by Heather Lyn
“Garret broke a little,” I tell her, my heart aching at the memory. “When we got home from the hospital, we went back to his house and he helped me take a shower. The bruises on my neck killed him, and that night he went down into the basement where his workout equipment is and took his anger out on the punching bag. Banged up his hands real good too. But then he came back upstairs and we moved past it.”
“He loves you so much, babe. It’s so damn obvious,” Carmen tells me as we sit down on the couch together.
“I know. I love him that much too. I didn’t think I would fall in love with him when I was still married and afraid all the time, but I did, and I’m not even sorry it happened that way.”
“And you shouldn’t be. Love doesn’t work that way, and I think in some way we’re all proof of that. Sometimes the heart just wants what the heart wants. And yours wanted Garret.”
“Exactly.”
Reaching for the remote, we decide to watch the latest Ryan Reynolds flick, and by the end I'm eager for Garret to come home. I miss him, even though it’s only been hours since I last saw him.
And somewhere between a car chase and Ryan being flung from a car, I decide that maybe, just maybe, I’m ready to move in with him.
§
I’m pulling on an oversized sweater when Garret walks in my front door, wearing a pair of tight Wranglers and his black hoodie, a gray beanie pulled low on his head.
“Hey, you,” he says, moving forward to give me a kiss. Releasing me, he steps aside so I can pull my boots on, then grab my light jacket. He gestures for me to go ahead, and I sling my purse over my shoulder, heading out the door. He locks it behind him and ushers me to his Jeep.
I have no idea what his surprise is, but he seems nervous and I place my hand on his leg while we’re driving. “You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, fine. I just hope you like it.”
“It’s from you, so I know I will.”
Garret’s smile is contagious as he drives us through downtown and toward the outskirts. He pulls his Jeep into the local cemetery, and I turn to look at him with my eyebrows raised.
What the hell are we doing here?
He parks at the end where there's open land behind all the headstones. Shutting off the vehicle, he turns to look at me with a serious expression.
“You ready?”
“I guess so. What are we doing here?”
“You’ll see.” Going around the hood of the Jeep, he meets me in the front and grabs my hand. “I love you, Sadie.”
“I love you too.”
With my hand tight in his, he walks us down the path, the afternoon still bright and sunny. Garret takes us down a row that looks like newer plots until we come to the end. Standing in front of me, he reaches down to cup my face and presses his forehead to mine. I band my arms around his waist and he pulls back to look down at me, his eyes shining and full of love.
“I know how much it hurts you that you never got to say goodbye to your mom. And I wanted to give you something that shows you how much I love you, and how much I would've loved your mom.”
I tilt my head in question and he steps to the side, the headstone behind him coming into focus. In seconds my vision is blurry from tears.
Nacole Mary Parks
August 2nd 1965 – January 4th 2018
Beloved Mother
A butterfly is carved in the center, below the words, and I can’t keep it together anymore. Tears pour down my cheeks as I step forward, falling to my knees in front of it. I run my hands over the smooth stone and rest my forehead against it, sobbing harder than I ever have. Garret rest his hands on my shoulders, letting me have my moment. I finally pull away, wiping my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
“Garret.”
“I know I should've asked you, but it never seemed the right way to start a conversation. I didn’t know if you’d want to bury her ashes, and there was no way I could do that without asking. But this is where you can come when you need her. It gives you a place to visit, a place we can visit with our children one day, and you can tell them all about their nana.”
My face falls and I stand up so I can hug him, burying my face in his sweatshirt. He cups the back of my head and I find the move comforting. I love this man so damn much, and I’m completely blown away that he did this for me.
“I love you,” I tell him, pulling back so I can kiss him.
“I love you too, baby. And I hope this gives you some peace.”
“It does. And the butterfly is perfect. I forgot I told you about that.”
“I thought it looked nice.”
“Thank you, Garret. Not just for this but everything. From the second you came into my life, you’ve made sure that I know I’m loved and taken care of. And I know I don’t need to thank you, but I have to. I have no words for this," I say, running my hand over the stone again. My eyes are still teary, but it’s a good teary. My mom got what she deserved, and I know without a doubt in my mind that she sent Garret to me.
I picked a random place in the entire country, and this man was here, just waiting for me. And I know I have my mother to thank for it. Missing her is something that will never go away, and the pain will always be strong. But I got Garret out of that pain, and for that, I can never be sad. I cherish everything about our life together, and I know the future will be filled with even more love and beauty than there is now.
“I’m gonna marry you, Sadie. I want to have lots of little babies, and I want them to be just as beautiful as their mommy. I want to get dogs and have lots of vacations and memories. I want to be sixty and still so fucking in love with you. I want everything, and I think this is just the beginning,” Garret says, kissing my temple as we stand in the silence of the late afternoon.
“Even when I’m gray and tired and saggy?” I joke, and he laughs at me.
“Baby, I’m gonna love you forever, no matter what.”
“I have no doubts.” I smile, resting my head against his arm, and he moves it so he can pull me against his side. “And I’m ready to move in with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Part of my not wanting to was because it was my first real home after I left California. I bought it because the kitchen looked just like my mom’s, and it felt like I had a piece of her with me. But now I have this special place to come to, and I don’t need that house anymore. You’re my home now, Garret. So it doesn’t matter where I live, because with you, I’m always home.”
“I love you so goddamn much,” he says, and I just hug him tight. We’re both feeling the emotions of this place, and I know Mom would've loved him too.
“Let’s go home.” I lean over to kiss the cool stone of Mom’s headstone. “I love you,” I whisper to her, and then hand in hand we walk back to his Jeep.
I’m pulling my seat belt on when a butterfly rests on the windshield. I smile through my tears and look over to see Garret smiling at me.
Taking my hand, he drives us home, and for the first time since I moved to Tennessee I feel the one thing I’ve wanted since I lost Mom.
Peace.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Garret
Two Months Later
My boots crunch in the few inches of snow as I walk around my deck with a giant string of lights rolled into a ball, hanging them along the railing. Christmas is in just a couple of weeks, and I decided to go all out with decorations while Sadie is inside going through all the stuff we bought for the house. We got our Christmas tree this morning, setting it up in my living room in front of the large picture window. Then we went downtown to the little shop where they sell Christmas decorations and picked out the topper.
We made another trip to Target to get lights and even more stuff for the tree. She’s been so excited and happy, but she has no idea what Christmas will bring her. I’ve had the small black box hidden in my nightstand for a little over a week, and I can’t wait for Christmas Eve so I can give it to her. I had a custom ring made for her, and I know s
he’s going to love it.
Using the staple gun, I attach the final section to the banister, stepping back to admire my work. The entire outline of our house is done up in lights, and I even made sure to do the entire outline of my garage too. I’m exhausted but it looks good. My dad will be proud.
Grabbing the staple gun, I carry it out to the garage and place it on my tool bench. Shutting the door, I stride back into the house, cold and needing coffee. Sadie's sitting cross-legged in the middle of the living room, looking through all the packages of bulbs, her short hair pulled into a ponytail. She reaches for the roll of ribbon she picked out and stands up.
“How's it looking out there?” she asks, coming to give me a kiss.
“Looks good. You’ll have to wait till tonight to see if I really screwed it up though.”
“Want some coffee? I was just gonna put on a pot.”
“Yes, please.” I kick my boots off at the door, hanging my coat on the hook.
As she fills the coffeepot with water, I notice she’s not looking so good—bags under her eyes and her skin sort of pale.
“You feeling okay, babe?”
“Not really. I’ve been feeling crappy since we got home, and I’m tired. I want to get the tree trimmed though, and then I think I’m gonna take a nap.”
“We can do that later if you want to go sleep now. We have all night to get it done.”
She nods, her eyelids drooping. “I think I’m gonna do that, just for an hour or so. Then we can do the tree, and I was thinking we could go out to dinner tonight.”
“Sure. Go rest for a bit.” Kissing her cheek, I take the canister of coffee from her. I hear her padding upstairs while I wait for the coffee to brew, so I pull the fridge open, taking out the glass dish with the apple pie in it. Sitting at the table, I grab a fork and just dig in, knowing she’ll kill me when she sees I ate right from it.
Screw it. I just hung up seven billion lights and I’m hungry.
§
“I’m telling you, man. This is gonna be epic.” Brody and I are hanging out in my parents’ kitchen sharing a beer. They’re holding their annual holiday party a week before Christmas, and we’ve ducked into the kitchen to grab drinks. He just told me they have a huge present for us tonight.
“Okay, bro. Whatever you say.”
Sticking my free hand into my front pocket, I stride out to the living room where everybody is. I find my girl on the other side of the room, talking to Lindsey. She’s in a dark green dress with black heels. She never dresses up, but we usually get fancy for this party. I’m in a red button-down and black slacks, and even my dad has on a tie.
Looking up from her glass of water, Sadie finds my eye and winks, her red lips turning up into a gigantic smile. I wink back at her and then go around the room to find my grandparents. Memaw and Papaw are two of my favorite people in the world, and the second they arrived, they grabbed Sadie and didn’t let her go. They were so happy to see I'd finally found someone to settle down with.
Sadie still isn’t feeling well. Lindsey told me she had the flu just a couple weeks ago, so we're sure she passed it on. As long as it doesn’t hit me, I’m happy. Work is always crazy around the holidays, and with my job interview tomorrow, I need to be at my best.
“So, Garret, tell me. When are you gonna ask that pretty thing to marry you?” Memaw asks.
I laugh, leaning over so I can speak in her ear. “Next week, Memaw. The ring is already wrapped and under our tree.”
“That’s my boy.” She smiles and squishes my face so she can kiss my cheek. Papaw just holds a hand out to me and I shake it.
I’m so happy to see how perfectly Sadie fits into our family, and how loved she is. I’ve been worried that this first Christmas without her mom would be really hard on her, but she’s been so strong.
She's cut back at work, focusing on finding her path in life. For so long, she had to be silent and hidden in the background, waiting on a man who didn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as her. Now she’s finding her place in the world, and she’s shining while doing it. I don’t care what she chooses to do, as long as I get to be by her side.
A loud clanging draws my attention, and I see Brody standing on top of the coffee table, a glass and knife in his hand. Rising from the couch, I rush around the outside of the room to find Sadie. She’s standing alone near my mom, and I steal her for a quick kiss.
“Having fun?” I ask her, and she grins.
“So much.”
Slinging my arm over her shoulder, I turn us when Brody starts talking.
“So, I know Christmas is still a week away, but we have a very special present for my parents and older brother. Can y’all come over here for a sec?”
I look down at Sadie, but she just beams at me and I shrug. She takes my beer from me, and I walk over to where Brody and Linds stand in front of my parents. Lindsey looks emotional, and I turn to my parents.
“First you need to put these on,” Lindsey tells us, handing each of us a blindfold. Brody has a huge shit-eating grin on his face, so I decide to just go along with whatever this is.
Blindfolds in place, we stand there waiting.
“You know, man, if you wanted to kill me, the least you could do is not have an audience for it,” I joke, and the room erupts in laughter. Nobody answers me though, and I feel something being pulled over my head.
“Put your arms through and take off your blindfolds,” Brody announces, and I realize he put a T-shirt over my head.
Yanking my arms through the holes, I reach up and pull off the blindfold. Brody stands in front of us with his arm around Lindsey, who has tears in her eyes, and then I find Sadie, who's also teary. My parents and I look at each other and the reaction is instantaneous.
Grandma.
Grandpa.
Uncle.
“Shut the fuck up!” I yell. Grabbing my little brother, I pull him into the tightest bear hug I can, slapping him hard on the back. “Fuck yes, bro. Congratulations! I’m so damn happy for you.”
“Thanks, man. I told you. Epic.”
“Epic is an understatement.”
Mom is bawling, and Brody releases me to go hug her. Reaching for Lindsey, I pull her into a tight embrace and she laughs.
“Congrats, Mommy,” I tell her, and she cries harder. “When are you due?”
“June 20th. We find out the sex in a couple months.”
“I’m so happy for you two. You’ll make one hell of a mom, Linds.”
“Thank you, Garret. We’re telling my parents tonight.”
“They’re gonna flip.” Kissing her on the cheek, I move past them all to my girlfriend, who's wiping her eyes with a cocktail napkin.
“Hey, Uncle Garret,” she says, and I lift her into my arms.
“Did you know?”
“Linds told me when we got here. I’m so happy for them.”
“Me too. Brody is gonna be a dad. I still remember when he used to follow me everywhere, wanting to do everything I did, and now look at him. Fuck.”
“Proud of him, huh?”
“I’m so fucking proud of him.”
The rest of the evening is spent celebrating the new addition coming next year. I’m so stoked to be an uncle, and I’m even happier for my brother. Today is a real good fucking day for our family, and I get to do it all with my girl by my side.
§
Waking up, I find Sadie sound asleep curled up against my chest. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I brush her hair off her face and coax her awake.
“Merry Christmas, baby,” I whisper, and she moves so she can reach my lips for a kiss.
“Merry Christmas. Why are you up so early?” she mumbles, voice thick with sleep.
“I’m excited to see what Santa brought?” I joke.
She laughs, sitting up in bed. “Garret, it’s like seven in the morning. Can’t we sleep a little later?”
“No, now let’s go!” Jumping off the bed, I pull on my plaid sleep pants and a long-sle
eved henley. I can hear her grumbling behind me, and I hurry down the stairs so I can start a pot of coffee; my stomach is all nerves, and I need to get some caffeine in me before this happens.
Five minutes later, the coffee is brewing and Sadie finally comes downstairs.
In matching pajama pants to mine and one of my department T-shirts, she looks beautiful. When I offer her coffee, she shakes her head, going for the teapot. Shrugging, I fill a mug with the delicious brew and turn to watch her.
“You feeling better, babe?”
“Yeah, for now anyway. I feel good.”
She sets the teakettle on the stove to boil, and while we wait, she fills a plate with fruit and some toast, setting it on the counter. I reach for a grape and pop it into my mouth as Sadie grabs a mug from the cabinet. The water boils a minute later and she pours it in. Turning around, she blows on the steaming mug and I gesture to the living room.
“You ready for presents?”
“Yeah, let’s do it.”
She pads into the living room ahead of me, and damn right, I watch her ass go. No shame here—my woman is fucking beautiful, and I love everything about her. Setting her mug on the coffee table, she sits under the tree. There's a fairly decent stack under the tree, and she moves to the side so I can sit next to her.
“Garret, you didn’t need to get me all of this,” she chides, and I reach out to tuck her hair behind her ear.
“I didn’t. A good portion of these are the gifts we’ll be bringing to my parents' tonight for dinner.”
“Oh, well that makes sense. Here, you open the first one.”
Sadie hands me a large box and I take it, ripping the paper off. I open the gift box and find the leather jacket I mentioned wanting at the department store in Nashville. “Babe, you didn’t.”
She’s sporting the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. “You’re gonna look so handsome in it.”
This girl.
Leaning over the box, I give her a passionate kiss. “Thank you. I love it.”
“I only have one more gift for you, but that’s the last one for you to open.”
