It made no sense.
She’d been too good at hiding her feelings, she knew that. But she’d always done that. When her father had almost killed her, she’d done her best not to cry. Because if she cried, it would have only made him happier and hurt her brothers and cousins at the same time. So she’d held it all in, even when she was dying inside. And now she was doing it all again because she didn’t want the others to know the one man who could have been hers didn’t feel the same way.
She’d been alive long enough to think she might never find a mate, and when she finally had, he didn’t reciprocate, didn’t show her a damn thing. Son of a bitch. She hated that she let Finn do this to her. So what if he was the sexiest man she’d ever met? So what if he held enough dominance that he’d be able to take her in bed? He’d be able to fuck her hard into the mattress and not wince when her claws dug into his back. He’d ride her like a fucking cowboy and keep her sated.
She gritted her teeth. It wasn’t as if she needed a man to fuck her hard. She could give herself an orgasm just fine. In fact, that’s all she’d been doing for way too fucking long.
The sexual tension riding her probably wasn’t helping the situation with the Redwoods and humans, but damn it, it was all Finn’s fault. Everything was Finn’s fault.
And now she sounded like a whiny little teenager instead of an adult woman with enough strength to kill a man with one hand.
Damn it.
She pulled her hand out of the wall and flexed her fingers. Thankfully, she didn’t think anything was broken. She was not in the mood to deal with Walker, the Pack’s Healer and another of her brothers, if she’d fucked her hand up. He’d have questions, and the man had a way of getting answers out of her even when she’d rather remain silent. He saw right through her. Hell, all her brothers and cousins did. Mitchell and Max may not be her brothers, but they’d been raised in the same fire and brimstone she had. They’d been by her side during the internal wars and struggles that had led them to where they were today.
She flexed her hand once more and closed her eyes, knowing she needed to keep her mind out of the past and even off the bleak future. It might kill her with each step, each breath, to be by Finn’s side and not be able to do a single thing about her need for him, but she’d get over it. She had to. There was no other choice.
A soft knock on the door broke through her pity party and she inhaled, holding back a curse at the owner of the scent.
Of course, it would be Brie at her door. It wouldn’t be anyone else. It had to be the cousin and one of the best friends of the man on her mind. Brie was her Alpha’s mate, her Alpha female. And a freaking submissive wolf, who saw far too much with those eyes of hers.
Brynn took a deep breath and made her way to the door, opening it as she tried to keep her face neutral. Showing her internal struggle wouldn’t help anyone. She couldn’t let Brie know what was going on inside her head, couldn’t let the world know. Because if she did, then it would be real. Then Finn would know he’d hurt her just by not acknowledging her.
He didn’t have the right to know he’d hurt her.
A snarl slipped through her lips and Brie’s eyes widened.
Way to go with the whole looking neutral and natural thing.
“Is everything okay?” Brie asked. The other woman shook her head. “Of course, it’s not okay. I’m here because I know something’s off with you, Brynn. Gideon told me to leave it alone, but he doesn’t know me well at all if he thinks I’m just going to sit back when I know something is wrong.” Brie crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head. “Now, are you going to invite me in so we can talk about it? Or are you going to let me ramble on out here on your porch where anyone can come up and hear what I’m saying?”
Brynn couldn’t help it. She laughed. “I swear, sometimes you’re like a puppy, not a wolf.”
Brie flashed a smile that turned into a slight snarl. “Don’t mess with me, Brynn. I might be little, but I bite. Hard. Just ask Gideon.”
Brynn stood back, her body shaking. “Please don’t talk about biting my brother like that again. I’m going to have nightmares now, thinking of him and you doing…things.” She shuddered again. “Nope. Not going there. It’s bad enough I have to watch him watch you like you’re a baby lamb going off to slaughter.”
Brie snorted and sat on Brynn’s couch. “I don’t think he looks at me like I’m a baby lamb. More like a piece of candy he can’t wait to unwrap and suck on.”
Brynn held out her hands. “No. For the love of the goddess. Please stop.”
“You started it.”
“And you finished it well enough so we never have to talk about biting, sucking, or unwrapping again.” Despite herself, Brynn laughed. Brie had a way about her that settled Brynn’s wolf just by being near her. It was mostly because Brie was submissive, but Brynn had a feeling it would be the case even if Brie were a dominant wolf.
Brynn sank onto the couch next to Brie, knowing that she had to keep her emotions in check. Being too emotional wouldn’t do any good. So what if she was dying inside? She had a job to do. A job that included working side by side with the one wolf who could hurt her just by breathing.
Easy.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Brie asked, their moment of levity over.
“I’m fine,” she lied.
Brie raised a brow. “I so don’t believe you. You’ve been out of sorts for a year now, and today was even worse.”
“You’ve only known me for a year, Brie.” Gideon mating with Brie had brought Finn into her life. She may have seen him in the distance in the past thirty years the Redwoods and Talons had been working together, but she hadn’t truly met him until Gideon and Brie’s mating ceremony. Finn had only been a child when she and her family had stepped in after years of war to try and help defeat the Centrals. She hadn’t seen him then, and since the moon goddess wasn’t truly evil, she wouldn’t have known Finn was her mate at that time anyway. They might have been fated to be together, but maturity mattered. Fifteen years later, when her friend Quinn had mated Finn’s sister Gina—the first mating of a Talon in far too long, and the first mating between the Packs—she’d only seen Finn from afar. He’d been an adult at that point, but still far too young for her.
Then he’d come to the den with Brie, and she’d been lost.
He’d looked right through her.
No, that was a lie. He’d checked her out, his wolf glowing in his eyes as if he liked what he saw. But that had been it. He’d been a male reacting to a female he wanted to fuck.
He hadn’t been a man falling to his knees in rapture at the idea of a mate.
She’d been so angry when he hadn’t blinked, hadn’t felt what she’d felt. She might not have spoken about it to his face, but there would have been some form of recognition. She’d seen the reactions of others finding their mates enough to know what Finn should have done if they’d been mates and he’d felt it.
Of course, in the worst-case scenario, he could feel the potential of a bond and he chose to ignore it. She didn’t want to think about that. Because if that were the case, he’d seen her—felt her—and rejected her. It hurt to think that she’d rather fate have fucked up and given her a mate that couldn’t feel what she did rather than one who didn’t want her at all.
Her wolf whimpered, a sign of weakness she’d rather chew her own foot off than show, and she ground her teeth.
Brie sat next to her, studying her face intently. “You’re in pain, Brynn. I can feel it, and you damn well know Brandon can. Gideon can as well, but he has so much on his plate, he’s choosing not to be the overprotective brother and try to fix all your problems for you. At least that’s how he’s choosing to deal with this for now. I don’t know how much our Alpha can hold back when it comes to you. He’d tear up the world more than it already is to protect you.”
Tears filled Brynn’s eyes and she cursed. She cleared her throat. “I think you’re confusing the two of us. H
e’d start another war for you.”
Brie let out a sigh. “You’re his baby sister. It doesn’t matter you’re over a century old. He’d do anything for you. He’d do anything for any of his brothers and cousins, too. That’s the kind of man he is and what makes him a wonderful yet sometimes overbearing Alpha.”
She snorted, knowing the overbearing part was accurate. “I’m fine.” She let out a breath. “I’m going to be fine. How’s that?” Because she wouldn’t let this all-consuming agony take over her life and risk her Pack. They were worth more than a bleeding wolf with no mate. Far more.
“I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong, Brynn. You’re my sister now. You know I’d do anything for you.”
“I’ve never had a sister, you know.”
Brie grinned. “Growing up with all those boys must have been hell. I don’t know how you and my Aunt Cailin did it. At least I have girls in my generation.”
“I didn’t mind it, actually.” She frowned. “They were there for me in the darkest days. Even when they were overbearing and so male, they were my blood. You know?”
Brie sighed, sadness filling her eyes. “I do. Gideon told me some of what your father did to all of you, but not everything.”
Brynn stiffened. No. She wouldn’t think about that, wouldn’t think about the past. Wasn’t it just a few minutes ago she’d told herself she’d live in the present? And yet, here she was, thinking about the piercing screams and endless trails of blood and memories. She’d learned long ago not to scream, even when it hurt too much to bear.
Brie held out her hands, careful not to touch Brynn. Oh so careful. “He didn’t tell me your secrets. You know your brother would never do that.” There was an edge to Brie’s words, and Brynn relaxed marginally. The woman defended her mate at the same time she tried to soothe Brynn. There was a strength there that others hadn’t bothered to see.
Brynn let out a breath. “I do. I’m sorry.” She ran a hand over her face. “I’m just a little off. It’ll pass.”
“If you’re sure.” It didn’t sound like Brie believed her one bit, but there wasn’t anything she could do about that at the moment. “I actually came over here to see what your plans were with Finn before we head back over to the house to meet with the rest of the family. I figured you might want to talk it over with just me before you’re bombarded by the testosterone that is the Brentwood men.”
Brynn held back a smile at the thought of the male-dominated family she lived in, even if she winced at just the mention of Finn’s name. Fuck, this wasn’t going to be easy.
“Finn and I didn’t talk much about what our plans were, other than meeting for coffee. Again.” She tried to forget the way he’d made her feel when he’d prowled toward her in the shop, the way her wolf went on alert, begging for scraps of affection that would never come.
Fuck this. She wasn’t some damsel in need of saving. If he didn’t want her, then fuck it all. She didn’t like who she was becoming at the mere thought of him. She pushed thoughts of loss and bonds away once again, locking the key on the vault of Finn.
Fuck.
Him.
“I know the two of you have done the whole be-nice-in-public thing a few times over the past year, and that’s why you were chosen. But I don’t know if coffee will do it.”
“I know. We’ve shopped before. Or rather, I’ve pretended to shop and he’s growled behind me, apparently bored out of his mind.”
Brie grinned. “It’s because Charlotte and I used to force him to go with us when things were…safer.”
Safer. Because now most in the Pack never left the den. It wasn’t safe. The military and government might still be in transition, and they weren’t a hundred percent clear on how they would react in the near future, but that didn’t mean things were easy. The everyday humans were a fear. As wolves, they couldn’t fight back like they should in case a human did provoke them. They couldn’t spill blood and protect themselves. They had to be careful. Everything stood on an edge so thin, Brynn wasn’t sure where it began and the end tapered off.
If they weren’t careful, the humans would fear them more than they already did, and things would go downhill fast for the wolves and her family.
“For now, Finn and I will continue to do what we normally do…just do it more often. We’re planning on meeting tomorrow, and I know we will probably go out each day. We’ll look…normal.” As normal as she could be by his side but that was neither here nor there.
Brie nodded. “I know we’re putting a lot on your shoulders, and you won’t be the only ones that go out. Eventually, we’ll put a few more out. Not too many at once so we don’t make the humans feel as though we’re taking over.”
Brynn snorted. “I wish we could just have it out and throw up our hands. Just tell them that we’re here, we’ve always been here, and we’re not going anywhere. But instead, we have to be careful because the world isn’t like it once was. One wrong move and everything can fall down around us.”
“I hate it, too. I hate that we can’t be ourselves and that we’re always scared. I mean, my parents met outside the den. They were outside in public and were normal. My mom was human and became a wolf because the Centrals forced it on her, but she would have chosen to become one of us on her own like my Aunt Melanie did. Now it’s almost as if we’re forced into our own cages because we aren’t sure who knows which of us can shift.”
Brynn let out a breath. “Thank the goddess they can’t tell from blood tests.”
Brie nodded. That little detail had to be due to the moon goddess because Brynn had been sure medical tests would have revealed who they were. Instead, their blood came up as human. That meant that if the government ever tried for mandatory testing by blood, they would come up empty. There were other ways to find out their true nature, but at least they were safe from that.
For now.
Science was always evolving.
“Just integrate yourself and look harmless,” Brie said with a strained grin.
“Sure. Because your cousin can look harmless, considering he’s the size of a truck.”
“He can grin and look like he’s your best friend. You’re the one I’m more afraid of, honestly.”
Brynn sat up straight. “What do you mean? He’s more dominant that I am?”
Brie shook her head. “Yeah, but you’re not that far behind. He might have shadows in his eyes because of what happened to him as a kid, but he does his best to look carefree. You always look like you’re ready to kick ass and take names.”
“I’ve had to be that way,” she grit out.
Brie held up her hands. “I know. Believe me, I know. Your family grew up differently than mine, and it shaped how we interact with the world today. Plus, you’re a dominant woman without a title in the Pack because the moon goddess was on crack when she handed out roles. You’re constantly fighting dominance challenges because others don’t know where to place you. It’s on them, I know, but because of that, you always look like you’re ready to protect what’s yours.”
Brynn’s shoulders fell. “It’s not my fault others don’t know how to handle me. I’m not a bitch.”
“And I didn’t say you were. I said you’re ready to protect. How is that me calling you a bitch? You saved my life, Brynn. You’ve saved countless lives and never asked for a thank you. The only thing you’ve done is show me how to be the Alpha female of a Pack, and yet not be the most dominant.”
The two of them were in a weird balance. In any other Pack, Brie would have been the most dominant wolf in the Pack. She’d not only mated Gideon and would have inherited some of his strength in doing so, but the moon goddess matched wolves with a purpose. Because Brie was submissive, things were a little trickier. She held the power of the Alpha and ruled with a swift grace Brynn had never seen the likes of, but she wasn’t dominant. She would never be dominant, and that was fine for Brie and most of the Pack.
Others would just have to get over it. Because while Brie might not want
to fight, she could, and was freaking amazing at it. Brynn was there as backup because damn it, she was fucking strong, too.
“The dominance challenges are getting on my last nerve,” Brynn admitted. Many things were getting on her last nerve it seemed. The Pack, Finn, this assignment…
“Is Katherine still being a bitch?” Brie asked, her face scrunched.
Katherine was the lead dominant female that kept trying to take Brynn’s place. She’d been on Iona’s side when Iona had tried for Brie back when Gideon and Brie had first mated. Iona had backed down and had even almost died protecting Brie when a betrayal had almost ended her life. Katherine, on the other hand, had stepped into Iona’s place and wanted to push Brynn around.
Nothing would come of it, of course. Brynn was too strong for that, but it made for tense Pack circles. She hated that she didn’t have a firm place within the Pack other than the Alpha’s sister. At one point, before her uncles had died and had still held the Pack ranks, her brothers had thought she’d be the Beta or even the Enforcer. Instead, she was…nothing.
Just herself, and not good enough in the moon goddess’s eyes.
The others said it was because she was made for greater things, but now, she wasn’t so sure.
If Finn had wanted her, had seen her as his, she’d be the Redwood Heir’s mate.
And yet he’d stayed away.
And she was left alone.
Again.
Fate didn’t make sense and left her wanting. Yet she couldn’t wallow. Not anymore. She’d pick up the pieces that had been her soul and find a way to move on. Because the humans were coming, and the world was changing. She needed to protect her Pack because that was one thing she could do.
The only thing.
Chapter Five
The damned scent of her was going to kill him. One devastatingly seductive second at a time. Finn took a deep breath to calm himself and held back a curse. Inhaling a big gulp of air wasn’t the best thing to do when it was Brynn’s scent putting him on edge. Now he had her in his system, the tantalizing floral and spice wrapping around his cock until he was so hard he was afraid he’d fucking burst. He casually adjusted himself, aware that if her back hadn’t been to him, she’d have tracked the movement. Then would have probably kicked him in said cock.
An Alpha's Choice Page 4
