The Shape of My Heart

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The Shape of My Heart Page 17

by Ann Aguirre


  Worried, I ran toward them, closing the distance fast enough to hear Max snarl, “Say it again, motherfucker, I dare you.”

  “What, that the girl you set me up with is a complete butterface? That’s true, bro. Except you only say that when her body’s banging, and damn. I wouldn’t hit that with a hammer. Cause when I say ‘dat ass’ about whatshername, it ain’t a good thing.”

  Max hauled his arm back and cracked Jared right in the mouth, hard enough that the guy staggered back a few steps and had to grab a tree to avoid going down. Two more punches came in hard, stomach and jaw, so Jared doubled over wheezing, but when he came up, he had rage to burn. I envisioned this escalating quickly if I didn’t do something, but part of me wanted to watch him get his ass kicked, so I wrestled with conscience and schadenfreude.

  “I catch you talking about her again, and I will fucking end you.” Max ducked away from a wild swing.

  A crowd was gathering, but nobody tried to break it up. Instead six people got out their phones and started filming. If I knew human nature, this would be on YouTube later tonight, uploaded with a title like DUMBASSES FIGHTING. There would be awesome comments about their technique and dissatisfaction that nobody ended up spewing blood from an orifice, then the internet trolls would start arguing and someone would get called a Nazi before the whole thing got shut down.

  “What the fuck! You sucker punched me, asshole. Over some homely bitch.” With an angry growl, Jared rushed Max, tackling him hard enough to drop him.

  On the ground, the battle got ugly with elbows to the face, palms in the throat, while they rolled around, snarling curses. Jared was insane, and he seemed to know some wrestling holds because he was doing better close-up. Fighting an arm lock, Max slammed his head into the side of Jared’s face and fought to get a knee onto his chest. In retaliation, Jared smashed four knuckles into Max’s cheekbone, splitting the skin. At the sight of blood, my good angel won, mostly because I was afraid Max might get really hurt.

  So I yelled, “Campus security’s heading this way. You might want to take off before the awkward questions start.”

  As he sprang to his feet, his mouth smeared with blood, Jared shot me a look of pure loathing. “I should’ve known you’d show up to make my day worse.”

  “It’s my goal in life,” I said lightly. “Fuck off now, thanks.”

  Jared glared; if he had psychic powers, my head would be exploding like a melon right now. “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”

  “Don’t even think about it,” Max growled.

  With one final hate stare, Jared bailed, apparently buying the idea he was about to be busted, even though he was technically the victim in this scenario. If he wasn’t a total idiot, he’d realize he had the legal high ground here and could make Max’s life uncomfortable by pressing charges. Near the science complex, he turned and yelled something but I couldn’t make it out, then he rounded the corner.

  Max watched him go, hands still curled into fists at his sides. “Dipshit is probably carrying. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to ask you to meet him.” Turning to me, he took my hand, his expression serious. “What happened exactly? How did the date go?”

  “About like this,” I said quietly. “He made it pretty clear I don’t meet his standards so I clocked out early. Ended up auditioning for Racing Sorrow and hanging out with the band last Friday.”

  “So that’s why you were so late. It was evil of you not to text me when I thought you were with that guy.”

  “You have terrible taste in men,” I told him.

  Bending to kiss me, he whispered, “But awesome taste in women. So that makes up for everything, huh?”

  “Almost.” I touched his cheekbone. “Does it hurt a lot?”

  “Kinda.”

  “Nobody’s ever fought for me before. Is it unenlightened to say...I didn’t hate it?”

  “Probably. But I won’t tell. You ready to go?”

  “Yeah, but...is that why you’re here?”

  He nodded, leading me toward the parking lot. “I’ve memorized your class schedule like a good boyfriend. I’m here to pick you up.”

  “Wow, are you writing a manual?”

  “Obviously. The Dummy’s Guide to Dating.”

  “I’m pretty sure someone already wrote that.”

  “The title’s a work in progress.” Twining his fingers through mine, he swung our hands slightly, giving me a soft, sweet smile, at odds with his battered face.

  “You took a hit in the mouth, too, huh?” His lower lip was slightly swollen, a bruise forming just below.

  “Worth it. Do you plan to kiss it better?”

  “Would you want me to?”

  “Always.”

  If he kept it up, I might actually blush again and I was not that girl. “So tell me what you have planned tonight.”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “Come on, I have to know how to dress or I’ll be the idiot in stilettos on the nature hike.”

  Max laughed. “Like you even own a pair of heels.”

  “You make a good point. Maybe I could’ve sold that better with ‘I’ll be the moron at the fancy restaurant in combat boots.’”

  “Closer,” he admitted, “but you look hot in anything, so don’t worry. And no, I’m still not telling you.”

  “And you say I’m cruel.” But I was smiling as I put on the helmet and climbed on behind him.

  The bike started with a roar, and Max drove away from campus toward the apartment. By the time we got home, I’d worked up a fine resentment. How the hell was I supposed to get ready for something when I had no idea where we were going or what—

  “Stop with the cranky face,” he said as he parked.

  “Make me.”

  “If we go down that road, all my carefully laid plans will go to waste.”

  “Are you saying you’d use sex to improve my mood?”

  “I’d have sex with you for any reason.” Max grinned as I hopped off the motorcycle, and I struggled against the urge to grab him by the ears and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. “Is that wrong?”

  “Not from my point of view.”

  “Okay, I’ll give you a hint. Dress like you usually do.”

  “That helps. Let’s get you upstairs, bruiser. Before we go anywhere, I’m taking care of your war wounds.”

  “Really?” He gave me the softest, brightest smile.

  Linking our fingers, I led Max upstairs. Kia was on the couch surrounded by charts and papers, feet propped up. That was a pretty unusual sight this early; she glanced up at Max’s face and cocked her head. “Somebody threw down, huh? Want me to take a look?”

  That made sense since she was studying to be a doctor, but before I could answer, Max shook his head. “Courtney’s got me covered.”

  Shooting him a surprised but pleased look, we went down the hall to the bathroom he shared with Angus. I flipped down the lid of the toilet. “Here, so I can reach you.”

  “It’s funny because you’re so tiny and adorable.”

  “Say it again, I dare you.” As I got out the first aid kit, I pretended to threaten him with a bottle of iodine.

  “I wouldn’t dare.”

  Maybe I should’ve let Kia do this. But Max wanted medical attention from me, despite my inexperience. So I held a clean washcloth under the faucet, then wrung it out and dabbed the blood away. Under the bright lights, his face looked even worse, yet...he was also the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. His thick lashes fluttered against his cheeks, a strange, dreamy smile curving his mouth.

  “What’s that look for?”

  “Since I left home, I’ve gotten into plenty of fights, but I never had anybody take care of me afterward before. It’s...nice.”

  My throat tightened. “Don’t make a habit of it. You’re too pretty to let assholes use your face as a punching bag.”

  “Yeah?” He smiled up at me like I was sunshine, rainbows and pot of gold, all wrapped up in one. The feeling that swel
led in my chest nearly stole my breath.

  “Definitely,” I managed to say.

  With exaggerated care, I finished cleaning him up and applied antibacterial ointment to his cuts. For his bruises, I dug out the arnica cream, though Max seemed skeptical. But he still tilted his chin up, letting me coat the sore spots. As the last step, I carefully applied a Band-Aid to his cut. Once I finished, he stood up and wrapped his arms around me. His chin rested on top of my head briefly, then he rubbed his undamaged cheek against my hair.

  Max whispered, “Don’t give up on me, okay?”

  “Are you nuts, why would I?”

  “Because you really don’t belong with somebody like me.”

  “Smart, self-sufficient, handsome and hard-working?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I really don’t.” Stretching up, I kissed him lightly on the mouth. “But I promise letting you go isn’t remotely on my to-do list. You’re pretty damn special. Now I need to wash up and change. Meet you in the living room in ten minutes?”

  “I love that about you,” he said.

  “What?”

  “The way you treat me like I matter.” The quiet words spoke volumes on the way his family had made him feel. While they might be patching up the cracks in the foundation, it didn’t mean the damage didn’t run deep.

  “Max—”

  “You’re the only person in the world who knows exactly who I am.”

  “I could say the same.”

  His smile widened and he gave me a look so sweet and intimate that it curled my toes. With a mumbled excuse, I hurried to my room before he could tell I was blushing. Again. Something about Max brought out my inner ingenue; I suspected it was his utter sincerity. With other people, he was kind of a clown, and it made me incredibly happy that—for some reason—this amazing guy had chosen me. While he might not be impressed with himself, I could only admire his determination. In his shoes, I’d be addicted to something and probably hooking to pay for it. Which might not be an optimistic self-assessment, but I’d already chosen pills over dealing with Eli’s loss and for the rest of my life, I had to remember how easily I could backslide.

  After some inner debate, I changed into clean jeans, concert T-shirt, hoodie. He’d said I should dress like I normally did, after all. Then I spiked my hair and put on some red lipstick. I’d never been one for endless primping, but it looked like I was due for some fresh streaks. Maybe I’d go back to blue this time. Thoughtful, I peered at myself in the mirror, something I didn’t do a lot. Big nose, small mouth, sharp chin... I had what might honestly be called a witchy face.

  Pretty eyes, Eli said.

  You’re biased.

  I always thought you had cat eyes. Sexy.

  Thanks, I thought, but it was a reflex more than an actual conversation. Most of my attention was fixed on putting on eyeliner. I brushed my teeth last and went into the living room, where Max was already waiting. Kia was ignoring him to focus on her work, and the old Max would’ve played around, begging for attention. This one seemed to get everything he needed from me because he sat quietly, hands on his knees. It was a small miracle to find him still, no TV, music or video game to distract him. I wasn’t sure what it meant but it was good, right?

  His gaze met mine, pure smoky heat. “You look great. Ready?”

  “Yep. See you later, Kia.”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she said without glancing up from her reading. “Wait, since I don’t do anything but study, change that up. How about, do everything I don’t?”

  “Sounds like I’m in for an awesome night.” Max grinned and set a hand in the small of my back, guiding me toward the door.

  Smiling, I let him. “Bye, Kia!”

  He didn’t speak until I was strapping on the helmet. “It’s weird how nervous I am. I was going for original but I hope I didn’t cross into cheesy.”

  “I love cheese,” I told him.

  “That makes me feel marginally better.”

  Max got on the bike and I climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. The motorcycle zoomed off, warm wind rushing against my skin. At first I wasn’t sure where we were going, but then I started recognizing landmarks. Each turn brought us closer to the private place Max had shared with me before, the spot that offered him respite from the world. Like before, we parked and walked in, but when we pushed through the bushes to the small clearing overlooking the river, everything was different. He’d set up a red-and-white blanket, complete with picnic basket. Overhead, the sky was darkening to a shade of bruised plum, and the moon cut through in a crescent of silver. Glimmers of starlight caught the water, just a hint now, though it would be a flood of brilliance in an hour or so.

  “I want to give you the world,” he said. “But for now, will you settle for a corner of it?”

  In answer I sang the chorus of “I Only Want to Be With You.” At every bar mitzvah I ever attended, the terrible DJ always played this song, and I never imagined I’d have reason to sing it. But from Max’s grin, it was a good choice. Obviously relieved at my reaction, he set out the food carefully packaged in plastic containers: cheese, fruit, cold cuts and crackers. There was also a bottle of wine with plastic glasses.

  “Ten points for pure ambiance,” I said.

  “That’s not all.”

  Max delved into his pocket and came up with an iPod, which he connected to a small flexible speaker. In seconds, the soft strains of my favorite song filled the silence—“Big Strong Girl” by Deb Talan. It was incredible to realize all the nights we’d hung out, talking music, hadn’t rolled over him like ocean waves, leaving the sand fundamentally unchanged. No, it was more like Max had been soaking me up like a sponge.

  “You are killing me,” I whispered, oddly on the verge of tears.

  “In a good way?”

  I managed a nod. “The best. Thank you for all of this.”

  “So you like it?” Tension seeped out of his shoulders as he offered his hand and pulled me down onto the blanket beside him. It was thick and plush but I could still feel the blades of grass prickling through. Judging by the pile of stones nearby, he must’ve spent at least an hour clearing the area.

  “This is perfect. I’m not much for consumer culture anyway.”

  “I figured I needed to do something special—and memorable—for our first date.”

  “Mission accomplished. You hungry?”

  “Starving,” he admitted, but from the look in his eyes, he wasn’t entirely talking about the food.

  All in due time.

  To repay his effort, I put together a cheese-and-meat cracker and offered it to Max. Without hesitation he ate from my fingers, which felt more significant than it should, maybe. I mean, he was my best friend in the world, and we’d slept together, made each other come. Yet it still moved me when he trusted me that way. It felt strangely as if I’d tamed a wild creature to my hand. Realizing he’d treat nobody else this way brought an ache to my throat.

  “I can’t believe you did all of this. It must’ve taken hours.”

  “It was definitely more labor-intensive than dinner and a movie.”

  I swallowed hard. “More special, too. I know what this place means to you.”

  “Then you know why I want you here?”

  This might sound dumb, but... “When Lois Lane visits Superman’s Fortress of Solitude...he’s symbolically giving her the keys to his kingdom.”

  Smiling, Max wrapped his arm around my shoulders. The rush of the water lent this space a private, sacred air. “Something like that. For so long, it’s just been me against the world. But since I met you, Courtney...I haven’t felt alone. The first time I brought you here, I suspect I already felt this way about you. I just hadn’t put the pieces all together.” He offered a wry smile. “I’m bad at puzzles.”

  “So what’s the plan for tonight?” I leaned my head against him as tenderness flooded through me.

  “We eat. Listen to music. Stargaze. Tal
k about life, the universe and everything.” As I identified that as a Douglas Adams reference, he went on, stealing my ability to think. “And when you’re tired of that, I make love to you.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The sky gradually filled with stars as the MP3 player worked through my favorite songs mingled with Max’s. Truthfully our preferences weren’t as far apart as some people I’d dated. He liked older music along with a variety of indie artists, and I’d always been all about music I discovered myself. There was an indescribable thrill in unearthing a beautiful sound, akin to finding buried treasure.

  By the time the songs started looping, we’d finished the food and were working toward the bottom of the wine bottle. I had a nice buzz on and Max was looking mellow. He drew me into his arms, settling me in front of him, so I leaned back against his chest. At first I resisted because I figured that couldn’t be comfortable for him.

  He tightened his arms around me. “Stop squirming, woman.”

  “Why, you don’t like it?”

  “Maybe I like it too much.”

  “There’s no such thing.”

  In response he kissed the curve between my neck and shoulder. “The nape of your neck is so fucking sexy.”

  “It is?” I’d never heard that before.

  “Yeah. I didn’t realize I liked short hair on a woman until we got together. Now I’m constantly fighting the urge to nibble. Right here.” He trailed his fingertips just beneath my hairline, sending a shiver through me.

  “So don’t,” I whispered. “Fight, that is.”

  He chuckled softly and then his mouth grazed the sensitive skin behind my ear. Growing up in the city, I’d never fooled around outside, so the prospect sent an eager thrill through me. Arching my neck to give him better access, I closed my eyes as heat burgeoned with each graze of his lips. When he switched to teeth, a soft sound escaped me.

 

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