by Ryan Michele
None of that matters, though. Nothing matters when it comes to the Ravage MC. They are them, and I am me. The end.
Fuck them for wanting me to be something I’m not. Fuck them for being my family in the first place. Just fuck it all.
I feel the burn deep in my belly. The churning, the fire, the need. I fight to push the demons down. The urge will always be there in the recesses of your mind; that’s what rehab taught me.
As buildings come into view, a gnawing takes hold of my gut. Familiar places of where I grew up pass by in a blur, and before I know it, I’m stopped in front of the large gate.
The guy at the top stares down at us. Austyn rolls down her window and yells up at him. Then the gate slowly opens, and my past and present collide.
Everything looks pretty much the same as the last time I was here. But I know so much is different because I am different.
People still park their cars in the same spots and bikes on the other. Not one damn thing has changed. I can’t say the same for myself.
“You gonna come in?” Austyn has this hopeful gleam in her eyes, almost like she wants me to protect her from what’s about to come. I’m not the guy for that.
“No. Don’t come back to Grayson.”
I watch as her face falls and wetness forms in her eyes that she quickly masks. Her hand trembles, and I’m positive she has no idea she’s doing it.
“Please. I know I’ve asked a lot from you, but you’re here. What kind of man does it make you to not even say hi to your own mother? You know she’s here. The moment she heard your name, she rushed here.”
My damn black heart squeezes, causing an ache in my chest. “Nice guilt trip.”
Austyn smiles. “Whatever works. Besides, I need someone on my side.”
“What makes you think I’m on yours?”
Austyn really doesn’t know how lucky she has it to have a group of people at her back that would take a hit for her at any time. Those men would lay down their life for her, including the women. She has solid support, yet she’s not using it. I can’t help wondering why. Why is she not allowing herself to lean on them?
“Deke, just … just please.”
She’s a fucking little shit.
I reluctantly open my door and hear her do the same. I inhale, noting every scent that reminds me of this place. Rubber from the tires in Banner Automotive, oil, trees, leather—it’s all in the air. Many of the same smells I have back in Grayson, just without the bullshit of trying to live up to something I’m not.
“Deke,” I hear gasped and turn in the direction of it.
My mom.
Tears fall down her face, just like the ones she shed when I left, and according to Emery, ones she spills all the time when I’m brought up. She’s still as beautiful as she was four years ago. Long blonde hair that falls past her shoulders and eyes that twinkle in the light.
She starts a full-out run, and I halt, bracing myself for the impact I know is coming.
She collides with me, wrapping her arms around my neck. With her being a bit shorter than me, she must’ve leapt to get that leverage.
Sucking in deep, my mother shaking in my arms, the smell of sunshine fills me. She sobs as I hold her tight, feeling all the weight she’s carrying around. My eyes don’t close, though, because my father stands only feet away, arms crossed, glaring eyes trained on me.
“Austyn Kristina!” Aunt Princess screams as she marches up to us. She hasn’t changed a single bit. Still full of fire as her attention directs on her daughter. “Who did this to you?” she barks, holding Austyn by the arms and inspecting her face.
My mom releases me and looks up, wetness staining her face. “You’re really here.” Her words are like a faint prayer, one that I’m sorry to break very soon.
“Hi, Mom.”
She smiles hugely. “You’re home!” She pulls me against her again, squeezing me tight, as if she were to let go of me, I’d disappear.
Princess’ eyes cut to me, still blazing. “You know who did this to her?”
Well, hello to you, too. “Nope.”
Princess is still the same. Black hair with red throughout it, and still tough as nails. She doesn’t look like she’s aged a day.
Hell, the place in general hasn’t changed. It still looks like it did when I left.
“You didn’t think to find the bastard?” Her accusatory tone has my hackles rising. Fuck her if she thinks she’s going to talk to me that way.
“Nope.” It’s a lie, of course. It ran through my mind several times on the drive here. When I get back to Grayson, I’ll do something about it.
“Fucker. Can’t depend on you for shit,” she barks out, landing a direct blow.
I say nothing. There’s no point. They have their opinions of me, so let them be. I gave up fighting to change anyone’s view of me the day I made the decision to leave here. After all, if my father couldn’t see me beyond my addiction and mistakes, no one would. Seems it’s held true, even after all these years.
“Austyn, you good?”
Her eyes flash to me, and she shakes her head. “Don’t go.”
My mother releases me again and steps back. This surprises me, but as my father approaches, I can tell why.
The vein on his neck is ticking. He doesn’t want me here anymore than I want to be here.
Men and women start filing out of clubhouse. Guess they all want to see the fuckup that is Deacon Alexander Gavelson. Too bad they’ll be disappointed.
“Well, look who the cat puked up,” Nox says, coming up to the group.
I stare him down, waiting for whatever he throws at me next. I’ve learned a lot in the past four years. So much so, it would surprise everyone around here.
“Nox,” Austyn chastises.
“I don’t want to hear shit from you, Austyn. He the one who beat the shit out of you?”
This suggestion pisses me off to a point I feel my temper about to slip. Refusing to let it, I suck in a deep breath. This right here … This is what my family thinks of me? That I beat the shit out of women. My younger woman cousin. Yep. That’s me, fucker.
“Nox!” Austyn shouts, getting up in his face. “He’d never hit me, you moron!”
“Yeah right,” Nox scoffs, looking back at me and snarling, “Fucker can’t wait to get his hands on one of us.”
“Shut the fuck up! You really are an asshole!” Austyn shouts.
Nox stalks over to me, our heights rivaling. Our body types are similar, too, but he doesn’t have the years of fighting in the ring that I have.
“Fuck you,” he says.
Again, I say nothing. I didn’t come here to start a fight. However, that doesn’t mean I won’t end it.
Nox swings his fist out, ready to slam into my face, but I grip his fist hard, stopping it in mid-swing. Using my power, I squeeze, crushing his fingers together as I step into his space.
“You raise a hand to me again, you’d better be prepared. This isn’t child’s play anymore, Nox.”
His face twists as he pulls out of my grasp. “Why don’t you just do what you do best and get the fuck out of here.” He steps back, the first smart move he’s played.
“Deke, we need to talk.” Surprisingly, this comes from my father.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Talk.”
“My office.” This one comes from the left. My uncle Cruz stands there with Cooper at his side. Both give me disapproving looks. What else is new in that department?
“Why? There’s nothing to say,” I respond, taking a glance around the space, my focus landing on a beautiful blonde with bluish-purple tips in her hair and her hands tucked into the back pockets of her jeans. She’s toned in a way that tells me she works out, but it’s something about those green eyes that I can see from here that stop me for a moment. They suck me in, and it takes strength to pull away from them.
Look at me. Here ten fucking minutes, and I’m already salivating over a club momma. Dumbass.
“Look, le
t’s get real; none of you want me here anymore than I want to be here. I did a solid for Austyn. She’s home, safe and sound. No need for a talk that will prolong my leaving, which makes everyone here, including me, happy.”
“Austyn, are you okay?” Ryker, one of the brothers, darts to Austyn’s side, taking in her face. His features go hard. Then he moves to touch her face, and she jerks away. She then proceeds to take a couple of steps back from him.
Motherfucker. He’s the father.
A red haze fills my vision as I stalk over to him, putting myself between him and Austyn. She’s had a thing for him since as long as I can remember, and that fucker knocked her up.
I tightly grip his shirt and leather.
“You,” comes out in a forceful growl.
Austyn moves quickly, inserting herself between us, her pleading eyes coming to me. “No, Deke,” she says. “I swear it’s not.”
“Not what?” Ryker asks, throwing his arm out, but before it can connect, I push him back.
“Better not fuckin’ be,” I warn her as she continues to stand between us.
Her eyes beg me, pleading with me to drop it.
I search for the truth. If Ryker is the father, I’ll beat his ass right here, right now, and dare one motherfucker in here to stop me.
The tender touch of her hand to my arm stops me. “Swear, Deke. Please stop.”
“What the fuck’s your problem?” Ryker moves in close, anger radiating from him. Good. Maybe he needs some sense knocked into his ass.
“You.”
“Fuck off!”
“Ryker, enough,” Cruz calls out, giving his order. That’s exactly what it is.
Ryker reluctantly backs up a step, his eyes not leaving Austyn’s.
“Care to tell me what the fuck that’s about?” Ryker accuses Austyn.
“No, she fuckin’ doesn’t,” I answer for her, and his response is a growl. “And stop askin’ her questions like you give a shit. Go off with your momma.”
“You sonofabitch!”
“Enough!” Cruz’s voice rises to growling and authoritative. He’s always had it, but now it seems to have a deeper edge to it. Guess that’s what happens when you take over as president of a club. I wouldn’t know. “Deke, my office. Now.”
“I’m not really keen on orders, Cruz.”
“Boy, now,” my father says, coming closer.
I know what’s going to happen. He’s going to try to force me to do what he wants. Then I’ll fight back and get the entire club in an uproar. If I just go in and see what the fuck these people have to say, then I can get the hell out of here.
“Fine, but only a few. I need to get back on the road.”
“No,” my mother says. “Come home for dinner, or we can go out—something. Just don’t—”
“Mom, I’m leaving as soon as this is over.”
Tears fall from her eyes.
“Swear to Christ, you make your mother cry one more damn time, I’m takin’ it out of your hide.”
“Really, ol’ man? Good luck with that.”
“Now, both of you,” Cruz interrupts.
As I walk to the clubhouse, my eyes connect again with the blonde. I feel as if she’s assessing me, trying to figure me out. Good fucking luck with that one, sweetheart.
8
Rylie
“I’m sorry, but we got family shit goin’ down,” Princess says, walking up with a pretty young woman around my age, maybe a bit younger.
The girl has a busted lip, and her eye is a bit swollen, but I also notice her knuckles are red and swollen. Whatever happened to her, she fought back. Good. And from the fire breathing in her eyes, she’s not one to back down easily. Tough woman. I like it.
“Understand. When do you want me to start?”
“Wait. What’s going on?” the young woman asks, looking between the two of us, curiosity brimming.
“This is Rylie. She’s taking over security at X. Get used to seeing her.” Princess looks at me. “Rylie, this is my daughter Austyn.” Ah, so this is the infamous Austyn. Word has it Princess taught all her kids how to fight, how to defend themselves. Seems like she did a bang-up job with her daughter.
“Hi. You alright?”
Austyn’s back straightens. “Of course. My mom taught all her kids well.”
“I bet she did. When?” I prompt Princess, ready to get the hell out of there.
Something big is going down. The damn tension in the air is so thick and weighted it’s liable to suffocate everyone if they stick around. It all centers around the gorgeous man who pulled up with Austyn. Deke, they called him.
He didn’t look happy one bit to be here, so I guess there’s bad blood somewhere. It was strange, though, for that split-moment when our eyes connected. A pulse ran through me, like he was pulling me to him. It was unnerving. I don’t need that shit in my life. It must be hormones, and it’s been a damn long time.
One asshole ex is enough for right now.
“Let me call you. I don’t know how this is going to go.” Princess gazes at her daughter who meets her intense eyes full-on, even lifting her chin.
Gotta say, I’m impressed. Most people would crumble under that kind of stare, but not her. It’s all interesting. Very interesting.
“Sounds good.”
“Mom, tell them to leave Deke alone. Seriously. He did me a favor, and now they’re going to treat him like an enemy. He’s not,” Austyn starts as I try to make my exit from the scene.
I’m blocked by a damn table, which I don’t like. Two options: one, hop over it, or two, tough it out.
“Why does he have all the cuts on his face, Austyn?”
“He’s a fighter, Mom. You know this. It’s not new. He didn’t know I was coming and just got done with a fight. That’s why his face is busted.”
“And why the fuck is my daughter’s face busted up? That was a stupid ass move.” Princess gets in Austyn’s face, but the girl still doesn’t back down.
“I wanted to get away. I got jumped, took care of it, and went to Deke’s. End of story.”
I can’t help watching Austyn’s eyes. They’re strong and determined. In the far recesses, though, something is wrong. For Austyn’s sake, her mother better not pick up on that small tell. She’ll nail her ass to the wall.
“Don’t bullshit the bullshitter, Austyn.” She sees it. Sucks for Austyn.
“Mom, just don’t, alright!” Austyn explodes. “I’m not talking about it. I left. I’m back. I’m twenty-years-old, and just because I didn’t tell everyone where I was going does not mean you all get to treat me like I’m a child! You didn’t raise me to be stupid. Remember that.”
As they stare each other down, I take that as my cue.
“Alrighty, I’m just going to get out of here and let you handle your business.”
Princess steps to the side, allowing me to get through, not taking her focus off her daughter. That chick is going to have a rough night.
I glance a second longer than I should have at the door Deke went through, then shake my head. According to him, he’s leaving. This is a good thing.
“Harder!” Charlie yells as he moves his body to the left then the right.
I nail him a couple of times, and all he does is chuckle. Fucker.
We go at it for another thirty minutes, all while thoughts of my time at the clubhouse run through my head. If nothing else, it should be an interesting job, if they can keep all their personal shit to themselves. Not that I need interesting, but it should change up the monotony a bit.
Really, if you think about it, a strip club isn’t any different than a fight club. Both have guys high on testosterone and sexy women around.
My mind keeps going back to the tall, built man with anger all over him. Hell, even from far away, I could feel those waves bouncing off me.
Austyn said he was a fighter. In my experience, a lot of men fight to cut through the tension in their lives. True, they do it for money, too. But there always tends t
o be an underlying thing. I wish the curiosity of it would go away, but unfortunately, it’s burning inside of me.
“Rylie, either get your head in the game or step the hell out!” Charlie calls out, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I halt mid-swing, coming back into the present. Damn. He’s right. Motherfucker. When was the last time I got lost in myself? When I lost focus at the task I was doing? Shit, the last time I remember was when Aunt CB was on my ass while I was living with her. And that was a damn long time ago.
I need to get this man out of my head. Way out of my head. This shit is bad news all the way around. I don’t lose focus. Ever. That’s the moment you’ll get killed. I’m not quite ready to go out yet. I fear, with that man, though, I’d go out in a blaze of glory.
Dumbass, you’re not going to see him again. Ever.
“Sorry. I got this.”
“What’s goin’ on, girl? This isn’t you.” He stares at me with those eyes that have looked to the heart of me for years. If I were to have a father, I’d want it to be Charlie. Except when he calls me on my shit. Or maybe it’s especially because he calls me out on it. That’s a toss-up.
“Startin’ a new job, and it’s on my mind.”
Charlie puts his hands down and stares at me like I’ve grown horns and am spewing green slime from my mouth. “New job?”
I stretch my neck from side to side, stretching out the muscles. “I’m workin’ over at X for a while as security.”
“How the fuck did you get that job?”
Needing water, I lead us over to the bench and proceed to explain my run-in with Princess and how it ended with me and a job. He says nothing, which isn’t like Charlie. He’s an in-your-face kind of man, always wanting the best for everyone. Heart of gold, I tell ya.
He’s also a meddler when it comes to me. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way. At least he gives a shit, and that’s more than I can say about the actual family I have.
“Give me somethin’,” I finally say, gulping down a bottle of water. The coolness helps quench my thirst. Love working out, but damn am I always so thirsty.
“That club’s been around for years. Know Pops. He was president for years. Handed over the reins to his boys, Cruz and GT.” He shakes his head. “For a while, they were havin’ some serious problems. Men comin’ after their women. Of course, this is all hearsay. Not one of them would confirm or deny anything. But shit gets out. They’ve been pretty tame over there at that clubhouse. I just don’t know if you going to work for them is a good idea.”
