“I never expected this.”
“No, I guess you didn’t. You’ll figure out what to do.”
Yeah, he guessed he would. But it wouldn’t be easy. None of this was easy, and to complicate things, he knew he had a daughter praying for her family to be whole. She wasn’t wishing on shooting stars; she was holding on to faith. The faith of a child.
And Blake knew that a child’s faith could move mountains.
* * *
Jana awoke to the smell of something wonderful cooking. The aroma drifted under the closed door. So did the sounds of Blake’s voice, low and rumbling, and Lindsey’s higher-pitched laughing. Jana didn’t move. She wanted to bask in the sounds of her daughter’s happiness.
It had been the right thing, to bring her back. She should have brought her back years ago. No, she shouldn’t have left in the first place.
The door opened. It was late afternoon and the sun streamed in the window. Blake peeked around the corner of the door and then he stepped inside, carrying a tray. Lindsey stood in the hall behind him, waving. Jana blew her daughter a kiss.
“We made chicken soup,” Lindsey called out from the hall.
Blake shook his head as he set the tray on the table next to the bed. “She’s impossible and full of energy today.”
“She shouldn’t get...”
Blake held up a hand. “She took a long nap. Don’t worry...I’m taking care of her.”
“I know you are.” But it had been so long since someone else had taken care of her daughter. Jana corrected herself. Their daughter. Lindsey was their daughter. Of course Blake could take care of her.
“Are you hungry?” Blake put a spoon in the bowl.
“Starving. The toast at lunch seemed like plenty, but now I’m hungry.”
“You’re getting better. Jesse said it was just a two-or three-day virus.”
“I’m so glad. I don’t want to miss the rodeo.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”
“Really.”
He didn’t push it. Instead he moved the tray and situated it over her lap. She tried to push back memories but she couldn’t. Blake had always been this way. After she’d had Lindsey, he’d cooked for her. He’d cleaned house. He’d taken his turn with late-night feedings.
He hadn’t noticed her slipping away, though. Maybe he’d thought she would get better. Maybe he’d thought she just needed time.
“Stop.”
She looked up, unsure. “What?”
He took a seat in the nearby chair and twisted the blinds to close them against the sun. “You’re thinking about the past. I don’t know if you’re thinking about what we could have done differently, or if you’re remembering why you left.”
“I’m thinking about how hard you tried to make me happy.”
He stood up, moving toward the door. “It didn’t work, did it?”
“Blake, don’t walk out.”
He turned, not smiling. “I’m not.”
“You couldn’t fix what was happening to me, not on your own.”
“I guess I know that.” He looked out the door for their daughter.
Jana could hear Lindsey in the living room. She must have turned the television to country music videos, and she was singing. She probably didn’t expect a dramatic scene between her parents. If she had, she wouldn’t have left.
“Sit down and keep me company?” She motioned to the chair he’d vacated. “I could share my soup.”
“Lindsey and I ate an early dinner.”
“Soup?”
He laughed at that. “Afraid not. Chicken on the grill. She insisted a sick person needs chicken soup, so we made soup for you.”
Together, the two of them in the kitchen. Jana could picture them tossing ingredients in without measuring, laughing, sharing. A little envy washed over her.
“It’s really good.” She took another spoonful of the soup. “You were always a decent cook.”
“Decent?” He smiled as he said it.
“More than decent.” She finished the bowl while he sat in the chair, looking more at the wall than at her.
“Are you still cool?” He stood, placing his hand on her forehead.
“Well?” she whispered when he stepped away.
“Still cool. Do you want coffee or iced tea? I brought you a glass of water, but you might want more than that.”
She shook her head. The thing she wanted most was to get up and leave this room. And she wanted him to realize she had never stopped loving him. Maybe if she told him?
But how would that sound? If she told him she left and didn’t come back for ten years, but she always loved him? Would he ever believe that?
Maybe he would, but it would just be baggage between them as they proceeded with their divorce.
“Lindsey brushed the pony today,” he told her as they sat in the quiet room.
“She’s safe doing that, right?”
“I won’t let her do anything that might get her hurt.”
“Of course you won’t.”
“She had a good time. She has to have normal moments, Jana. Everything else in her life seems mixed-up and confusing.”
Jana thought about the crazy mixed-up life she had created for her daughter. “You’re right. But being here, Blake, this is good for her. Your family is good for her.”
“No regrets?” he asked, and she wondered where the question came from and if it meant more.
“None.” Except maybe treading into this territory of emotion and their lives. “Do you think Teddy could go to the rodeo with us? I don’t want him to think we’ve abandoned him.”
“I’m sure he could. Mom called this afternoon. Things aren’t good.”
She sat up a little more. “What happened?”
“Lisa walked out of the hospital. They’re looking for her, but so far...” He shrugged.
“I hate hearing that. If we’d left her alone...”
“What? She wouldn’t have gotten better on her own.”
“I know.” She reached for the water he’d left on the table. “So what happens now?”
“I guess they stay with my folks for a while until a permanent placement is found. And until we can find Lisa and get her help.”
“I need to get in touch with Family Services. I really want Teddy and Lisa, Blake.” She sighed as the words slipped out. “I’m sorry. This isn’t my house.”
Blake laced his fingers together on his lap and closed his eyes. “I’m not sure what to do anymore.”
That was how he left things. Then he told her he had to move some hay they’d just baled. Lindsey would be in the house if she needed anything.
He walked out, closing the door behind him, leaving her to pray about her life here in Dawson, her marriage and now two little children who sadly needed someone to care for them until their mother was able.
Chapter Twelve
The lights of the rodeo blazed bright around the arena. Blake stood next to the horse Jackson’s daughter, Jade, planned to barrel race. The girl had her blond hair back in a ponytail and a white cowboy hat shoved down on her head. She looked as if she’d been on the ranch her whole life. But it had really only been a couple of years.
She moved her leg and he tightened the cinch on the saddle and made sure her stirrups were right for her legs. “You got this, Jade?”
She nodded, moving in the saddle, settling in. “I’ve got it. I’m winning this one for Lindsey.”
Lindsey smiled, moving to stand next to the big golden palomino Jackson had bought Jade for her last birthday. Blake hadn’t agreed with the purchase. He’d thought the animal would be too much horse for a girl just starting out. He’d underestimated Jade. When the kid decided to do something, she didn
’t back down. She and the horse were a formidable team.
And he could tell that Lindsey wanted to be the one riding home on a horse like Jim.
He hoped someday. Maybe not barrels, but on a good broke horse she’d be able to ride and do more of the things she wanted to do.
“I should head for the arena.” Jade pulled back on the reins, backing the horse. “Wish me luck.”
Lindsey followed for a few feet but then stopped to wait for Blake. “We have to get down there so we can watch.”
“Don’t worry...we’ll watch,” Blake promised his daughter. “Where’s your mom?”
“Sitting with everyone. She has Teddy and Sissy with her.”
“Gotcha. Let me put this brush away, and we’ll go find a seat.”
“Are you going to ride?” Lindsey followed him to the back of the trailer where he had extra brushes, halters and lead ropes.
“Nope, doctor’s orders.”
“So you’re just not going to ride?”
He smiled down at her. “Linds, I’m not going to take any chances.”
She wrinkled her nose at him, but she smiled. “Okay, thanks for being such a great role model. We should head back to the bleachers so we don’t miss Jade’s ride. And Lucky’s daughter, Sabrina, is riding, too.”
“I guess we’d better go cheer on our family.”
As they walked toward the risers where the crowds were sitting, he spotted Jana with Teddy and Sissy, one on either side of her. Heather sat on the other side of Sissy, leaning to hear what the little girl was saying. He’d made a trip to check out Heather’s new home. She seemed excited about leaving her apartment in Grove and moving closer to family. Some people had never understood her desire to live in Grove, but Blake got it.
The Coopers could be overwhelming. Heather focused on her business and she kept her personal life personal. His gaze connected with Jana’s, and he wondered if she would survive being in the middle of their lives once again.
He climbed the bleachers, Lindsey coming up behind him. He took the empty space next to Teddy. Lindsey chose to sit in the front row, close to the fence and the action. Teddy scooted down next to her, and she put an arm around his shoulders, leaning to tell him something.
Even to him they looked like a family. Jana, Sissy, Teddy, Lindsey and himself. It changed his world, that thought. Weeks ago he’d been sitting there envying the people around him who were talking to their kids, watching them grow up on horses. Today his daughter was two rows down from him at a rodeo.
And Jana was sitting next to him, her arm brushing his, the scent of roses blending with dust and horse sweat.
Fortunately for him, the barrel racing event started, taking his mind off the woman at his side and the contentment that he hadn’t expected to feel.
“When is Jade up?” Jana asked, leaning close.
“She’s fifth. I think Sabrina is second.” He made an attempt at studying the girls lined up for the event and he nodded. “Sabrina is up next.”
The girl who’d gone first rounded the third barrel and sent the deep red chestnut she rode down the homestretch. Lindsey couldn’t help herself. She jumped up and cheered and then sat back down, her cheeks a little pink.
“Wrong team.” She smiled back at him.
“I think it’s okay to cheer on a good rider,” Jana offered, and then she looked up at him. “Isn’t it?”
He needed an answer, but her blue eyes froze him and he couldn’t think. Man, he really wanted to be eighteen again. At eighteen a guy didn’t think about broken hearts and the future. At eighteen it was about today, the moment and nothing more. He wanted to take Jana by the hand, lead her down to the creek and kiss her senseless.
“Blake?” Her voice was breathy, soft.
“Jade’s up next,” he managed to say.
“Of course.” Jana settled back in the seat, and in a few minutes she was drawn into a conversation with Heather.
Blake moved to the seat next to his daughter and Teddy so he could explain Jade’s ride to her. Or at least that’s what he told himself. When Jade flew out of the gate on the palomino, Lindsey grabbed his hand. The ride was nearly flawless, but the horse came out a little too far on the last barrel. Jade got the animal back on track and almost soared to the finish line. The time was called by the MC of the event. Lindsey jumped up, cheering.
“We have to congratulate them.” She looked down at him and was already stepping down off the bleachers.
“We’ll head back there in a minute. Maybe your mom and Sissy and Teddy would like to go with us.”
Common sense no longer seemed to matter. Jana wasn’t his ex-wife; she was his wife. And tonight, in jeans, boots, a sparkly T-shirt and a white cowboy hat, how could he not want to hold her hand.
He wanted to be eighteen and short on common sense.
“Let’s get something to eat.” Lindsey echoed his thoughts. Kind of.
The rodeo snack bar didn’t really serve cotton candy, but he’d settle for a corn dog. He looked up at Jana. “Want to go with us?”
She nodded and slid down to join them. Somehow, Blake ended up in the middle of Lindsey, Jana, Teddy and Sissy. He reached to pick up Teddy, and the little guy wrapped his arms tight around Blake’s neck. They walked up to the white painted building that resembled a shed and ordered corn dogs and sodas. Lindsey grabbed the first one, plus a packet of mustard.
“I’m going to go see Jade,” she announced.
“Works for me,” Blake agreed. “But watch where you’re going. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Jana was gazing after their daughter.
“She’ll be fine. And there isn’t a person here who isn’t watching out for her.”
“I’m sure someday I’ll relax.”
“Of course we will.” He handed corn dogs to Teddy and then Sissy.
The kids were standing next to the arena when his mom joined them. “I’m here to take Teddy and Sissy home. This is almost over, and I like to get on the road before the crowd.”
“Do we have to?” Teddy looked about ready to stomp his foot in a tantrum, but Sissy took him by the hand.
“We have to be good, Teddy,” she warned, sounding a lot older than her seven years.
“But I wanted to go home with Lindsey,” he insisted.
Blake’s mom leaned to talk to him. “Lindsey is pretty busy right now. But I think we’ll see her tomorrow after church.”
“Are you sure?”
Angie smiled at that. “Pretty sure.”
Blake tugged Teddy’s hat low. “You go with Nana Angie, and we’ll see you tomorrow.”
The little boy reached for her hand. “Okay, I guess.”
Blake watched them walk away. When Jana’s hand found its way into his, he smiled down at her and saw the soft wistfulness in her blue eyes. People moved around them.
Somehow they ended up on the trail to the creek. Maybe he planned it that way. Maybe memories took over and it just happened. They walked side by side, not hand in hand. He was going to kiss her. He didn’t see a way in the world that he wouldn’t. She was wearing some kind of peach lip gloss, and her eyes were smoky blue this evening, not the lighter blue of a March sky.
Lindsey was with family. He knew she wouldn’t miss them for a little while. The noise of the rodeo receded into the background to be replaced by the sound of the creek, tree frogs and an occasional bird.
When they got to the edge of the creek, the air was cooler. The scent of honeysuckle was heavy. Jana tossed her trash in the barrel someone with foresight had chained to a post. Blake did the same.
“I’ve always loved the smell of honeysuckle.”
Blake agreed, but for some reason he couldn’t react, couldn’t comment. She looked up at him, unsure, beautiful, still as vulnerable as t
he young woman whose car hadn’t started on a spring day all of those years ago.
Moonlight filtered down, capturing them in its silver light. Blake removed the hat Jana wore, and the moon caught in her blond hair. She looked up at him, her lips parting slightly.
Blake leaned, brushing a hand across her cheek as he bent and captured her lips in a soft kiss. She trembled in his arms and he pulled her close, holding her against him as his lips continued to explore hers.
If only he could be angry with her.
But what he felt was anything but anger. What he felt, what he wanted, was to have his wife in his arms forever. He wanted to hold her and to not be afraid that she’d walk away again and take the best part of him with her, leaving him with just half a life.
He paused, his lips still on hers. He tasted the saltiness of her tears, warm on her cool skin.
“What are we doing?” he whispered.
She shook her head, her lips still close to his. She brushed a kiss across his cheek, and her hands moved to his, her fingers interlocking with his fingers.
“I’m not sure what we’re doing.” She buried her face against his shoulder.
He kissed the top of her head and she looked up again. He touched her lips with another kiss, this one less gentle. He wanted to keep her with him forever, holding her close.
But it wasn’t about him, what he wanted. It was about her and what she could do to him if she left again. He would eventually have to tell her that he’d contacted Davis and asked for paperwork that would give him custody of Lindsey if she tried to leave again.
Standing there, with her in his arms, that paperwork felt like an insult. And he knew that’s how she would take it if he presented it to her. He either trusted her or he didn’t.
“We should go back. Lindsey will be looking for us.”
“Blake—” she stepped back, letting go of his hands “—I want to fix us.”
He backed against a tree at the edge of the creek and pulled her with him. He leaned down, studying her face, her eyes and the lips he’d kissed moments ago.
She wanted to fix them.
“I’m not perfect, Blake. I’m not going to be perfect. But I’m doing my best to make things right.”
The Cowboy's Reunited Family Page 13
