by Aiden Bates
“He seemed a little distraught to learn your actual marital status from an outsider, but you know. These things happen. I think the poor little thing has a crush." Peter examined his fingernails in the pale glow of the streetlight. “I’m sure he’ll get over it soon enough.”
Ryan saw red for a second, but he fought it down. Lashing out wouldn’t get him anywhere. He needed to talk to Anthony, and stop wasting time with this sorry waste of space.
“I can make life very difficult for you,” he growled. “You stay the hell away from Anthony.”
Peter’s answering smile reminded Ryan of nothing so much as a coyote. “I can make it so much worse for you, dear husband.”
Ryan watched as Peter walked away. Then he raced back upstairs. He needed to speak to Anthony.
But when he dialed Anthony’s number, no one answered, no matter how many times he dialed back.
11
Anthony panicked all night long. Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to show up to either job until the afternoon. He needed to pull himself together, and he couldn’t do it while he tried to close his eyes and sleep.
Ryan tried to call him, but Anthony couldn’t cope right now. He was sure Ryan would try to give him an excuse, but he didn’t want to hear it. What possible explanation could Ryan dig up for being married, for crying out loud?
Oops, I forgot? We have an open marriage, and I just kind of sort of forgot to tell you about it? It’s a green card marriage to bring this guy over from Canada? All of them were equally ridiculous.
He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t think. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard that hateful man’s voice echoing through his head. I’m his husband. He wanted to throw up until he died from dehydration.
Anthony needed an explanation. There was only one resource he could count on at this point. He could ask Ryan, but Ryan wouldn’t talk. If Ryan had wanted him to know about this husband, he’d have told him earlier than this.
Jamie, on the other hand, usually had Anthony’s best interests at heart. He’d always been the first one to show up and defend Anthony, the first one to make sure Anthony had the facts. He’d tell Anthony what he needed to know.
Anthony got into his beaten up old car and drove over to the Roscoe Industries building, full speed ahead. The security guard knew him, of course, and let him waltz right in without a challenge.
Jamie’s office door was closed, but he was alone in there. Anthony threw the door open and let it slam shut behind him. “He’s married?” he squawked, as Jamie stared at him.
“What? Who?” Jamie blinked, rubbing his eyes. He looked tired, but he’d looked tired a lot of the time lately. Apparently Tommy had taken a turn for the worse since Ryan came back.
“Ryan. I met his husband last night.” Anthony flung himself into one of the two chairs on the other side of Jamie’s desk and closed his eyes against a flood of tears. He wasn’t about to cry. Not over a married man. “Some guy named Peter.”
Surprised mutters filled the room, and Anthony remembered that Jamie’s door had been closed. Jamie’s door was usually open, but today it hadn’t been. He must have been on a conference call.
Shit. Anthony buried his face in his hands as male Roscoe voices filled the air. His stomach gave a lurch.
Had he just created more problems for Ryan? For Jamie? He should have stayed at home and kept his mouth shut.
Lincoln Roscoe, the patriarch of the family, spoke up in a grainy voice. “Your mother absolutely cannot hear about this, boys. Are we clear?”
Jamie slammed his finger down on the mute button and turned to Anthony. His face was blotchy red with fury, and his mouth was twisted with rage. “I told you not to get involved."
He stabbed his finger toward Anthony, like a knife. “I told you again and again. I warned you that he’d hurt you. Didn’t I? Didn’t I?
“But did you listen? No. You went blithely about your business, la la la, I’m Anthony, I know better than my best friend who’s known this guy his entire fucking life.”
Anthony’s face burned with shame, but he let his hands fall away from his face. “I didn’t think you meant like this!” He looked up at the ceiling. “I mean, he said the same things, but not because of this.
“He said he couldn’t commit to a relationship, and that’s why he couldn’t be with me. It turns out he can’t commit to a relationship because he’s married. To some guy named Peter, who he’s now apparently cheating on.”
Anthony’s stomach turned again, gurgling unpleasantly. “Ugh. I can’t believe this!”
Jamie slumped, his shoulders hunched. He pursed his lips. “I’ve been through so much shit with this already,” he muttered. “Between the two of you, I swear to God.”
He straightened up a little and grimaced. “Listen,” he said in a clearer tone. “I’m only going to say this one more time. Let. Him. Go. He is nothing but trouble. Trust me here. There’s nothing there for you but pain.”
Anthony hesitated. He wanted to wait for Ryan to tell him on his own, but that was kind of stupid at this point, wasn’t it? Ryan hadn’t even told him he was married. Anthony couldn’t trust him at all. So even though he’d promised himself he wouldn’t go behind Ryan’s back, he asked Jamie, “What did he do?”
Jamie’s jaw tightened. “Something he’ll never be able to get away from. Just go home, okay? We’ve got to deal with this mess now, too.” He reached for the phone again.
Anthony could see the Roscoes closing ranks in front of him, an impenetrable wall a lowly peon like him could never hope to break. He’d never wanted to be on the other side of it before, but it had never been used to dismiss him, either.
He knew, too, that they weren’t closing ranks to defend Ryan. It bothered him, because he did love Ryan, and his family should be standing up for him.
Turning on his heel, he walked out of the office. He’d been wrong to interrupt Jamie at work, and it wouldn’t happen again. Anthony might not be a Roscoe. He might just be a lowly retail worker with no prospects for anything better, but damn it, he had his pride.
He had always considered himself a low drama kind of guy. He might care for Ryan, even love him, but he could only take so much drama for a guy he was fighting so hard to get close to.
And it had been a one sided fight. Anthony had made every move. Ryan had yielded sometimes, and fought harder at others, but every overture had been made by Anthony.
As he walked back across the parking lot, he though, Fuck this. Love was worth fighting for, but he had to concede defeat if the other side wasn’t willing to lift a finger. Fuck, Anthony hadn’t ever had a chance. Not even a little one.
Anthony would fight for love. He wasn’t going to fight to be someone’s side piece. Ryan was married, and hadn’t even respected him enough to tell him. Anthony’s energy was finite. He wasn’t about to keep pushing, just to have his heart broken.
He went home. He took a nap. He went to work. Ryan tried to call again, but Anthony ignored him. It was time to cut ties.
He allowed himself to mourn for a couple of weeks. He stayed at home, and didn’t go out much.
Apparently, in addition to getting his heart broken, he’d picked up a stomach bug. It wasn’t a big deal, just a bit of nausea here and there, but it was still unpleasant enough that he was uncomfortable. His mom told him it was just psychosomatic, from stress, and he needed to take some time to just relax.
It would be great if he could find that kind of time. He couldn’t just turn off his brain, much as he might like to. He knew eventually the hurt would fade, but for now, he just had to put up with it.
Jamie stopped by after a week. He tried to get Anthony to come to a casino with him and Liam, but Anthony wasn’t up for it. “I don’t know,” he demurred. “I just can’t deal with the crowd and the noise right now, you know? It’s too much, and I think all the flashing lights would just set me off again.”
Jamie closed his eyes. “Tell me you and Ryan never…”
An
thony rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t tell you if we did or didn’t, Jamie. He’s your brother. That’s just gross.”
“So you don’t think you’re pregnant." Jamie spoke the words quickly, like he could make them less distasteful by getting them out of his mouth sooner.
Anthony huffed out a little laugh. “We used condoms, man. Every time. We weren’t stupid.”
“Even talking to him was stupid,” Jamie snapped. Then he softened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that.”
“Well, you were right. What can I say?” Anthony leaned back and closed his eyes. “I guess I sure can pick ‘em, right? Next time I get a date, I’m running a background check and public records search before we leave the bar. First question — is this guy married?”
Jamie snorted. “Right?” Then he deflated a little. “You know what gets me? I know he’s been in prison, and I know it wasn’t for petty theft, you know?
“But I also know he was damn well raised better than to cheat on his husband. Or to get involved with a good, sweet guy while he was married. Not that I ever saw him as the type to go out and get married, but you know what I mean.”
Anthony shrugged. “Maybe that’s why he did it. I know there’s no love lost between him and your mom, you know?”
He heaved a sigh. “I do feel kind of bad. I never wanted to be ‘the other man.’ Peter seemed like kind of a prick, but I doubt I’d be at my best if I found out my husband was sleeping around, either."
He certainly wasn’t feeling great about finding out his boyfriend was unfaithful, that was for sure.
“Seems reasonable to me. We can’t find anything about this guy, other than the fact that he completed the name change just after Captain Charming there went to Ely.” Jamie licked his lips. “Ryan’s been looking for you.”
“Good to know he sort of cares, I guess?” Anthony snorted. “Or is he looking to get his shirt back? Because he can have it. It doesn’t even fit.”
“He didn’t mention it. And gross. I don’t want to think about that.
"He didn’t say why he was looking for you. He just showed up at my place looking for your address. I didn’t give it to him.
“Nor did I tell him where you work. If he hadn’t figured it out before you split up — I mean, really, he couldn’t have asked? But if he didn’t already know, then he doesn’t need to know now.”
Anthony’s brain helpfully supplied a hundred reasons for Ryan to get in touch now, from STI disclosures to requests for money. He ignored them all. Jamie had a valid point, after all, albeit one Anthony preferred not to contemplate.
If Ryan had wanted to know little details like where Anthony lived, or where he worked, he’d have asked. “Yeah. Thanks, Jamie. It’s best to make a clean break of it.”
After another week of what Jamie called Anthony moping and what Anthony described as trying to shake that stomach bug (which now came with an additional aversion to broccoli), Jamie declared it to be “time.” “I’m signing you up for Grindr,” he declared, grabbing Anthony’s phone. “You need to get back out there.”
Anthony groaned and tried to grab his phone back. “First of all,” he said, pouting when he couldn’t reach it, “it’s not like Culvertown has a huge population of gay or bi men to choose from, and the guys that do exist are mostly related to you. Been there, done that, not going there again.” He toyed with one of the cushions on his mom’s couch.
Jamie rolled his eyes. “I have exactly one married ex-con brother. You should be safe, Anthony.”
“So you say.” Anthony stuck his tongue out. “Next thing you know, I’ll be matched with that cousin no one’s talked about in thirty years because your mom covered him up, too, and you don’t even know enough to warn me about him, and I’ll be right back where I started.”
Anthony just wasn’t a big fan of hookup apps, but he and Jamie had been through that argument before. He didn’t have the energy to argue about it again.
“No one’s saying you have to marry the guy. But you need to stop moping and mooning around about Ryan. He’s not right for you, and even if he was right for you, he’s apparently not even all that interested.
“He’s tried to reach out a couple of times, but honestly, if he didn’t already know how to find you before you split up, he can’t have cared that much. He made you do all the work. You can do better. Don’t pass up perfectly good opportunities for a selfish jerk like my brother, okay?”
Anthony frowned. “Look, he had a lot going on, you know? I’m at fault. I’m the one who kept pushing for a relationship. He’s not. He didn’t want it. “
“All the more reason for you to get back on the horse.” Jamie waggled his eyebrows at Anthony, who shuddered at the innuendo. “Come on, it’s been weeks. You must be dying of celibacy or something.”
“I’m not sure celibacy is a fatal condition, Jamie.” Anthony had to laugh at his friend.
In the end, Jamie did set up a Grindr account for Anthony. The first person it tried to match Anthony to was Jamie, which made them both laugh. Then it matched him to a guy named Jake, who seemed to be just Anthony’s type. He was tall, strong, and worked in the aerospace industry. They agreed to meet up for drinks at the Hotel Marianna bar.
Anthony showed up, but he didn’t make it as far as the table. He saw Jake sitting at the table, handsome and neat and clean in his collared shirt and tie, and he turned around and walked right back out.
He sent Jake a text from his phone apologizing, but he couldn’t make himself go back. I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I’m still getting over a breakup, and I’m not ready. Then he deleted the Grindr app from his phone and headed home.
It wasn’t really true that he wasn’t ready. If he’d wanted to, he could have started dating again the day after he’d met Peter. The fact was, going on a Grindr date felt like a betrayal.
He felt like he was cheating on Ryan, and if that wasn’t the most pathetic and ridiculous thing Anthony had ever heard in his life, he didn’t know what was. Here he was, several weeks out of their failed relationship, and he was still worried about cheating, when Ryan had been cheating on his fucking husband.
It was ridiculous. He’d laugh, except every time he tried to laugh these days, he threw up.
Come to think about it, that wasn’t normal. Maybe he didn’t have a stomach bug. He pulled into a pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test. Hopefully it was nothing, but it was better to know and deal with it than to just go stupidly along and be surprised.
Anthony went back home. Mom was out, working at her second job cleaning offices. At least he’d have privacy for this humiliating ritual. He went ahead and took the test, set the timer, and waited. He wanted to say he was hopeful about the results, but the way things were going, he was probably carrying triplets.
The test blinked his results back at him. PREGNANT, right there in bold letters. His life didn’t suck enough right now, no. He had to be pregnant with the child of a married man.
Fuck.
He had no idea how long he stared into space, blanking out as he tried to process this latest disaster in his life. All he knew was that he snapped out of it when someone knocked on his apartment door.
For a second, his heart leaped in his chest. If this were a love story, the kind he watched on TV when no one else could catch him, his visitor would be Ryan. Ryan had, in spite of everything, come to tell him that there had been a terrible mistake.
There was no husband. The conviction had been overturned. There was only Ryan and Anthony, and they could finally be together.
This was not a love story. This was Anthony’s actual life. And because it was Anthony’s pathetic life, Ryan was not his visitor. Ryan’s husband Peter was.
Peter shouldered his way into Anthony’s apartment. He glanced around, curled his lip, and sprawled out on the couch, all without being invited. Anthony reached for his phone, but it wasn’t in his pocket. It was in the bathroom, where he’d been using it as a ti
mer.
Anthony scowled. “Who told you where I live?” Jeez. Ryan couldn’t figure it out, but this jerk could?
Peter ignored the question. Anthony was not in charge here. “I know you’ve been sleeping with my husband.”
Anthony fought against the well of shame that rose up in him. “To be fair, it’s not like he had ‘Married Man’ tattooed on his forehead.”
Peter ignored him again. Anthony wondered if he’d spoken out loud at all. “Ryan’s interest in you is getting annoying. I need you to tell him you don’t want him. You never wanted him. Make him forget you.”
Some pathetic part of Anthony leaped up and danced. Ryan did want him after all! If Peter had come all this way to menace Anthony and order him to chase Ryan away, Ryan must want him. Anthony hadn’t imagined things between them. He hadn’t forced anything, either.
But Ryan had still known he was married. Ryan had been married, and he’d still let Anthony pursue him. He hadn’t said a word. Who knew what other secrets Ryan was hiding behind those beautiful eyes of his?
None of that excused Peter’s behavior. Anthony had been willing to give Peter the benefit of the doubt as the wronged man, the husband who’d been cheated on, but shoving his way into Anthony’s home was beyond the pale. Anthony narrowed his eyes at him. “Why should I?”
Peter stretched and folded his hands behind his head. “I can ruin him,” he said, in a casual, offhand tone. “I can blow his whole world wide open.” He crossed his ankles, clearly prepared to stay here for a while. His eyes dropped to the coffee table for a moment, and they glinted with wicked humor.
Abruptly, Peter stood up. He hadn’t planned to, Anthony knew that, but now he stood up and stepped toward Anthony. “He’s a murderer, you know.”
He put a hand on Anthony’s shoulder and leaned in to murmur into his ear, hot breath against Anthony’s skin. Anthony tried to push Peter away, but got nowhere. “Think about your options.”
Then he stuck his hands into his pockets and walked out, whistling a happy tune.
