by Kait Nolan
He closed his eyes and went very still. “Shit.”
“Shit ain’t even the half of it.”
God, she felt so stupid. Her heart crumbled. Yes, Rhys had been a part he played for a job, but that wasn’t the problem. And Jesus Christ she was still naked.
She walked back into the bedroom and began the mad hunt for her clothes. Where the hell were her underwear? She couldn’t very well put on a dress without undies. Yoga pants, jammies, all right, but not a skirt. That was just too caught-on-TMZ for her.
Dallas followed her out of the bathroom, hugging the towel to his waist. “Shelby. Stop. Listen to me for a minute, please.”
“You really have nothing I want to hear right now.” Humiliation was a painful bubble under her belly, choking her like reflux. She might not want to hear what he had to say, but she had plenty to unload. “You know, above what happened here tonight, I thought you were my friend. You let me sit at Sutter’s waiting for a guy who was already sitting right in front of me. How dare you? How fucking dare you?”
“I didn’t hide the truth to be a bastard. I’m bound by an agreement I signed as part of my employment. I can’t discuss clients with anyone. Not even you.” Dallas tried to grab her hand, but she pulled away. “If it’s any consolation, Asa urged me to look into how far the disclosure agreement goes. If it still binds once a client dies. I was going to find out. I just haven’t had the time this weekend.”
She finally found her panties under the bed. She grabbed them then stepped into them, hiking them up under her skirt. “Too little, too late.” She pulled her skirt down, making sure it wasn’t tucked into the waistband of her underwear. “You can take me back to Jacintha’s.”
“Don’t…” Tears filled his voice. “Don’t leave it like this, Shelby.”
“Fuck.” She hung her head and sat on the edge of the bed. Her limbs hung limp, without feeling or ability to move. She was drained both physically and emotionally, and it sucked a big, fat goose egg.
Dallas sat down beside her. He took her hand and just held it gently between both of his. The towel gapped open up his thigh.
“I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but I’m going to say it anyways. I have loved you my entire life. I always have and I always will. I don’t know, it felt like you threw us all away when you left. Not just Emma. When I discovered Lana’s name on the client list, I couldn’t resist taking her on in hopes that she might talk about you, say anything to let me know how you were doing or if you might be coming home. I know it was foolish. I could have just pressed Max for information when I saw him at the ball field, but I’ve had this raw, aching feeling where you’re concerned since you left. Even though Lana never knew it was me, I felt closer to you just knowing she was on the other end of those texts.”
If he’d tried any harder, he’d have not been able to break her heart more fully.
This was what Jacintha had been talking about. All the little causalities Shelby had left in her wake. All the people she’d hurt without ever meaning to. “I can’t stay, Dallas. You know this.”
“From a business standpoint, I know. As the guy who wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy, I don’t know shit.” He tightened his hands on hers. “You see, I think we could make this work. You just have to be willing to try.”
She put up her hand to stop him. “I can’t think about this right now. I just can’t.”
“Yeah. I understand.” But she could tell by his voice that he really didn’t.
Chapter Thirteen
The drive back to Jacintha’s was the longest Dallas ever remembered. Shelby sat beside him, quiet and cold. He felt her disappointment in him all the way over to the driver’s seat. Yep, he’d screwed up bad this time and had no idea how to fix it. He’d explained his reason for not telling her and told her he loved her, but she didn’t want to hear it. What more could he do until she was ready to listen? Not a thing as far as he knew, and he’d be damned if he’d try to convince her while she stewed in anger.
He drove up to Jacintha’s and put the truck in park. Shelby didn’t wait for him to get her door, but jumped out and hurried up the porch steps. Jacintha came outside. Great, just the person he didn’t want to run into at the moment. Shelby slipped passed her grandmother and kept going.
Jacintha looked to Shelby’s retreating back and then to Dallas. “What happened?”
Dallas stepped up onto the porch. “I screwed up big time.”
He wasn’t about to discuss it with Jacintha. He shook his head and lifted his hand to wave before stepping back off the porch. “Tell her I said I hope she gets back to New York okay, and that I’m sorry.”
“Dallas Lane,” Jacintha growled in her sternest voice. “Sorry for what?”
“I told her I love her.” He threw the words over his shoulder as he climbed into his truck and left. A check in his rearview mirror showed Jacintha standing on the porch with her mouth open. No telling what kinds of holy hell Jacintha was going to raise on Shelby now, and he was sorry for it.
Driving away was hard as hell. He was sure at any moment he was going to have to pull over and throw up. What in the hell had he done? He knew making love to her was a mistake, but he had no idea he’d feel it so quickly. If Asa was near at the moment, he’d punch him right in the fucking head for being right. He should have found a way to tell her, but fucking Asa had lied too.
He beat on the steering wheel.
God, he’d been so stupid. He should have fessed up when she first mentioned Rhys. Should have just explained the whole stupid mess and sworn her to secrecy—but he’d given his word. Signed a fucking contract for shit’s sake. His word, his signature, meant something to him. He didn’t take that lightly. But he should have found a way. And what the hell was she doing going through his work phone anyhow?
Worse, he couldn’t quite seem to get his mind around Lana committing suicide. How did a woman of Lana’s confidence and popularity contemplate so final a step? It made him question everything and everyone he’d ever known. And her friends, like Whitney, hadn’t they seen or noted a change in Lana’s behavior?
It occurred to him that her friends had noted a change, but they’d contributed it to an absent boyfriend or a bad relationship. The signs had been there, they’d just been misread. “Huh.”
Every single person in Lana’s life had failed her on this.
He rolled his eyes heavenward. He’d never felt like more of a shit in his life. Guilt sat on his shoulders heavy as a brick hunting vest. Why hadn’t he reached out to her and found out why she’d signed up for the service rather than keeping his nose out of it? Maybe if one person had gotten Lana to talk, maybe she’d still be alive, then Shelby and Max wouldn’t have lost their sister.
And he wouldn’t have slept with Shelby.
Because face it, no matter what she said to the contrary, the sex had been nothing more than comfort for her. He’d been glad to give it, but knew it was a mistake.
For his part, he wasn’t going to regret the best night of his life. Even if it was wrapped in a shit storm of emotions and hadn’t ended the way he’d wished. Shelby was grieving. She had a right to her pain and anger. What she didn’t have a right to do was break his heart again, but damn it if he hadn’t gone and handed it to her to stomp on.
Now that was his fault.
When he arrived home, Asa was seated on his porch with a cooler at his feet. “What’s going on, man?”
Dallas took a seat beside Asa, who reached into the cooler and pulled out a beer, then handed it to Dallas. “You’re going to need this.”
“Why’s that?” Luckily the top twisted off.
“I got a call from Shelby. She’s pissed at both of us. I haven’t seen her get her mad on like this since the day Rod Slesshinger told the entire school he’d busted her cherry at the Junior Prom.”
Waves of remembered agony scored through Dallas. The confrontation at the ballpark after that incident had been legendary. Not from Shelb
y’s side, but from Dallas’s. He’d waited until after a game one evening a week later and broken Rod’s nose behind the dugout. Neither he nor Rod had ever mentioned the incident again.
“That was an epic mad,” Dallas agreed. “Did she mention why?”
“Oh, yes. She called me an accomplice to your ‘lies of omission.’ Apparently, she doesn’t appreciate your second job, or the fact you were her sister’s invisible boyfriend. Though I can’t understand why she blames me. I told you to find a way to tell her the truth. I warned you.” Asa picked up his beer and took a long swallow.
Dallas tried to brush her anger aside, but once Shelby held a grudge it was for the long haul. Hell it had taken her thirteen years to get over her last fit of temper. Fifteen, if he counted the two years before she’d left town after finding out. Hell, she’d gone all the way to New York and started a business. Who knew what she’d do now.
Miserable didn’t even begin to cover his emotion. He was heartsick and mad at himself. The day had started off so promising, the date had been good, the sex had been great. How could it all have gotten flushed down the shitter so quickly? And for what? The fact he hadn’t broken his word to a company who employed him? Well, fuck that shit. If she didn’t understand how important his word was when he’d given it, then she wasn’t the woman he’d always imagined her to be.
He blew out a breath and looked out over the dark yard. “At least I got a chance to tell her how I felt. Even if she doesn’t care.”
Asa raised a brow. “Oh, she cares. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have been so hot under the collar. Give her some time, and she’ll come around.”
“Time is one thing we ain’t got.” Dallas took a sip of his beer. “She leaves,” he looked at his watch. “Today.”
“Well, shit.”
“Yeah.”
~*~
The alarm went through Shelby’s head like a mini freight train. Christ, it was way too early to get up after a night of not sleeping. With any luck the flight would be a quiet one and she’d be able to catch some shuteye on the plane.
“I was worried about you last night.” Jacintha stood in the doorway, immaculately dressed and coiffed.
Shelby rolled over, and placed the pillow on her face and prayed for suffocation. She’d slammed into the house and straight up to the guest room where she’d sought refuge. Jacintha had knocked on the door, but when Shelby told her she wanted to be alone, Jacintha had walked away.
She pulled the pillow off her face again. “Sorry. I wasn’t in a good mood last night.”
“I could tell. And so could Dallas.”
“Please don’t go there. He let me sit in that damn bar, waiting for Lana’s boyfriend to show, when it was Dallas all along.”
Silence.
“Well? Aren’t you going to say what a jerk he is? Defend your granddaughter’s honor?”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Jacintha came into the room. Her expression troubled. She sat on the edge of the bed. “However, I will say this much. That boy loves you. He always has. A love like that is rare and good. It’s something to hold onto.”
“You’re defending him?” Shelby was incredulous. “That’s so not like you.”
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
Was it wrong that she couldn’t even imagine what her life might be like at Jacintha’s age? She had no idea where she’d even be or what she’d be doing. Nothing except the next shift, the next dish, the next customer. The endless cycle of serving guests and living each day much the way she did the day before. Not that she hated her life or even resented it, but she’d been stuck in work mode for so long she’d forgotten what it was like to simply enjoy. Maybe that’s what Lana had felt. That terrible feeling that all four wheels did nothing but spin without ever really going anywhere.
Still there was so much to live for.
So much to do and see and be.
Why couldn’t Lana have seen that?
Shelby looked over at Jacintha, studying her with a new perspective. “Why did you ask Dallas to persuade me to come home?”
“I’d think that was obvious. I love you, too. You love this farm.” Jacintha slid her hand in Shelby’s. “I think of no one who would care for it better when I’m gone.”
Shelby sat there stunned. The farm? Jacintha wanted to give her the farm? “I thought you’d will it to dad.”
Jacintha shook her head. “Your father lived here, grew up here, but he doesn’t love it. He hardly ever comes here. He’s got his business to run and it suits him. Your brother, likewise.”
Shelby started to get offended. “I have a business, too. A thousand miles from here.”
“Yes. But you’re able to take on more than one project at a time. You are better at juggling than the rest of the family.”
“You’ve been gearing up to this the entire weekend. First the sleepover, then the money, now this.”
“Gentle hints.” Jacintha raised a brow. “I didn’t want this chance to tell you in person to be wasted. I had no idea when you’d be home again, and I didn’t want you to find out after my funeral.”
A large, empty ache opened in Shelby’s heart. Yes, she loved her life in New York, but she’d missed so much by leaving Suwannee Grove. “Can we keep this between us until I decide what I’m going to do?”
Jacintha nodded. “Agreed.”
They lapsed into silence. Shelby didn’t quite know what to say. Words were inadequate and hollow.
“I need a shower.” Shelby rose and dug through her suitcase, only to find the savings passbook. Curious, she flipped open to the last page and felt her eyes bug out. Holy crap, there was some serious money sitting in that account. And while she’d never take the money for herself, she knew someone who could use it more than her.
After her shower, she dressed and then went to one of the internet sites to draw up legal papers. When she finished and printed them she, drove out to Dallas’s, hoping like hell he was there.
She pulled up as he secured tools in the metal box in the truck bed. He glanced up, looking like ten kinds of hell and not a bit of it happy.
He stepped away from the truck and slid his hands into his jeans pockets as he waited for her to come to him. All right, he wanted to play that way, she’d let him. The pain in his eyes belied the closed-off set of his jaw, and inaccessible body language. She’d hurt him. Bad.
She waited until she was within arm’s reach before she pulled out the papers. “I wanted to give you this before I left.”
“What is it?” He reached for the envelope like someone might a poisonous snake.
“A buy in.”
“What?” His confusion turned to surprise when he opened the papers. He glanced down the page. The sizable check fell out onto his palm.
“I knew you’d never take the money outright, and I really don’t want you having to take part time work that gets murky with other women, so I thought investing in your future business might be a good solution for both of us.”
“That doesn’t speak well of my integrity.”
She swallowed. She hadn’t thought of it that way. “You’re right, but things happen. Not that it’s intended or expected, but the situation with the app company. Women might start to tell you personal things, intimate things, one thing leads to another and you make a connection.”
He looked up at the sky as if seeking salvation. “Shelby, if I haven’t found anyone I want more than you in the last thirteen years, I doubt I will. You’ve been the only one for me since…hell, kindergarten…a few women over a text aren’t going to ever make me feel what you do.”
She let out a breath. “Then take the money. Make your dreams come true. Take it because I believe in you and know you’ll make the business a success for both of us.”
“Are you sure?” The papers fluttered in the breeze. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you will. I want to do this for you.”
“I don’t know
when I’ll be able to pay you back.”
She placed her hand on his. “You don’t have to.”
“But this is a lot of money.”
“And you’ll make good use of it.” Shelby leaned forward and gave Dallas a kiss. The papers were crushed between them as he grabbed her and held her close.
Shelby placed a hand between them. “I’m sorry, Dallas. I have a plane to catch.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Am I ever going to see you again?”
“I don’t know. I can’t answer that right now.”
He pressed his lips together and stepped back, giving her room to move away from him.
Leaving had been hard the first time. This time…God it broke her heart to go. To see Dallas standing there trying to be the stoic Southern gentleman, waving as she rode off into the sunset.
Okay. Not exactly the sunset. It was still before noon and her flight was to the east in Jacksonville.
Chapter Fourteen
The drive and the plane ride were quiet affairs. She’d sunk into a world of fake relaxation listening to an audiobook on her headset. With eyes closed, she drifted off into the voice of the reader, letting him lull her into a time and place she’d never been. Escapism at its purest.
After landing at JFK, she took a taxi home, not bothering to stop at the bistro on her way by. Plenty of time to do that tomorrow. She let herself into the foyer of her brownstone and grabbed her mail out of the box.
Too tired to sort it at the moment, she chucked it onto the buffet. The mail scattered. Pieces of it fell to the floor. Familiar handwriting stared at her from one of the envelopes.
Hand to heart, Shelby reached down and scooped up the precious letter as tears blurred her vision.
“Oh, God. Lana!” She covered her face with the business sized envelope, crying onto the paper. Loneliness swamped her. It took her a few moments of grief-stricken purging to open the letter and begin to read.
Dearest Shelby,
By the time you read this, I’ll already be gone. Please don’t cry, or grieve for me. This is what I wanted and it is so much better than the alternative. I can just imagine your face, and your response. You’ll want answers, and I’m afraid what I have might not make much sense to you as my feelings are so hard to put into words.
