He clenched his fists as dread twisted through his gut. If she needed complete honesty to trust him, he’d bare his soul. “I wasn’t afraid you’d reject Arton. I was afraid—” Emotion closed his throat and he couldn’t finish the thought.
“I’d reject you?” He nodded. “But why? You know how much I want you.”
“Jiatta wanted me too.” Needing to purge himself of the bitterness and sorrow, he rushed through the explanation. “Mating fever brought us together and allowed us to be happy until Arton was born. Then I was so consumed by my need to protect Arton that Jiatta felt neglected.”
“Wasn’t she worried about the safety of her son?”
Skyla’s vehemence pleased him, but he couldn’t allow the misconception to soften what really happened. “Don’t blame her. The fault was mine. I should have done a better job of balancing my interests. My relationship with Jiatta was just as important as keeping Arton safe, but I focused entirely on Arton.”
Compassion warmed Skyla’s gaze as she shook her head. “It’s never that cut and dry.”
“Perhaps.” He wanted his past laid to rest, so he hurried on with his story. “We fell into a sad routine. It was as if we were going through the motions of life rather than actually living. She was cold and distant and I didn’t know how to reignite the fire we had once felt for each other.”
“Did you want to reignite the fire?”
“Of course. She was my morautu. I wanted what we’d been promised, a love to last a lifetime.”
Her lashes swept down, shadowing her gaze. “Apparently it takes more than genetic compatibility to make that happen.”
“I agree. It takes conscious effort and determination to make any relationship last. After mating fever burned itself out, neither of us were willing to do the work.”
Silence fell hard and heavy. Tension still pulsed between them, yet neither knew what to say. The story wasn’t finished. He just couldn’t bring himself to reveal the rest, to confess the worst of his failings. They looked out at the ocean, then at each other again. If they couldn’t get beyond this barrier, there was no hope for them.
After a long pause, she asked, “Was Jiatta still alive when the harbingers came for Arton?”
He never spoke about those horrible events, tried very hard not to think about them. But Skyla needed to know. She needed to understand the darkness still lingering inside his soul. “I wasn’t there when they came for Arton, but Jiatta was. We were living in a modest cottage on a secluded island in an effort to elude the harbingers. I still don’t know how they found us, but they killed the guards before Jiatta even realized there was a problem. They forced their way into the house and Jiatta tried to fight them, tried desperately to protect our son. They beat her bloody and left her there on the floor as they took off with Arton.”
Suddenly Skyla was pressed against his chest and her arms wrapped around his body. “I’m so sorry this happened to your family. I can only imagine the pain you must have felt.”
Stunned by her reaction, he just held her for a moment, savoring the unexpected warmth. But the story still wasn’t over. The most important part remained. “Jiatta blamed me for what happened.” He stroked Skyla’s hair as he spoke, comforting himself with the softness. “Her indifference turned to hate and her outbursts became more violent until I had no choice but to leave. That’s why she was alone with her bodyguard when one of my enemies came looking for me.”
“Oh dear gods.” Skyla hugged him even tighter. “Tonn told me that’s how she died.”
He nodded, hoping she’d feel it even though she didn’t raise her head off his chest. “I checked on her the following day because no one at her villa was answering my coms. That’s when I found her body. It wasn’t a clean kill. They’d tortured her before they let her die.” He felt Skyla shudder, so he didn’t elaborate. What more was there to say?
“I know you tracked down the men who did it. Tonn told me that too.” She finally looked at him, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. “And I know you blame yourself for her death.”
“I blame myself for all of it. How could I not? I failed my son and I failed my mate. What right do I have to claim another female when I couldn’t protect the one I had?” He pushed her away and grasped the railing, preventing her from hugging him again. “I didn’t tell you this to earn your pity. I wanted you to understand why I’ve been so conflicted. I hid behind your preconceptions so I didn’t have to face how desperately I want this to be real.”
“Do you still want this to be real?”
He snapped his head around and looked into her eyes, confused by the tenderness in her tone. “I’m not worthy of a mate, regardless of how much I want one.”
“That’s not your decision to make.” A soft smile curved her lips and desire smoldered in her vivid blue eyes. “Unless I misunderstand Rodyte custom, the male stakes his claim and the female either accepts or rejects him.”
“You understand Rodyte custom.” The implications of her statement nearly paralyzed his mind. She’d already rejected him repeatedly. Why was she bringing it up now?
“So explain the rest to me. How would life work for a Rodyte general and his Bilarrian morautu? You’re respected and clearly affluent.” She motioned to the oceanfront mansion surrounding them. “Would claiming me put your career in jeopardy?”
“No,” he insisted. “My personal life is my own. My supervisors have nothing to say about it.”
“But it’s likely you would be passed over for promotions and many would criticize your irrational behavior. Unless things are significantly different here than they are on Bilarri.”
He inclined his head, acknowledging her point as valid. “There are many who would disapprove, but I don’t care. I’m the head of my family and there are very few with the authority to dictate my actions.”
“Tonn said you’re a crown favorite,” she persisted. “How will Pern Keire react to one of his generals joining with a Bilarrian? Your planet is at war with mine, yet I will have access to your mind and emotions. Surely the crown stirate will have something to say about that.”
“He can rail and threaten me until hell’s rings turn to ice. He needs me too badly to do more than shout. My heart has made its choice.”
“All right. What about me? Would we live here or on your spaceship? How often would I see you if I stayed here?”
Her tone remained conversational, her expression calm, yet each question she asked peeled away another layer of his confidence. Was it possible she was still considering her options, or was she simply defining the situation so she could reject him one final time? “Here would be more practical, or at one of my other properties. And as for how often you’d see me, I’d be home most every night. I’m a multi-ship commander. I supervise and dispatch long-range missions, but I seldom participate in them.”
She pressed her teeth into her lower lip, looking slightly uncomfortable. “My brother would disown me, but my sisters might forgive me once the shock has worn off. But I would never be able to return to Bilarri. You’re asking me to give up my home and most of my friends. I know you think my job is frivolous, but I enjoy it.”
“I’m offering more than just me,” he reminded, barely able to think past the rushing of blood through his ears. “Unlike the males your brother chose for you, I can give you children.”
“Battle born children,” she muttered. “Will they be ridiculed and shunned. I don’t care what people think about me, but I’m not sure I could deal with anyone being cruel to our sons.”
“Sons?” He took a step toward her, hands trembling. “We will have more than one?”
She shook her head, but was suddenly avoiding his gaze. “I’m not sure why I said that. I’ve only seen one.”
He narrowed his eyes on her lovely face, not sure he believed her. “And don’t forget that your abilities would make you invaluable here. On Bilarri magic is common; here it’s a rarity.”
With a hesitant step, she brought their bodie
s closer. He could reach out and touch her now, but he kept his hands at his sides. He didn’t want to rush her, wanted her to be certain of her choice.
“So answer the question,” she prompted. “Do you want this to be real?”
Hope swept away the past and left him breathless and trembling. “More than anything.”
“Then let me go.”
Her smooth features revealed nothing and his heart lodged in his throat. He couldn’t tell if this was a test or the cruelest twist anyone could ever conceive. Everything within him prayed it was a test, but there was only one way to find out. He swallowed hard, then forced the words out despite the sawdust in his mouth. “You are no longer my prisoner. I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
She held out her hand and her eyes filled with mischief. “I want to go inside. I want you to take off your clothes and get on the bed. Each time we’ve touched you’ve controlled the situation. As penance, I want you to give that control to me.”
He tensed. Control wasn’t a preference with him, it was his basic nature. He wasn’t sure he could—if he didn’t, she’d walk away. He could see it in her eyes. She needed to regain control of her life, which meant he would have to trust her for a change.
“Anything you want is yours.” He wrapped his hand around hers, entwining their fingers. “Now and always.”
Her smile broadened and she led him back inside. Giddy pleasure filled his brain, making it hard to think. Was this really happening? Had his feisty war bride transformed into his morautu? They’d come this far before, reached the point of joining only to have her turn him away. Was that her game? Would she leave him naked and desperate as she walked out of his life forever? He deserved no better, yet he didn’t see cruelty in her eyes, just warmth and sweet acceptance.
She squeezed his hand. “You look terrified. I didn’t think you were capable of the emotion.”
“If this is some sort of game…” He would not beg for mercy. He was a Rodyte general! Pride reinforced his shattered composure. If this was her revenge, he’d face the challenge head-on as he had always done.
“You’re the one who likes games. I’m tired of pretending.” There was no rancor in her tone, no sarcasm that he could detect.
They stood beside the bed, his bed, in his ancestral home. His pulse kicked up a notch at the importance of the setting. He started to speak, to ask again if this was real, but she pressed her fingertips against his lips and silenced him.
“No more words. No promises or denials. Let’s let our bodies communicate, let our souls explore each other.”
How could he argue with that? Their mind link would allow him to feel her strongest emotions and once he claimed her there would be no more secrets between them. He framed her face with his hands and bent his head to kiss her, but again she covered his mouth with her fingertips.
“You haven’t atoned for your sins.”
His hands folded into tight fists and dread surged through his system. He was starting to understand why trust had been so hard for her. She’d told him that this wasn’t a game, had assured him that he would finally have what he desired most in the universe. So why was it still so easy to imagine her walking away?
She guided his hands back to his sides, then separated the front of his shirt with two firm tugs. He shrugged out of the garment, but didn’t try to touch her. He’d tied her up and held her down each time his passion flared. She deserved this small revenge and a whole lot more. Her small, warm hands moved over his chest and down his arms, pausing to explore each muscle and tendon. Her obvious interest thrilled him, each throaty murmur stoking his flames a little higher.
Crimson fire lit her phitons by the time she unfastened the front of his pants. She’d yet to remove his boots, but she seemed much more interested in his arousal than ridding him of his clothing. Her bold touch swept over his erection once and a shudder of need shook through him. Not wanting the potential tangle to restrict his movements later, he stepped back and quickly pulled off his boots. Then he returned to his original position and waited for her next move.
Lightly grasping his shoulders, she turned his back toward the bed then tugged his pants to his knees before pushing him down on the edge of the mattress. Being maneuvered by a female was such a novelty that he chuckled. Then she bent over and grabbed the hem of his pants, ridding him of the garment with one firm tug.
Her gaze narrowed as she looked over his naked body. Enjoying her attention, he leaned slightly back on his hands and boldly spread his thighs. The pose was blatantly sexual and undeniably male. He started to ask if she liked what she saw, but bit back the words. She’d asked him not to speak and he wanted to give her what she’d requested without hesitation or reserve. She was his morautu and it was his fervent wish to satisfy her every desire.
“You are a feast for the eyes,” she whispered, disregarding her own rule. “I’ve wanted to do this ever since I first dreamed about you.”
Dreams had brought them together and joining with her in a dream had made it impossible for him to let her go. “I’m yours,” he whispered. “Do whatever you like with me.”
She stepped between his legs and took his face between her hands. “I’m not sure how this will work. Our love is forbidden on either of our worlds, but I’m willing to figure it out together.”
Their love? The phrase slammed into him like a fist. Did he dare believe that she loved him?
Her lips pressed against his before he composed himself enough to speak. She tilted her head, fitting her mouth more securely over his. Her tongue teased his lips, obviously asking for entrance. He opened for her, ready to risk his heart for the tiniest chance at true happiness.
It felt oddly invigorating to let her control the kiss. He kept his hands behind him and let her have her way. Her lips slid and her tongue wandered, encouraging him to respond. He curled his tongue around hers and followed her retreat until his tongue was in her mouth.
Dominance surged and he fisted the bedding, fighting to remain passive. She needed this, which meant he needed to give it to her, regardless of how alien it felt.
She broke away from his mouth with a little gasp, then kissed her way down his neck. Her hands paved the way for her lips. She wandered across his shoulder then onto his chest as she slipped to her knees beside the bed. Her hands settled on his hips while her mouth teased his abdomen, or actually teased his cock by lingering over his abdomen.
He’d imagined her doing this for him more times than he could count. His shaft bucked, lifting off his abdomen as if to draw her attention. Though the movement had been spontaneous, mostly, her fingers curved around his aching flesh. Her mouth, however, continued its leisurely trek across his belly.
Please. The word echoed through his mind, though pride alone kept him from speaking.
She looked up at him and smiled, feminine power gleaming in her eyes. “Is something wrong? You sound like you’re in pain.”
He narrowed his gaze and pushed one hand into her unbound hair. “You know what happens when you challenge me.”
Her smile faltered and her hand began to stroke. “Not yet. I want to feel you lose control before you take it back.”
“Then get on with it,” he growled out the directive. “I need you too badly to wait.”
She bent her head and licked his tip, her gaze still locked with his. “Better?”
He arched his hips, pushing between her silken lips. “Now it’s better.”
Clearly understanding that her time at the helm was limited, she stopped toying with him. Instead her lips formed a firm circle and slid down his shaft until he was deeply imbedded in her mouth. He threw his head back and groaned. It felt so damn good. It was all he could do not to end it right there and then.
Her lips slid back up while her hand returned to stroke him. The two together were sheer ecstasy. Her head bobbed and her tongue swirled, building his already blazing desire. She knelt before him, selflessly pleasuring him with her mouth. He’d begun to wonder if
this day would ever come, if he’d ever experience her freely offered passion.
Exhilarated by her gift, he concentrated on the steady slide of her lips and the arousing patterns her tongue created over and around his most sensitive areas. They had waited so long, and he wanted her so badly, he knew it wouldn’t last long. Still, he wanted to savor every moment, every sensation.
Suddenly warmth and affection flowed into his mind, faint at first like the echo of emotion rather than the actual feeling. He shivered. This wasn’t him. His emotions—when he allowed himself to acknowledge them—were more intense, more consuming. Already their mental link was expanding, evolving into something stronger and more interactive.
He held perfectly still and let the connection grow. Physical sensations melded with metaphysical awareness, propelling the pleasure beyond anything he’d ever experienced before. He cried out, both hands moving to her hair. He didn’t pull, didn’t close his fingers, just cradled the back of her head. She didn’t do this begrudgingly. She felt exhilarated and powerful as she drove him toward completion.
It was all too much, too stimulating, too exciting. He cried out and lunged to the back of her mouth, coming in pulsing jets. Pleasure exploded inside his mind. His? Hers? He couldn’t tell any longer, and didn’t really care as long as they were both satisfied. She continued to suck, drawing every last shudder from him before releasing him from her mouth.
He closed one hand into a careful fist and tilted her head back. “Is that adequate penance, my love?” She just grinned, so he kissed her, undeterred by his taste in her mouth. He wanted his scent all over her body and the rhythm of his energy imprinted on her soul. “I hope it was, because now it’s my turn.”
Skyla gasped then laughed as he picked her up and tossed her to the middle of the bed. She playfully kicked at him, which just made it easier for him to position himself between her legs. He knelt now, beside the bed, his chest framed by her thighs. His hands grabbed her butt and he pulled her hips to the edge of the bed, dragging another nervous laugh from her mouth. Her knees were already bent, so she placed her heels on his broad back, anxiously waiting for him to begin.
War Bride (Battle Born Book 7) Page 11
