“C’mon you two, come join us!” Ryoko called out. “The water is refreshing.”
I waved her off and closed my eyes. The breeze teased my hair and the flame in my chest taunted me. The awful voice in my head attempted to taunt me, but I blocked it out. I was here to relax, and I wasn’t going to let that other side of me ruin it. My eyes fluttered open when water splattered and dripped on my legs.
I raised an eyebrow at Ryoko as she towered over me. “What?”
“Get your ass off the ground and come join us,” she said.
I glared at her. “I don’t want to.”
“You don’t have to come in all the way!” she defended. “You could also sit on the bank and dip your feet in.”
“Then I’d have to go into the sun, defeating the purpose,” I pointed out. “I’ll stick to the shade.”
“Stop being a scaredy cat,” Ryoko taunted. “Now come join us and have fun.”
I got to my feet and in her face. “I said no! Now leave me alone.”
I stormed off before she had the chance to react.
The cool water of the small pool refreshed me from the summer heat as I sat at the edge, submerging my legs. In my anger, I had stumbled upon this secluded alcove and, as I sat here, my anger had slowly dissipated. The trees and other plant life that grew in this location were thick and beautiful. The sun barely managed to peek through the thick canopy above, making it much cooler here.
The pool itself was lovely, made up of a small, multilayered rock face with pools in each layer that fed into a bigger one below it by small waterfalls. The last pool I was in trickled out and I could only guess it fed into the river.
I giggled and flexed my toes as small fish nibbled on them. When they weren’t deterred from my movement, I allowed them to continue and instead I continued focusing on the deepest part of the pool. A suffocated stillness crushed my lungs and chest, and the hairs on the back of my neck rose the longer I looked, but I couldn’t pull my gaze away.
The bushes rustled behind me, pulling me out of my trance. I looked back to see Raikidan standing a few feet from me. I looked away and back at the deepest portion of the pool. I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want to answer any questions. I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to be alone.
From the corner of my eye I noticed him sit down on the edge of the pool and enter the water, scaring away the fish. He pushed away from the edge of the pool and moved in front of me—the water only coming up to his hips. When he extended his hand to me I looked at him skeptically. “Trust me, Eira.”
“Don’t trust him,” the malevolent voice hissed.
I continued to stare at him with apprehension. He wanted me to go into the water, which I definitely didn’t want to do.
“Eira, take my hand. Nothing bad is going to happen.”
I put my hands on the ground to get up to leave, but Raikidan moved faster and secured a grip on my hip and lower back. I clung to his neck and shut my eyes tight when he pulled me into his arms.
“Eira, it’s all right.” My grip didn’t loosen. “Eira, you don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going to let you drown.”
My eyes snapped open. “I don’t—”
“Everyone is afraid of something. Everyone. It’s okay to be afraid of something, Eira.”
I stared into the deep portion of the pool again and my chest tightened. Shyden, my mentor, taught me how to be the perfect soldier—the perfect assassin.
“Fear is a weakness. To fear is to be weak.”
My grip tightened.
“Bury all signs of fear and push through all ordeals. Never give into any signs of such weaknesses. Never be weak.”
The memories wouldn’t stop.
The man stared up at me, petrified and unable to move as I brought up my blade to end his meaningless—pathetic—weak life.
“Eira, it’s time to let go,” Raikidan whispered.
A suffocating stillness crushed my lungs and heart as I stared at the rushing river before me. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck and my palms clammed up. I swallowed, to rid myself of the dryness that plagued my throat, to no avail.
“I can’t swim…” I whispered.
“Tell me why.”
“Don’t tell him,” the annoying voice in my head whispered. “Don’t admit to anything.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t weak.
“You’re afraid of drowning,” he voiced for me. “You’re afraid someone won’t be able to save you the next time it happens. Eira, I won’t let you drown, I promise. Let go and trust me.”
“Don’t trust him.”
I didn’t want to admit my weakness. I didn’t want to let go because I knew if I did, I’d be weaker than I was before.
“Trust me,” he whispered in my ear.
“Only a weak fool would trust him.”
Slowly, my grip loosened and I allowed some space between us. I gulped when that pitiful feeling crept up. Raikidan forced my hands to slide down to his arms as he moved away and the feeling got worse.
My grip on his arms tightened. “Raikidan, my feet can’t touch the bottom here.”
“It’s okay. Just kick the water so you stay afloat.”
“You said y—”
He smiled. “I won’t let you drown. I did promise that and I mean it. But you have to face your fear on your own in some way.”
“I’m not afraid,” I muttered.
He chuckled. “You’re cute when you pout.”
I looked away from him, my cheeks burning a little. I wasn’t cute. I was anything but that.
“You’re doing well. Are you okay with—”
“Don’t move away!” I tightened my grip on his arm. “Please…”
“I was only going to have you move your hands to mine to give you more control.”
I eyed him warily but in the end allowed my grip to loosen and slide my hands to his. I started to sink and I began to panic.
“Eira, it’s okay. Stay calm and force yourself to stay afloat.”
I gulped and tried. It was hard and I sank a few times, but Raikidan kept his promise and helped when I began to sink. Minutes filled with pitiful treading attempts passed before I had a breakthrough and comprehended the concept. Then, Raikidan did something I was afraid he’d try. He pulled away and moved just out of reach. I was on my own and I didn’t like it.
“Told you not to trust him.”
“Raikidan, you promised!” I yelled as I tried not to panic and sink.
“I promised I wouldn’t let you drown, and I won’t. Now try to reach me.”
“You’re going to die.”
I reached for him but I started to sink so I went back to treading water, which I was terrible at. I’d have to swim to reach him and I wasn’t sure if I could. Raikidan flexed his fingers, teasing me, and I was not okay with that. I needed to force myself to figure out how to swim so I could smack him.
My breath caught when water moved past me. I moved. I repeated what I had done and moved more. Raikidan grinned and kept his hands outstretched. I tried to swim closer, but the more I tried, the more it appeared I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t getting any closer to him, but I was sure I was moving.
Then the realization dawned on me. He was swimming backward every time I swam forward. Determined, I kept at it. I wasn’t going to play his game. Putting more strength into my strokes, I started to notice the gap between us was growing smaller. This realization strengthened my determination and I kept at it.
My heart leapt when my fingers grazed his. I reached out my hand again and grabbed a firm hold on his. The water around me rushed past, and Raikidan placed his hand firmly on my lower back as he pulled me closer to him. In reaction to the sudden movements, I instinctively wrapped my arms around
his neck and held on tight.
Raikidan chuckled. “You did well.”
“You tricked me,” I muttered. “I should hit you for that.”
He chuckled again. “Look around and tell me what you see.”
Slowly, I let go and looked at him. He gestured with his eyes to look around, so I did out of curiosity. My mouth opened with surprise. We were in the center of the pool. He had gotten me to swim all the way out here. He got me to swim.
I looked at him again. Raikidan had gotten me to face something I wasn’t willing to admit—something I thought was better to pretend didn’t exist in my fear of weakness. He made me face something weak to make me strong.
I pulled my arms tightly around his neck again. “Thank you.”
He placed both his hands on my back and then water rushed over my head. He had stopped treading and now we were sinking. One of his hands left my back while the other tightened its hold as he struggled to bring us back to the surface. I tried to help but I was too new at this to be of much help.
I gasped for air when we finally surfaced. Raikidan laughed hysterically and I realized he had done it on purpose. I smacked him in the chest. “That wasn’t funny!”
He quieted his laughter to a chuckle. “What, scared you?”
“Don’t say it!”
“Yes!”
I froze and Raikidan grinned at me. “Really?”
I looked down to avert my gaze. “Yes…”
Raikidan lifted my chin with his fingers and then wiped a stray wet hair away from my face. I stared into his eyes. Blue eyes. My favorite-colored eyes. Dark blue eyes being preferred. His eyes…
“Get away from him.”
I blinked. No, that wasn’t right. I looked around. None of this was right. I pushed away from him.
“Eira?”
“Get away.”
This was all wrong. I swam backward a little bit.
“Eira, what is it?”
Turning, I swam to the edge of the pool. Launching out of the water I bolted for the tree line.
“Eira!”
“Run.”
I kept running. I didn’t stop until I knew I was far away from him. I leaned against a tree and breathed heavily. I placed my hand on my forehead and tried to stay calm. This was all wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why wasn’t it going like it was supposed to?
He was only supposed to help. He was supposed to want to keep his distance. He was supposed to—I was supposed to remain alone. I wasn’t supposed to make a connection. I was supposed to make sure I didn’t have something else to lose. I was supposed to protect myself. It’s best if I’m alone…
“Eira!” Raikidan called. “Eira, where are you?”
I pressed myself against the tree and hid. He pushed through the underbrush some ways off and I quieted my breathing. When he burst through the trees and stopped to look around near me, I prayed he wouldn’t find me. I shouldn’t have taken such a direct route.
“Eira, please.”
I shut my eyes and held my breath. He sounded desperate, and I hated how much I wanted to answer.
“What did I do to upset her?”
I place my hand over my mouth to prevent me from speaking. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t him. I wanted to tell him it was all me but I knew I couldn’t. It would only complicate things.
Raikidan yelled in frustration and hit a tree. The tree cracked but it didn’t fall.
“Forget it,” he muttered. “I can’t do anything right with her.”
I sunk to the ground when he left. I’m an awful person… I pulled my legs up to my chest and hid my face in my arms as I rested them on top of my knees. The faint flutter of wings from a small bird landing in the tree above me graced my ears, but I ignored it.
I held my head tightly with my hands. “Why am I such a horrible person?”
I slammed my head against the tree, causing small immature acorns to fall—several bouncing off my face, but I didn’t care. I stared up at the top of the tree, where I should have been able to see the sky, had the canopy not been so thick. The small bird that had landed on the tree jumped around and chirped angrily.
I frowned. “Sorry little bird. I didn’t mean to upset you. Unfortunately, it’s the only thing I’m good at.”
Slowly, I got up and walked off somewhere. I didn’t know where I’d end up but I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready to go back and face the others yet. I knew I couldn’t look Raikidan in the face and not worry about telling him the truth. I wasn’t ready, but I doubted I ever would be.
Chapter 32
Imoaned and curled up tighter. My assailant shook me again. Sighing, I opened my eyes. It was still dark out, the only light coming from the moon and the embers left in fire pit.
“Eira, c’mon, wake up,” Raikidan urged.
“What do you want?” I grumble.
“Get your stuff,” he said in a hushed voice. “We’re going somewhere.”
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “What are you talking about?
“You’ll see,” he told me. “Now grab your stuff and change so we can go. And don’t wake the others.”
I was so confused, probably because I was tired, but I got up anyway. I doubted I’d had much sleep; maybe two or three hours at most. The embers in the fire pit told me that. I hadn’t come back to the campsite until after dark, and even then I had stayed out of sight until everyone had gone to bed.
I snuck into the tent and stepped over Ryoko and Rylan, who was shifted in his wolf shape and being used as a comfortable pillow by Ryoko. Snatching my bag, I quickly ducked out of the tent.
I looked at him with confusion. I was dressed—in shorts and a tank top, but dressed nonetheless. Then I noticed he was in his Guard uniform. We were going somewhere far. Forcing my clothes to shift, I pulled my cloak, veil and body cloth out of my bag and put them on.
Raikidan grabbed me by the wrist lightly and pulled me to the edge of the campsite. “C’mon, let’s go.”
I sighed. “Raikidan, what’s the rush?”
He hushed me. “Keep your voice down. I don’t want the others knowing we’re leaving.”
I sighed. “Why are you being so secretive?”
“It’s a surprise,” he said.
“I hate surprises.”
He chuckled. “I think you’ll like this one. Come, let’s go.”
I sighed and followed him. Once we were out of the campsite, he took my bag and set a quick pace. I struggled to keep up. My night vision was better than most nu-humans, but it still wasn’t the best, not that Raikidan noticed. He was too set on his mission.
I gazed around at the enormous trees around us. They looked thousands of years old, making them older than the trees in the Forest of Marior. At first, I didn’t think that to be possible, but then I thought about how Raikidan and I had been traveling south for days, and I wondered if we had made it to the second oldest forest in Lumaraeon. Could we have traveled to the Velsara Wilds? Asking Raikidan would be pointless. No matter how often I had asked, he refused to tell me anything.
Raikidan stopped walking and looked around. I sensed his anxiety and it made me nervous, and it only grew worse when he started growling. Suddenly, a large figure moved from behind some trees in front of us. I stepped back when I realized I was looking at a large red dragon.
He was a massive creature, maybe even towering over Raikidan in his largest form. Large, plated scales that looked more like crimson bone lined his green eyes like a mask and merged with the heavy plating over his curved, ivory horns. These heavy plated scales also curved over his cheeks and protruded in two locations like faux horns. He had long spines on his throat and small spines clustered on various places of his face. Large plated scales cascaded down his back and tail, almost covering the barb o
n the end.
I couldn’t say how he had hidden so successfully behind the trees, or how other dragons were appearing all around us in the same manner as he had. Raikidan took a protective step in front of me and growled. The dragon in front growled back; Raikidan growled more.
I glanced around and noticed only the dragon in front of us was being aggressive. The rest of the dragons appeared more curious than anything. When Raikidan shifted his body weight, my attention was brought back to him and the hostile dragon. The two continued to growl at each other, making me want to sigh. That is, until I heard something. It was quick and hard to decipher through the growling but it was definitely a word. These two weren’t just acting aggressively; they were speaking. Raikidan had muttered his tongue under his breath many times around me, but had only spoken it once for me to deliberately hear, and even the two words he had spoken had been hard to distinguish from typical grunts, growls, and a hiss.
I rested my hand on Raikidan’s shoulder and moved a little closer to him. “Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on here? You dragged me out all this way for something, and I know it wasn’t so you could argue with this dragon.”
“Stay quiet and let me deal with this,” he murmured.
I glared at him, even though he couldn’t see it well behind my hood and veil. “How many times do I have to tell you not to tell me what to do?”
Before Raikidan could respond, the red dragon he had been quarreling with shifted into a nu-human form. He had tan skin, red hair and light facial hair, green eyes, and looked to be the same age as Raikidan, but I had this strange feeling he was much older. His hair was two tones of red and styled as an unsupported long mohawk, but the sides of his head were trimmed down short instead of shaved or plucked out.
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