by Gemma Snow
“Your mom, then?” she asked, no trace of pity or sympathy in her eyes, just anger and sadness. So much sadness. Yes, her Daniel had left her, but it sounded to Dec as though he’d loved her to the very end. He couldn’t say the same for dear old Sheila McCormick.
“I was ten.” He turned, mostly to avoid looking into her all too discerning eyes, but also because her touch felt so good on his skin and he wanted more, wanted to feel the brush of his beard across her palm.
“She’s a fool,” Lily whispered. “They both are. Fools who didn’t know what they had in front of them.”
“You said it yourself—you barely know me,” Dec said, turning to look into her eyes. “How can you possibly know that you wouldn’t leave after knowing me long enough?”
“Oh, Dec…” She brushed his cheekbone and he closed his eyes, resisting the urge to pull her tight to his body, to feel her pressing against him, to give in to the desire to just tip his head slightly and… “I wouldn’t leave,” she said. “I’m not in any position to say that, but goddamn, those women hurt you because of who they are, not because of who you are. Anyone who can take care of a crying stranger having a nervous breakdown in his living room is good people, Dec. I mean that.”
He pressed his palm over her hand, the one still stroking his cheek, and just held it there for a moment. A quiet, promising moment. A moment that got his blood stirring and thoughts of dear old Mom, even thoughts of Aubrey, seemed to fade, disappearing below the surface of the night, of them standing around the kitchen, like shadows against the sea.
“Lily.” Her eyes blazed when he said her name, and aw, fuck me sideways, she had a look in them that made him burn, made him ache with curiosity and anticipation. “You’ve got to stop looking at me like that, honey. I’m afraid I’m not a very strong man.”
“You’re incredibly strong,” she replied, but her voice was just a sliver away from breathy, and she clearly noticed. “I mean, you’re capable and powerful and determined. You don’t just bow down and take it.”
Except she was wrong. He had bowed down and taken it—twice. The first time, he’d been ten. What the hell could he have done, followed her to the bar every night? Tracked her down? No, that had been case closed for a long time. And as for Aubrey, well, he’d found that the existence of a family had put quite a damper on the love he had thought he’d felt for her. The pain at her deception and betrayal hadn’t abated at all, however.
“And what do you have to be strong about right now?” she asked. There was just a hint of uncertainty in her voice, an edge of trepidation as if, hell, she didn’t know what was going on between them, either, only that there was very definitely something.
“You know damn well what.” He tried to sound fierce, but, God, could a man sound fierce when looking at Lily Hollis with just a hint of wonder in her eyes, and something more, something that looked a whole hell of a lot like desire to him? “It’s not a good idea, Lil. It’s a really, really bad one, in fact.”
“Okay,” she sighed. “You’re probably right. I’m hurting and you’re hurting and this can’t go well, not for any of us.” She began to turn and, God, help him, he hated that he’d been the man to make her walk away. But before they got in too deep, before they made choices they wouldn’t make if it were anything other than three in the morning and they were both standing in some real clothes, and not their excuses for pajamas.
“Lily.”
“No, Dec. This is better. My being here is complicated enough to manage without forcing you to kiss me—”
He didn’t stop to think, barely even breathed as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in, right in, settling her weight between his legs, as he held her tight to him.
“Does this feel like forcing?” he asked, pressing his hardness into her thigh. “Does this feel like I don’t want you? Because, damn, honey, I have been hard for you since the minute you got here.” And he was getting harder by the second, with the way her plush body seemed to accept him, right there, and the expression on her face when she looked up to meet his gaze. Her eyes held a certain wonder, smoky and anticipatory, and when she darted out her tongue to lick her full pink lips, Dec nearly groaned out loud. He’d been right, though—she was the perfect height for kissing.
She looked like she wanted to speak, maybe to convince him—or herself—not to give in to this heat, this tension that he couldn’t deny had been building since that very first night. But Dec didn’t give her the chance. Instead, he pulled her tight against his body, bent and kissed her.
It started out soft, just a brushing of lips that made him groan for the slow sweetness of it all. But then she was pushing back, pressing him against the counter, sliding her hands over his bare chest and…
“Lily.” Her name was torn from his mouth on a groan and she moaned into his mouth. He slid his hands down her sides until he cupped her ass, soft and lush in his palms, and he couldn’t keep from squeezing, which made her arch against him. Then her hands were moving lower, moving toward the ties at the top of his pajama bottoms, then…
Somehow, with the strength of a fucking army, Dec pulled back from her touch. He glanced down at her, seeing hooded eyes and swollen lips and… Jesus fuck.
“We should stop,” he managed to whisper, his voice thick and heavy. “I want you to be really sure about what you want here.” One glance into her eyes told him it was the right decision. For now. He wanted her and he planned to have her. But only when she was ready, and not a moment before. “I think you’re still dealing with being out here. And there’s no harm in going slow.”
Lily laughed, low and a little sad. “You’re right, of course,” she murmured. “But, God, it just feels good to want someone again, you know?”
He did know, better than anyone. Sure, the reasons behind their broken hearts were different. Her fiancé had loved her right up until the very end and Dec couldn’t be sure if Aubrey had ever loved him. But, God, to feel wanted and to want in return, really want—none of the half-hearted shit he’d been feeling these past months—it felt a little like coming home.
And that was a dangerous path to tread. Especially with this woman.
He brushed a kiss against her head. “It’s still early. Why don’t you get some sleep?” But even as she nodded and headed back down the hall, Dec had the feeling that he wasn’t the only one in the house who was going to be up all night.
* * * *
The still-unnamed puppy whining in the kitchen woke Micah from a fitful sleep. Most of the time, Dec was the one who didn’t sleep through the night, but ever since Lily had opened up to them three days earlier, Micah’s mind had been a whirlwind of emotions, confusing and frustrating. When the camp wasn’t in session, they could get called out on a mission at any moment—a lost hiker, a kid, a family—and Micah just couldn’t afford any kind of distraction, not now, not ever.
But, of course, that didn’t magically make the distraction go away and he’d been caught up in the images of her standing there, silent sobs racking her body as she tried to turn away from them. Then there was the way she had felt in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder, that served as even more of a complication of an already complicated situation.
Because he didn’t just want her, though the fact that he did was all too clear when he’d woken up, hard as a rock, remembering her teasing expressions and the feel of her lush body. No, he didn’t just want her, he liked her. He liked getting to know her, hearing about her life, about her daily research, when he could catch her for a moment. There was no doubt in Micah’s mind she’d been avoiding both him and Dec since she’d first given over to the complicated emotions she’d been feeling about coming to Triple Diamond, and today he actually planned to do something about it.
Not that he deserved to do anything about anything. Lily Hollis was the pure kind of woman. She smiled honestly and nurtured plants, animals and humans alike and she made everyone in her life feel as though they were the person she wanted to see mos
t that day. It was a remarkable skill and she was a remarkable person, one that Micah didn’t feel all too keen on contrasting against his own baggage.
He picked the puppy off the floor and went to go stand near the window, looking out over the barely lit Black Reef Mountains and stroking the puppy’s head.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Dec padded into the living room and came to stand beside him. “Because insomnia seems to be going around.”
Micah looked over at his friend, the man he’d come to consider a brother, in these past maddening years, and he knew in that instant that things were a hell of a lot more complicated than he’d even realized.
“I should tell you something,” Micah said. He’d never been a man to mince words and it was still freaking early as hell. Without a cup of coffee in his system, he was barely a functioning person.
“Why do I feel like I already know what you’re going to say?” Dec asked. Probably because he did. Dec was a master at hiding his own emotions, masking them behind humor and flirting, but after the way he’d grown up, reading the people around him was a natural skill.
“Lily.” He even liked the way her name sounded on his tongue, found himself suddenly aching to hear her say his. Because she got to him. It wasn’t a flirtation, it was deeper, richer than that. Nothing a hard fuck against a bar wall was going to solve, not even a dalliance or affair, like any of the women he’d been with in the past.
“Lily,” Dec repeated. For a moment, they both just stood there, staring out at the mountain they had long since claimed as their own. Though, of course, it was more accurate to say that the mountain had claimed them. Between his heritage and his work as S&R in these mountains, Micah had no illusions about the mercy of nature.
“I have… I don’t know, there’s something…” Eloquent this morning, Micah. Not that he really needed to say anything, because Dec already knew and the reason he already knew was going to complicate this whole complicated mess a hell of a lot further.
“I do, too.” Ding ding ding.
“So…” In truth, it was pretty amazing that they’d never come across this before. In nearly ten years of being friends, Micah and Dec had always gone their own ways in terms of women. And, of course, Dec had been mooning over Aubrey for months, in love with her for longer, licking his wounds for the better part of a year. As for himself, well, Micah had never got that far. He’d given up on the idea that he would ever have a family of his own a long time ago, right around when he’d given up on his family.
“So…” They stood there for a minute, just watching the dark sky fade to twilight, even the puppy surprisingly still in Micah’s hold. Dec would talk for hours, but if anyone stopped to listen, they’d realize that it was never anything important. And Micah knew that he himself could be a stone without ever intending to be. Quiet and subdued had always worked better than anything else he’d ever tried.
“You don’t think she’d go for Maddy’s relationship, do you?” Dec asked, a trouble-filled smile crossing his face. He really looked ten years younger when he smiled.
“I don’t know if I could,” Micah replied. Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Hell, ever since Maddy, Ryder and Christian had officially come out with their relationship, the idea had crossed Micah’s mind, a little confused and a little voyeuristic, amazed and interested by something he couldn’t understand. Hell, one relationship was hard enough to manage—how on earth could the unorthodox nature of theirs ever work for someone like him?
But four months had passed since Maddy had moved to her ranch from San Francisco and the three of them seemed happier than ever, if the amount of fucking they did in near-public locations was any indication. To his own surprise, heat flushed his skin, but Micah didn’t analyze the reaction further.
“I don’t know if I could, either,” Dec replied, the smile fading. He turned back out to look at the mountain. “I mean, Ryder and Christian don’t seem to have any problems, but I don’t really get it, ya know? I don’t know if I ever will.”
“Right there with ya,” Micah said. “So, with the exception of converting to polyamory…” He laughed. “Yeah, I’m definitely not gay.”
Dec shot him a look. “You might be drunk, though,” he said. “Obviously you’re not gay?” He said it as if Micah had lost his damn mind, which, in fairness, was a definite possibility at the moment.
“I mean, right. But if I was gay…”
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
Micah snorted, which woke up the sleeping puppy. Then Dec was laughing, too, until both of them stood there, shoulders shaking, laughing in the early morning sun.
“We have to let her decide,” Micah said, when the amusement had died down and he was able to get in a word, a surprisingly concise and sensible word. “I mean, why don’t we both pursue her and just see what she wants? Is that insane?” It felt a little insane, but not nearly as insane as not pursuing her, as leaving her to Dec, despite the fact that the man was his best friend in the world. Micah just couldn’t ignore this pull Lily had on him and, though it scared him, he wasn’t going to run from it. He wasn’t sure he could.
“I don’t think it’s insane,” Dec replied. “I think we’ll see how she feels after a few days. But it’s not a competition or anything. Nothing nasty.”
“Nothing nasty,” Micah agreed. “You’re still my best friend, and we’ll be together longer than any woman.” Dec winced and Micah bit his lip on a groan. “Damn it, I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay,” Dec said. “This is… It’s time for me.”
That much was clear. And good. Dec had been wallowing and pissed at the world since March. What wasn’t so clear was the reason that Micah felt it was time for himself, too, time for him to lay to rest some of those strict rules he’d followed so stringently, time for him to find some peace with choices he’d made long ago. Nothing had changed, not really. But it kind of sort of felt like everything had.
* * * *
Lily blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and sighed before tugging off her glove and throwing it to the ground with a wet smack. She pulled her clipboard over and jotted down a few of the vital details about soil temperature and pH levels, then sat back for a moment to look out over the mountain range.
For the first time in years, she was back to doing what she loved most, hands in the dirt, playing mad scientist with wild flowers, exploring their chemical makeups and the importance of the environment surrounding them. In the days since arriving, she had settled down at three different sites and was now on a steady loop of making rounds between them. The elevation differences and relation to the sun and the waterfall that cut through a nice chunk of the Black Reef Mountain range meant that she was actually getting unique and interesting readings that might help them to better understand why the common tansy, one of the most plentiful wild flowers in the region, was sometimes a helpful herb and sometimes incredibly toxic.
And yet, despite how much she loved digging in the dirt, she couldn’t focus and couldn’t find any peace. Not now. Not since last night.
Dec had kissed her. Or rather, she’d kissed him. She wasn’t sure of the order of operations, only that she still felt the imprint of his lips on hers, still felt the warm, lingering touch of his tongue swiping against the seam of her mouth, before she’d opened, allowing him inside, making her wish he was inside her in more ways than one.
Which is insane.
She’d barely known this man four days and kissing him made her hot and needy and confused.
And guilty.
Because as much as she had desperately wanted to give in to the heat burgeoning between them—and Christ on a chocolate chip cookie, she had wanted to give in—Lily couldn’t tear a small part of her brain away from the question of what Micah’s lips might feel like on her own, how he might taste, strong and steady to Dec’s charm and endurance. It wasn’t normal to want to go around kissing two different men, not like this. Then again, Lily had lo
st a sense of normal a long time ago and she found she didn’t miss it all that much.
What she did miss was being sure of herself, and of whatever she felt for Dec and for Micah, because, despite her desperate need to ignore it, she obviously felt something for both of the men, an attraction, a desire, a depth, something. It was throwing her off balance. In fact, nothing in her life right now seemed to be in balance or sensible and she couldn’t make head nor tail of it.
If a man kissed her, a man she really wanted to kiss her, she shouldn’t start wondering how it would feel to kiss his best friend. Right?
Except Madison was a prime example of how it might just work to think about things with a fresh set of eyes, and if Lily had thought it completely fucking insane when she’d first heard of the unorthodox relationship Madison shared with her cowboys, well, maybe it had dropped down to completely freaking insane, and for more reasons than one. After all, who was even to say that Micah felt a hint of this thing between them? For all she knew, he was completely uninterested and she’d have to answer some pretty complicated questions about why it seemed to her like one man wasn’t enough.
The better, more dangerous, more important question, however, was what if Micah was interested, what would she do then? Because she had to do something. She would be here at least another two weeks for research and, even if she did return to Triple Diamond and commuted to her research locations, there was no way she could avoid both men.
Before she could completely lose her sanity to this unanswerable question, crunching leaves caught her attention and she looked up to see the little golden retriever bounding up over the crest of the hill. The puppy skidded to a halt and fell face first into a pile of leaves, tripping over her limbs to stand up and rush over to Lily, where she then proceeded to lick every inch of skin she could get her little puppy tongue onto.
“Heel.”
Oh, my. Lily had half a mind to take up the instruction herself, because when Micah spoke in that calm, authoritative tone, her breath caught and her heart pulsed and she had to swallow an inadvertent moan that threatened to escape. Oh, yeah, she couldn’t deny her attraction to this man any more than she could deny the cuteness of the puppy now chewing on her box of pens.
