He sat in silence as the magnificent animal beneath him came to a halt and caught its breath. He unbuttoned his dress tunic and considered his position. A moment ago he’d been in church. Now he was riding a horse in the middle of nowhere. He couldn’t ride a horse. Before he had a chance to think any further he saw a figure walking towards him. It was a man, tall and proud. ‘No,’ he thought, ‘not proud, confident.’ As the stranger walked towards him his training took over. Physically the man was no threat; indeed few men were to the major. Dressed in jeans and t-shirt, he was apparently unarmed, another plus, though where he had come from was impossible to tell. One moment the major had been alone in this place, this beautiful place, and the next minute the man had been walking towards him.
The man called out to him, “So you made it then?”
The major shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts, but found to his surprise that they were crystal clear. He was alive, deliciously and wonderfully alive. He thought of his wife and daughters in an almost abstract way. His love for them was there, undiminished and vibrant, yet it seemed to be somehow ‘managed’. It was almost as if his brain had parked them in a file to allow him to think of other things. He knew that moments ago he had been in church and now he was here. He knew this to be an impossibility and yet this process also seemed to have been ‘parked’ somewhere in his psyche. It was as he considered these weighty matters that the man finally reached him and spoke. “Don’t try to work it out,” he said. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it. Just enjoy the view.”
And what a view it was. In the distance, snow tipped mountains capped the horizon. The land was lush and the air was as fresh as he’d ever known. A dense forest covered the land to his left, and to his right a fast running stream made its way urgently to who knew where. The whole place seemed to pulsate as if alive. He actually ‘felt’ as if he was part of the vista before him. It was almost as if he was the land and the land was him. The feeling was so familiar. He searched for the words. “Harmony,” said the stranger. “That’s the word you’re looking for. It’s very easy to forget what it’s like; most people do.”
The major dismounted and regarded the stranger. Before he had a chance to speak the man held out his hand. “Hi,” he said. “Welcome to this place…I’m…well…we’ll come to that. Shall I call you Major?” The soldier shrugged. “Everyone else does.” They shook hands and regarded each other for a full five seconds before they both tried to speak at the same time. The man laughed. “After you,” he said.
As he was about to speak the major remembered his heart attack. He suddenly felt sick and disoriented. Immediately the man was there holding him. “Don’t worry, it’ll pass,” he said. As the man embraced him the major felt a wave of compassion pass though him from his touch. It reached every fibre of his being. It was stronger than anything he had ever known; it was beyond tenderness. It was as if every loving feeling that he had ever felt in his life was just the merest sample of what was to come. He felt himself dissolving into it…dissolving into a place where there was only that feeling. It was only with the greatest of efforts that he pulled himself back out of it and stood up abruptly.
The man smiled at him. “They said you were strong,” he laughed, “I’m glad.” Trying to gain some sort of equilibrium, the soldier took a deep breath. “I think I died but I don’t feel dead. In fact I feel more alive than I’ve ever felt. I miss my family and yet I seem to be dealing with it in a way that I can’t describe.”
“I know,” said the man, “Everything will be explained soon. Trust me.”
The next thing that the major knew, he and the man were on horseback side-by-side trotting gently toward the undulating horizon. The soldier asked the inevitable question. “So where is this place and why am I here?”
The man thought on this for a moment. “You are here because your help is requested. Here, of course, is Heaven.” The major stopped his horse. “Heaven? I don’t believe in Heaven!” “I know,” the man replied, “But a very small part of you does and always has. You’ve always believed that if there was a Heaven it would look like this. That in itself is a form of belief…and …well…here it is…I think it’s rather nice.”
He started his horse moving again and the soldier followed suit. “If this is heaven then I…I,” His companion laughed. “You thought that if there was a heaven and a hell then it was a difficult call for someone to make because you’re a killer. Well, you’re right; it was a difficult judgement call. There are those who would call you a murderer and those that would call you a warrior. You killed for what you believed was right. You felt that you were good fighting against evil.”
“I was fighting evil,” snapped the soldier,
“Tell that to the children of a third world warlord whose throat you’ve cut,” replied the man. “Look,” he continued, “I’m not judging you, I know all the political arguments and I know you believed you were doing the right thing. Don’t worry about that for now.” He suddenly pulled up his horse and the Major did the same.
The man fixed him with a look that the major couldn’t fathom. Nervousness maybe? A hint of fear? “You’re afraid,” said the Major. It was a statement. “What are you afraid of?”
His companion considered his reply carefully. “My name is Arbatel,” he said.” My function is to reveal why you are here. The reason you are here is over the next ridge. Please do not speak further until I tell you. I need to have all my awareness focused on our safety.” With that he nudged his mount who started to move slowly forwards. The major followed him.
As they reached the top of the ridge the sky ahead of them darkened and the lush vegetation began to thin out. As they continued the sun dimmed further and the ground became blackened, as if a forest fire had recently torched the land. Finally they stopped.
“This is the very edge of Heaven,” Arbatel whispered. “This is where good and evil meet. Not far from here, dark forces are mustering their armies. This is a place where the good must be very cautious. There are depraved spirits here whoring for souls.”
“Hell?” exclaimed the major.
Arbatel held his finger up to his lips. “Quiet. There is great danger here.” Suddenly the ground shook violently. The major’s horse reared up, throwing him to the ground. As he tried to get to his feet he saw the earth split open in front of him, the tear venting incredible heat. He held his hands up to his face to protect himself. As he did so he felt something hit him hard and fast. Winded, he fell back to the ground. In that moment his experience took over. He rolled over twice concentrating not on his assailant but on getting his breath back. By the time he’d rolled the second time he was virtually recovered. He saw a flash of metal and heard an unearthly shriek. Instinctively he came up, lethally fast. His fist, hard as a rock, connected with flesh. A moment later he was on his feet. His opponent was rolling in the dust, clutching his chest in pain. The major hesitated for only a moment as he registered what had attacked him. A second later he fell on the demon, using the full weight of his body to drive his elbow into its throat. Only when the twitching stopped did he ease the pressure.
A scream of fury behind him made him turn his head. In that moment Arbatel leapt between the major and the charging demon. A brilliant light surrounded the major’s companion. He thrust his arms wide and the t-shirted, denim clad guide was no more. In his place, with magnificent wings fully extended, stood an angel. “Be gone,” he shouted. Stopping dead in its tracks the monster cowered down, spitting venom at the apparition before him. Arbatel took a step forwards and the demon turned tail and ran.
The major looked down at his slain adversary. It was the most obscene thing he’d ever seen. Humanoid, yet squat and heavily muscled, the naked beast lay twisted on the scorched ground. The demon’s yellow eyes stared back at his killer seemingly watching him even in death. Arbatel’s voice startled him. “Don’t get eye contact. Even in death these creatures are dangerous.” He stepped in front of the soldier, blocking his view.
The major could have sworn he was taller. Naked, save for a brilliant white loincloth, Arbatel stared intently at his companion and folded his wings behind him. Incredibly, the major laughed. “Yep, you’re a real angel all right. No doubt about that.”
Arbatel gave him a look that was unfathomable. “You’re just like I imagined an angel would look,” the major continued.
“I know,” the man said and started to walk back to his mount. The Major followed.
“The reason I’m in Heaven,’ the major said. “You said it was in this place. Was this what it was all about? I don’t understand.”
The Angel shook his head and turned around, “No Major. This was just a sample. You see there’s a war in Heaven.”
The soldier’s vision wavered slightly. He blinked to clear his sight. He was in a smoky bar, busy with people. He blinked again and shook his head. The smoky bar was still there. A jukebox blared out country and western music while red-necked men drank in the low light. Instantly on his guard, the Major assessed in a heartbeat that there was no one in the bar who could physically challenge him. Unsure what to do next, he noticed the barman making eye contact and waving him over. He pushed his way through a sea of denim and checked shirts until he reached the bar. The heavily tattooed barman deposited a beer in front of him. “On the house Major, good to see you buddy.”
Nonplussed, the soldier picked up the drink and nodded thanks. “You know me?”
“Of course. Everyone here knows you. Look around,” the barman urged. Looking slowly around the room the major acknowledged familiar nods from a number of the drinkers.
“There’s someone here who wants to see you,” the barman continued. He indicated a man in a sweaty white vest downing a shot of tequila in the corner. As he replaced his glass on the table, the man lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply, then poured himself another shot from a bottle on the table. “He looks busy to me right now,” observed the soldier.
The barman laughed, “He’s got things on his mind. Trust me, he asked for you.”
Taking the direct approach, the major pulled up a chair next to the smoker. The man looked up. “Slammer?” he asked.
Ignoring the offer the soldier cut to the chase. “And this is Heaven too? I don’t think so.”
Downing another shot, the man laughed and then coughed uncontrollably on his cigarette smoke. “You’d be surprised,” he said. “I recall that in your younger days you felt that places like these were paradise after some of your little adventures.”
The truth of his words stopped the major in his tracks. “You have me at a disadvantage,” he said carefully.
“I know,” was the reply. “I have everyone at a disadvantage. It goes with the territory. Anyway, welcome.” He held out his hand. The soldier took it and regarded the man. Early fifties he guessed, the unkempt shoulder length hair making it difficult to asses his age. A striking grey handlebar moustache yellowed by nicotine served to make the task even more difficult. Overweight, sweaty and reeking with body odour, the drinker made for an unappealing vision.
“As you’ve been told, there’s a war in Heaven. I’d value your help.” The mans words were delivered slowly and precisely. Not a man normally given to humour, the Major was surprised to find himself laughing for the second time that day. “So I’ve been told, by an angel actually. He called himself Arbatel.”
“Forgive me,” said the man. “You must think me rude. I assumed the barman would have told you. I’m God.”
The major stood up and breathed in deeply. The calmness that had been his companion throughout most of this day evaporated. He felt rage welling up inside him despite his iron will and self control. “Bullshit,” he screamed and brought his fists down violently on the table. “I’ve played this game as asked. I don’t understand what’s happened to me. I don’t understand why I don’t miss my family. I don’t know where I am. I met an angel today for chrissakes. I fought a monster. A real live monster.” He looked up at the ceiling. “What is happening to me?”
“If you’re looking up to Heaven for answers, you don’t need to,” offered the drinker. “You’re already here.” With that the major spun around and grabbed the man roughly out of his seat. Kicking the table over, the soldier pushed the man against the wall. “Answers,” he demanded. “I want them now.” Seemingly unaffected by the chokehold the major had applied the man grinned through his drooping moustache. “I think it would help to have a change of perspective,” he whispered.
The major’s vision distorted. There was an explosion of light so bright he was momentarily blinded. He carefully took his hands away from his eyes and gawped at what he saw. The man he’d just been pinning against the wall smiled at him. “I clean up well, don’t I?” he laughed, “Is this more in line with your expectations?”
It was all there. He sat atop a magnificent raised golden throne, bathed in light, dressed in a cascading white gown that shimmered with iridescence. A pristine white beard reached almost to his waist, matched in colour by the shock of hair reaching down his back. He seemed to have aged immeasurably. A haunting yet beautiful music echoed gently through the marble pillared room. Everything was white save for exquisite paintings that lined the walls depicting Biblical scenes. Seeing his guest was temporarily struck dumb, the man stood up. He threw open a spectacular double door and walked through it onto a balcony. “Join me,” he said, “I think you’ll enjoy the view.”
As if in a dream, the major stepped out and joined his host. He stared at the perfect sky, so blue it almost hurt. He marvelled at the buildings below adorned with flowers, as if each edifice was a celebration in itself. He watched the sunlight reflecting off the myriad water features as if each flicker was actually alive. He saw laughing people, surrounded by soft light, promenading down streets bordered by fantastic statues. Beyond the city a mighty ocean stretched as far as the eye could see.
Clearing his throat the major spoke, “You’ll understand I have some questions?”
The man who called himself God laughed. “I’d be awfully surprised if you didn’t. Don’t worry; I’ve cleared my diary. Take all the time you need.”
“If this really is Heaven, what about where I was riding today, and the bar?”
“Heaven is not what I want it to be, it’s what you want it to be. What you’ve seen today conforms to the various ideas as to what you’ve thought Heaven was in the past. I help you see what you want to see”
“Am I dead?”
“Not quite, but it doesn’t look very good.”
“You’ve got a lot to answer for you know, if you really are God.”
“Yes, I’m often told that. Are you going to give me the tired old line about mankind being in a mess and the shitstorm that’s going on down there? Let’s clear that up for starters. I don’t make life the crap some people think it is. You do. Everything that’s going on down there man created. Lying, cheating, violence, evil, suffering, fear, poverty. Look at you. You’re intelligent. You show a tenderness to your family that makes me proud and yet you’re a killer.” He held his hand up as the major was about to speak. “Yes, I know you think you’re doing the right thing and that’s the tragedy. The tragedy for mankind.”
“Whoa, hold on,” interrupted the major. “I kill to protect people. I dispose of those who would do us harm. If they didn’t exist I wouldn’t have to be a killer. I don’t enjoy what I do.”
“Don’t you?” his host snapped back. “You forget Major, I know you. There is an excitement as you’re near to a kill and the thrill of victory when you succeed. Oh, sure you feel bad about the feeling, but it’s there all the same. I understand of course, you have to feel that way to be good at your job, as you most certainly are. It’s the reason you are here.” The bearded man fixed him with an icy stare. “You have been brushed by the wings of evil. It’s difficult to shake off isn’t it? It’s the edge I want”
Confused by the remark the major gave him a quizzical look. The man took a step forwards and put his hand on the soldi
ers shoulder. The major felt the familiar sensation he’d experienced when Arbatel had caught him earlier. He fell into the warm void. “You weren’t always this way,” murmured the man. “I recall when you first killed. You were nine years old and you shot a sparrow in a tree. As it fell it reminded you of a falling leaf. You were guilty about it for almost a full week.”
The soldier fell back, shocked. “I never told anyone that. Jesus…err sorry…but fuck…you really are God aren’t you?”
The Almighty gave him a nod. “Glad to have finally convinced you. Maybe now we can get down to business.” He gestured to the fabulous view. “All this is at risk. The forces of evil have grown strong. They are making incursions ever more deeply. My warriors are not experienced enough to hold them. Our intelligence tells me that soon they will make an all out onslaught against us. I fear that we will not be able to hold them back. I want your skills as a tactician and I want you to train my people. I think you can give us an edge.”
Stunned, the major shot back. “Why don’t you just wave your ‘Almighty’ hand and put an end to all this?”
“Why would I do that?”
“What? Why wouldn’t you do that? Why not save yourself the grief? Why not save all of us the grief? Unless you can’t.”
“Are you doubting me?” He held up his hand. “It’s really OK if you are. You asked a good question.”
“And you’re avoiding answering it.”
“You believe so? You can ask anything you want.”
“Why do you need me here to help you?”
“I don’t need your help...but I’d appreciate it.”
“But if you don’t need me why have you asked for my help?”
“Don’t you think that fighting for Heaven is a pretty good thing to do?”
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