by Claire Raye
“Well, off I go,” I announce, smiling at Ruby in the hopes that my face isn’t giving away how I’m really feeling.
“Have fun and be reckless!” Ruby yells and I turn back to look at her before opening the door. With my forehead creased and my glare pinned on her, she laughs a little. “Sorry, that was a little loud.”
His hand is raised and poised to knock when I open the door and he steps back, chuckling a little at the awkwardness of the circumstance. Then his eyes trail over my body, taking me in with an intensity that sparks when his eyes meet mine.
“You look…” he trails off, finding his words as they linger soft and muted on his tongue. “You look amazing, for lack of a better word.” He laughs now at his insecurities and I find him more endearing and honest for not trying so hard.
“Thank you,” I reply, leaning in to greet him with a quick hug. “Where are we off to?”
This is a college town and most of us are broke as hell, me being one of those people. I find myself counting out change on a regular basis to pay for groceries or to do laundry, so my expectation of tonight is pretty low. And just because he asked me to dinner, I have no expectation that he’ll be paying for it either.
“A little Italian place I know of and then I thought we’d meet up with some of my friends later,” he states, a simple plan and I relax just a little. “What do you think?”
“I think it sounds perfect.”
The evening is quiet and the restaurant is quaint as we chat mindlessly about our classes and our majors. It’s basic, never delving deep enough to mean anything and I begin to wonder if I’m already keeping him at arm’s length.
Very few people know what my life was like before I started school here and I like it that way. When your father is the neighborhood drunk and your mother dies when you’re six, it follows you everywhere you go. It’s the pitied stares and empathetic sighs, the whispered gossip and the rumors of what people believe, that burrow into your soul. I couldn’t stay and I still can’t think about going back.
“How do you know Reid Bowen?” Justin asks when a lull falls over our conversation. I knew it was coming because he’s an unyielding force. Everyone asks about Reid. To be with someone and not have them ask would feel strangely comforting.
“He’s my brother’s best friend,” I admit, the words coming out in a rush, like if they’re said fast enough they’ll disappear into the air, unheard and unspoken.
“I didn’t realize your brother went to school here too,” Justin questions back, a crease forming between his eyes as he tries to figure out who my brother is.
I shake my head, processing how deeply I must delve into this because I’m not interested in sharing this part of my life. This is where Justin will learn just how connected Reid and I are, and this is also where I won’t ever hear from him again.
“My brother is at home in Rhode Island, just outside Providence. Reid, my brother and I all grew up together.” I wait a second letting it sink in, my eyes scanning Justin’s face. “Well, I’m not sure you can say Reid grew up.”
Justin laughs, but there’s a humorless quality to it and he stiffens a little in his chair. A flash of worry crosses his features, but it fades as quickly as the dimming lights of the restaurant.
“How do you know Reid?” I question back, letting my past rest where it lies. No need to dig that up.
“We’re in the same fraternity house.”
Now it’s me who lets out the chuckle. I should’ve known their connection would’ve been of that nature.
“And he fucked my girlfriend freshman year,” Justin adds, a harshness to his tongue as the words slip from his mouth. The tension between us ramps up and my mind shifts immediately to the pissing contest I found myself in the middle of just last night. It’s obvious now why Justin didn’t just walk away and why the animosity between them didn’t feel new.
“I’m sorry about that,” I reply, not sure where to go from here. The bitterness lingers, but Justin settles just a little.
“It’s in the past, but I swear that asshole just loves to find other ways to make my life miserable. He’s a prick and a bully,” Justin remarks and I can only nod my head in agreement.
“Welcome to my life.”
We spend very little time commiserating over our mutual disgust for Reid and more time finding out what we have in common. It’s basic and simple, but it moves the conversation along and before I know it, we’ve spent two hours talking.
“You wanna get out of here?” he asks, and without the alcohol to numb our inhibitions, an awkward stillness falls between us.
“Yeah, sure. Where we off to now?” I ask, with a part of me hoping he suggests just heading home. It might be nice to spend time with him without the prying eyes of a house party and the gossip getting back to Reid. Or worse, risk running into him.
“My buddy still has some beer left in one of the kegs from last night. We can head over there.” His last line comes out more of a question than anything, and all I can picture is Reid’s body wrapped about that curvy blonde while I pushed my body against Justin’s. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t trying to prove I could be as reckless as he is. I’m not sure I can set foot in that house without imagining all the things Reid did with that girl after I left.
“Yeah, sure,” I reply, a false exaggeration of excitement loading my answer, and for a split second I hate myself. My interest isn’t in Justin or hanging out at his friend’s house or even in the free beer. It’s the burning jealousy and curiosity of if Reid will be there too.
I’ve spent so much time avoiding him, avoiding his efforts to control my life, but behind it all, I’ve missed him. I’ve missed the comfort he brings me in the absence of Caleb.
The house is dark, only the glow of the TV illuminates the windows that face the street. It’s a far cry from what Ruby and I walked into yesterday and I suddenly feel the crushing weight of disappointment. There’s no way Reid is here and maybe that’s for the better. My emotions are already a fucked up mess.
Justin pushes open the door, reaching behind him, he grabs for my hand, pulling me in with him. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and I tighten my grip on Justin’s hand as we move through the house toward the glow of the TV.
There are a couple of guys sprawled on the sofas and a few scattered on the floor, but I don’t bother scanning them to see if any are Reid. I’m beginning to feel like I’m being obvious, the distraction of my thoughts making me appear disinterested and that’s the last thing I want Justin thinking.
“Hamilton, hey,” one of the guys says, looking up from where he’s planted on the sofa. “Grab some beers. We’re just about to start a movie.”
The house is still a disaster from yesterday, the counters cluttered with empty bottles and old bags of chips. The floor sucks at our shoes as I follow Justin to the back room of the house. I’ve learned to deal with filth, but at times it wears thin. It reminds me of home, of being neglected and it’s why I only live with Ruby. I can control the cleanliness of our house.
He hands me a cup and we find ourselves walking back into the room with me walking next to him, his hand on the small of my back. Someone slides down to the end of the sofa, opening up space for Justin and me to sit down. I take the corner and he slides in next to me. I slip my shoes off and pull my feet onto the sofa, angling my knees toward him. Justin smiles down at me as the movie begins to play and I return the smile as his arm rests across my thighs.
But our comfort is short-lived and the sound of a giggling girl and plodding of feet on the stairs invade the stillness of the room.
“Bowen, you done, man?” someone asks, and I have to swallow back the vomit that rises up in my throat. The room lets out a collective laugh, but I remain silent, trying to decide if I should pick up and leave or act like this isn’t happening.
Reid rounds the corner of the sofa, a smirk on his face as wide as the Joker’s, but when his gaze falls on me, everythin
g stops moving. The smile on his beautiful face fades instantly and he shrugs off the girl who is currently clinging to him like the stale beer on the floor of this house. But he doesn’t make any attempt to leave, instead sitting on the far end of the “L” shaped sofa.
Someone hands Reid a beer and with his eyes trained on me, he brings the bottle to his lips and takes a long pull. It’s hard to look away as I return my gaze to the TV, my focus for shit now. But I catch him out of the corner of my eye; his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip and my breath catches in my throat. I have no desire to watch this fucking movie and I shouldn’t even be thinking about Reid in this way. But, it’s not hard to see why women throw themselves at him. Every move he makes is calculated, planned and executed to draw women in and fuck me if it isn’t working right now.
Justin’s grip on my thighs tightens, drawing me closer to him and I chug my beer, taking it down in three long gulps.
Maybe the alcohol will help, said no one ever.
Leaning in, his breath hot against my ear, Justin asks, “Do you want another beer?” But he doesn’t pull back, his lips linger against my neck and goose bumps dot my skin.
I hate Reid for making me uncomfortable. I hate myself for thinking of Reid while I’m here with Justin. And I hate my body for responding in a way that makes Justin believe this is about him.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I stutter out, my vision beginning to blur with the tears that suddenly form in my eyes—frustration and anger pulling me in all directions.
“It’s just off the kitchen,” a voice from the floor calls out and I’m off the sofa before I can think about what is unfolding in front of me.
I slip my shoes back on and shuffle across the sticky floor in the hopes of finding solace in a bathroom I know probably hasn’t been cleaned in months, in a bathroom that has seen more sex in a week than I have in a year.
I close the door behind me, reaching for the lock, but find it broken and I curse out loud. Turning on the water, I let it run for a few seconds before I dip my head down to take a drink.
I don’t hear the door open, but I feel the weight of his body press against my back and his hand slips over my mouth.
“Don’t scream, Sienna,” he murmurs. “You’ll scare the shit out of everyone in the other room.”
I spin in his arms, my heart slamming into my chest and I choke back the scream that threatens to escape.
He has me backed up against the sink and I should shove him away, but my arms hang limply at my sides, my eyes never leaving his face.
He leans in closer and I can hear the raggedness of my labored breathing echoing in my ears as his lips brush against mine in the lightest of touches. My mind immediately conjures up images of his lips colliding with mine, and we’re suspended in the thickness of the tension-filled air.
“Go home, Sienna. You don’t belong here with him,” he practically demands, a warmth that comes at the end of his words, burning my skin. His hands grip my hips, his fingers digging in and as much as my body is telling me I want this, I know I can’t.
I can’t give him that satisfaction.
And my memory flashes to the girl on the sofa, to the girl who Reid was just upstairs with and my desire turns sour instantly.
“You don’t want me, so stop fucking with me.” It’s a demand more than a request and my words change him. The fierceness that burned in his eyes fades immediately and he shoves away from me. Dragging a hand through his hair, he lets out a hard sigh as he pulls open the door and walks out without saying another word.
He’s giving up.
Finally.
But even I know that’s not true.
Chapter Six
Reid
You don’t want me, so stop fucking with me.
Sienna’s words ring in my ears as I storm from the bathroom, through the living room and out of the house, ignoring the girl I came over with.
“Yo, Reid, you finish with her too?” someone yells as I slam the door shut behind me. I catch the sound of laughter from the guys and I half expect the girl to follow me out and ask what the fuck, but she doesn’t, and I guess that says it all.
You don’t want me, so stop fucking with me.
God, fuck, if only she knew how much I want her. How much I’ve always wanted her.
Shoving a rough hand through my hair, I turn and head back toward home, even though a part of me desperately wants to stay so I can make sure Sienna is okay. God knows what the hell Justin has in mind for her tonight, especially after he watched me follow her into that bathroom.
I hadn’t even thought about what I was doing when I’d pushed off that sofa and followed after her. I’m sure all the guys thought they knew exactly what I was doing, but given it lasted all of two seconds, it’s pretty clear that nothing happened between me and her.
Well, almost nothing.
My hands ball into fists at my side as the memory of her body pressed against mine assaults my brain. We’d been so fucking close, so close we’d practically kissed as my lips had ever so lightly brushed over hers. The touch was barely a touch, but it was enough to get me instantly hard and wanting to pull her against me and deepen that kiss.
What I would give to be able to do that with her.
One thing for sure though, Justin was gonna be pissed. It’s bad enough he still blames me for what happened with his girlfriend freshman year, but to think I was doing that same thing now with Sienna. Fuck.
By the time I get home, my anger has barely subsided. Inside, the party that was just getting started when I left tonight, rages, which only pisses me off even more. I knew it was happening, but I also knew Justin’s friends were getting together and finishing last night’s keg. I took my chances on which place he and Sienna would show up at and I was right.
I stomp up the stairs to our open front door, ignoring the girl leaning against it who reaches for me, and instead heading straight to the kitchen for a beer.
“BOWEN!” Matt yells, clearly shitfaced.
I offer him a grin, because despite my mood, he is a cool guy. One of the few people I can tolerate hanging around with, even if he does constantly give me shit about Sienna.
“Hey,” I respond, fist pumping the hand he holds out to me. “What’s happening?”
“Impromptu party,” he says loudly, forgetting I was here when they were talking about it earlier. He holds his arms out as he gestures around the room. “Where you been?”
I shrug. “Nowhere,” I tell him, glancing around the room and at the fifty or so people that are now crammed in our house.
“Well, you’re at the place now,” he says, grinning, his eyes a little unfocused as he slaps me on the shoulder and walks out of the kitchen, slinging his arm around the first girl he walks past.
I watch as she turns into him, her hands on his chest and her tits pressed against his side, clearly thinking she’s about to get lucky with a star football player. She’s probably right, even if Matt is completely drunk. Still, it doesn’t stop him from turning and pressing a sloppy kiss to her mouth, his hand grabbing one of her tits and squeezing it hard.
She laughs, one of those annoying, high pitched giggles and it makes me kinda nauseous to watch them. With my beer in hand, I make my way back out of the house to the front porch, taking a seat on the railing as my eyes scan the street.
“Hey, Bowen.”
I turn, see Logan, another of my roommates, walk out of the house, his girlfriend Amy, right behind him. “Hey,” I respond, tilting my beer in their direction.
“You flying solo tonight?” Logan asks, leaning back against the railing and pulling Amy between his legs so she’s leaning back against him. He’s probably the exception to all the guys I play football with, all the guys I know actually. The one guy who went and got himself a girlfriend and then immediately stopped looking at every other chick who threw herself at him. These two have been tight since halfway through our freshman year and whi
le I don’t get how she puts up with all the shit that goes on in this house, I know she loves Logan.
He loves her too, totally into her and I’ve never once seen him look at any other girl since they hooked up.
I shrug. “Yeah.”
Logan chuckles. “Unusual for you.”
I ignore his comment, my eyes now focused on the two people walking hand in hand down the middle of the street. I immediately recognize Sienna, the silhouette of her body at once so familiar and so achingly foreign to me. Obviously, it’s Justin walking her home and my skin bristles with anger at the way he holds her hand in his, their bodies close.
“Ahh, I see,” Logan murmurs.
“What?” I bark, my head snapping in his direction.
Logan grins, nodding in the direction of Sienna and Justin.
“It’s nothing,” I spit out, swinging my legs over the railing and jumping down into the front yard below.
“Sure it’s not,” Logan calls out.
I move slowly to where they are, sticking to the shadows as I watch them stop in front of Sienna’s house, Justin turning to face her and taking both her hands in his. My hands clench into fists as he pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her waist, one hand snaking down to her ass as he leans in and kisses her.
She kisses him back, her arms winding around his neck as they make out at the bottom of her steps. It feels like it goes on forever and I’m two seconds away from walking over there when Sienna finally pulls back, says goodnight and turns and heads inside her house…alone.
Justin stares up at the closed door, rocking on his heels a little as though he’s trying to decide whether he should go up there and see if she’ll invite him in.
Thankfully the fucker makes the right choice, shaking his head once before turning and heading in my direction. I quickly duck behind some bushes, cutting through the neighbor’s yard until I’m standing in front of Sienna’s house.
I can see her and Ruby through the front window, sitting together on the sofa, obviously talking about her date. Sienna is probably ripping me a new one at this point, as she tells Ruby all about how I confronted her in the bathroom. Instinctively, I pull my phone from my back pocket, typing out a quick text.
