting my head with the other. I take a sip, feeling the sting in my throat as I do, but also welcoming the cool liquid as it slides down my throat.
“Do you remember what happened?” Devon asks, carefully laying my head back down and placing the water by my bedside.
I blink a couple times, trying to think. “I was in your car and Ian was driving me home …”
“Yes,” Devon says, encouraging me.
I frown when I remember the sound of screeching tyres. “Was I in an accident?”
Taking my hand, Devon says, “Yes. Your dad witnessed the whole thing. He’s been simply beside himself. He’s out getting himself and me a sandwich right now, but he’ll be so fucking relieved you’re finally back with us. We’ve both been worried sick. When he called me in Brussels, I was frantic. Never has a flight back home taken so long.” He shakes his head, like the memory pains him.
It then hits me. Immediately, my eyes fill with tears. “He’s moved on already.”
His forehead crinkles in confusion. “What are you talking about, baby?”
I shake my head. “My dad.” I close my eyes. “It’s all coming back to me now.”
“What is?”
I turn to look at Devon. “He was with a woman.”
He smiles. “She could have just been a friend.”
I shake my head. “She wasn’t. They were holding hands, then he leaned over to kiss her. Friends don’t do that with each other.”
Just as Devon opens his mouth, my dad walks in holding a plastic bag. When he sees I’m awake, he comes rushing in.
“Andi, you’re awake. Thank God.”
Devon moves out of the way, allowing my dad to sit down. When he does, he can tell I’m upset. I see the guilt written across his face. Devon points to the door. “I’ll go get the doctor and tell him you’re awake.”
I look at Devon, nodding. The moment he’s out the door, I turn to my dad. “How long?”
My dad smiles. “Andi, shouldn’t we concentrate on you? How are you feeling?”
“Dad, tell me how long.”
Sighing, he looks down at his hands. “About a month. Maybe five weeks. Something like that.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I practically screech, making my head hurt. I groan.
My dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “Shh, Andi. You’re recovering from a head injury. You need rest.”
“No, Dad. What I need is for you to be honest with me. Mum died only three years ago.” My eyes well with tears again at the thought of him moving on so soon after her death.
He gives me a look, as if to say he understands. When he lightly squeezes my shoulder, he looks down again. “I didn’t want to tell you partly because I don’t know where this is heading, but mainly because I knew you would be upset.”
“Three years, Dad …”
“I know.” He looks up, smiles, then nods. “For you, it doesn’t seem long. She’s your mum and nothing will ever come between that. She will forever be your mum. At one time, I thought she would forever be my wife.” I open my mouth, but he stops me. “Please, let me speak.” When I nod, he closes his eyes. “I know it must pain you to think of me with another woman. I totally understand that you feel I’m somehow betraying the memory of her. Believe me. I have been through exactly the same emotions. I met Lynette three months ago.” Hearing her name fills me with pain. Somehow, knowing it cements her existence. “I tried to fight my attraction to her. I really did. It’s just …” He grips his eyes shut. I can tell he’s finding this difficult. When he opens them back up, he meets my eyes. “I’m so lonely, Andi.” My dad’s eyes well with tears, causing my own to surface again. When he lets out a small sob, pain like no other hits me. Seeing my dad suffer is one of the worst things I’ve ever had to witness.
Knowing I need him to see I’m here for him, I offer him my hand. He takes it, laughing. With his other hand, he starts wiping away his tears. “This is so silly. I keep telling myself every day that I’m the parent. I’m the one who needs to be strong for you and your brother.”
I squeeze his hand. “She wasn’t just my mum. She was your wife. You can’t deal with this all by yourself. You may be a dad, but you’re also Joe Bellingham, a man who met a woman, fell in love, got married, and had children. You’re a human being, as well as a dad. You’re allowed to tell me if you’re in pain … if you’re suffering.”
He sniffles a little, smiling through the tears. “When did you grow into such a mature young lady?”
All the anger over this woman vanishes. I smile. “My mum and dad brought me up right.”
He laughs, picking my hand up and kissing it. He shakes his head. “I must admit to you how guilty I feel. I’ve felt guilty ever since I left your mother that night. Guilty for not being there when she needed me. Guilty for not having her here so she could continue to be a mother to her two children. Extremely guilty for meeting a woman and feeling attraction. All this guilt just tears me up.”
I look into my dad’s eyes and all I feel is love. How can I be angry when he pours his heart out to me like this? I swallow my pride, squeeze my father’s hand, and decide it’s time for me to grow up.
“Can I ask you a question?” I begin.
“Of course,” he answers, sniffling.
“Are you happy?”
For me, this is the most important issue. I understand what he’s trying to tell me. Yes, my mum will always be my mum. But my dad lost a wife he loved dearly three years ago, and now he feels it’s time to love again. As long as he’s happy, how can I begrudge him of that? Charlie and I are living our lives while my dad sits at home … alone. Eventually, I will need to realise I can’t selfishly expect him to sit at home pining for my mother for the rest of his life.
My dad smiles. “Yes. It’s still early on, but I am happy.”
Despite trying to be adult, I still feel the pain for my mother. As the tears come, I swallow hard. “Well, don’t you think Mum would be happy knowing that?”
He smiles, placing my hand on his cheek. “Yes,” he answers, catching another sob in his throat. “I think she would.”
Seeing my father in pain makes it difficult for me to stop my tears. I swallow again, hard, knowing I need to say this to him. “Then I’m sure you would have her blessing.”
When my father lets out a sob, I follow suit. He stands and sits on my bed, carefully pulling me toward him for a hug. For a while, we stay like that, allowing the other to give comfort—allowing each other to share in one another’s grief.
For the first time since my mother died, we both mourn the loss of a great woman. I know my mum will forever remain in my heart, but my dad is a man saying goodbye to his wife, trying to move on with his life, finding room in his heart to love another. At this moment, I know he isn’t crying because he lost her. He isn’t crying because he knows he will never see her again.
He’s crying because he’s finally letting her go.
I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy. July quickly turned into August, then September. Aaron was due to fly in to visit in a couple weeks, and things between Devon and me were stronger than ever. He’s stopped drinking and kept taking his tablets so the night terrors have faded. I also managed to persuade him to see someone he can talk to. He said he has me, but I’m no expert. Sometimes I don’t have all the right answers.
I haven’t heard from Beth since
that day she cornered me. As far as I’m aware, neither has Devon. I also met Lynette, who seems really nice. It was awkward, but she seems to genuinely care for my dad, which is all I care about.
I hear from Charlie every other day and occasionally get a text from Ben. I don’t tell Devon because I know he’d get jealous. The texts are totally innocent, but it’s sometimes best to hide it in order to have an easy life. I know it’s a cop-out, but it’s how things are.
“Are you going to eat that last slice?”
My head snaps to Devon, who’s pointing at the last slice of pizza in the box. I smirk. “Are we feeling particularly hungry tonight?”
“With you, I’m always ravenous.” He winks, pushing himself up from the sofa and picking up the pizza. Realising I haven’t answered his question, he turns to me. “You don’t want this, do you?”
I laugh. “No. Go ahead. I’m stuffed.” I pat my stomach, causing him to smirk as he places almost half the slice in his mouth. “Ugh, you pig!” I complain, laughing as some of the cheese and tomato fall down his chin.”
He waits until he’s swallowed before answering. “Give me a kiss,” he says, leaning forward, tomato all over his face.
“Get off me.” I giggle, pushing him away. He puckers his lips. “Stop it. I’ll scream.”
“Ah, you love it.”
“Not when my boyfriend starts trying to kiss me with tomato all over his mouth.”
“Lick it off for me then.”
I push at his chest. “No way! That’s like licking gazpacho, and I can’t think of anything more disgusting.”
“But you’d be licking it off me.”
I have him trapped between my legs to stop him, so when he pushes his crotch into the one wrapped around his waist, I immediately feel his hardness.
“I don’t care how hot you are, I’m not licking cold tomato sauce off you.”
His eyes start to get hooded. “How about I lick that sweet cunt of yours? Would you lick your juices off me?”
His dirty talk turns me on, but I’m watching TV. “Stop your filth, man. I’m in the middle of watching The Blacklist. We’re going to find out who betrayed Red.”
Devon places his half-eaten pizza back in the box, turns, and starts crawling up in between my legs. I give him a stern look. “Don’t you dare.”
“Do you know how much it turns me on when you have a go at me?” As he hovers over me, he licks around his lips, trying to get the tomato off. “Gone?”
I laugh. “Yes, I know how much it turns you on, but I’m still not giving it up. I have a program to watch.”
He leans forward and starts nibbling on my ear, pressing his crotch into me. It’s so erotic, I can’t help but want to give in.
“I’m sure I can change your mind.” He breathes heavily into my ear, flexing his hardness into my groin.
He knows he can change my mind. The things this man can do to me has my body trembling and my mind spinning. It doesn’t help that I have leggings on so I can feel more when he pushes himself into me.
As if knowing this, he stops nibbling my ear and looks down at me, gyrating his hips. “Do you think I can make you come just by doing this?”
I know for a fact he could. I feel the flex of his hips as he pushes his hardened cock onto my clit. My breathing quickens and my heart beats like a drum.
“Do you want me to stop?”
I shake my head. I’m way past that barrier now. He’s started something, so he’s going to have to finish it. “No, keep going,” I say breathlessly.
“Am I going to make you come, baby?”
As I feel his cock press against my clit, my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Yes,” I respond, moaning as he arches his back, pressing himself into me again. I have never been dry humped like this before. It’s a glorious feeling. “Keep going.” My breathing quickens even more as I grab his hips. He flexes them into me again, causing me to cry out.
“I’m going to make you scream, baby. I bet your sweet cunt is full of juices. I can’t wait to coat them on my dick. Do you feel how hard I am for you?”
“Fuck!” I cry. I know I’m close.
“Keep going like that and it’ll be over for me before I’ve even begun. Do you realise how fucking sexy you are? Your cheeks are flushed, your lips are parted. That pretty little mouth that sucks my cock so fucking good. I love coming in your mouth, but do you know what’s even better?”
“No.” I moan again as I feel my orgasm rise.
He leans forward, his eyes hooded and sexy. “Coming inside your tight little cunt.”
All thoughts of Red and who’s betrayed him go flying out the window as the most mind-bending orgasm rocks my body. Who knew I could come from being humped with clothes on.
“Shit … ,” I breathe out, trying to catch my breath.
“Was that good, baby?”
Devon smiles before kissing me. He stills. I’m trembling beneath him, grabbing him to hold him still. Shit, that orgasm was something else.
“Jeez, Devon. I feel like a teenager being dry humped by her adolescent boyfriend.”
“There’s nothing adolescent about me,” he scorns.
“Don’t I know it.”
When he stands, I feel coldness between my legs. I’m wetter than I’ve ever been. I watch as Devon kneels and pulls me to the edge of the sofa. In one swift movement, he has my leggings and knickers off, which he holds to his nose and inhales. “Best aroma in the world.”
I don’t know how he manages it, but he’s got me wanting him again within seconds. I still haven’t gotten over my orgasm yet.
Once he has me naked from the waist down, he stares at my pussy. He places one finger at my entrance, gathers some juices, then licks them off.
I moan. Just watching him do that turns me on. He unbuckles his belt and undoes his top button before pulling down the zip. Once he pushes them down, his cock springs free. He takes it in his hand and positions the tip, but he doesn’t enter me. He merely places the tip there, then pushes it up around my clit. I cry out, still feeling sensitive from my orgasm.
“Devon,” I moan. “Fuck me.”
Looking up at me a moment, he leans over me. “You want me to fuck you?” I nod. “Fast or slow? Your call.”
I feel my legs virtually trembling at the thought. “Slow, then fast.”
“Ah, my baby wants it all.” He leans down, kissing me on the lips, his tongue tangling with mine, causing me to moan again. “If my baby wants it all, then all she will get.”
He starts sliding his cock in, making me cry out. When he pushes it all the way in, he stills for a moment, his breathing as ragged as mine.
“I can’t ever get enough of you.” He starts moving agonisingly slowly. With each thrust, I want to beg him to give me more.
“Still want it slow?” He flexes his hips forward.
“Shit, Devon!” I cry, knowing I won’t be able to take much more, but also wanting this feeling to last a little longer.
“Having you beneath me like this, vulnerable and moaning, makes my cock stiffer than ever.” He flexes his hips forward again.
“Please, Devon … ,” I moan.
“Please, what?”
“Faster. Harder. Just fuck me already!”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Pushing himself up, he grabs my hips, pulls me down a little more, then thrusts forward. “Fuck, Andi. I’m going to come in that tight little pussy of yours. So fucking perfect.”
I don’t know how he does it, but orgasm number two is coming and it’s coming fast. When he smiles down at me, I realise he can sense it. “Come for me, Andi. Come around my cock. Let me feel those walls tightening down on me. Only for me.”
Gripping the sides of the sofa cushion, I scream his name, trembling around him.
“Shit, you’re going to make me come. I’m going to fucking spill my load into you.” His breathing and movements quicken.
With one final flex and grunt, he comes. “Jesus, Andi. When will enough be e
nough?” I feel his breaths against my skin as he leans his head on my shoulder.
After a couple minutes trying to slow our breathing, Devon pulls out of me and puts his pants back on. Then he picks up the remainder of the pizza and starts eating.
As I sit up, my mouth hangs open. Then I snap my head to the TV in time to see the ending credits. “You’re eating pizza like nothing’s happened. In the meantime, you’ve made me miss The Blacklist.”
“I get hungry after sex,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food.
“Tosser,” I groan under my breath, gathering my wet knickers and leggings from the floor before standing up.
“What?” he asks, shrugging. “Didn’t you get two great orgasms out of it?” He smirks at me.
“Yes, but you don’t have to be so smug about it.” I walk away to head for the shower.
“Ah, come on, baby. Don’t be like that.” I hear him running after me, making me smile.
When I reach the bathroom, I turn the shower on and take my t-shirt and bra off. I can tell Devon’s watching my every move. “I have to shower now. Someone’s made an awful mess inside me.”
Devon raises his eyebrow. “Remember, not too much. You know I like the thought of my—”
“Yes, yes, yes,” I say, waving my finger at him as I step into the shower. “Possessive caveman.”
I feel the warmth of the spray hit me as I get in, but I soon feel the cold of Devon’s clothes on my back. “Devon!” I screech. When I turn, I see him smiling down at me. I look him up and down. “You still have your clothes on!”
“I couldn’t wait. Will you help me out of these?”
I shake my head, smirking. It’s difficult, but between us, we manage to peel his clothes off. We shower together, washing each other and laughing. I can safely say this is one of the best nights I’ve had—apart from missing a crucial episode of The Blacklist, of course.
When we’re done, we dress and walk back into the living room. He grabs my hand, practically spinning me around as he takes me in his arms. He looks down at me so lovingly, it takes my breath away.
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