by Amanda Cabot
“Me, amazing?” Though she’d been walking steadily toward the motorcycle, Gillian stopped and looked up, her eyes filled with tears, her hands shaking almost as much as Brianna’s had. “Look at me,” she said, holding her hands in front of her. “I can’t remember the last time I was so scared. All I could think about was getting there before Pete had a chance to . . .” Gillian’s voice faded, her reluctance to pronounce the words obvious. She stared at her hands. “You’d think I’d be relaxed now that it’s over.”
“That’s normal.” TJ wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her close to him, hoping his warmth would soothe her. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, Gillian had been through a traumatic situation, and while TJ had emerged feeling victorious, she had not. “You did a great job, Gillian. No one could have done better.” She looked dubious, and her hands continued to tremble. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling,” he assured her. “You had another adrenaline overload, and now you’re crashing.”
Gillian’s eyes widened and she flinched. “Crashing, huh? Don’t use that word when I still have to get back on your motorcycle.” Her attempt to laugh failed.
“I’m sorry.” He’d spoken without thinking, but though he wished he could retract the word, he could not. It was time for damage control. “Do you want to wait a bit?”
“No.” Gillian’s reply was more emphatic than he’d expected. “The sooner I leave here, the better.”
“Then let’s go. This place is a dump.” TJ shared her opinion of the cabin. There was no reason to linger in such a tawdry spot. To TJ’s relief, Gillian appeared to relax, and her voice had lost its tremors as she said, “I can’t believe how calm you were when Pete pointed that shotgun at you. I know good guys are supposed to rescue damsels in distress, but I’ve never seen anyone actually do it. You were amazing, TJ.”
“I’m glad you put me in the good guy category.” That Gillian regarded him as amazing made TJ want to grin. The truth was, he wanted her to view him as more than a good guy. This afternoon had confirmed his belief that Gillian was the woman with whom he wanted to share the rest of his life. She was the perfect partner—a woman he could love and cherish, a woman whose strength would fortify him, a woman who would fill each day with joy.
TJ couldn’t see himself as the perfect man for her—he was far from perfect, and he still didn’t have his future all sewn up—but he couldn’t go another day without telling Gillian how much he loved her. As much as he wanted to share his love with her, this was neither the time nor the place.
Though she had no way of reading his thoughts, Gillian laid her hand on the side of his cheek and smiled. “Of course you’re a good guy. There was never any doubt about that.”
TJ stayed well within the speed limit as they returned to Rainbow’s End. There was no need to rush, and he wanted to savor every minute with Gillian. If he had his way, they’d never stop. They’d ride off into the sunset like in those mushy movies his mother used to watch. Perhaps he and Gillian would go to Big Bend. Perhaps to the Gulf Coast and Padre Island. They might even head north so she could show him Lake Erie and Niagara Falls. He didn’t care where they went as long as Gillian was his companion.
Though they’d talked on the way to the cabin, exchanging terse comments about what they might find once they arrived, neither of them spoke on the return trip. TJ felt no need for conversation. It was enough to have Gillian’s arms around his waist, her face so close to his back that he could feel the warmth of her breath each time she exhaled. Her breathing was slow and even now, proof that the adrenaline rush had subsided along with her fear. That was one more reason to give thanks.
When they arrived at Rainbow’s End and he helped her off the bike, TJ glanced at his watch. “Looks like we missed dinner. Do you want to go to the Sit ‘n’ Sip? We don’t have to rush.”
Though she often had dates with Mike, Gillian had said nothing about this week, leading TJ to believe she had no plans for the evening. Perhaps he could convince her to go back to Paintbrush Island. It was a pretty spot, and they’d have no interruptions. Yes, the island would be an ideal place to tell Gillian all that was in his heart.
Anticipation rushed through TJ as she unstrapped her helmet and handed it to him. Though he’d hoped for a smile, Gillian’s expression was solemn. “I wish I could, but there’s something I need to do.” She paused before adding, “Somewhere I have to go.”
“Can I help?”
Gillian shook her head. “It’s something only I can do.”
Though she said nothing more, TJ knew exactly where Gillian was going.
Gillian gazed into the mirror one last time, hoping that all that had happened tonight wasn’t visible. Fortunately, though she felt different, her face didn’t betray her.
Mike had sounded surprised when she’d called, saying she needed to see him, but he’d assured her that he had time for her. “Always,” he’d said. But there was no always. There was only tonight.
Gillian slipped into white capris, then buttoned the navy and white shirt. Though the red Stetson would be the perfect finishing touch, she would not wear that. Instead, she laid it carefully on the passenger seat. It was time to go.
Less than half an hour later, she pulled into Mike’s driveway. Even before she’d switched off the ignition, he opened the front door and hurried to help her out of the car.
“You look great,” he said, his eyes moving slowly from the top of her head to her toes. “You’re even more beautiful than usual, if that’s possible.” Though he leaned forward, as if to kiss her, something in her expression must have stopped him, because he pulled back.
“Thanks.” Gillian wasn’t certain whether she was thanking him for the compliment or the lack of a kiss. The truth was, she was grateful for both. She saw Mike’s puzzled look when she carried the Stetson into his condo and laid it on the console table just inside the door. Though she knew he would never ask her to return it, Gillian did not feel right keeping something so closely associated with the Tarkett family.
“Can I get you some iced tea or a soda?” he asked. That was Mike: the perfect host.
“No thanks. I hope I didn’t interrupt something important.” Even to her ears, the words sounded stilted. She’d known this would be difficult, but she hadn’t expected it to be quite so hard. This was Mike, her friend, one of the nicest men she knew. Gillian hated knowing she was going to hurt a very good man.
“There’s nothing more important than you.” Mike touched the small of her back in what might have been designed as a comforting gesture, then let his hand fall away. “Now, tell me what I can do to make you less nervous.” He led the way into the living room and gestured toward the sofa.
Gillian took a seat on one end, waiting until he’d settled next to her before she spoke. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would be so obvious. Something happened today.” When she saw the curiosity in his eyes, she shook her head. “What it was doesn’t matter. What’s important is that it made everything clear to me. Oh, Mike.” Though she wanted nothing more than to clench them, Gillian forced her hands to relax. “I wish there were an easy way to say this, but . . .”
“You’ve made your decision.” He completed the sentence.
“I have.” Gillian turned so she was facing him directly. “I love you, Mike, but I realized that I love you as a friend or a brother, not a husband.”
She wouldn’t tell him that this morning she had thought she was ready to accept his proposal. Saying that would be cruel, and the last thing she wanted was to cause this wonderful man any more pain.
“I wish it were otherwise, but I can’t marry you. You deserve a wife who’ll love you with her whole heart. I’m not that woman.”
Mike’s eyes clouded with pain, and she saw his lips tighten. “I wish I could say I was surprised, but when you called, I was afraid this was the reason.” He reached for her left ha
nd, stroking her ring finger as if he were placing a ring on it. “I love you, Gillian. I’m not sure there will ever be another woman for me.”
“Yes, there will. You’ll find her, and when you do, you’ll realize that what you felt for me was only the prelude. She’ll be the full symphony.”
Mike wrinkled his nose at her musical analogy. “If you’re trying to make me laugh, you almost succeeded. Almost.” He clasped her hand between both of his. “While I waited for you, I tried to imagine what I could do to make you change your mind if you said you wouldn’t marry me. I had all kinds of crazy schemes, but I know they would be wrong.”
Though he’d been looking at her, Mike’s gaze dropped to the floor, and Gillian saw him swallow deeply, as if he were trying to control his emotions. But though he gave no other outward sign, Gillian knew he was hurting inside. She wished—oh, how she wished—she hadn’t been the one to inflict those wounds.
Mike tightened the grip on her hand. “I wish there were something I could do, but I know you wouldn’t be happy with me when you love someone else.”
“How did you guess?”
Mike shrugged. “I tried to tell myself I was mistaken, but it’s written on your face when you talk about him. All I can say is that I hope TJ knows how lucky he is.”
Mike rose and tugged Gillian to her feet. “It’s time for you to go back to Rainbow’s End and the man you love, but before you go, will you give me a good-bye kiss?”
Without hesitation, Gillian moved into his open arms and raised her face. The kiss was short and sweet, a reminder of the good times they’d shared, of the future that might have been theirs. When it ended, Gillian knew she had done the right thing. Though she’d never forget Mike, he was not the man God had planned for her.
Half an hour later, she mustered every ounce of courage she possessed and knocked on the door to TJ’s cabin.
He swung it open, his eyes widening in something that looked like surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.” His voice was rough, as if he was having trouble forming the words. “If you came for my congratulations, you’ve got them. Mike is a great guy.”
There was no disguising the pain in either TJ’s voice or his eyes, and that pain set Gillian’s heart to pounding. If the thought of her marrying another man hurt that much, it must mean TJ cared. And if he cared, perhaps her dream had a chance of coming true.
She had thought he would invite her into the cabin or at least come out to be with her, but instead he stood inside the doorway, leaving her standing on the porch. Though this wasn’t the way she had pictured the scene, Gillian wouldn’t back away. Not now, not when she was so close to knowing whether she would find the happily-ever-after she’d dreamt of for so long.
“You’re right,” she said firmly. “Mike is a great guy, but he’s not the man I love or the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
As her words registered, TJ’s expression began to change, the pain seeming to drain from him, replaced by something that looked like hope. And that glimmer of hope ignited a flame inside Gillian.
“Mike knew that,” she told TJ. “I think he realized it before I did.”
“What do you mean?”
Gillian paused. In the movies, the man was the one who declared his love, pursuing, then persuading the heroine to marry him. When she agreed, he swept her into his arms as the credits rolled.
This was not a movie. It was real life, and in real life sometimes a woman had to be the first to speak.
“I love you, TJ.” Though it was the first time she’d said them, the words came out easily. When he opened his lips to speak, she shook her head. She wanted TJ to hear everything she had to say before he responded. She took a quick breath, then continued. “I know you’re not ready to think about marriage, but I want you to know that I’d never try to take Deb’s place.”
“You can’t.”
Two words. Two simple words, but combined with the finality Gillian heard in TJ’s voice, they doused the flame of hope, leaving her feeling as if she’d been bludgeoned. Though she had tried to tell herself this was possible, her heart had refused to believe it. Now she was faced with the reality that her dream of love and marriage would never come true.
“I—”
TJ raised his index finger to his lips in the universal signal for silence. “You need to let me finish my sentence. What I started to say was that you can’t take Deb’s place. She’ll always be my first love. But you’re my last love. You have your own place in my heart.”
Though the smile he gave her made Gillian’s heart begin to pound, it was his words that brought tears of joy to her eyes. TJ loved her. Dreams really did come true.
“I’m surprised you didn’t give up on me. I was blind and I was stubborn,” TJ said, his smile turning rueful. “I didn’t want to admit what was clear to others. I was so caught up in my own misery that it took me far too long to realize God had given me something I never expected—a second chance at love and a woman who’s more wonderful than I dreamt possible. He opened the window, but I wasn’t brave enough to climb through it.”
There was a second of silence when all Gillian heard was the pounding of her heart. Though she wanted to speak, to tell TJ how deeply she loved him, she could not force the words past the lump in her throat. Then TJ stretched out his hands, reaching for hers.
“I don’t have much to offer you. I can’t promise you a life of luxury. I can’t even promise we’ll be able to put down roots in one place. You know there are no guarantees like that with the ministry.” TJ paused. “The truth is, I don’t know what the future will bring, but I do know that I want you to be part of that future, and if you agree to share it with me, I’ll do everything I can to make you happy.”
TJ tightened his grip on her hands as he stepped through the doorway, closing the distance between them. When he was only inches away, he smiled again. “Gillian, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You challenge me to be better than I thought I could be. You fill my thoughts and dreams. I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve filled all the empty spaces in my heart. Now it’s overflowing with love.”
Gillian felt as if her own heart were about to explode from the sheer joy TJ’s words brought. A moment ago, she had believed they had no chance at happiness together, but now the man she loved was saying everything she’d longed to hear. The words were wonderful, his expression even more so, for there was no question that what she saw shining from his eyes was love. Love for her.
“I love you, Gillian,” TJ said, the firmness of his voice underscoring his sincerity. “Will you marry me?”
“Oh yes!”
As TJ opened his arms, Gillian moved into them and raised her lips for his kiss. It began as softly as a single note but swelled into a concert of love that filled each and every corner of her being. Against all odds, she had found her heart mate, the man God had brought into her life.
Gillian sighed with pleasure as TJ stroked her hair, then wrapped his arms around her again, drawing her closer. She’d traveled thousands of miles. She’d taken detours along the way, but at last she’d found what she sought: the road to her future.
Author’s Letter
Dear Reader,
Each time I start to write a book, I picture you. I don’t know what you look like, whether you’re reading a paper or an ebook. I don’t know whether you prefer to read in the solitude of a corner of your home or in a busy coffee shop. What I do know is that if you picked up one of my books, you’re looking for a few hours’ respite from the real world, and that while you want to escape reality, you also want a story of real people facing real challenges and overcoming them, even though it may not be easy. My prayer as I begin each book is that the story will touch your heart and deepen your faith. Did I succeed? I hope so.
On Lone Star Trail is the final book in the Texas Crossroads series, and
as always happens when I reach that milestone, my thoughts are bittersweet. There’s satisfaction in finishing the book, but that’s mingled with regret that I won’t be spending my days at Rainbow’s End. I hope you’re like me and enjoyed seeing the changes in not only the resort but, more importantly, the people who called it home.
If this is your first Texas Crossroads book, I encourage you to pick up a copy of the first two. The story of Rainbow’s End begins with At Bluebonnet Lake, where Kate and Greg meet and fall in love. You know how their story ends, but I assure you, it wasn’t an easy path. Marisa meets her future husband in In Firefly Valley, and once again, the road to happiness has more twists than she expected.
If you’ve read the other books, you know that I enjoy sharing Carmen’s healthy recipes. Here’s another of my favorites. Not only do these bar cookies travel well for bird-watching or anything else that’s on your agenda, but they also freeze well . . . if there are any left.
One of the things I enjoy even more than sharing recipes is hearing from you. I hope you’ll visit my website (www.amandacabot.com) to sign up for my online newsletter and, if you’re so inclined, to send me a note. As I’ve said before, you’re the reason I write.
Blessings,
Amanda Cabot
Raisin-Oatmeal Bars
Please note that because this is low fat, all mixing is done by hand. No high altitude adjustments are needed.
Grease and flour a 9x13 pan. (I use a floured spray like Baker’s Joy.) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Combine until well mixed:
2 egg whites
2 tbsp unsweetened applesauce
1 cup plain fat-free yogurt
2 tbsp skim milk
2 tsp vanilla
¾ cup brown sugar, firmly packed
