We'll Begin Again

by Laurèn Lee

  I strode over to him and cleared my throat to grab his attention.

  “Hey!”

  He looked over, glaring at me scathingly. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was looking for you.”

  “Why?” His voice rattled with impatience.

  “I thought I’d see if you wanted to catch breakfast or something. Charlie is with his dad for the next few weeks.”

  “Don’t you have work to do or something?

  Ouch.

  “Well, uh, probably,” I stuttered.

  “I wish you wouldn’t have come here,” he said sourly.

  “Why not?”

  "You can't save me, Amelia. No one can.”

  My heart ached for the man before me. What happened in his life to cause him to feel like this?

  "I'm not trying to save you or use you. I just want to spend some time with you."

  "Find another charity case, okay?"

  A man with graying hair and bifocal glasses walked over to us. “Hi, can I help you?”

  “Yes, actually. My name is Amelia Montgomery. I was hoping to volunteer here. Do you have any openings?”

  The man grinned a toothy smile. “We always need more volunteers! Right, William?”

  William sneered and walked away.

  “Don’t worry about him,” the man said. “He’s always sort of broody.”

  “I can see that.”

  “Anyway, I’m Mark. Nice to meet you.” He extended his hand. “Are you new to town?”

  “Mhmm. I’m a new partner at the law firm down the street.”

  “Ross your boss?”

  I nodded.

  “Great man! Well, let me get you some paperwork, and we can get you all signed up.”

  William eyed me from across the room, and I couldn’t help but wonder where his scathing stance came from. Last night, he seemed to open up a bit, but now he seemed as cold as ever.

  Mark returned a few moments later with a few forms and an oversized t shirt with the shelter’s logo plastered across the front. “Sorry, we only have extra-large left.”

  “I’m sure I’ll manage.” I smiled.

  William watched me like a hawk while I filed out the requested forms. I finished and handed them to Mark. “Great! When can you start?”

  “How about now?” I suggested.

  “Wonderful!” He clapped his hands. “We need to fold up all the cots and gather the linens to wash. Mind helping with that?”

  “Not at all.”

  As requested, I folded the ruffled sheets across the thirty or so cots in the hall. I tried my best to stifle reactions to the soiled linens. Meanwhile, the rest of those in the shelter meandered out of the building somberly. It’s too bad they couldn’t stay, but I knew the building was used for other functions during the day.

  William lingered by the exit as Mark thanked me again for my time. I promised I’d return once my scheduled allowed for it.

  “Feel better?” William asked quietly as he leaned against the wall.

  “What do you mean?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “Now that you’ve helped the homeless and poor?” William said with a snarky tone. He crossed his arms across his body.

  “Did I do something or say something to offend you last night?” I asked. I thought back to our time together the previous night. I thought we had a good time. Well, as good a time as a homeless man and a single mother can have while sipping coffee out in the cold.

  “No, why?”

  “You’re awfully salty today. I’m just trying to help, you know?” I shrugged.

  William turned his back and opened the shelter doors. “Yeah, I know. Sorry,” he said over his shoulder. His face softened, then, just before he walked outside and let the door slam behind him.

  After volunteering, I couldn’t bring myself to head back home. I drove to the waterfront a few blocks away and breathed a sigh of relief that I'd worn sneakers and a warm hoodie this morning. Seagulls filled the sky as the sun peeked through the clouds. The water reflected the sunlight and sparkled brilliantly. Families, couples, and singles roamed the path along the water. I'd have to bring Charlie here when he came home. He'd love to fly his kite here.

  While I strolled along the smooth asphalt path, I spotted an elderly couple sitting on a bench, gazing at the water and holding hands. Would I ever have a love like that? Would I ever love again? Would I ever slow down working so much to even give myself the chance? I thought back to just a few days ago when I forgot to pick up Charlie from school because I was so involved with my research. What else was I sacrificing by slaving away at my desk?

  The couple sat silently together; they didn't need to talk to enjoy each other's company. Isn't that the best kind of love? The love so rooted in your soul that just being in each other's presence is enough?

  My heart ached with desire. The desire to be wanted. The desire to be cherished. The desire to never be taken for granted. However, I knew deep down, right now I didn’t have the time to find someone who could provide all of these things. Time, there’s never enough of it, is there?

  I thought maybe I had a better chance of winning the lottery than ever falling in love again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Amelia

  The following week dragged as though time decided to move backward instead of forward. I missed Charlie more than my soul could bear. My workload increased tenfold, and William either relocated or hid from me.

  I couldn't remember a time I felt more alone. I fell asleep in silence and woke up to silence. I ate lunch by myself and ordered take out every night. I couldn't believe I agreed to let Charlie go with his father for two whole weeks. If the first week was this heartbreaking, I knew the second week would only be worse.

  On Monday morning, I arrived to work twenty minutes late for a client meeting. It was the Monday-est Monday ever. There was an accident on the highway which took up two of the three lanes. The car ahead of me slammed on their brakes out of nowhere, which then led me to brake in a panic. Of course, I was holding my Starbucks double latte at the time, and it spilled all over me. What the hell was it with me and spilling hot beverages on myself?

  Then, someone parked in my designated spot in the parking lot. As much as I wanted to park behind them, blocking them in, I decided to take the high road and find another spot, which happened to be three more blocks away from my office.

  Oh, and it didn't stop there. Of course not! While I jogged to the office, my heel caught in a sidewalk crack and broke cleanly off. I hadn't brought a second pair of shoes with me.

  I struggled to hold back my tears. Did I do something wrong recently? Was karma coming back to kick me in the ass for something I did in a past life? Maybe this was punishment for staying up until three in the morning working on a case? My body rebelled against me.

  I hobbled into the office and caught a few sympathetic glares from female employees and haughty stares from my male co-workers. I knew I still needed to prove my worth to some people here. It was survival of the fittest in a law firm, and at this exact moment, I wasn’t all that fit.

  When I approached the building's elevators, fate bitch-slapped me again: all three cars were out of order. I checked my watch and saw I was now thirty minutes late for my meeting. I burst out laughing to the point I couldn't breathe. People all around me gawked with confusion. Alas, I had to make the painful decision to climb four flights of stairs in a broken pump. After the first flight, my ankle screamed in agony from the imbalance of having two different shoe heights. Then, I yelled, “Fuck it!” and took off both shoes so I could jog the rest of the way to my office.

  I reached my floor and dashed past my secretary, then stormed into the conference room ready and willing to beg on my knees for forgiveness from my client. However, once I entered the designated conference room, I realized it was empty.

  Shit! Did they leave?

  I ran back out to my secretary's desk. "Karen, did Mr. Franko leave already?"

  Sh
e looked puzzled. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about?"

  "My meeting today," I gasped. "I know I'm late. Did he leave?"

  Karen covered her mouth as she giggled. "Uh, Amelia, I'm sorry, but that meeting is next week."

  My proverbial ceiling shattered as relief and joy flooded my soul. While I was angry with myself for mixing up the dates, I couldn't be happier with my mistake. I had another chance to make my meeting on time and not make a fool out of myself. But, that meant I still had to manage the rest of the day with a broken heel, a stained outfit and probably a permanent feeling of being out of breath. If only I’d put myself to bed and didn’t work myself to exhaustion last night!

  "Thanks, Karen!" I said slowly.

  "Rough morning?"

  "You have no idea!"

  "Can I get you anything?"

  "Yeah, a new blouse and size eight heels, please."

  "Coming right up," Karen said. She rummaged under her desk and pulled out a pair of black suede pumps and a simple black button-up top.

  "Are you serious right now?"

  "I always keep a few extra things here, just in case of emergency." She smiled.

  "Oh my God! You're amazing! My angel!" I reached over her desk and hugged her. A few knick-knacks toppled over during our embrace, which I apologized for.

  "Can I get you some coffee?"

  "Yes, please! I seem to be wearing the one I purchased this morning."

  While Karen happily went to collect a fresh cup of coffee for me, I went into my office, leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.

  What a morning!

  Karen popped into my office carrying a mug filled to the brim with steaming, hot coffee.

  "You are a lifesaver," I said gratefully.

  "Just here to help!" Karen chirped.

  Karen was in her late-fifties and acted like my second mother. I'd only been at the new firm for a few weeks, and she made me quite comfortable the instant I met her. She was beyond helpful and always on top of her game. She could read my mind and know exactly what I needed from her without asking. Now, she was not only my work-mom, but she was also my fairy godmother, too!

  “You know, Amelia—may I call you Amelia?”

  “Of course!”

  “It may not be my place, but from what I can tell, you may be putting too much stress on yourself. You seem exhausted!”

  I rubbed my eyes and exhaled. “Yeah, I may need to slow down a bit.”

  “Life here is a marathon, not a sprint.” She winked.

  “Thanks, Karen. I’ll try to remember that!”

  "Oh, and one more thing," Karen said. "Hector quit, so until they find a new janitor, we will have to all chip in and tidy up around here."

  "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! I liked Hector."

  "His wife had a baby, and he decided to quit to become a stay-at-home dad!"

  "Good for him. Not good for us." I smiled.

  "So, if you know of anyone looking for a job, you should ask them to apply."

  I nodded, and Karen stepped out of my office to return to her desk.

  I thought of William. Surely he'd be interested in the job, right? Any job had to be better than no job? I remember he mentioned having demons, but maybe he’d exorcised them since his last attempt at earning a paycheck? I tucked the new piece of information away for when I could find William and let him know about the position.

  I sipped the coffee Karen brought me, snickering once I read the message painted on the mug, “Keep Calm and Slow Down.”

  The rest of the morning sped by as I worked on three matters, met with Ross about one of them and walked my paralegal through what I needed her to work on for me. By lunchtime, my stomach rumbled. I'd accidentally skipped breakfast except for my cup and a half of coffee. I took the elevator, which had conveniently been restored after I arrived at work, down to the cafeteria. I thought about ordering two entrees to satisfy my hunger, but knew I should only have one lunch, because I couldn't afford any more outfits for work. The pizza on display called to me, but I chose baked chicken and veggies instead. Not to mention, I ordered pizza three times since Charlie was gone. I feared I might turn into a slice if I ate one more piece!

  I scarfed almost my entire lunch, and then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw William walk by outside. I did a double take because I wasn't sure if it was him at first, but it was; I could feel it. I stood so quickly, my chair fell backward, but I ignored the stares, once again, and strode toward the stairs which led to the street outside. As soon as the cool air touched my face, I took off my borrowed heels so as not to repeat what happened this morning. The chilled sidewalk burned my feet, but they'd warm up eventually.

  I saw William turn the corner a block ahead of me, so I revived my inner track star and raced after him. He could hide from me, but he couldn't run! It took a minute or two, but I finally caught up with him. I reached for his arm, but he turned around before I could touch him.

  "Why are you following me?"

  "William," I gasped. "I—need—to—talk—to you."

  He rolled his eyes. "About what?"

  "Can we go somewhere to talk? It's kind of cold out here." I shivered in my stockings while I continued to hold my heels in my hands.

  "We can talk right here."

  "Okay, well, I wanted to tell you that my firm has a job opening, and I think it would be perfect for you!"

  He eyed me suspiciously. "What kind of job?"

  "It's for maintenance and cleaning." I shuffled my feet. "Do you think you may want to apply?"

  He snorted. "Sure, let me grab a clean copy of my resume, my freshly laundered suit, and I'll be there in a jiffy. And, being a lawyer, you should know I can’t get a job without a permanent address."

  Damn, I forgot about that part.

  "I know your situation isn't ideal—"

  "Ideal? Do you realize I'm homeless? My life isn't ideal, or less than ideal; it's a fucking nightmare." He stalked away before I could reply.

  "What are you afraid of?" I called out.

  He stopped and whipped around. "Afraid? I'm not afraid of anything."

  "Then why won't you give it a shot, huh? What do you have to lose if you already have nothing?"

  He bit his lip and thought for a moment. "Look at me, Amelia. How could I ever walk into a job interview looking like this, even if I found someplace to sleep that wasn’t a public bench?"

  Now it was my turn to ponder the situation. I thought back to how I accidentally packed one of Cal's suits before I left Candlebrook. He left it in the closet in the dry cleaning wrapping, and I assumed it was one of mine when I packed. The plastic covering the suit was nearly opaque, and so it went along for the ride when I moved.

  "I have a suit you could borrow. I'm not sure it will be a perfect fit, but it should work well enough."

  Despite William's lack of a consistent diet, he was still about the same size as Cal.

  "Hmm, okay. Well, what about this?" He shook his shaggy chestnut hair and pointed to his unkempt beard.

  "I've never told you this before, William, but I'm one hell of a living room barber. I cut Charlie's hair like a champ!"

  "Fine," he said.

  "Really? You'll give it a shot?"

  "I'll try."

  "Operation Makeover is just beginning!"

  William stared inquisitively.

  "You know, because you were in the military? Operation Makeover?" I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.

  "I get it," he said. "I just don't think it's funny."

  Despite his sour demeanor, I was ready to help William get out of his street clothes and into a suit. A rare feeling overwhelmed me then: what would William look like in a suit? What would he look like after a cut and shave? I'd find out soon enough.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Amelia

  William's interview was scheduled for Friday morning at nine AM. On Thursday, much to his dismay, William met me by my car, and I drove us back to my apartment. We’d grown c
lose enough by now, I felt safe bringing him to my home. Plus, Charlie was still with his father.

  I'm not exactly sure where he thought we were going to go, but he glared loathingly out of the car window during the ride to my humble abode. I knew it must be hard for him to see someone else live in luxury, but I genuinely wasn't trying to rub it in his face. If anything, I wanted him to have the same kind of life in the very near future. I know maintenance wouldn't pay as much as my salary, but it was a start.

  My doorman smiled as we walked into the foyer and I wished him a good evening. Despite his jovial greeting, I caught him staring at William with narrowed eyes. I ignored it and hoped William didn't see it, but I'm sure he did. He noticed everything. He could tell just by the look on my face if I was having a good day or a bad day. He knew if I had something I wanted to say or if I merely wanted to co-exist in silence. It was almost weird how observant he was. I hadn't known anyone who could pick up on my non-verbal signals so well. Not even Cal when we were married.

  "So, are you ready for a new look?" I asked as I found the Superman cape I used when I cut Charlie's hair.

  "Just don't butcher it, okay?” Hesitation and possibly regret bloomed within his demeanor.

  "I would never!" I said, aghast as I clutched at my chest. I couldn't believe this tough warrior was wearing a comic book hero cape and about to let me chop off his scraggly street hair.

  "Ready?"

  "As I'll ever be, Montgomery."

  I took a deep breath and cut the first lock of William's hair. It dropped to the floor, and his eyes followed its descent.

  "Not so bad, huh?"

  "That was only the first cut," he said. "There's still time for you to mess it up."

  "You better watch your tone, or else I'll give you a mullet."

  "I wouldn't doubt it."

  "I heard that!"

  For the next half hour, I meticulously cut William's hair and prayed to God I wouldn't mess it up. It was probably his first haircut in years; I didn't want to disappoint him. Especially considering he didn't appear to have high expectations of my skills. I cut the long pieces and started trimming and styling the rest. My stereo played The Lumineers, the heavenly sound echoing throughout the apartment. I’d lit a few Yankee candles too. I wanted William to feel at ease and hoped the cupcake scented one would help.