“Wow, I guess you work out.” I winced as I thought how stupid I sounded.
Rand smiled, apparently enjoying the fact that I’d taken notice of his incredibly sculptured body. “It’s important to be fit in this line of work.”
“Do you use magic to … maintain your physique?” I asked, wondering if maybe I could do the same.
He shook his head, and disappointment coursed through me. God, I didn’t like working out. I guess I was lucky I didn’t really put on weight. I wasn’t very active and ate pretty much what I wanted, but I imagined a good workout every other day would have me in great condition. I glanced down at myself, trying to see me as Rand did. Did he think I was pudgy?
“Get in my bed,” he commanded and stood up, pulling my attention from the muffin tops of my hips that seemed larger than I’d ever thought them before.
“Rand, I’m not ready to have sex with you …” I started, eyeing the king bed before me with hesitation.
He put his index finger against my mouth and grasped my waist, nudging me backward. “We aren’t going to have sex, Jolie. You came to be near me, you can be near me in bed.”
He continued pushing me backward, his hands grasping either side of my waist, until I met the mattress with the backs of my knees. I didn’t sit down but allowed Rand to run his hands down my hips. He hesitated once his fingers scaled the line of my panties. Then he traced the elastic band across my lower stomach with one index finger. I closed my eyes against the assault, feeling every nerve ending in my body come to attention. I opened my eyes and found him smiling at me. He reached down and pulled the duvet cover aside then pushed gently on the tops of my shoulders until I took a seat on the bed.
“Thank you … for understanding,” I said in a shaking voice.
“You should be thanking me,” he answered with a laugh and walked around the bed to the other side. He pulled the duvet aside and hefted himself in next to me. “I’m about to have a very restless night attempting to sleep next to you.”
He bounced around a bit, trying to get comfortable and then draped his large arm around my waist, pulling me into the curve of his body. I closed my eyes, soaking in his strength and warmth. This was the closest to heaven I’d ever been.
“Are you tired?” I asked.
“I’m asleep,” he mumbled.
I giggled as he ran his fingers down my side. “So would you have had sex with me tonight?” I asked.
I felt his body tighten at my words. “I’m trying to keep myself from having sex with you now.”
“Would it be so bad?”
Rand chuckled. “Make up your mind, Jolie, do you want me inside you or don’t you?”
My heart fluttered at his choice of words, and I fought to find something to say. “I didn’t mean that, I meant would … us be so bad?”
He was silent but exhaled a long and telling breath. A sigh after the question I’d just posed wasn’t a good response. I tried to prepare myself for the rejection that was about to come my way. I would’ve given anything to be able to read minds at that moment.
“Being connected to someone is dangerous.”
“You aren’t connected to me now?” I asked, feeling offended. I was certainly connected to him, connected wasn’t even the word for it. Head-over-heels would be more apropos.
He groaned. “More than I ever planned or wanted to be.” He pulled away from me and leaned against the headboard. “Turn around.”
I did so and faced a warlock deep in contemplation. “I think it’s a yes or no answer, Rand.”
He shook his head. “Unfortunately it isn’t that easy. I can’t give you what you want right now, Jolie, what we both want. Not with our precarious future looming above us.”
I nodded. “I understand.” Although I’m not sure I did understand. Rand was one of those people who seemed to make everything more difficult than it actually needed to be. He reminded me of some sulking hero who constantly had to challenge temptation, lest it get the best of him.
“No, I don’t think you do. I care deeply for you, Jolie. Do I love you? I’m not sure, but I can’t let it progress to that stage. Love between witches is not the same as what humans consider love or a relationship to be.”
“Why not?” I couldn’t imagine that a relationship would be all that different from the type I was used to … or wasn’t used to in my case. But going on my relationship with Trent, it hadn’t been so different to those I saw on TV or read about in books. It started off with a date and ended with … getting dumped. Maybe a relationship wasn’t such a good idea, after all.
“A relationship between a witch and a warlock is forever. There is no marriage, there is no divorce. It runs deeper than that. It’s a connection of souls.”
A connection of souls sounded pretty serious. Hadn’t I just been asking about dating? “I didn’t ask you to marry me, Rand.”
Rand shook his head, apparently thinking I wasn’t on his wavelength. “If you and I were to get involved, it would be a deeper connection than anything I’m prepared for. It might not be the relationship I just described, but it would lead to that.”
I started to argue with him, but he silenced me with a shake of his head. “It wouldn’t be casual, Jolie, not between us.”
I didn’t know how I felt about this. On the one side, I was thrilled that his feelings ran so deeply for me, but what was the point if he wouldn’t act on them? “So it would have to be all or nothing?”
He nodded. “Neither one of us can afford to even think in such a way. Not with Bella and the Lurkers threatening our lives.”
“That’s why you’ve been fighting it all this time?” I asked the question, but it was more an observation.
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”
I wondered if maybe I might have taken it the wrong way. Maybe I was taking it the wrong way now. “And just sex between us?”
He chuckled. “Would you ever be happy with that?”
My body would be happy, but my heart would sing a different tune. “No, I wouldn’t.”
“Neither would I. It wouldn’t be enough for either one of us.” He paused. “That and the jealousy of seeing you with other men would tear me apart.”
I didn’t even want to contemplate the notion of seeing him with other women. “Do you think you’ll ever … let yourself love someone, for lack of a better word?”
He was quiet as he considered my question. “I don’t know. I’ve been alive for one hundred sixty-five years and in that time, I’ve never considered it. I’ve dated casually, of course, but never anything as finite as what I’ve described to you.”
“That sounds very lonely,” I said in a small voice, hating the idea that it would be my lonely existence as well. If love were as complicated and involved as he pictured it, either all of my relationships would be casual or a bonding of souls? What was the point of dating at all? Ugh, I was back where I’d started from.
I started to get angry with the whole scenario. Just as I was finally enjoying some male attention and actually had men vying for my affections, this landed in my lap. Well, maybe I’d just need to avoid witches. I guess I could have a normal relationship as long as it wasn’t with one of my own kind. So who did that leave? Wolves? No thanks, been there done that. Vampires? I wasn’t sure how I felt about dating the undead. An image of Sinjin popped into my mind … hmm, vampires might not be such a bad option. Demons? They just sounded dangerous. Maybe it was back to ordinary humans for me. Yeah, good luck—like that had worked at all in the past.
“It can be lonely. You have to get used to it, Jolie. You’re a young witch, but in time, you will have to make some fairly tough decisions. Love is one of the toughest because it’s all consuming.”
“What does that mean, all consuming?”
He groaned and raked his hands through his hair. “It means you become one with each other. The magic bonds b
etween the two of you cement you as one. You can read each other’s thoughts, your magic increases tenfold because you share one another’s magic. But you also become susceptible to the same problems. I’ve seen witches die when their lover dies.”
Yeah, definitely not dating another witch anytime soon. I was quiet as I laid my head back on the pillow and thought this night had taken a different direction than I’d planned.
“I care for you deeply, Jolie,” Rand’s whisper in my ear caused shivers down my spine. “I care for you more than I’ve cared for anyone in a very long time. It scares the shit out of me,” he finished.
“I understand now,” I said with finality. I got the picture, the whole enchilada.
“Perhaps someday …”
“Shh,” I interrupted. I couldn’t stand to listen to apologies. It was what it was. I’d have to live with it in the same way that Rand had lived with it for over one hundred years. Whoever coined the phrase ‘life’s a bitch and then you die’ hit the nail right on the head. “Don’t say anymore. Let’s just have this night.”
He pulled me closer to him, and I couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my cheek.
~
Ryder was just as horrible as I’d remembered him. There was something about the vampire that was malevolent, an intangible evil that lurked in his eyes.
“Let’s see whatcha got,” he said, crossing his burley arms and leering at me.
It was my first lesson and Rand, Ryder, and I were in Rand’s workout room. Rand had removed all the workout equipment, and in its place, the floor and walls were covered with thick padding. It was an ominous thought as to why he felt it needed all that padding.
“Go easy on her, Ryder,” Rand warned from the sidelines.
I walked onto the floor, dressed in leggings and a sports bra, hoping my sporty look would equate to a decent performance.
“Just come at me like you would if I were gonna attack you,” Ryder said.
I shrugged and neared him, noting his bull-legged stance. There was no way in hell I was going to do any sort of damage to this oaf, but I had to try. Steeling my resolve, I lunged for him, thinking maybe I could deliver a blow to his face. No sooner did I raise my arm, than I found myself on my back, the air completely deflated from my lungs.
Ryder stared over me with a sneer. “Gotta do better than that.”
I didn’t think I’d be able to get back up, feeling like I’d just been hit by a train. I took a moment to catch my breath.
“Are you alright, Jolie?” Rand called out.
I nodded and turned over so I was on all fours as I forced myself up. “Clearly, I can’t take you down. Maybe this is where you should start teaching me,” I snapped.
“I’m gonna grab you ‘round the waist.”
He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. With a quick jerk, he pulled me against him, and I frowned, thinking the proximity not necessary. His cold breath against my neck made my stomach churn.
“What do I do now?”
“You just think to protect your ribs and make sure I ain’t gonna lift you. Anyone who grabs you like this is gonna pick you up an’ throw ya on your ass to hurt your hips or back.”
“Okay, so what do I do?”
“In one move, push down on my wrists and squat, then once you do that, you gonna stomp on my foot or try and wrench my fingers.”
This sounded impossible. I was thinking it would be better to try and find a stone with which to take down the mighty Goliath.
“Try it, Jolie,” Rand said.
Ryder separated himself from me and then came at me without any sort of hint. He grabbed me around the waist, hoisted me up, and then threw me down. I landed on my hip with a thud, biting into my lip with a cry. A shard of pain coursed through my side and traveled all the way to my lip.
“Christ, Ryder!” Rand yelled as I righted myself.
I stood up and tasted blood. Unfortunately, Ryder noticed it as well and his expression changed from one of amusement to one of hunger.
Crap.
My heart plummeted. He was a vampire and I was bleeding.
He didn’t pounce on me, thank God, but came at me slowly, his attention riveted on the blood seeping from my lip.
“Ryder, stay the hell away from her,” Rand yelled as he forced himself between the two of us. He pushed Ryder, and by the fact that Ryder somewhat lost his balance, I realized how physically strong Rand was.
Rand touched my lip and the blood stopped. I licked the area where I’d bitten into it and found it healed.
Rand nodded. “Good as new.”
I snuck a glance at Ryder, and he was no longer like a deer in headlights. He didn’t seem embarrassed either, but faced me in his sinister way.
“You didn’t grab my wrists like I told you.”
“I didn’t realize you were coming at me!” I yelled, my hands on my hips in the most put-out stance I could muster.
“You won’t know when someone’s gonna attack you either, so you gotta be quick on your feet. Try it again.”
Luckily, I was saved by the ringing of my cell phone. I lunged for it and answered it before Ryder could protest.
“Hello?”
“Hi, dear.” It was my mom.
I smiled at both Rand and Ryder and mouthed “it will be a while.” Rand frowned while Ryder shrugged and turned to doing pushups on the floor.
“Hi Mom, I’m just in the middle of … working out.” I wasn’t sure how she’d react to know I was sparring with a vampire while a warlock looked on. Mom had no idea she’d spawned a witch. Better to keep her in the dark.
“That’s good to hear, darling. I just wanted to call and say hello and see how England is treating you.”
I continued making small talk, trying to give Rand and Ryder a reason to call our lesson off, but after ten minutes of meaningless chatter, they were both ready to give it another go. I was less than ready.
I hung up the phone and tossed it back against my towel as I turned with a groan and braced myself for Ryder’s next attack.
An hour later and my lesson was finally finished. I was sore all over, and I’d been thrown against the floor so many times, I’d lost count. The entire hour had been spent in perfecting my response to the around the waist attack and by the end of it, I’d at least been able to grab Ryder’s wrists. I hadn’t been able to do much more than that. Vampires were damn fast, and they were incredibly strong.
As far as lessons went, I preferred those of the fairies—at least they didn’t involve a scary vampire, blood, and pain.
SEVENTEEN
“Throw yourself into it,” Rand yelled as I struggled against Ryder, my feet slipping on the dew-soaked grass.
It was my fifth self-defense lesson, and I was making no headway. I just wasn’t cut out for this crap. I wasn’t what I’d call a sporty person—I’d been to the gym maybe five times in my life, and I hadn’t gone willingly.
Ryder tightened his hold, pinning my arms securely behind my back like he was a cop arresting me. My plan was to bend forward and kick my leg up behind me, which hopefully would land squat between his legs. Well, it sounded like a good plan in theory, but when I put it to the test, the bastard just laughed and released me, shaking his head at my apparent inability.
“Jolie,” Rand started.
I lifted my hand to silence him. “I’m not in the mood to hear it. Defending myself against a vampire is impossible.” I sighed. “The whole thing is the dumbest idea on the goddamned planet. Just give me a freaking gun and when one attacks me, I’ll blow his head off.”
“That’s fine an’ good, but a bullet to the head won’t kill a vampire,” Ryder said, grinning with exposed canines … just to piss me off. Well, I was already pissed off, as I had a tendency to be when faced with my lessons. Ryder was a craptastic teacher, and I guess I wasn’t much of a shining student.
I turned toward him, just then wishing I had a gun to test his theory. “I’m sure it would slow you down!
”
Tonight we were sparring outside. Even though the night was ice cold, sweat beaded on my forehead, trailing down my face until it interfered with my vision. A cold wind sailed through the trees and made the sweat against my skin sting like ice.
Ryder had thought it a good idea to vary my surroundings. Luckily for him, he was dead and couldn’t feel heat or cold, so he couldn’t care less if we were battling in the elements or in the heat of the desert. And as for me, I’m not really sure if there was much of a difference between getting my ass kicked inside or outside, but there you have it.
“Again,” Rand said from the sidelines.
I gave him a look that said I was anything but amused. He either didn’t notice it or ignored me. Sighing in frustration, I faced Ryder again.
He moved around me. “Just walk and I’m going to jump out at you.”
The moonlight fought to get through the clouds as my gaze went to Rand. He stood with his legs braced apart, his arms crossed. He looked annoyed. Hell, I didn’t blame him. I was annoyed as I’d yet to improve my skills. Ryder had thrown me five times already.
A cloud obscured the moon, and I was left in total darkness, wondering when Ryder would force me to the ground, so I could eat some more dirt.
“I can’t see a damned thing!” I yelled.
“If a vampire attacks you at night, you’ll have to be …”
“I know!” His argument was always the same: it’ll happen in real life, so you better be ready for it. Well, vomit on Ryder and the whole vampire race.
“Listen for him, Jolie,” Rand called out. “When he moves, you’ll hear it in the air. Rely on your ears, not your eyes.”
Fire Burn And Cauldron Bubble, A Paranormal Romance (Jolie Wilkins) Page 25
