by Magan Vernon
"Delivery for Rosalia Conti," the man said behind the flowers.
"Yeah. That's me." He handed me the roses and after some pleasantries, I shut the door behind me and brought the flowers into the kitchen.
I knew who they had to be from, but I opened up the little card anyway.
Lia,
My sister said the mixtape was a sad excuse for a gift, so I had to make it up to you. Miss you already.
LU,
Jay
I didn't know what 'LU' meant and I didn't know why he would send flowers if he did cheat. Maybe it was a guilty conscience.
A fresh new set of tears sprung from my eyes and I turned when I felt Nonna's hand on my shoulder.
"Bellissimi fiori," Nonna said, patting me gently.
They were beautiful. But that wasn't why I was crying.
I sucked in a deep breath and quickly rattled off something in Italian to Nonna, telling her I'd be gone for a bit and if Sofie came to be nice.
Nonna smiled and nodded, patting my hand.
Grabbing my keys from the hook by the door, I didn't bother putting on a coat, grabbing my purse, or searching for my phone. I just hopped in my car and made my way down the road to Jay's place, hoping that I was wrong. Hoping that was all just a bad dream.
***
I pulled into the long driveway and parked on the side of the house.
I didn't know if Jay would be there or practicing in Rockwall but I couldn't sit at home anymore. I had to know.
Without thinking on it, I got out of my car and headed for the front door.
Ringing the doorbell, I waited. Then I rang again. I almost gave up when finally the door was thrown open and Scotty stood there in a towel. "You're a persistant little thing, you know that? Didn't you just see him?"
"Is he here?" I didn't even bother answering his other questions.
Scotty stepped back, letting me inside and closing the door behind us. "Yeah. He's upstairs in the weight room. Just don't have sex up there, okay? I don't want to lay on the work bench and think of Jay’s naked ass."
I shook my head and walked passed him, taking the stairs two at a time until I was at the top. I knew the weight room faced the pool so I had a vague idea where I was going, but it wasn't until I heard some loud punk music that I finally found the right door.
Jay was on the ground wearing nothing but a pair of thin gym shorts. He was in a planking position, with a dumb bell in each hand and lifting one side of his body up like he was rowing then he moved the other arm.
If I wasn't so pissed, I would have found it incredibly sexy the way his muscles contracted and bulged.
But not today.
Today he had some explaining to do.
"Hey, babe, I wasn't expecting you." He set down the dumb bells and then turned off the stereo before slowly standing up and sauntering over to me.
"Yeah...well..."
He grinned and wiped his face and chest with a towel from a rack on the wall. "I take it you got the flowers? Sorry if those were even cheesier, but Ashley said I had to get you something better for Valentine's Day or you were going to leave me."
"I wouldn't leave you over a mixtape," I muttered.
He laughed. "Yeah. I didn't think you were that type of girl. But, hey, I have a few more reps to do if you want to wait for me. I can take a shower then we can grab a bite for dinner. I'm sure Coach would let me off the hook since it's Valentine's Day."
I shook my head. "I can't do that."
He raised an eyebrow. "Have to work?"
Biting down hard on my bottom lip, I tapped each one of my fingers, trying to gain the courage I needed. "No."
"Just don't want to hang out with me? Sick of me already?"
"Jay..."
He took a few steps closer and put his arm out but I backed away.
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Sofie was over because she saw some pictures of you online. Pictures of you and Layna."
"Oh?"
I sucked in a deep breath. "They were all over. Articles and pictures. Pictures of the two of you laughing together and some of you kissing and leaving the wedding together."
Jay swore under his breath and raked his hands through his hair. "Lia, you know how the media likes to spin things."
"Tell me it isn't true then. Tell me that those pictures I saw were photoshopped." I wanted it to be true. I wanted it more than anything.
"I wish I could say that, but she did kiss me, Lia."
Tears pricked my eyes but I shook them away. This couldn't be happening. The guy who told me to take down my walls was now smashing each little bit of my heart.
"But, I didn't kiss her back. I told her that I was with you. That I love you." He put his hands on my arms and slowly slid them down until he was holding my hands.
LU.
Love you.
This was the first time he'd said out loud what I was feeling.
"But, Layna doesn't take things like being rejected very well so she kept pushing. I think most of it was for the cameras and the other part was because she was pretty wasted. Either way, none of that should’ve been shared to the outside world and I didn't think anyone saw her. But I shouldnt have underestimated Layna. She probably sent that shit herself to get some more press."
I wanted to believe him and part of me did.
But I couldn't keep doing this.
I couldn't keep having my heart torn apart then try and put it back together. It was already fragile. I was already in so much pain.
"Jay...I..."
I couldn't even finish my sentence when the tears kept trying to push through my eyes.
Jay wrapped his arms around me. I wanted to let him hold me there forever. I wanted to forget about everything.
But I knew I couldn't
I let go and wiped my eyes. "I need some time. Okay?"
He raised his eyebrows. "What? Why?"
"Jay, this is a lot. Okay? It's all been a lot and it's hard for me to wrap my head around everything. I feel like I'm drowning."
"Babe, you can't drown with me. I'm a swimmer. If you go under, I'll just be right there to bring you back up."
I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe him so bad.
But after drowning for so long, I had to try and breathe and it wasn't going to happen if I stayed with him.
"Good luck at the meet. I'll be rooting for you from the TV," I whispered, looking at the ground. I knew if I looked him in the eyes, I'd be a goner.
He put his hand out, but I backed away. "Lia, why don't you come with me? It won’t hurt for you to miss a few days of class. I'm sure your professors will understand and your parents will let you off work."
I shook my head. "I can't, Jay. Not right now."
Slowly I turned toward the door and reached for the knob.
"Lia, don't go. Please?"
I didn't look back as I opened the door. "I have to, Jay. It's what I do."
Chapter 23
Jay was going to be in Charlotte for an entire week to get ready for his meet.
Which meant I wouldn't see him.
It meant I'd get the space I needed.
I'd been with him less than two months, but my life was completely emersed with his. Now I was lost.
I was treading water. Falling miserably.
On Wednesday, Dad sent me over to get the dessert order from the Forever Sweet bakery next door. I think part of that was because he was tired of me moping around the restaurant.
This wasn't the type of girl I was. Sure, I'd been in my emo phase at times, but I could always force a smile.
Now it took everything I had to even pull off a smirk.
Walking into the bakery, Abbey was at the front, but her arms were full of cake boxes. "Hey, Lia, one sec and I'll be out with the order, okay? I just have to finish getting it packed up."
"Okay."
I stood there, tapping my shoes on the linoleum floor, trying not to let my mind wander. I glanced at my phone in my apron pock
et. Jay had texted a few times, but nothing of substance. And I never answered back.
I wasn't ready.
Especially when he ended each text with LU.
I did love Jay Morningstar with every fiber of my being.
But the more I loved him, the more my heart hurt and I hated it.
"Trouble in paradise?"
I turned to see the resident author, Brooke Carrington, looking up from her laptop that she was sitting behind at a corner table.
"Uh. No. I'm good," I mumbled, sliding my phone back in my pocket.
She smiled. "That face says you're not."
I raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that's much of your concern."
She took off her glasses, cleaning them on her t-shirt. "It may not be, but I hate to see any girl with their heart broken, even if I do it to my characters more often than not."
I took a few steps closer to her table and put my hands on the chair across from hers. "Is fictional heartbreak the same as it is in real life? Does it still hurt when you break up your characters?"
Brooke closed her laptop and her hazel eyes met mine. "When you fall in love, no matter who it is, the world see's it. You can't try to hide it,even though you think you can. And part of you doesn't want to hide it. You want to tell the world, until it ends."
"Are you talking about me or one of your characters?"
She sighed. "I don't even know anymore."
"Have you been in love?" I asked without even thinking what I was saying.
An Eddie Justice song crooned over the speakers and I swore that I saw Brooke's heart skip a beat as a small gasp escaped her lips and she smiled. "Yeah, I have."
"And how do you stop it?"
"You don't. The feelings may fade eventually, but if it's true love, it never goes away. No matter what they do or what you do to try and stop it. Love doesn't fade."
I opened my mouth to say something else but quickly shut it when Abbey yelled from the counter. "Okay, I think I have everything here."
Brooke opened her computer back up without saying anything. It was as if we had an entire silent conversation between us.
There was always something mysterious about the reclusive author and now I was wondering what parts of her story she wasn't telling the world.
***
I wasn't supposed to have my phone out at work, but I couldn't help checking it every few minutes.
Jay was sending photos from training and one of his shaved head, something he said helped with bigger meets. I didn't know what to think of it yet or if I even got to have an opinion.
Were we broken up? I don't remember saying the words, but was this it? Since we fought did that mean it was over?
But he said he loved me.
I'm sure he also said that to Layna.
Maybe he never stopped loving her either.
I needed to stay off social media and just unplug, but I couldn't. I had to see what was going on in the cyber world.
Layna Downs spotted in trendy Charlotte eatery.
No. No she couldn't be.
Maybe it was for a movie. Hunger Games was filmed there so maybe she finally got a real acting gig that wasn't a sex tape.
Then of course I had to read on and see more pictures of her in front of a sign that said "Swim Meet”.
What the hell was she doing there?
Did he invite her?
I hovered over my contacts. I wanted to message Jay and ask, but would he tell me the truth?
Was he lying to save his own face? Or was this all part of some elaborate thing for a reality TV show?
All of it made my head hurt.
"Rosalia, don't tell me you're staring at your phone again."
Quickly I shoved my phone in my pocket and turned around to see my mother with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised.
"Sorry, Ma. I was just checking the time."
She reached over and pinched my cheek, leaving a tiny sting when she let go. "When you lie, Rosalia, I can always tell by that little blush in your cheek."
"Maaaaa," I groaned and rubbed the spot that surely had to be even redder.
"Is it problems with that boy again? I knew he was trouble, but your father told me 'No, Tonietta, he's a good boy’."
I sighed. "Yeah, Ma. It's him."
"Well, what did he do? Who do we need Nonna to put a curse on?"
"Ma, this isn't the kind of conversation I want to be having with my mother."
She raised her eyebrows. "If you can't talk to your mother about your love life, then who can you talk to?"
"Maaaaa."
She put her hands up. "Okay, okay. I get it. But you know, Rosalia, even though you don't think you want to talk about these things with me, and you think I'm going to judge you or punish you, know that I do care about you. A mother will always love her daughter, even if she doesn't understand some of the things she does, she's still going to listen. That's why they call it unconditional love."
Maybe I was feeling sappy. Maybe it was all my hormones or that I was just a girl with a broken heart, but I finally gave in.
"I saw some pictures online of Jay's ex-girlfriend and some of them together. He said that nothing happened and it was just the media trying to spin things, but I don't know. I just... It's all kind of crazy."
Ma smiled, putting her hand on my cheek. "Mi bambina, you've always been the worrier. When you were just a little girl you used to get so worried if you stepped on a bug on the sidewalk and you would ask me if the bug went to heaven or if the family would miss him. I had so many bug funerals that your Nonna made us prayer veils."
I wrinkled my nose. Okay, so maybe I was a little dramatic.
"But, Bambina, life doesn't always need to be taken so seriously. You have to look and see the bright side of things instead of hiding in the shadows."
"Says the woman who doesn't want me to go to school in California."
Ma sighed, shaking her head. "Mama Mia, I didn't want to have this conversation right now, but Rosalia, if you want to go to school in California and leave us, I support you. I can't say that I like it, but if it's going to get you to be happy, then go be happy."
I blinked hard. That was the first time my mother had ever said those words to me. "Are you serious right now?"
"Rosalia. I love you. You're my only daughter and my baby. Your father and I have always looked out for you and tried to protect you."
Ma stepped forward and put her hands on my shoulders. "Sometimes we forget that you're a grown woman now. A smart, beautiful woman who has the whole world at her fingertips. If going to California makes you happy then you should go. If being with this boy makes you happy, then stop worrying about everything that could go wrong and see the bright side. The bright, shiny, California side."
I smiled back for what seemed like the first time all day and then hugged Ma, taking in the scent of olive oil and basil. She wrapped me in her arms and smoothed out my hair.
It was the words I needed to hear. The strength I needed to know that whatever happened, my family had my back.
Chapter 24
I hadn't spoken to Jay.
No texts.
No nothing.
I'd seen some posts on social media, but it could have been from his publicist in California.
I was trying not to read too much into it.
I was going to go to USC whether he would be there for me or not.
I tried not to think about him or worry, like my mother had said, until I scrolled through the internet on my break from work.
There was a picture of Layna next to Jay and one of his medals.
My free hand curled into a fist then I read the caption "With #bae in Charlotte. Congrats @JayMorningstar Can't wait to celebrate!"
My blood boiled and without thinking I threw my phone to the ground and then slid down next to it.
Freaking Jay Morningstar.
Freaking Layna Downs.
My. Freaking. Heart.
I covered my eyes
and kept the tears back. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I couldn't let my walls down. I'd done it too much and it hadn’t given me anything but heartache.
After a few minutes of counting my breaths, I picked up my phone with the completely shattered screen. I could hardly read anything on it, but in my blurry haze, I decided I couldn't let the comment go. I typed quickly and hit send before I could lose the courage.
Cute couple. #not
With that, I shut my phone off. I could barely see anything anyway and I'd have to dig into my savings for a new one. Maybe I would just blow my savings on a new car and forget about California. Stay in Texas.
I shook those thoughts out of my head as soon as I had them and stood up, dusting off my jeans.
Rosalia Conti, you're not going to give up your dreams because of some boy.
You may love him. Love him a lot alot.
But you will not give up because of him.
I nodded to myself and my inner soliquy then walked back into the restaurant and up to the podium where a tall man had his back to me.
"Hello, welcome to Conti's. Dine-in or carry-out?"
The guy turned around and gave me a trademarked dimple smile. None other than Friendship's own legend, Eddie Justice, had finally walked into Conti's.
Normally I would have found the country crooner incredibly attractive, but instead I found myself scrutinizing him. Thinking how much better Jay's smile or hair was. Then I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head. I couldn't compare every guy to Jay.
"Hey, carry-out for Justice," he said with his southern drawl that I think was made more prominent for the media.
"Okay. I'll go and get that for you."
I went to turn but he put his hand out. "Hey. I thought I knew you from somewhere. You came and watched us play. Jay made me learn that punk rock song to play for his girlfriend. He's crazy about you, more than the pool, I think."
Smirking, I grabbed his ticket from the counter. "Well, I guess not that crazy since I'm pretty sure we're over."
"I'm sorry. That’s too bad. Y'all seemed like you really liked each other, or at least that's what I'd heard around. The local church ladies like to talk, you know."
