“I know what a fucking frying pan is. It’s in that cabinet,’ I pointed to the one cabinet he hadn’t looked in yet. ‘I meant what do you mean you paid for my groceries?”
“I gave Meg money and she went to the store and bought groceries.” Rigid pulled my frying pan out, setting it on the stove.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you need to eat and so do I,” Rigid grabbed a bowl down and started cracking eggs into it.
“Well, then how much did you spend? I’ll pay you back.” I moved to the door where I dropped my purse.
“Nope, not going to happen. How many eggs do you want?” Rigid asked.
“How much did you spend?” I demanded, grabbing my check book out of my purse.
“I said no, Cyn. I’m going to eat more than half of this food so you don’t need to pay me back. Now, how many eggs do you want?”
“Fine, then I’ll pay you for half. Tell me how much.” I grabbed a pen off the counter and waited with my checkbook open for an answer.
Rigid spun around from the stove and plucked the pen and checkbook out of my hand and sailed them across the kitchen and into the living room.
“Hey!” I shrilled as I watched them land on the couch.
“How. Many. Eggs. Do. You. Want?” Rigid demanded.
“Three you… you… Caveman!” I screamed.
“Now was that so fucking hard?” Rigid jeered.
“I hate you!”
“Good, at least you feel something.” Rigid said as he walked back to the bowl and cracked two more eggs in.
“What does that mean? Of course I feel. Right now I feel pissed!”
“It means if you have me to be pissed off at, you don’t have time to become a zombie, feeling sorry for yourself. I want you to tell me how you feel, not shut yourself in your room and lock the door like you did before.”
“I told you what I wanted before I locked the door. I don’t want any help. I’m not a cripple who can’t do anything! I can buy my own groceries and pick up my own prescription! I don’t need you or Meg doing those things for me!” I shouted. He wanted to know what I was feeling, well he was going to fucking find out!
“What the fuck do you have friends for then? That’s what we are here for, to help you and listen. We all just want to know that you are ok! You got beaten, Cyn, we all know that. Now we want to know that you are ok on the inside. Just tell me what you are feeling!” He roared at me.
“You want to know what I feel. Really know?”
“Yes! If I didn’t want to know I wouldn’t fucking ask!”
“I feel nothing, Rigid! Not a god damn thing. I was beaten and all I feel is nothing. I want to sleep and never wake up. There’s a darkness that just calls to me. It doesn’t judge me. I’m going to heal on the outside, but my insides will never be the same. You heard the doctor, I might never be able to get pregnant again. I might never know what it feels like to hold my baby in my arms, knowing that I carried him for nine months and get to watch him grow for the rest of my life. He beat me so badly, that every day I will think of him and know what he took from me. Every day I will relive that day, knowing it changed me forever. Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you feel better?!” Tears were streaming down my face and I was gasping for breath.
My vision was blurred from my tears. One second Rigid was standing across the kitchen from me and the next he was wrapping me up in his arms. Crushing me to him.
“Son of a bitch, Cyn. I’m here baby. I’m here.” He picked me up, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him.
He carried me over to the couch and sat down. I was sprawled out on top of him, straddling him. He stroked my back, murmuring comforting words, making me cry even harder. Rigid, this hard as nails, gorgeous man, was wrapped up on my couch with me, trying to make me feel better.
“I’m sorry, beautiful. Don’t cry. I just don’t want you getting lost in your own head, not telling anyone what you’re thinking.”
“I’m so broken, Rigid. I don’t even know where all the pieces of me went, let alone how I am going to put them back together.” I whimpered.
“Let me help, Cyn. Let me find the pieces and we’ll put them back together,” He whispered.
“I’m never going to be the same. I just-.”
“Cyn,’ Rigid cut me off. ‘You are the strongest person I know. We’ll get you through this. You just have to let me in. Let me help.” He pleaded.
I buried my face in his neck, enjoying the feel of Rigid wrapped around me. My sobs and tears slowing.
“You still hungry, beautiful?” Rigid asked, kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah. But I can cook. You paid for the groceries, the least I can do is cook them for you,” I reasoned, leaning back to look at him.
“How about we do it together?” He asked, looking wary of my cooking skills.
“Just because I didn’t have food in my house doesn’t mean I can’t cook. I just don’t see the point of buying and making so much food when it’s just me.” I clambered off Rigid’s lap, standing in between his legs. “Man you’re hot.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. Apparently even in the middle of a breakdown my mind couldn’t completely ignore the physical pull I had toward Rigid.
“Glad you like the package, babe, even with a blue mohawk,’ he said, running a hand through his mohawk. ‘I’m quite the fan of you, too,” he smirked at me, rising from the couch.
“That’s it, tomorrow we are going to get your eyes checked. I seriously think you are going blind,” I huffed.
Rigid stepped closer, wrapping his arms around me. “I got 20/20 vision babe. I see you for exactly what you are. It’s you who needs to adjust the way you see yourself.”
Rigid leaned in, his lips inches away from mine. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to close the distance, and saw Nick, standing above me. The second his lips touched mine, I flinched and jumped away. Fuck. Fuck fuck.
“You ok?” He whispered.
I opened my eyes, breathing in, not knowing I had been holding my breath. “I’m sorry. I just, I closed my eyes and I saw... I saw him.”
“No worries, beautiful.’ Rigid stepped back, putting more distance between us. ‘You ready to make some food with me?” He asked.
“Um, yeah. Just let me run to the bathroom quick.” I muttered, running out of the room.
I threw open the door and slammed it shut behind me. I leaned against the sink, arms braced, hanging my head down, panting.
Son of a bitch. One second I was ready for Rigid to kiss me and the next fucking second Nick popped in my thoughts.
There was no way Rigid would ever want to be with me if every time he tried to kiss me I jumped away like I was on fire. I looked in the mirror, reminding myself of what I looked like. Beaten and bruised. Broken. Never to be whole again.
Never to be Rigid’s.
<<<<<<<<<<
Chapter 6
Rigid
Why the fuck did I try to kiss her? Fucking idiot!
Fucking beaten four days ago and what the fuck do I do, try to fucking kiss her.
I slammed the bowl on the counter, pissed the fuck off that I was such a fucking idiot. She looked so beautiful when she smiled. Even bruised and swollen she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
Waiting to hear the bathroom door open, I checked to make sure she had ran to the bathroom and not her bedroom after she had sprinted out of the room.
Pulling a knife out the drawer, I started chopping peppers and mushrooms, trying to calm myself down.
Hearing the toilet flush, I counted the seconds until the bathroom door opened.
Ninety seconds and half a pepper chopped I heard her walk in the kitchen.
“Um, you want me to chop up the mushrooms?” She timidly asked.
I did that to her, made her afraid of me. Fucking idiot for trying to kiss her. “You actually want to crack a couple more eggs? I planned on just making a huge omelet and splitting it.” I tried to keep m
y tone even, not to send her running.
“Sure,” she whispered.
We worked in silence. Cyn cracking and whisking as I chopped all the veggies up. While she started cooking the omelet, I stuck the bagels in the toaster.
“You don’t want any meat in this?” Cyn asked as she dumped all the veggies in.
“Naw. I’m good unless you wanted some. I saw a pack of bacon in the fridge.”
“No, I love veggies with my eggs. This is perfect,” she claimed.
“Whatever you want, Cyn.” I stared at the toaster, willing in to pop up so it would give me something to do with my hands other than grabbing Cyn and pledging to her she was going to be ok.
“Please don’t do that, Rigid.”
Her words, right next to me, caught me off guard. She had moved away from the stove and was standing next to me. “Don’t do what?” I asked, balling my fists up, trying to resist touching her.
“Feel sorry for me, I don’t want it. I’m sorry I flinched when you kissed me,” she trembled.
“Beautiful, you don’t need to apologize. I should have kept my hands to myself, it’s too soon. I want you more than anything, but I know that’s not what you need right now. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“Just let it go, ok? Why shouldn’t you kiss me, you’ve done it before. I just, I guess I’m not ready for that. Not yet.” Her eyes were filling with tears threatening to fall.
“Fuck. Ok, beautiful. Just don’t cry again, please.” I knew the second I saw a tear fall from her beautiful eyes that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I would have to touch her.
She wiped her eyes, smirking at me. “Not into crying girls?”
“Just you. I could give a flying fuck if anyone else cries. I don’t want to see you cry, not over that stupid fuck.”
“OK,” she whispered, walking back over to the stove.
The bagel popped up, finally. I grabbed it out, sticking the other one in. I slathered both sides with butter.
Cyn sprinkled a shit ton of cheese on the omelet then folded it over onto itself.
“Put enough cheese in it, babe?” I laughed as I grabbed two plates down from the cabinet next to her.
“We live in Wisconsin, Rigid. There is never enough cheese.”
“Duly noted,” I chuckled.
By the time I had both bagels done, Cyn was flipping the omelet out of the pan, cutting off a third of it off for her and sliding the rest onto my plate.
“I’m going to grab the milk. You want some?” She asked, walking to the fridge.
“Yeah, babe.” I grabbed both plates and headed to her little table she had tucked in the corner. I sat down, glancing over her as she reached up, grabbing two glasses down. I saw a bright blue and purple tattooed feathers peeking out from under the waistband of her pants. Fuck, Cyn had a fucking tattoo. Just that little peak had made me want to rip her pants off and see what it was. I adjusted my dick, trying not to let her see how turned on I was just by watching her grab a glass.
We ate in silence, both of us famished from not eating all day.
“We can just leave the dishes for tomorrow. I think my pills are starting to kick in. They make me really sleepy.” Cyn grabbed both plates, placing them in the sink along with all the other dirty dishes.
“You can head back to bed, beautiful. I can clean this up.” Having slept most of the day I wasn’t tired.
“You sure?” She asked, smothering a yawn with the back of her hand.
“Yeah.”
“K. Night, Rigid.” She whispered and headed to her room.
I finished clearing the table, stacking the dishes in the sink. I turned off all the lights, shutting the house down again for the night.
Grabbing the pillows off the couch, I shoved them behind my back, sprawling out on the couch. I listened to hear Cyn moving from the bathroom into her room. I waited to hear her door shut and the lock being thrown.
After waiting ten minutes, I got up, quietly creeping towards her room. Her door was cracked open, the light turned off. Pushing the door open, I saw Cyn with her back to the door, curled up under the covers. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow, begging for me to touch it.
I shut the door, leaving it open a crack, and walked back to the couch. Laying back down, I grabbed the blanket she had draped on the back of the couch and covered myself.
I was so lost on what to do. One minute Cyn was the carefree woman I had met at the bar weeks ago, then the next second she was moments away from breaking. Shattering right before my eyes.
I needed to help her, I just had to figure out how.
<<<<<<<
Chapter 7
Rigid
My eyes popped open, my head coming off the pillow. Something wasn’t right. I looked at the clock on the DVD player realizing I had only been asleep for two hours. I listened to the sounds of the house, trying to figure out what had woken me up.
Then I heard it, Cyn whimpering.
I whipped the blanket off me, sprinting to Cyn’s room. I pushed the door open and a blood curdling scream ripped from her lips. The blanket was twisted around her legs and her arms were flailing, fighting someone who wasn’t there.
Son of a bitch.
“Cyn, beautiful, wake up. You’re OK,” I softly called as I walked over to the bed. I didn’t want to wake her up and surprise her. Her struggling and whimpering became more urgent, fighting off whatever nightmare was haunting her.
I couldn’t watch her struggle through this. I grabbed both her wrists, firmly tugging them down to her sides. “Cyn, it’s Rigid. I’m not going to hurt you.”
She struggled harder, trying to break out of my grasp. I leaned down, my mouth right next to her ear. “Wake up, beautiful, open those pretty eyes for me,” I whispered.
Her eyes popped open and her body stilled.
“Rigid,” she croaked out.
“You’re ok, honey. Bad dream?” I asked, her eyes on me.
“Um, yeah. Why are you holding my arms?” She twisted her wrists, trying to break free. I released her, stepping back.
“You were pretty frantic in your sleep. I was just trying to help.” I missed being close to her. I craved being by her.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” She whispered. She straightened the blanket, tucking her arms underneath, her head the only thing peeking out.
“Cyn, stop apologizing. You can’t help that you had a nightmare.”
“I know, it’s just … I …” She trailed off, not finishing her sentence. I wish I knew what was going on in her head.
“You going to be ok?”
“I think so. You can go back to sleep.”
“It’s almost five, I don’t think I can sleep anymore. I got some shit I need to take care of.” I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers getting caught in my bent Mohawk. I normally slathered it full of gunk to get it to stay in place, but it had been over a day since I had put anything in it. I needed a fucking shower.
“Oh, ok. Just lock the door on the way out,” Cyn trembled.
“I’m not leaving you, Cyn. I just meant I got some phone calls to make and take a shower.” She actually thought that I would leave her alone.
“Oh, I thought maybe you had to get back to the clubhouse or something…” Cyn trailed off.
“Babe, what the hell would I have to do at the clubhouse at 5 o’clock in the morning?”
“Well, you know. I, um, well, kind of heard from Cyn how the clubhouse is, you know, and well I didn’t know if you might, well, you know, have someone waiting for you or something,” Cyn stuttered.
I dropped my hands to my sides, just staring at Cyn. She actually thought that I would be here with her and then leave to go be with some pussy from the club? So fucked up. I didn’t need to wonder anymore what she thought of me. “I don’t have anyone waiting for me anywhere. I don’t do relationships, babe.”
“Oh, ok. Gotcha. Well, I guess you can go shower or whatever. I’m just going to try to p
ass out again.”
She looked so afraid and lost laying in her big bed by herself. I wanted to crawl in with her and just wrap myself around her. “Alright, beautiful. Just yell if you need me.” I needed to get the fuck out of there before I lost my control.
“Ok,” she whispered.
I backed out of her room, leaving the door cracked open. “Thank you, Rigid.” I heard quietly through the door.
Fuck, she was destroying me with every word she spoke. “Anytime, beautiful.”
I walked out the front door and grabbed my bag that Gambler had dropped off while we were sleeping.
I looked at the sky, the early light of morning coming through and sighed. I shouldn’t have waited for Cyn. If I wouldn’t have been such a dick to her the last time we spoke, things would be so different right now.
I just couldn’t wrap my head around being with one person. I enjoyed the freedom that came with the club. I definitely responsibilities, but they didn’t feel like they were tying me down. At the time, when I thought of being with only Cyn, it made me want to jump on my bike and never come back. Now, the thought of never seeing or touching her made my chest hurt, like my air was being taken away.
I knew she thought that I wasn’t the type of guy to stick around, but that wasn’t the case anymore. I wasn’t going anywhere until I found the Cyn who had captured my breath and became my air. I needed her.
Forever.
<<<<<<<<<
Cyn
I heard Rigid walk out the front, the screen door slapping shut behind him. I closed my eyes, wishing for the darkness to come.
When Rigid told me he wasn’t leaving, I hated to admit it, but I was relieved. I doubted that Nick would come back but of course I never thought that he would hurt me either.
My arm was starting to throb, the pain medication not lasting as long as it should. I had so much pain it probably couldn’t take it all away. I didn’t want to get out of bed to get more though. Rigid walking around with his shirt off was driving me crazy.
His tattoos just called to me, wanting me to reach out and run my fingers over them and demand he tell me what they all meant. Some of them were obvious, like his back that was covered with the Devil’s Knights insignia of a skeleton knight riding a motorcycle. The words Devil’s Knights in big block letters arching across his shoulders.
Finding Cyn: Devil's Knights Series Page 4
