by Desiree Holt
“She’s good. Very good. Off on an assignment but I’m sure you tried to call her and figured that out.”
“Yeah. So where’s this one?”
Avery chuckled. “Now you know I can’t tell you that. But she’s able to travel and the client loves her.”
Loves? Was it a man? Did he feel about her like Blake had? Like he did?
“That’s nice.” Another pause. “When does her assignment end?”
Now it was Avery’s turn to pause. “I don’t know if I should tell you, Blake.”
“Why? What’s the problem?”
“Sam didn’t say a word to me after her gig with you was over. She just came back to the office and said she was up for immediate assignment if I had one. I didn’t think it was my place to ask her what was wrong. I’d hoped you guys could at least part friends.
“Yeah. Friends.”
“I’m not getting in your business, but she’s a grown woman, Blake. She has her own issues to deal with. If she wants to see you, she’ll get in touch with you.”
Issues. Right. Thanks for nothing.
“Okay. Well, if you talk to her tell her I said hello.”
What about seeing where this goes and taking it from there? What about after the gig was over?
Okay, so they’d never really discussed it again, but still…
But still what, dipshit? She never promised you a rose garden. Get over it.
And wouldn’t he love to be able to do that. But she’d walked out of his life before he could tell her in plain English how he felt. Tell her he wanted a life with her. That he loved her, for God’s sake. He didn’t want to face the fact he might have lost that chance.
I love her, damn it.
Then find her and tell her. Make her listen.
He’d do that, he told himself, just as soon as she got back from her assignment. Otherwise he might be haunting Vigilance for information.
For the next couple of weeks, he buried himself in the new book, deliberately shutting everything else from his mind. It was something he’d learned to do when he was working on his first book and he’d become very good at it. Now he really needed that discipline because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Sam out of his mind. He wondered how her job was going and if she ever gave a thought to him.
After two weeks of locking himself in his condo and writing like a fiend, he finally decided he needed a change of scene. His parents had been after him to come down to see them again, even though he’d been with them more in the last couple of months than he had in the last couple of years. Just that morning his father had called again and insisted he take a break right now. Come spend a few days with them.
His problem was it was still hard for him to look across the yard at the Kennellys’ house. Grant was recovering well, but Blake would never get over feeling he was somehow at fault.
“I know you still feel guilty about Grant,” his father told him, as if reading his mind even from a distance. “It was not your fault, Blake. You did nothing to cause this.”
Maybe if enough people told him he’d believe it.
“Your mother says she’ll cook all your favorites for you,” he added.
Blake decided his father might be right. Maybe his mother’s cooking and some time over a beer with his dad would help him deal better with what happened to Grant. He couldn’t go on avoiding it forever. Maybe he could air his head out. And maybe you’re fooling yourself, he thought. Maybe you think being there will somehow bring you closer to Sam.
“Okay,” he gave in. “I guess you’re right.”
He disconnected the call, packed up, and headed south. All the way down the Interstate he kept telling himself not to expect anything. Sam was still out on her newest assignment. He thought of all the reasons he should just forget this. She’d taken off before they could sit down together and put a name to their feelings, but maybe that was her way of telling him it wouldn’t work. It hurt his heart to think she might be right yet. He ached for her, needed her in a way he’d never needed anyone or anything else. So here he was, a lovesick fool, heading off to Arrowhead Bay hoping to at least catch a glimpse of her.
He took the exit for Arrowhead Bay and turned off the Interstate onto the two-lane road that led into town. He drove slowly through the downtown area. Even though it was a weekday, they were in snowbird season so every day could be busy. He scanned the sidewalks as he rolled down the street, then mentally smacked himself when a horn honked behind him. He wasn’t going to see her walking on the sidewalk or clocking out of one of the stores. She probably wasn’t even here.
Sighing, he headed for his parents’ home.
“We’re so glad you decided to come down for a few days.” His mother hugged him, always insisting he was never too old for one of her hugs. “Your dad’s already out on the back patio. He grabbed two beers and headed out there as soon as he saw you pull into the driveway.”
Blake wasn’t sure he’d be able to sit out there, with the Kennellys’ house straight across and filling his vision.
“It’s tough,” his father said, reading his mind. “But we move forward because that’s all we can ever do.”
Blake dropped into a chair, opened the beer and took a big swallow.
“I’m trying, Dad. Every day.”
“I thought maybe we’d go sailing tomorrow, if you like. I haven’t had the boat out for a couple of weeks. If you can spare the time, that is.”
“I’d like that.” Maybe it would clear his head.
But when they got to the marina the next morning, his father handed him the keys to the boat and the basket his mother had packed.
“You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”
He frowned but just nodded and headed down the dock to where the boat was berthed. The boat was low enough in the water that he could hoist himself aboard, basket and all. He went to open the door to the small cabin to put the basket inside when a figure came around from the other side of the boat, shocking the hell out of him.
“Hello, Blake.”
He nearly dropped the basket at the sight of Samantha in a soft T-shirt with some kind of sparkles on it and cutoff denim shorts. For a moment he wondered if he was seeing things. But he blinked and she was still there.
“It’s me.” Her voice was hesitant, a tone he wasn’t used to hearing from her.
“But you—but I—my dad—”
“Did me a favor. I was afraid if I called you myself you wouldn’t answer, seeing as how I ran off in the night like a scalded cat.”
He set the basket down and drew in a full breath, releasing it slowly.
“You did that,” he agreed.
“I kept up with the media reports on the whole stalker/suicide bomb thing. You were sure all over everywhere.”
“No shit. I think I’d rather get my publicity some other way from now on.”
She took a step closer, and he had to restrain himself from hauling her into his arms. He had to know what the deal was first. Did she just want a friends-with-benefits thing once in a while or what? Because he was definitely not on board with that.
“How long have you been back from your last deal?”
“A little over a week.” She lifted her hands and dropped them. “It was pretty intense and then I needed some time to sort out what was in my head.”
Don’t badger her with questions. Let her say what she has to say.
She took his hand and tugged him toward the seats in the bow. “Sit with me, please?”
“This is a pretty elaborate way to give me the brushoff, if that’s what this is,” he told her.
“Just let me talk, okay?” She tugged him down to the seat beside her.
“Okay.”
“I know we said we’d talk about us when everything was wrapped up, but I wasn’t ready for that yet
. I don’t know if you can understand, but I had a lot of baggage to sort through first. So I did what I always have. I ran.”
“How did that work out for you?” He forced himself to be calm despite the turmoil raging inside him.
“Pretty good, actually. It wasn’t just about what happened on that date so long ago, and afterwards. You told me why you did what you did. I told you how I felt. And you pointed out this was a chance for us to see what might have been. We connected so well on so many levels it almost seemed possible to me that this was meant to be. But then the stalker upped his game and that got in the way of everything.”
“Yes, it did,” he agreed.
“First, before I could talk to you about us, I had to figure out if I was even capable of sustaining a relationship, no matter how good this was.”
“And how did that go?”
She stared out across the water. “I’ll tell you this. Soul searching is not for the faint of heart.” She sighed. “I owe you an explanation. All these years I kept telling myself how silly it was to hold on to that one night as if it was the most special in my life. Except it was. Very special. And anyone who says people can’t fall in love on a first date and when they’re that young is crazy. Because that’s what happened. I fell in love. With you.”
“Sam, I—”
She held up a hand. “Not until I finish.” She blew out a breath. “I kept trying to find that feeling with other men but somehow it just never worked. Or maybe I just made bad choices. I always seemed to pick men who couldn’t commit for more than fifteen minutes.”
She looked down at her hands, and Blake had to dig his fingers into his palms to make himself sit quietly and wait.
“I was about done with the Air Force, ready to move on to the next stage of my life, wondering if I’d ever find anyone I could trust and love. And then I met a guy on my last assignment, another Raven. In a way, he reminded me of you. I guess I thought, okay, if I can’t have Blake I’ll take second best. I actually believed it was working until the night I overheard him talking to a couple of his friends about how hot it was to screw another Raven. How he hoped it would last at least until his assignment was rotated again, and that I wouldn’t turn out to be a clingy female after all.”
“Jesus, Sam.” He said the words softly, trying not to show how shocked he was. Or ashamed because that might have been him if he hadn’t grown up.
“So by the time I left the service, came home, and then went to work for Vigilance, I had decided relationships just weren’t for me. I must be lacking in something to have this keep happening.” She turned to look at him again. “Then you came back into my life. After all the things you said and after the way you made me feel I asked myself, can this really happen? I was just so afraid to trust it. Can you understand?”
He nodded, restraining himself from reaching out to haul her into his arms.
“I do. And I tried to give you space. But Sam, I’m not any of those guys. And I’m for sure not that insensitive teenage asshole anymore. I’m old enough to know what I want, and what I want is you. Not just for now but forever. Is there any way I can make you understand that?”
Her lips curved in a hint of a smile. “I think I got the message. At least enough that I want to try for us to be together. I love you, Blake. That isn’t going away. I know you love me and I’ll just have to trust that this is going to work. Just be ready to catch me if I fall off that ledge again, okay?”
“I’ll always be there for whatever you need.” He tried to put everything he felt into his voice.
“I also talked to a couple of the agents who are married or in a permanent relationship, and they told me how they make it work.” She studied his face. “My situation isn’t easy, Blake. It requires a lot of give-and-take on both sides. I can be gone for weeks on an assignment. Maybe out of the country. But then usually I get time off between. Avery is good about that. She doesn’t want her agents to burn out.”
“I’m not so easy to take either, Sam. When I’m in the middle of a book I can lock myself up for hours, days, only showing my face to eat and shower. The person I spend my life with has to be able to handle that. Has to be strong enough.” He gave her a hard look. “Like you.”
“Running away from you didn’t do me much good, because you were still everywhere I turned. In my head. In my dreams. And it wasn’t any teenage crush.”
He’d told himself to wait, to hear what else she had to say but he’d run out of patience.
“Here’s the deal, Sam. I love you and I’m in love with you. I’m all in here. I want a life with you. If two people love each other enough, the rest of it is just mechanics. So just say it straight out, right here, right now. What do you want?”
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He ground his teeth while he waited for her answer.
“I love you, too, Blake.” She lifted her gaze and looked directly into his eyes. “I guess I had to run away from you to be able to admit it to myself. And I want to spend my life with you. I want us to figure out a way to make it work.”
He was done waiting. What he saw in her eyes convinced him of her feelings even more than her words. He reached for her and hauled her into his lap. His mouth devoured hers, his tongue probing. She still tasted like seven kinds of sin. Her soft breasts pressed against his chest. He wanted her more than his next breath, and he wanted her forever.
“Marry me.” He tilted her face up so he could see what was in her eyes. “Marry me, Sam. We’re smart. We’ll figure a way to make it work.”
“Yes.” She relaxed against him. “Yes. I’ll marry you, Blake.”
Yes!
He wanted to do a fist pump, maybe a little victory dance, but he had one important question to ask.
“One thing, though. What’s Avery going to say?”
She laughed. “Are you kidding? She’s the one who helped me set this up.”
That was the last barrier as far as he was concerned.
“Then I think we’d better seal this deal right here and now.”
Sam looked around at the people moving up and down the dock and in the nearby boats.
“With an audience?” she teased.
“Hell, no. Not for the things I want to do with you.”
He swept her up in his arms, carried her into the small cabin, and shut the door, shutting out the world. And starting the first day of their life together.
Meet the Author
Desiree Holt is the USA Today bestselling author of the Game On! and Vigilance series, as well as many other books and series in the romantic suspense, paranormal, and erotic romance genres.
She has been featured on CBS Sunday Morning and in The Village Voice, The Daily Beast, USA Today, The (London) Daily Mail, The New Delhi Times, The Huffington Post, and numerous other national and international publications.
Readers can find her on Facebook and Twitter,
and visit her at www.desireeholt.com as well as www.desiremeonly.com.
Hide and Seek
In case you missed it, keep reading for an excerpt
from book one in the Vigilance series
Anything can happen when you let your guard down . . .
After receiving a violent threat on the heels of her father’s disappearance from the town of Arrowhead Bay, Devon Cole fears for her life—until Vigilance, a local private security agency, steps in to shield her from danger. Although she isn’t usually quick to surrender her freedom, she has no problem stripping her defenses for her new sexy bodyguard . . .
Tortured by the painful memory of lost love, Logan Malik is determined not to fall for a client again. So when he’s tasked with watching over Devon day and night, he’s focused on doing his job. Day is no problem, but as tensions rise at night, nothing can protect them from giving in to unbridled passion . . .
A Lyrical e-book on sale now.
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br /> Learn more about Desiree at
http://www.kensingtonbooks.com/author.aspx/31606
Prologue
Graham Cole clutched his cell phone, barely restraining himself from throwing it against the wall. Where the hell was Vince? Everything was falling apart and they needed to get the hell out of Dodge.
How had they even gotten to this point?
A drug cartel. He was laundering money for a drug cartel.
It had all started so slowly.
“We think if you changed these suppliers, you’d help your bottom line.”
“If you switched distributors for these products, you’d be in a lot better shape.”
“These people are the cause of all that red ink. Get rid of them.”
When Graham had discovered the true source of the funds he’d used to save his business, and wanted to pull out, Vince had convinced him it was too dangerous. Vince had been right. No one ever walked away from a cartel.
Still, he’d been determined to see if there was a way out of the choke hold. Somehow—he had no idea how—word had gotten through to Cruz Moreno, head of the vicious Moreno cartel, that Graham wanted out. He was told to take his money and shut up.
“They could go after Devon, too,” Vince had told him.
God! On top of everything else he’d made both Vince and Devon targets of these miserable assholes.
In the end the only answer he’d come up with was to disappear. Maybe without him there, they’d leave Vince and Devon alone. Giving up the lifestyle he’d worked so hard to build wasn’t even a factor. If he stayed, things would be a lot worse. If he was arrested, Moreno could use a threat to Devon to keep him from testifying. If he was gone, he was no longer a threat and she’d be safe.
He hoped.
El Jefe had laid it out plain and simple. “We own you, compadre. Never forget that. And don’t screw me over.”
So he’d made his plans, quietly and under the radar.
He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his chest, feeling the acid burn of indigestion. He hoped to hell he wasn’t having a heart attack.
