by Ryan Michele
“Can I talk to you?”
“In a minute. I’ll be in your office. Close the door,” he dismisses me while Wolf gives me a look that has me darting from the door.
All those old feelings of when I was younger come rushing back. I’m not good enough unless I’m what they want me to be.
Sitting in my chair, my leg bobs up and down, never stopping. My nerves are going haywire.
My father comes in casually and sits in the same chair my brother just vacated.
“Racer just came in here saying I need to become and ol’ lady or a whore. What’s that about?”
He blows out a breath, the hairs on his mustache blowing with it. “Our club rules. You’re my daughter, so you’ve gotten leeway, but you’re twenty-one now and that’s runnin’ out. You either need to be in the club or you’re out. I want you in so I can keep you safe.”
“Do you hear what you’re saying right now?”
“Yes, and it’s how it is.” He’s stoic.
I can’t help wondering what it would take to break my father. He really can’t think this is my only option.
This sudden turn is crippling me. This is not the man that I know.
“I can’t believe you’d want me to be unhappy just to cover your rules.” Pain engulfs me.
I wish my mother was still alive. There’s no way she would allow this.
He leans forward as darkness covers his eyes. It has me sitting back in my chair.
“That’s how this shit works. You don’t like the rules, then you leave.”
“Are you firing me?”
“If I have to.” My father has never talked to me like this in my whole damn life. Surely this isn’t the man that my mother loved, or maybe this is the side I’ve never known. “I’m doing what I know to do to keep you in the fold. You don’t want that, I can’t make you stay. But I can’t change the situation, either.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
He shrugs, and it hurts. The nonchalance is more than hurting me, it’s searing pain. I can’t see why this is even an option.
I look for some sign on him. The wrinkles around his eyes or lips to see if something is wrong, but he remains his cool and calm self.
“It’s you’re in or out. If you’re out, you’re all the way out. It’s time. We’ll need an answer next week.” He gets up and leaves my office as tears well up in my eyes.
This can’t be happening. It just can’t.
Cooper is the first person who comes to mind. I need him to hold me right now and warm me from the chill I just got from the people I thought would love me until I died. However, this isn’t something I can tell him over the phone. He will be here tomorrow. I just need to hold myself together until then.
“What’s wrong?” How Cooper got that from me telling him hello, I’ll never know. It doesn’t bode well if he can tell my emotions just by words over a phone hundreds of miles away.
“Just a long day.” I refuse to lie to him, but what I have to say can’t be said over the phone. And it has been a long day, painfully so.
“Same here. We’re leavin’ in the morning. I have business, then you can meet me at my hotel.”
“Sounds good.” I clear my throat, hoping it doesn’t crack again.
“I’d really like it if you told me what’s going on.”
“Really, I’m fine. Just tired. I need some sleep. Resting up before you get here is probably a good thing.” I try to make light with the joke, but it falls flat.
“Get some sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
“Night.”
He clicks off the phone, and I toss it onto the bed.
It’s way too soon for me and Cooper to move in together like he suggested. I have money in the bank and some stashed here at my house. Maybe I could get an apartment somewhere up there where Cooper is. The problem is: what job am I going to get? There’s no way my father is going to tell a future employer that I’m great at my job. He’ll be so pissed that I left that he won’t see straight. But his options aren’t really options.
I can’t stay here. My father and brothers have lost their ever-loving minds if they honestly think I’ll do either of those two options. Especially when I have serious feelings for Cooper. Now, I’m not naive. This is new, but if I don’t follow my heart, then what good is having one? Danger or not, I’m not going to give my entire life up just to do what they want. What about what I want? I have a brain, in case they forgot.
My mother pops into my head.
“Regg, what are you doing?” my mother calls out from the kitchen where she’s just finished with an apple pie that I’m dying to eat. It smells so good and fills the house to the point I’m sure the neighbors’ stomachs growled outside.
“Not now, Betty.”
“Oh no, no, no. You can toss your brass balls around at the club. I gotta take your shit. You come in this home—our home—you respect me as much as I respect you. Now, I asked you a question, Regg. My tolerance for repeating myself to you is as minimal as it is to our kids. What’re you doing?”
She was an iron hand, hard and unrelenting when it came to my father. She was the dutiful ol’ lady at the club, but at home, she was his equal. When she asked him a question like that day, she expected an answer. He was simply stopping in to pick up a handgun for Wolf. Only, Mom didn’t know the gun was at the house and it wasn’t ours. Dad was trying to avoid explaining, knowing Mom supported the club but didn’t want the club stuff in her house with us kids being so little.
She would have fought about this with my father. She would have been his voice of reason. But ever since her passing, he’s been losing a small bit of himself piece by piece. I just didn’t think he would ever go this far with me. I’ve always been important to him. Well, I thought I was.
I have to leave. If after talking to Cooper, we don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go up there after all, then I’ll find somewhere else. My ties here are to my family and Leah. I can talk to Leah wherever I am, and my family doesn’t seem to want me around the way I am. If I’m far away from here, then I will be far from danger. Maybe I can carve out my own happy somewhere else. It’s better than these options, that’s for sure.
Getting up from the bed, I grab my suitcases from the closet and begin packing as pain fills my heart. No matter what happens with Cooper, tomorrow will be the last day I’m in this house.
The pit of my stomach feels hollow as I drive to work with pretty much everything I own packed tightly in my car. Pictures, the memories of my mom and family, those are what came with me. No furniture. I’ll figure it out. Even if I need to find a thrift store to get an old couch for a while to sleep on, it’s better than giving in to my family’s demands.
I have no doubt they think I’ll cave, considering I have no one but them. No extended family, and Leah is my only friend. She still lives with her parents, so there’s no way I have an option there. Her parents don’t like the fact my family is tied to a “gang,” as they call it.
My father probably thinks this is my only option. Little does he know I will give up everything just so I don’t have to concede. That’s not how I see my life—trapped in a relationship where the feelings aren’t mutual.
I watched my parents. My father adored my mother and treated her like gold. I want that, someone who loves me for me. Not someone who wants me on his arm for decoration.
Why this sudden turn? Is the danger really that bad that it would force my father’s hand like this? I don’t know, but I hate that it’s coming down to these options. The thought of never talking to the only family I have cuts like a serrated knife down my heart and spine. I don’t get why he would even put me in this position. Surely, if I move up north, they’ll still talk to me, right? I may not be in the club and be “out” as they call it, but I’m still their sister and daughter. That will never change.
The drive to work is short before I’m pulling into the gates. It will be the last time I enter them. The last time
I’m waved in openly with no questions asked. At least, that’s the way it sounded from my father and brother. Out.
Tears sting my eyes, but I push them down. There will be time to cry later, not now. They will not see me upset. My head will be high as I finish everything to the point I can, gather all the numbers needed, and put everything in place for my replacement, whoever that may be. The plan is to go about my day, and at the end, I will go find my family and tell them goodbye. My heart can’t take just leaving without saying goodbye.
I didn’t get to tell my mom that. No, only her coffin. Therefore, if I can say it personally, I will. If they want to have a relationship with me after all of this, of course I’ll welcome it. However, my gut is telling me it will be the end.
Not many are around. When I enter my office, a solace fills me. My mother sat in the chair that I took over after her death. The job was tossed in my lap. Needing something to occupy my time, I snatched it up and ran with it.
Walking over to the wall, a picture of my father, mother, brothers, and myself stares back at me. It was one of my mother’s favorites. My father has his arm slung over her shoulder, and us kids are standing in front of them, no taller than her chin. Pulling my phone out, I snap a picture of it then move to the desk.
It hits me that this phone isn’t mine. It’s actually my father’s. Regardless, I’m not giving it back to him right away. I don’t have time to go and get another one. I’ll worry about that once I get myself settled.
The day goes by in a blur as I get everything in order, even making lists of where to find certain things, like part numbers for the washers or the phone number to the dumpster company. The desk is bare after I remove my three pictures—one of me and my father, one of me and my mother, and one of me and my brothers—and round chap stick. Everything else is Sinister Sons. There’s nothing left for me here.
Cooper texted me earlier, giving me his hotel information and stating he told the receptionist that I’d be coming to get a key. It’s the only happy that I have for today, and it sucks that the thrilled feeling I felt before is diminished because of my family.
Taking one last look at the office, I grab my bag and go look for my brothers.
Hunter is easy enough to find. He has trouble looking me in the eyes, no doubt knowing my options are limited. He’s always had a soft heart, so who knows what this situation is doing to him. But he is the club. He will always side with the club. I need to remember that.
“Give me a hug,” I tell him as I walk up to him, arms extended. He gives it back to me, and I relish in his embrace.
“What’s goin’ on, Bris?” he asks, trying to pull away from me, but I tighten my grasp, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.
“I love you. Don’t ever think that I don’t.” A dark cloud of sadness surrounds me, soaking me with its rain and clashing me between its thunder.
We’ve always been close, and it tears me up inside that I’m leaving this way and not on better terms. But, that’s life, and I need make one of my own.
This time, he forces be back, gripping my arms and holding me out at arm’s length. “What’s this?”
“I’m leaving.”
“What do you mean you’re leaving? You can’t leave,” he argues, his brows turning down in frustration.
Giving him a soft smile, I say, “I am. I’m not going to become a part of Sinisters. At least, not the way y’all want me to be.”
“I can hold them off for a while,” he tries.
I’ve always loved how big his heart is. It feels good, too, that he’ll go to bat for me and try to push back a bit. The thing is, I know he can only do so much. At this point, there’s not much left.
“I’ve met someone, and I’m going to move closer to him.”
His face changes in a heartbeat, his grip tightening to the point of pain, anger creasing his features. “So, what? You met some dickhead and that’s the real reason you’re leaving? It has nothing to do with Sinisters?”
“The ultimatum gave me a push. Now let go of me. You’re hurting me.” The pain isn’t really horrible, but I don’t like it, either.
He shakes me hard then releases me. I stagger, but keep upright.
“I can’t fuckin’ believe you. You’ll go off and be someone else’s whore, but won’t stay here with your family?”
My family has lost their minds. Seriously, they all need to be committed or given meds or something.
“This isn’t how I wanted to say goodbye.” I feel the tears burn the back of my eyelids, coming to the realization that I won’t be telling my other brothers or father goodbye because they’ll probably have the same reaction. Damn, this guts me, but I have to tell them bye.
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck you back!” I scream, having enough with feeling the pain in my heart. “You think I’m going to become Sterling’s ol’ lady just so I can stay here and be part of your family? Fuck that! That’s not an option. And the fact you all thought this is okay is beyond my comprehension! I can’t believe you think so damn little of me. Yes, I’ve met someone. Yes, I want to be with him. Yes, that does mean that I have to leave, but you pushed me to leave a lot sooner than I planned. You, Racer, Stone, Dad, the Sinisters—all of you!”
“What’s goin’ on?” My father’s voice comes from behind me, and my body stills at his authoritative tone.
Pissed? Try livid. He told me not to make a scene anywhere and definitely with anyone around, but fuck it. I’m leaving, so he has no authority. Angry or not, he’s just going to have to deal. I just have to get outside these gates, and I’m gone.
Straightening my shoulders, I turn around slowly, knowing he’s going to rip me a new asshole and ready to take it.
Then I stop dead.
“Bristyl? What’re you doin’ here?” Cooper asks, coming from behind a few of his brothers to stand next to my father.
“Cooper,” I whisper, not really believing he’s here. With my father. At Sinisters’. Holy shit.
“Oh, man, laundromat girl is a Sinister. This is hilarious!” Ryker yells from behind with a huge laugh.
“I’m not Sinisters,” I state firmly. “Today’s my last day here.”
“What the fuck you talkin’ about?” My father takes a step forward, and my brother grips my arm, pulling me back to him. The sneer on his face takes me aback.
“Let her the fuck go, or I’ll show you exactly how I’ll make you.” Cooper’s tone is rough, edgy, and downright scary. I don’t fear him because he would never hurt me, but a chill snakes up my spine as I rip my arm away from my brother.
My other two brothers come in and join the party, along with all the men who look like some of the guys from the Ravage MC, and of course, Sterling. Lord. What a way to tell everyone you’re leaving.
I step away from my father as he stands by my brothers, who appear in a flash by his side. Cooper’s on one side of me, shock written on his face, while my father has anger on his.
“Dad, I’m not staying. You told me what I had to do, and I’m not doing either of those.”
“What did he tell you?” Cooper asks, and my face flushes as I turn to him, really not wanting to tell him and all the people around us, but it is what it is. Nothing can change that.
“He said that, in order to stay here with the Sinisters, I have to either become a—”
“You shut your mouth, Bristyl.” My father’s tone makes me jump and swing my head to his. “That’s club business, not for anyone else’s ears.”
Finger to my chest, I seethe, “I’m not a part of Sinister Sons, remember? You stated that perfectly clear, so me telling Cooper isn’t club business; it’s my business.”
“No,” my father demands.
Looking my father in the eye, I say, “He said I needed to become Sterling’s ol’ lady or a whore. I’m not down with either of them.”
“The fuck you are,” Cooper says, stepping forward and pulling me toward him. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of m
y head, turning us so he can see everyone.
My eyes hit Sterling’s, who says nothing, which is a good thing. There is no need to add any fuel to the combustion that appears to be about to happen.
“You’re the motherfucker she’s leavin’ her family for?” my brother clips, finger pointed in our direction.
“Sounds to me like you didn’t give her much of a choice. Lucky for me, because we were already talkin’ about her comin’ to Georgia with me. You just gave her a push. Thanks for that.”
“We need to talk,” I tell him, not wanting him to think I’m moving up there because my family threw me out. I mean, I am, but there’s more to this decision than just this situation. Damn, why does everything have to be so fucking difficult?
“Later, we have a lot to talk about.”
My body sags into him, feeling his heat and reassurance. Yeah, we sure do.
“You mean to tell me that my daughter is the one wrapped up in this fuckin’ mess?” my father accuses, his eyes going scary dangerous and making my breath catch. This is not the calm, rational father I’ve known all my life. He’s always the rock, the calm. This isn’t him. “You’ve gotta be shittin’ me.”
16
Cooper
Anger bubbles like lava in my veins. It seems that Bristyl left out a tiny detail about her family. Not that I ever asked her if she belonged to a club, but she should have told me. She will be answering me the why on that one.
As I hold her in my arms, the world seems to center, calm even, with all the chaos around us.
Wolf asked us for a meeting, knowing we were coming down here to meet the Red Devils club. Pops obliged because we do business with him on occasion. I had no clue my woman would be here in a heated argument with her family.
I look her brother dead in the eye. “Fuckin’ talk about her like that again, I’ll make sure you’re ten feet under.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
