by Anne Thomas
"You are so cute sometimes, Matthew," she clucked, looking much more like an adoring mother than an adoring girlfriend. He smiled lovingly at her, and Gareth mimed being sick.
"Oh, grow up, Gareth," Matty snapped, resurfacing from a particularly amorous kiss with Pascal. "You're so immature sometimes."
"I'm eleven," Gareth reminded him, sticking out his tongue.
Matty opened his mouth to retort angrily, but Pascal cut him off swiftly. "Anyway, back to our discussion. Nerys, you do not hate the boy at all –"
"Um, yes, I do. He leaned me over a shark tank, for God's sake. He picks on me all the time..."
"Oh, Nerys..." Pascal smiled like she knew something I didn't. "Haven't you ever heard? Boys tease the girls that they like..."
"Oh, Lord." I buried my head in my hands. "Beth's already gone down this road with me, Pascal. You don't..."
"Then you already know!" Pascal flicked her fringe out of her eyes. "It is true! Matthew used to tease me when we were just children...It was only when we were fourteen he got the courage to ask me out, but he'd liked me long before that."
Yes, yes, I know, I feel like screaming, because I do know because Pascal tells this story all the time.
"So, it is not just a myth," Pascal says serenely, neatly arranging her skirt, so it lies in a straight line across her knees. "It really happens. And I think that this is what this Billie is doing with you, Nerys."
I didn't bother replying. There was no point; she'd just beat me down with some story involving her, Matthew and their schooldays (for some reason, this was Pascal's argument to everything. And for some reason, it usually worked).
My mother walked in then, carrying a glass of water and a TV magazine tucked under her arm. I quickly stood up off the sofa so she could sit in 'her' seat, and sat on the rug in front of the fire, my legs tucked under me. Mum made a big show of settling down and putting her cup on the coffee table. She eventually sat back and opened the magazine, the pages rustling as she did so.
"Ellen, don't you agree?" Pascal said, sending a wide, pink-lipsticked smile in Ellen's direction. "Don't you think that Billie likes Nerys? He teases her so much..."
"I suppose he could," my mother allowed, turning the page in the magazine. "Oh, look, Nerys, Heroes is back on next week –"
"I don't watch it anymore," I reminded her, which is true. I kind of stopped watching it halfway through the second season. But anyway, that's beside the point.
"Aha, see, Nerys, your mother agrees!" Pascal said triumphantly. I glowered at my mother.
"There is one thing that I want to know about this whole thing, though." My mother's eyes never left her magazine. "Because, you know, I don't want my only daughter breeding with some ugly bloke. It'll ruin any future family photographs."
I felt my face flame, and Matty made an annoyed noise. "Mum!" he snapped. "Nerys will not be doing any breeding!"
"Oh, Matty. Act your age. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of."
"She's fourteen!"
"I'm fifteen in December," I reminded him. "Anyway, loads of kids – well, one or two – are having sex in my year –"
He held up his hands for silence. "I don't want to know," he said curtly. "Just as long as it's not you having sex..."
"Anyway, Nerys." Mum finally rested the magazine down on the arm of the sofa and picked up her glass of water. She took a sip and then held the glass against her chest. "This Billie...would you?"
Oh, dear Lord, I thought. The Would You Game. My mother brings this up sometimes whenever some vaguely good-looking man appears on a film or a TV show. If it's an obvious man, then she'll turn to me and say, "You would." If it's not so obvious and she just wants my opinion, she'll say, "Would you?" These phrases, if you don't understand, basically mean "You would sleep with him" or "Would you sleep with him?"
Example: Johnny Depp's in the film we're watching, and she'll say, "You would." Some random Welsh bloke on some new TV show, and she'll say, "Would you?" And so on.
I groaned. "Mu-um!" I cried. "Billie is not would-you material, I swear! That phrase is only appropriate for people like Hugh Jackman or Aden off Home and Away!"
"Most girls at our school would disagree with you, Nerys," Gareth pointed out, stretching his arms above his head. "Siân certainly would."
"Siân doesn't count," I reminded him. "If it has a penis, she's all over it. And anyway, girls only like Billie because he's on the basketball team."
"Oh? So he's a sportsman," Mum smiled. "He must be in good shape, then."
"He is," I replied grudgingly. "He does have a six pack," I added. Matty groaned, and Pascal's smile stretched wider.
"How do you know of this?" she asked me. She looked like someone had just told her Christmas had come early.
"In France," I explained, "It was really hot, so most of the lads took their shirts off. Honestly, most of his friends had six packs. Apart from Joe West, but there are no surprises there."
"Does he speak French?" Pascal demanded, eyes widening.
"Well, yeah. He was a Year 10, then, so the only way he could go on that trip was because he took it for his GCSEs..." I trailed off. "Um, Gwen's cousin Mari said he was practically fluent."
"Well, that just completes things," Pascal said dreamily. "He has a six pack, and he speaks French. What more could you want?"
"Someone who speaks Welsh?" I suggested. "Billie's not from Wales. He doesn't even have a Welsh accent."
"Bah. Forget the Welsh. Think about the French!"
"I don't care if he can speak French," I said exasperatedly. "I'm taking GCSE Spanish; I hardly understand any French!"
"Fool." Pascal had already made her views on my choice to study Spanish very clear in the past, so I just glared at her.
"I think," Pascal said a few moments later, pushing a hand through her hair, "that you are just very silly and very stubborn. This Billie clearly likes you, Nerys. You might be surprised by what you find if you become his girlfriend."
"I won't," I promised her.
"You might," she argued.
"I won't."
"You might."
"He's a prick."
"He's probably not a prick, Nerys."
"He picks on me."
"He picks on you because he likes you."
"He's an awful kisser."
"I think you're lying."
"Trust me, Pascal, I'm not."
"You're doing that weird thing with your eyes. You know, that thing you do when you're lying...Honestly, you're like Matty. He does that smile when he lies."
"I'm not lying; he was a shit kisser."
"Nerys," my mother interrupted our conversation, "Watch your language. It's not appropriate for a young lady such as yourself."
"Neither is kissing random boys at shopping centres," Matty scowled.
"Hush, Matthew, it's perfectly normal for a girl her age," Pascal responded soothingly. "I and you were kissing when we were younger than her."
"We," he snapped, "Were going out. And we liked each other. Nerys clearly doesn't like this Billie bloke."
"Nerys does like him," Pascal insisted in a serene voice, smoothing a particularly errant curl on Matthew's head. "She's just too silly and stubborn to realize it yet."
"I am not silly or stubborn," I growled. Everyone looked at me.
"You are pretty stubborn, Nerys," Matty said. I grabbed one of the cushions that had been thrown by me earlier and chucked it at his head. He grabbed it before it could hit home and threw it straight back; it hit me square in the face, causing me to splutter indignantly for a few seconds.
I finally regained some semblance of control and took a deep breath before speaking. "Look, Pascal." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and continued. "I do not like Billie, and he does not like me." She opened her mouth to argue, but I held up my hand for silence. "We are not going out, and we never will go out. And that's the end of it."
"Hmph." Pascal flopped back in her seat, a scowl gracing her normally pretty feature
s. She folded her arms over her chest, and silence reigned for a few moments before a tiny, tiny smile played on her overly lipsticked lips.
And she sang, in a surprisingly tuneful voice, a few lines from the chorus of the song 'Denial' by the Sugababes.
"Oh, shut up," I snapped, scrambling to my feet and stomping towards the door. Before I left, however, I looked over my shoulder and told my sister-in-law-to-be, "By the way, you've got lipstick on your teeth."
And with that, I left the room.
Chapter 10: Hanky Panky
As soon as I got out of the car with Gareth that following Monday, I knew something was up. The group of Year 11 girls that hang out near the gates all turned to look at me, whispering and giggling, and John, Siân, and Beth began to walk towards me. Adam appeared, walking out of the quad, tossing an apple core into the bin as he passed it. Louis closely followed him.
But before either of those groups could reach me, I was enveloped in a bear hug. My attacker smelt of aftershave and body wash and Pete's favourite hat, and they swayed us side to side. I shoved them away, but they caught hold of my hand and laughed.
"Did I surprise you, sweetheart?" Billie asked, pulling a face of mock concern. "I'm so sorry if I did, I wasn't –"
"Billie," I growled, "What the hell are you -?"
"I'm just saying hello to my girlfriend," he said, a smile stretching wider. "Is that so wrong?"
"Girlfriend? I'm not your –" I began to shriek, before Billie placed one finger over my lips, effectively silencing me.
"Sweetheart, I know we agreed to keep it quiet, but..." He shrugged and smiled, placing his hands on my waist, "I just want people to...know, you know? I mean, I've liked you ever since France, and...Now I've finally got the chance to say I'm yours...I mean, I'm just ecstatic. Truly."
"Billie," I growled, "What the hell are you -?"
His grip tightened slightly. "Are you mad at me?" he implored, gazing at me and cocking his head to one side. "I couldn't bear it if you were, sweetheart."
Behind him, John and Siân were laughing. Beth swatted at them both and walked around us to stand behind me, while Adam stood a few feet away, hands in pockets.
"Billie," Beth said, "Maybe you should just, you know..." She pulled a face at me, shrugging helplessly.
"Get off me?" I suggested, eyes narrowing. "You know before I knee you in the balls –"
Billie actually laughed and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "See, that's it, Nerys," he said in a soppy kind of voice, "That's what I like about you."
"Her kneeing-in-the-balls ability?" Beth said, looking confused. I could see the romantic side of her brain working overtime as she processed this particular reason for fancying someone.
"Well, no, not that in particular," Billie said. "More her...fieriness. The fact she tells me when I've pissed her off. So many girls in this place just...you know...giggle at me. It's refreshing."
I stepped back from him, and his hands fell from my waist. "Are you actually being serious?" I demanded, my voice going particularly high-pitched towards the end of the sentence.
He smiled cockily. I resisted the urge to smack him. Instead, I stood there with my hands balled into fists as he leaned down to whisper in my ear, "See you at the break." And then he turned, swaggering off into the quad, giving the Year 11 girls a little wave as he did so.
"You look a bit flushed, Nerys," Beth said, looping her arm through mine.
Gareth gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Remember what Pascal said," he then snorted, ruining the moment of brotherly sympathy completely before he pranced off to find his friends.
"I hate him so much right now," I whispered. Adam walked over.
"Just so you're prepared," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "Billie's been telling pretty much everyone that you're an item. He's been saying it all weekend, like on MSN and Facebook and stuff."
"And," Siân continued, not laughing anymore, "I'm not certain which one, but I'd probably hazard a guess at Liam Wace, took a picture on his phone of when you two kissed and he uploaded it onto Myspace, and it's kind of Billie's profile picture. So that you know."
"We...but...That dick!" I jabbed a finger at Adam. "And you! I told you he was going to do something like this. I told you."
"You did," Adam agreed. "I didn't want you to be right, but I kind of felt like you would be."
He didn't look too bothered, and I knew why.
"Oh my God, you don't care because this is your little plan, and stuff," I growled. "You wanted this to happen –"
"I didn't want it to happen quite like this," Adam interrupted. "I just think it'll get Glyn off your back, that's all."
"Why the hell do you care so much about Glyn and me?" I demanded. And then, silence fell, and it just felt really awkward. My face got even hotter if that was even possible.
"I like you," Adam replied quietly, shrugging. Then the bell rang for morning registration, and Beth grabbed hold of my arm, dragging me away.
"Beth," I said in a low voice, "What just -?"
"I don't know," she said shortly. "I've no idea what just happened, Nerys, but I get the feeling that today is going to be a really weird day."
Tell me about it.
At the end of Maths – which was my first lesson – Billie magically appeared just a few feet down the corridor, pecked me on the cheek and then escorted to my next lesson of IT, which was basically my form room. He told me, as we walked that he'd just had Miss Moore for Business Communications, whatever that was. I met this with a stony silence and just pretended that he wasn't there.
And after IT, he hunted me down in the quad, sacrificing his Head Boy duties to do so. "You should just wait outside your classroom," he told me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "That way, I don't have to find you. I can just walk you to your next lesson like any good boyfriend should."
I shoved him away, but he didn't get the message. Or, more accurately, he did get the message; he just pretended it didn't exist.
And so it went on. He walked me to PSHE, and he even ventured into the PSHE room to talk to Miss Treharne about his RE coursework, and somehow, the conversation managed to get round to me and him, and she's smiling in an 'aww isn't that cute' kind of way, and she says to Billie, "Well, Nerys is one of my star pupils. Don't distract her from her schoolwork, young man!" And he grins at me cockily and tries to drop a kiss on top of my head before he leaves, but I duck out of the way and fall off my chair. After that lesson, he walked me to History, which is the one lesson on the whole timetable where I'm basically just stuck with all of Adam's mates, minus Adam, and he hung around for ages while we were lining up outside and even tried to kiss me, so I gave him a pretty pathetic slap on the cheek.
Unfortunately, the History teacher, Mr. Kinsey, saw just as he walked up to unlock the classroom door and gave us both a massive lecture – first on 'hanky panky in the school corridor' and secondly on 'pointless violence'. It left Billie highly amused and me highly embarrassed, and some of Adam's mates nicknamed me Hanky Panky.
Which, you know, I thought was bloody brilliant.
Naturally, Billie met me outside History and walked me down to the dining hall. And then, to our intense surprise, he took a seat at the end of the table, where Adam had sat the other day, and got out a packed lunch. I suspected that the packed lunch was just so someone else wouldn't steal the seat. God, he was well prepared, I thought.
Adam arrived with his pasta and his apple and took the seat opposite Billie. When Louis arrived, about three minutes later, he looked a little put-out – I don't know why he was only sat with us because of Adam – before he pulled a chair over and stuck it on the end of the table.
"Okay, okay, this is weird," Beth said, biting her lip. "Adam, Louis, why are you still sat with us? I've met Danny now."
Adam pointed his fork in her direction and flicked a bit of tomato sauce at Ann as he did so. She pulled a slightly disgusted face and took a defiant bite out of her sandwich.
> "You shouldn't assume," Adam said, "That because I'm considered quite popular that I won't want to sit with any of you. I had fun on Saturday. More fun than I've had with any of them –" he now jabbed his fork at his usual table – "in a long, long while. Even if the movie was kind of shit."
"So the movie was shit?" Billie asked, interestedly, leaning forwards.
"Yep," Louis answered.
"You told Nerys that you'd pretend the kiss never happened," Adam then said, ignoring Billie's question. Billie looked momentarily uncomfortable, and then he smiled.
"I realised, late on Saturday night, that the kiss meant more to me than I realised," he said, his grin sweet as he turned to look at me. He chucked me under the chin, and I pulled back, glaring. "I just couldn't throw away the opportunity."
"Oh, cut the crap, Billie," I growled, putting down my chocolate bar. "You are not interested in me –"
He held a hand over his heart, palm down. "You wound me," he said dramatically.
John and Siân looked amused (you'd think that Billie was the next John Cleese, the amount of time those two spent laughing at him). Adam, however, looked mildly irritated.
"I was wrong," he said to me. "Billie is definitely not the ideal guy to get Glyn to back off. I would have been better. You just want to dick about with her, and that's...that's a bit annoying if I'm honest."
I felt uncomfortable. John's eyebrows had practically vanished into his hair.
Billie cocked his head to one side, looking curious before he shrugged and picked up his sandwich. "Careful, mate," he said lightly, "Or I'll think you have a thing for my girl."
I spluttered over my bottle of orange juice and slammed the bottle down, hard, on the table. Then I rose, grabbing Billie's arm and dragging him out of his seat as I did so.
"Can I have a word, Billie?" I said through gritted teeth. He grabbed his drink – an Innocent smoothie – and allowed me to drag him out of the canteen, into the assembly hall and out into this yard around the back where all the minibusses park and where all the bins are.
"Yes, sweetheart?" he smirked, backing me into a wall and leaning his arm above my head, so he towered over me. He sipped his drink, and I reached up and snatched it from him and chucked it in the nearest bin. "You can pay for that," he frowned, but I ignored him.
