We'll Begin Again

by Laurèn Lee

"My name is Amelia," I said weakly.

  "William," he said. "What are you doing over here, anyway?"

  "Well, I, uh, I've seen you around, and I thought you could use some hot chocolate. It's fucking cold out." I internally chided myself for swearing like a damn sailor.

  "Oh," he said.

  Great, now I'd embarrassed him. I stared awkwardly at my boots and sighed. "I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say. My good deed of the day failed miserably.

  "Thank you for the hot chocolate," William whispered.

  "Can I take you to lunch?" I blurted out.

  This time, William blushed. "No…"

  "Please? I'd like to make up for my epic fail."

  "No, thank you."

  "I honestly don't mind," I chirped optimistically.

  "I’m tired. Go away," William breathed.

  He peered into my eyes, and I examined his face for the first time. A faint sparkle of the man he used to be shone through the wear and tear.

  I could also see the pain etched on his face. His cheeks were sunken in, and I caught the haunted expression looking back at me. I wanted to hug him, to pull him into my arms and save him. Whenever I thought about homeless men before, I assumed they were all older, that they'd die on the streets. But, this guy? He had his entire life ahead of him. He shouldn't be out here. I reminded myself of a child, eager to take home a stray dog.

  "I’m sorry for bothering you.”

  He glanced away and laid back down on the bench with his back to me.

  I guess that meant the conversation was over. I left his side without a goodbye and wallowed the rest of the way to my office. I wanted more than anything to help William, but I knew I couldn't help someone who didn't want to accept it.

  Chapter Eight

  Amelia

  "Good morning and happy Friday, Amelia!" Ross said as he stepped into my office. "You survived your first week."

  "Hi, Ross." I smiled.

  "How are you feeling? Did you get a chance to look over the case?"

  "I'm feeling, no, I am very confident, sir. I spent a lot of time this week preparing." I wasn't exaggerating, either. I studied the case notes every single day this week during breakfast, on my lunch break and even before bed. I knew it cold. I knew it like the back of my hand.

  It didn't appear too complicated. Leo Brass Incorporated, a substantial construction firm in the city, believed their chief accountant, Roy Franko, was skimming profits and hiding them in offshore accounts. Leo wanted to hire a firm to take Roy to civil court and sue him for the missing funds. My job was to prove to Leo, the founder, president, and CEO, that I could establish Roy was, in fact, stealing money and hiding it elsewhere. I didn’t usually handle civil court matters, but Leo was a major client of the firm’s, and handling his case would be a way to get my feet wet at the new office.

  It would take a lot of legwork and a pinch of detective work, too. We'd have to hire a private investigator and also an impartial accountant to look over the company's books and numbers. I read in the file that Leo hadn't gone to the police yet; he didn't want the story to leak to the press or have it tried in criminal court proceedings. At least not yet, anyway.

  "We're meeting in Conference Room B in about fifteen. See you there!" Ross waved and scurried out of my office.

  I took a deep breath, gathered my notes and the case file, and finished the last dregs of my French vanilla latte, which I purchased at the cafeteria since I threw the first one all over myself. Coffee grounds permeated the air around me, but I hoped nobody would notice.

  I'd worn my best outfit today: tight, yet professional, black pencil skirt, matching blazer and a sheer white button up top underneath. I also donned a pearl necklace and earrings for an extra touch of chic. I thanked myself for investing in the teeth whitening treatment back home before I moved because it allowed me to sport a bold cherry-red lipstick without my self-esteem crashing down.

  I stood and smoothed my outfit one last time as I departed my office and headed toward the conference room. Thankfully, only my coat was soaked this morning. My outfit survived that embarrassment.

  Leo Brass seized a spot at the large marble conference table. He stood as I entered the room, and a broad smile stretched across his face.

  "You must be the famous Amelia Montgomery I've heard so much about."

  My cheeks reddened to the color of my lipstick as I extended my hand toward him. "Pleasure to meet you, sir. I hope you've only heard the good things about me."

  "All good things, I promise!" A hearty chuckle erupted from his rotund belly.

  At around fifty years old, Leo still appeared handsome. I could tell, though, at one time he was probably the fire in every woman's loins. His salt and pepper hair lay cleanly styled, and his crystal clear cerulean eyes sparkled. He was the perfect businessman: handsome, charismatic and genuine.

  I only hoped I could wow him more than any other attorney so he'd hire us to take on his case.

  "Can I get you water, coffee?"

  He raised his water glass. "I'm all set, but thank you, Amelia."

  I sat down in a comfy leather chair across from Leo. The conference rooms in the office screamed prestige with awards covering the walls and beautifully painted portraits of various attorneys spread about.

  "So, you just moved here, if I'm not mistaken?"

  "Yes, sir. About a month ago."

  "How do you like our city so far?"

  "It's been an adjustment; I won't deny that. But, so far so good."

  "How do you like the firm?"

  "Well, it's much bigger than my last firm, but I'm already in love." I wasn't sure if he was genuinely interested or probing for details. However, I didn't need to embellish; I really did love it here so far.

  "Happy to hear that!"

  Then, Ross stepped into the room with a jovial expression and arms extended. Leo stood again, and the two men embraced each other like long-lost friends.

  "Leo! How are you?"

  "I'm good, but I'll be even better once you prove to me you can handle my case."

  "You're in amazing hands, my friend. I see you've met Amelia, our star attorney?"

  "You've got one hell of a woman on your hands," Leo said, glowing.

  I blushed again. I wasn't used to such high praise, especially from men in my field. At my last firm, I was looked down upon almost as if I were the secretary. I think some men couldn't handle my intelligence. At least, that's what I told myself after a particularly stressful day.

  "Shall we get down to business?" Ross proposed.

  "Absolutely," Leo concurred.

  I cleared my throat and stood before both men as I began the opening statement of my presentation.

  "Leo, first I'd like to say thank you for considering Logan and Logan Attorneys at Law. We understand your need for privacy and the desire to meet a speedy conclusion in your matter. We are grateful you are considering entrusting us with your case, and we promise to meet and exceed any and all expectations you may have. We also know there are other firms bidding for your business, but we assure you, Logan and Logan is your best bet when it comes to recovering your missing income and prosecuting the man or people involved to the fullest extent of the law."

  I went into a little more about my background and explained my history with high-profile cases. Bragging a little, I also detailed my win/loss ratio, which was phenomenal.

  Leo and Ross's respective gazes stayed fixed on me during my entire presentation, and the intensity of their stares only fueled my desire to land the case. I laid it all out on the table and promised a favorable outcome for Leo Brass Incorporated, even though attorneys shouldn't make promises. However, confidence bloomed inside of me like a flower at the beginning of spring.

  I concluded my speech and held my breath as Leo opened his mouth to speak. "Ms. Montgomery, you are something else. I'd like to sign a contract to work with you immediately."

  Relief and exhilaration washed over my body as I broke out into a jubi
lant grin. "That's excellent, sir! I am so happy to hear that."

  Ross clapped Leo on the back. "Happy to work with you again, my friend. I'll have the paperwork drawn up right away."

  I felt like a giddy little girl who received a pony for her birthday. I was only at the law firm for a week when I scored my first big case. This fresh start thing was looking less scary by the minute. I was slightly taken aback that Leo decided to hire us on the spot, but I assumed other firms failed to provide an impressive speech as I had done.

  Back in my office, Ross first knocked, then burst into the room. "You were excellent, Amelia! This is going to be huge for our firm!"

  "I'm happy it went so well, too."

  "We are so lucky to have you here. And, I'm happy I bugged you persistently until you accepted my offer."

  I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "I'm happy, too. Although, I don't think my old firm was too happy about you stealing me away."

  Ross returned my smile. "Leo wants to take us out for dinner next week to celebrate."

  "Sounds good. I can't wait!"

  "Laurie is drawing up the paperwork now, and I'll have her bring it up to you shortly to sign. I also have her come up with a list of PI's and freelance accountants to help with the case. Of course, you will have final say on anyone we hire."

  "Perfect," I said.

  "Well done, Amelia. I have a good feeling about this one."

  "Me, too, sir."

  Me, too.

  Chapter Nine

  William

  On my eighteenth birthday, my father was murdered. He died in the attack on the World Trade Center. I'd never see him again. I'd never hear his laugh or his cries. I'd never hug him or shake his hand. He'd never see me graduate from college or be there on my wedding day. He'd never see the birth of my children. My father's life was stolen, and the terrorists robbed my family and so many others of a lifetime of happiness.

  After the initial shock wore off, my body flooded with fury. I didn't cry; I didn't weep. I didn't even mourn my father. Instead, I wanted revenge. I wanted blood. I wanted to kill.

  I spent the next few months in a daze of anger and hatred. I stopped going to class, stopped eating, stopped sleeping. But I couldn't stop thinking about my father's last few moments on Earth. Did he die happy? Did he feel any pain? All I knew for sure was that my father died a loved man. He was my best friend, and I cared about him more than anything.

  Would I ever repair the gaping wound left by his absence? Would I ever recover? I didn't think so. I didn't think it would be possible to mend this kind of broken heart. I couldn't contain my rage. I exploded and snapped at anyone and everyone.

  On the other end of the grief spectrum, my mother almost never left the bedroom. I did my best to take care of her, and to be honest, I had the time since I'd forgone taking care of myself. She was numb to reality, yet felt it strongly all at once. The light left her eyes, and she wasn't living; she merely existed. She took an extended leave of absence from work, and I feared she'd never go back.

  At school, my advisor suggested I take the rest of the semester off. He said I could use the break from school to grieve, and I still had time to back out of my classes without failing and tarnishing my GPA.

  I gladly took my advisor’s advice and spent the rest of the semester at home with my mother. However, I knew I couldn’t stay home forever and owed it to my father to graduate from college, as he always wished I would.

  The next couple of years passed in a daze. I managed to pass all my classes, but just barely. I treaded water, barely staying afloat. Between taking care of my mother and classes, I didn’t have time for much else. Eventually, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Business, but I had no idea how I’d use the piece of paper in the real world. Sure, there had to be dozens of opportunities in New York, but part of me couldn’t imagine working in a stuffy office from nine to five every day.

  On September 11th, 2006, the fifth anniversary of the attack, I went to the Army recruiting center and enlisted.

  For the first time since my father died, I regained some semblance of control. I decided to do something meaningful in my life. I found the direction I needed to survive.

  The day I came home to tell my mom about my decision may have been the second most devastating day of my life.

  "Mom?" I asked timidly as I stepped into her bedroom.

  Even though the clock read three in the afternoon, she still hadn't gotten out of bed or eaten yet.

  "Hi, William," she uttered.

  "I have something to talk to you about. It's important."

  "Mhmmm?"

  I sat on her bed and realized she hadn't washed the sheets since before dad died. I could smell the faint aroma of him lingering in the bedding. I closed my eyes, inhaled and wished I could remember the way he smelled forever.

  "I'm joining the military," I said.

  "That's nice, dear."

  I sighed. "Mom? Did you hear me? I'm going to fight for our country. I'm going to fight for Dad."

  She peered at me with fresh eyes. "You're leaving?"

  Her gaze pierced my heart, and I realized how much this would hurt her. She lost her husband, and now she was "losing" her only child.

  "I enlisted in the Army. I need to do something meaningful with my life, and I think this is it."

  "You're leaving school?" She stared out of the window.

  "I already graduated, Ma. Remember you came to my ceremony in the spring? I start basic training in two weeks."

  "That's soon," she answered absently.

  "I love you, Mom. I want you to know that. I'll never stop loving you."

  "I miss him."

  I hung my head and took a deep breath to steady myself. "I miss him, too."

  "I'm going to be all alone now."

  My heart ached for my mother, but I knew I had to do this. I had to leave. I couldn't stay in this brownstone and go to work like nothing ever happened. Everything was different now. Nothing would ever be the same. In fact, if I stayed, she'd probably "lose" me sooner. For the first time in years, I felt a sense of hope and purpose. If I stayed, I knew I'd continue on the path to self-destruction.

  "I promise I'll call as often as I can. And I'll write you, too. Okay?"

  She nodded, but I could tell she'd lost all interest in the conversation. I bent down, kissed her cheek and went downstairs to make a phone call.

  "Uncle Jim? It's William. I was hoping I could ask you for a favor."

  My father's brother Jimmy was a great uncle and spoiled me as much as he could. He'd taken me fishing for the first time, gave me advice on girls, and even slipped me my first beer. Even though my father was the number one man in my life, my Uncle Jimmy was a solid number two.

  "Well, I was hoping you might be able to come stay with my mom for a little while. I'm going away, and she needs someone to take care of her. She's in rough shape. Where am I going? Um, well, I'm going into the Army."

  Silence impregnated the conversation. I knew my uncle was processing what I'd just told him. However, a moment later he told me he'd do whatever he could to help and that he was genuinely proud of me. I sighed heavily with his blessing in mind, and also because he said he would come that weekend to get settled and spend time with me before I left.

  My uncle, a widower, never remarried. He was several years older than my father and retired when he turned fifty-five. Must be gratifying to be a successful financial adviser for thirty-plus years, huh?

  Uncle Jimmy arrived as promised that weekend. I begged my mom to at least shower and get dressed before he came. I bought some groceries, at least enough to cook a decent meal with. Jitters rumbled in my belly as I waited for my uncle.

  Once I heard the knock, I leaped up from the couch and raced to the door. When I threw it open, Uncle Jimmy stood on the doorstep with a broad grin stretched across his face.

  He pulled me into a tight embrace, and without thinking, I began to sob into his chest. My father and Uncle Jimmy looked so simi
lar; I thought my father stood before me for just a single moment. Having Uncle Jimmy here comforted me beyond all measures of the word.

  That night, I made a simple chicken and pasta bake. My mother joined us for dinner and even managed to put on a touch of makeup. I hadn't seen her so put together since before the attack. We spent all evening sipping wine and tossing around the good memories of my father. Maybe it was possible to overcome my grief.

  Maybe.

  Chapter Ten

  Amelia

  As soon as three o'clock rolled around, I realized I'd been cruising on the high from the morning for so long, I'd forgotten to eat lunch. Regrettably, the cafe in the office closed, so I needed to figure out something else to eat.

  I remembered there was a cute little cafe tucked in the middle of a handful of offices down the block. I checked their website and saw they closed at four. I had just enough time to scurry down there and have a late lunch before I finished my work for the day and headed to pick up Charlie.

  Grabbing my coat, I tucked my phone into the pocket and wrapped my scarf snuggly around my neck. The weatherman pissed me off again today when he promised more frigid temperatures that would last until the weekend.

  I grabbed the elevator on my floor before its doors closed, heaving a sigh of relief once I realized no one else was in the car. I hated elevators and their mandatory awkwardness. I mean, what do you say when you're in a tight space with a stranger? Usually, I pray my coffee breath won't knock them out—or hope I remembered to put on deodorant in the morning.

  Once I reached the first floor, I smiled at the guard and stepped outside. The air assaulted my face, and for a moment, I regretted moving here at all. Then, I remembered the feeling this morning when Leo said he'd chosen us as the firm to represent him. It made the cold air sting a little less, but just a little bit.

  I spotted the cafe, Your Cup of Tea, a short distance away, and trudged through the snow and slush toward the brick building. With my hood and scarf bundled up around me, I'd lost my peripheral vision. I could only see straight ahead.