“How did you even figure to use birth control?”
She bit her lip. “What scared me the most about my parents was… the sex. All my father had to do was just look at my mother and she’d want him. Even when she was depressed or angry. No matter what, he could sway her, and they’d disappear for hours on end.” She shuddered in revulsion. “I figured if he had such an effect on her, then sex must be one of the main ties between mates. It was guesswork and the birth control might not have worked at all. But it did. And I was relieved.”
“The fact he could turn her on so easily frightened you?” he asked, and she knew he was genuinely trying to understand her motivation rather than mocking her.
She gulped. “Yes. I knew, you see, that I’d be like that. Whenever you came around, my body lit up like there was a forest fire in my panties. It scared me and made me even more determined to go on my own path.”
“But didn’t you see that your father made your mother happy?”
“How is suppressing emotions with sex healthy?” she snarled. “He did it all the time. When a friend died. After Mundo kept on flunking school and then went to jail. Every little low in life, he took her to bed to fuck the sadness away. That’s no way to live,” she said fiercely.
“He was trying to take her mind off it.”
She glowered at him. “If you can’t see that it’s unhealthy, then I don’t know why I’m bothering.” So annoyed was she that she moved to stand but he held out a hand.
It was his turn to ask her not to go.
“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand.”
She let out a shaky breath and sank back into the seat. “I-I’m sorry too. It’s a sore subject. It still frightens me after all these years later.”
“I can see that,” he said softly, then, a little perplexed, asked, “Every time?”
She nodded. “Whether it was to make her forget grief, sorrow, or anger, he fucked it out of her. I remember she burned a damn cake in the oven, one she’d been working on for hours, some kind of fruit cake or something, and he fucked her and made it all better so she wouldn’t blubber over it. It was like she was a nymphomaniac or something.”
“Did your mom ever complain?”
“Of course not.”
“Then, it wasn’t a problem for her.”
“You don’t know that. She didn’t know that.”
“Didn’t you ever ask her?”
“How could I?” She blew out a breath. “You know relationships weren’t like that back then. It was hard enough getting her to explain periods to me, never mind having a chit chat about her sex life with my sire.”
“True.” His lips twitched. “But, Cinda, I’m not your father.”
“I know that, silly.”
“No, you don’t apparently. You’ve been hiding from something for all these years because you think we’re one and the same. But we’re not. You’ve told me what you’re frightened of. I understand. I won’t do that to you.”
She clenched her jaw. “You don’t know that. We don’t know that yet.”
“Of course we do. I don’t use sex to control women, dammit. I have no need to, nor any desire for that to be the case.” His exhalation was loud and low. “Look, the crazy thing is, you hid the mate bond from me. But you didn’t hide the attraction I felt for you. You couldn’t shelter me from that. You’ve always been ornery and had more prickles than a fucking hedgehog. That’s always been a turn on. You’re not submissive and you’re not docile. Which is perfect because that’s not what hits my buttons.”
“You wouldn’t want a woman who, with just a look, would immediately go to bed with you?” she asked, disbelief dripping from her tone. “Because if you say no, then I don’t believe you.”
He snorted. “I wouldn’t believe me if I said no. But with mates, that’s how it is. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of mate bonds at work. A single look or less, that’s all it takes. Goddess, I’ve seen Mars panting after Annette from her tracing her little finger over his fucking eyebrow! It works both ways.
“I’m sure your mother had her own tricks, too. Tricks that got your father hot. But you never saw them because you were too busy obsessing over your father being in control to see that your mother had some say in things too.”
She blinked at him. “Maybe.”
He seemed to sense how huge a concession that was and nodded at her, encouragingly. “Look, Cinda. I have no desire to control you. Where would the fun be in that? Look around this place. Do you think I like my life to be neat and orderly? If I did, opening a homeless shelter for adolescents wouldn’t have been the way to go, would it? But, on top of that, I have not a single doubt in my mind that one day you could look at me and make me want to go to bed with you. It’s reciprocal.” He slid his hand over the table, not stopping until he could cover her clenched fists with his. “Reciprocal,” he repeated. “That’s what counts. Nothing more, nothing less.”
She flexed her jaw. “It’s not as easy as that.”
“Isn’t it?” He squeezed her fingers. “Obviously this has become a huge problem for you. I get that. But something has to have changed for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You’d still be running.”
“Have you stopped being mad at me?”
His eyes widened. “What do you think?”
She flushed. “Wishful thinking?”
“Definitely,” he told her wryly. “But I’m listening. So that’s something. It’s more than I thought I was capable of five minutes ago.”
She nodded slowly, seeing the wisdom in his words. She couldn’t ask for too much too fast. It wasn’t fair on either of them.
“What changed?” he asked again, the words softer than velvet.
“I did.”
He shook his head. “Not good enough.”
“It will make you angry.”
A laugh escaped him. “That’s pretty much par for the course where you’re concerned, Cinda. I tend to be pissed off around you no matter the circumstances. It just comes in different gradients.”
Her cheeks pinkened a little at that. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.”
“It’s the truth,” he retorted. “And that’s exactly what I want to hear from you right this minute.”
She pursed her lips. “I was almost raped.”
He froze at that, and she watched his eyes flicker and his muscles turn to ice. Before he could pull his hand away from hers, she grabbed a hold of it, clutched at his fingers and whispered, “Please, don’t go.”
The sob in her words had him freezing up. “I won’t go,” he told her roughly after a handful of seconds had passed. Seconds in which she knew he’d been fighting his Bear. “But only because you haven’t told me who to kill.”
She closed her eyes. “It’s done, Jarvis. The guy’s in jail anyway.” Rubbing at her forehead, she opened her eyes once more and shot him a pleading look. “I can’t explain this if you don’t relax.”
“What happened?” he snarled. When she shot him a wounded glance, he hissed under his breath. “My mate was nearly raped, Cinda. What do you expect me to do? Get up and do a happy dance?”
She blinked at him. “No. But I need you here with me now more than I need you to go and find vengeance for me.”
“Explain,” he said gruffly. “Let me decide one thing in this relationship of ours.”
She huffed. “What are you going to do? Sneak inside his jail cell and beat the living shit out of him?”
“I know people who would,” he said seriously, and for a second, fear slithered through her veins at his surety. “In a heartbeat.”
“He’s on death row. There’s nothing you can do to him that the state isn’t going to do anyway.”
“Just tell me what happened.”
She winced because he was going to get mad again. “Now, remember I’m an investigative journalist. The clue is in the investigative part.”
He sat up straight. “Do not tell me you want looking for the bast
ard.”
She cringed. “Maybe.” Cinda shot him a pleading glance. “Just a little.”
“What in the hell’s wrong with you, Cinda?” He pulled his hands from hers and slammed them down against the table. “Goddess, you need a keeper.”
“The cops were useless as fucking usual. I had to do something.”
“Did you? Did you really?” He sucked in air like he was hyperventilating. “You go out and pull this elaborate stunt to avoid being dependent on me, the male the Goddesses granted you at birth, and yet what do you do with your independence? You go and put yourself in danger.”
“I had no choice,” she hissed, aware that the kids were watching them once more. “Lower your tone. We have an audience.”
“Fuck. This is a totally inappropriate place to be having this conversation.”
She grimaced. “I know.”
He shook his head. “I can’t promise that the minute we’re alone I won’t pin you to whatever flat surface there is and Claim you.” The breath he released was shuddery and the words had her shivering in her seat, everything female in her reacting to everything male in him. “And that isn’t helping,” he snarled, watching the flush of her cheeks, the slow bobbing of her breasts as she tried to get under control. Mortification filled her as he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes with a low moan that reminded her of a kid whiffing freshly baked cookies ready to come out of the oven. “Get on with it while you can, Cinda,” he said gruffly, eyes popping open to glower at her. “Because you’ll be mine before the day’s out.”
She should have felt terrified by that. Hadn’t she been running from him for so long? And yet, what else had she expected when she’d come here today? She’d made the decision that had led to this point months ago. The minute she’d torn up her prescription for birth control meds, it had been a slippery slope to this point here.
Lust whirled around her system like an inordinately good acid trip. She could feel it hitting all the soft and tender parts of her sexuality, churning up the embers and stoking flames that had been building for nearly fifty years.
That was a hell of a long time to remain celibate.
Her She Bear would allow no other male to touch her. Cinda had tried. Goddess, had she tried. But the beast wouldn’t have it. As a result, Cinda was hornier than Jarvis could even imagine.
She shuddered, but when his eyes burned with flames that seemed to stoke her own heat even higher, she was quick to whimper out, “A colleague of mine, more than that, a friend, was attacked by this guy. She was raped and he killed her.” The memories quenched her desire. It wasn’t like a bucket of ice overhead because her reaction to Jarvis was anything but ordinary. This was no average lust, but one that, as he’d said, had been granted to her from a Goddess. This male was hers by right of a deity. There was no avoiding these feelings—something she’d known all along,, and had justifiable reason to fear, it seemed. Still, she couldn’t think about that now.
“I’m sorry,” he said gruffly. “I didn’t realize.”
“Why would you?” She pursed her lips. “I never told Mundo. He’d have ordered me to come home, and when I refused he would have come for me and dragged me back. I had to deal with it myself, deal with it my own way. So I did.”
“You hunted him.”
She nodded. “I had a lock on his scent. Marla had an open funeral. I could smell him on her.” Her nostrils flared in disgust. “He was there. Everywhere. Over the formaldehyde and whatever other crap they used on her at the funeral home. That was when I got the idea.” She bit her lip. “I’m friends with some of the detectives at a precinct in the city. They were on the case, as luck would have it, and one of the female detectives knew I was a Shifter. When I told her I had his scent and would be able to find him, she slipped me information so long as I swore I’d keep her in the loop.”
“You lied,” he stated simply.
She grinned a little, not amused by the situation, but amused that he knew her well enough to realize that. “Yes. I did. I thought my Bear would protect me.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t she?”
“He drugged me first.” She grimaced and her She Bear rippled under her skin, the same unease she’d felt that awful fucking night flooding her as though eight months hadn’t passed between then and now. “Thankfully, my system processed the drug before anything could happen. The She Bear dealt with him promptly enough.”
“Apparently not if he’s alive and on death row.”
“I didn’t want to kill him. I wanted him to suffer.”
He frowned at the slick gladness in her voice. “What did you do?” he asked, his puckered brow speaking of his confusion.
“Made sure he’d never rape anyone ever again,” she told him simply.
He sat back, and on a low whistle, replied, “Fuck.”
“No,” she said with a wide, evil grin. “He can’t do that either.”
Jarvis’s eyes widened, then laughter bellowed from him. “Jungle justice. Babe, I love it.”
She tried not to flush at his pleasure in her, or at the endearment, but it was hard not to.
“I’m pissed as fuck that you put yourself in danger but…”
“I did right,” she interrupted before he could finish his sentence. He nodded, but the move was loaded with his displeasure. “I wanted him to suffer the human way too. Jail and death row. That was the only way it could go. He’d raped and murdered four victims. But he needed to pay too.”
“Didn’t the police question his injuries?”
“I don’t know. I pretended I’d passed out and when I woke up, he was on the floor nearly bleeding out.”
“And they believed you?”
“The detective who knew I was a Shifter didn’t. Not when the bastard’s injuries were obviously caused by an animal. But she was glad with what I’d done too.”
“Fucking hell. Sisterhood at its finest.”
She snorted. “Like you don’t know what brotherhood can do, too.”
He grimaced. “True.” He ran a hand over his jaw. “So, that’s why you’re here?”
She ducked her gaze. “That’s one of the reasons. It’s why I stopped taking birth control. I had to see his trial through, and I wanted to come to you without that taint in my system anymore.”
“But why? Why now?”
Her jaw worked a second. “I’ve never slept with a male, Jarvis.” His eyes flared wide at that and the satisfaction oozing from him was more irritating than anything she’d ever seen in her fucking life. It was then, she realized, that half his anger with her had been founded on the fact he hadn’t been her first when he should, by rights, have been her only because of her age when she’d learned he was her mate.
She wanted to scream with rage and rake her claws at him, but Goddess, he was a product of his environment. It wasn’t his fault he was such a fucking male sexist pig.
She glowered at him instead. “Don’t be so smug,” she snapped.
He hunched his shoulders and raised his hands in a ‘who me?’ pose.
She just huffed. “When the bastard had me on that table,” she whispered, “I couldn’t believe that something my She Bear had guarded for so long was about to be taken from me. I was half-drugged as she hadn’t washed the poison from my system, but that was all that kept running through my mind. That what should have been rightfully yours was about to be stolen from me.” She shook her head, emotions gathering in her throat, ones she couldn’t control nor did she want to.
He wanted the honest truth? He’d get it.
She stared at him through tortured eyes and whispered, “I’ve fought it, long and hard, but I’m yours. Every part of me. I can’t run from it anymore. I don’t want to run. I need you. I need my mate more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.” She let out a shuddery breath. “The question is, can my mate forgive me enough to accept what I did and what I’ve done and Claim me anyway?”
…
Continued in JARVIS, available for pre-order now!
Also by Becca Fanning
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Bear Shifter Romance Novel Series
Shifter Royal Dynasty
Dynasty (Free Prequel)
Legacy
Prophecy
Destiny
Big Easy Bears
Politics (Free Prequel)
Brock
Jules
MC Bear Mates
Growl (Free Prequel)
MARS
MUNDO
KIKO
Justiss and Graver
MAJOR
CHRIS
SPYDER
JARVIS
Shifter Football League
Gabriel
Kenny
Dustin
Bear Shifter Romance Novel Standalones
Made Bear
Bear Fallout
Battle-Scarred
Bear Shifter Romance Novella Series
120 Proof Honey
Daxton
Knox
Amir
Beck
Slade
Bear Dating Agency
Dietrich
Ben
Kurt
Hart
Reinicke
Bear Ranchers
Riding Bearback
Saddled Bearback
Dancing Bearback
Spurred Bearback
Bucking Bearback
Bearly Saints
Matthew
Mark
Luke
John
Bartholomew
Big Paw Security
Bearly Tamed
Bearly Protected
Bearly Sheltered
Bearly Mended
Bearly Apart
Bearly Together
FisherBears
Hook, Line and Sinker
Bear Anchor
Leeward Bear
Grit And Growl
Road Bears
SPYDER Page 19
